n/m

It was me, oh well :/

I'm mostly mad at myself for dry snitching... Even on a lowly spammer

I've been freaking out a lot lately, and I've been embarrassing myself during said freak outs. I used to be better at handling stress and dealing with stuff, but one thing set me off, and today I just straight up said "Nobody gives a **** about me, I'm tired of feeling worthless, just ****ing get rid of me already" among other things at work. I'm really tired of not being a stable and successful person in life, and just feel like I'm trapped in a situation where I'm miserable, and make everyone around me miserable. I just snap, and before I know it I'm acting like crazy *******, it's painful and ****ing embarrassing. I don't tell people I have suicidal thoughts except for my family and therapist, and I had to call my mom and tell her I might have to check into a hospital because I really wanted to hurt myself earlier and she had to talk me down from doing anything stupid.

Next time just take a breath and picture everyone in their underwear. If wear you live is anything like where I live you'll just be like "Jesus Christ these people are ugly! Who cares what they think?"

I'm very sorry you should feel like that Raime. As your crisis was at work, I hope this helps you a little:-
One thing I've noticed about many work cultures is this: that it's mainly in movies that the official attitude is warm and supportive. In most companies, if you do your work ok, you are disregarded: you're only visible when you make a mistake. By denying you any positive feedback, the bosses probably think that they can guilt you into working harder. Anyway, that's been my general conclusion, so if you're looking for validation at work, you may be looking in the wrong place.

Where I worked, it was mostly a game of trying to survive the day. Managers had their agenda, cashiers fighting over shifts, etc. You could still make friends there so there was camaraderie, but there was also a lot of self-interest in play. Hopefully, the home life is a bit better, Raime.

^ Yep, the camaraderie absolutely makes all the difference!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...zktIw&usqp=CAU

^ Meanwhile, the guy with the whip goes home and boasts to his neighbours, "I have a job in our Human Resources department."

That's tough raime. Going through them must be hard enough without worrying about what others think :( idk if it helps but I'd 1000% rather deal with the issues of the people close to me than have them carry it on their own to avoid being a burden

I realize it's been a while, but I just dropped by and saw this. How are you doing these days, Raime?

About suicidal thoughts, I'm kinda coming to terms with the fact that I have them and am wondering a bit why. If life gets ****ty, a part of me wants to opt out. You silly old brain, of course I can't do that. I gots kids now.

I'm making an EP and the 4 last songs I wrote actual lyrics to all center around suicide or like the dissolution of the self and its cares. As a result, it's going to be central to the concept of the EP I'm doing, although not in quite as dour a way as it sounds. I dress it up in ways to make it palatable and maybe even fun. But regardless of how I express it, it's like there's a small part of me that yearns for death a little bit and every now and then.

It's been like that for years, but it's gotten more prevalent lately with stress both at work and at home. I wouldn't characterize myself as at risk or anything. I've always been fascinated with morbid stuff, so maybe this is just another facet to that.

I got my problems like anyone else, but overall my life is going pretty well. Is it normal to have such thoughts / feelings? Do other people feel this way? Do you have a degree in psychology and can tell me what's up with this old hunk o' junk brain?