ladyislingering

Everything I'm "missing", compact edition:



No sleep (this will persist for the rest of the child's life) due to (but obviously not limited to)

• Crying baby won't shut the hell up
• Crying baby just shit itself (again)
• Crying baby is awake at 2am...and 4am...and 7am...
• Toddler child is learning how to use the toilet
• Toddler child just pissed all over its bed again
• Toddler child is terrified of the bathroom
• Toddler child is having night terrors
• Child-child is having night terrors
• Preteen child is still awake at 1am and you know it, and it bothers you
• Preteen child is trying to sneak out at night despite your best efforts to raise them to not be a piece of shit
• Teenager isn't going to bed on time because "fuck you, mom"
• Teenager has stayed out past their curfew and doesn't have the decency to call you

Your children will always be a financial drain on you until they get a goddamn job.

Furthermore, a lot of things you once enjoyed become unpleasant, such as (but not limited to) -

Having any "quiet time" whatsoever, because it's probably being spoiled by the anxiety that your child will erupt at any given second.

Shopping. Anywhere. The minute Mt. Shitpants erupts, everyone hates you.

Having pets (because your child is curious - and also an asshole).

Eating. Because your child is drooling all over their face, smearing food everywhere, getting food particles into the weirdest areas of their head, and when they're older, they're bound to have an attitude problem over whatever it is you're serving.

And don't even start to tell me that I'm just focusing on the baby/toddler aspect. I'm well aware that preteens and teenagers are the absolute worst, rotten to the core, no matter how good of a parent you are. Just because you don't have to wipe their ass or dress them anymore doesn't mean they're not a huge pain in your ass.

I don't like people. Period. I don't want to be in charge of a person because no parent is perfect, and not everyone who manages to breed can actually be considered a "parent".

There is literally nothing I'm "missing", thank you very much, but there's a hell of a lot of awesome stuff in my life that isn't being ruined by a child right now.

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