Dude, today I used a sock for the first time in years. Not because I wanted to, I just ran out of tissues with a load of splooge still out and about. So I had to make one of my socks with a giant hole in it take one for the team.

^If you use olive oil instead of lotion the end product makes a very nice dressing for a post masturbation salad.

I'm uncut so I have no need for lube. Besides, I'd have to shoplift Astroglide and I'm no thief. Seriously, anyone who can put a bottle of that stuff in front of the cashier and not die of shame is either my hero or the kind of creepy guy who masturbates in a porn theater even though he has the internet.

Tissues cause I blow my nose then re-use them for my yogurt deposits its really an eco friendly thing. I'm very responsible n frugal

And then when you're murdered, CSI will scratch their heads wondering why you have genital boogers

Me too, but not vice versa.

I can neither confirm nor deny this.

Your's or his?

Okay, it was mine.

You know if you really wanna start an interesting conversation with your girlfriend...