| grtwhtgrvty |
06-25-2015 05:05 AM |
Yes. When I was 15, I made out with a boy for the first time. We'll call him Peanut. Peanut and I had a little bit of chemistry but he was actually dating this girl that I kind of knew (oops) but we were playing spin the bottle at a friend's birthday party and then we ended up making out on the bed and it was my first time doing anything sexually with a guy.
Fast forward to when I was 16... Peanut asked me if I wanted to come watch a movie at his house, and that noone would be there. He explicity told me no homo, but I knew for a fact that the no homo was a ruse, and a formality to avoid awkwardness. So we went and watched the movie and he started inching closer and closer and then he was cuddling me and then his face was moving closer and closer to mine over the course of like 30 minutes. It was really awkward. He starts kissing me and we pretty much go all the way and I topped him because I didn't want to bottom because it just seemed traumatic and awful. Idk I really don't like bottoming . And he knew that. So we hooked up and everything was alright I guess. I went home. Actually in retrospect it was kind of awful and he had no idea what he was doing.
A few months later, Peanut asks me if I want to come hang out and watch a movie and smoke a blunt -- again, no homo. So I go over there and he performs the same exact move that he did before, and once again we are naked. But this time he starts trying to **** me. I pushed him away kinda and gently tell him I'm not interested in bottoming. He started to kind of try to coax me into doing it, repeating the same process, very gently, physically and verbally trying to get me to bottom. I tell him firmly -- no. There's a brief pause where he is completely still, and then he just continues as if I allowed him to do it, and starts trying to do it anyway. I start physically resisting him and he just goes even harder, trying to force me to do it, until we're nearly fighting. With all of my strength, I shove him off of me and put my clothes on and tell him that I'm done doing anything sexual. and it's like 3AM, so I'm afraid to call my dad because what am I going to tell him? So I just rolled over and told him I was going to sleep and then he starts cuddling me -_- and I feel his ****ing boner against me and then he starts jerking off and like complaining that he can't orgasm in a spiteful way, with these little annoying implications that it's my fault because I made him horny and I'm obligated to fix his issue. Eventually he falls asleep and at 6AM I call my dad and leave. I literally never talked to him ever again. He's tried to contact me here and there but I don't answer him on social media or texts, etc. I heard that he got into a fight with his girlfriend because she had stubble on her legs and neglected shaving for a little while.
I'm 22 now and it wasn't until a couple of months ago that I actually thought about that experience and realized it was sexual assault. It sucks because I had a therapist tell me I'm at risk for PTSD because of emotional and physical abuse as a child, so I have a lot of instinctive triggers when it comes to physical contact. If anyone makes sudden moves around me, I instinctively flinch. It's very difficult for me to be close to someone comfortably. Idk my experience with him kind of amplified that a little bit. I think it is sort of why I avoid hooking up. Come to think of it, I've never had a sexual experience where I felt legitimately safe and comfortable.
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