Let Me Do Your Fortune
 

Ask me any question about your future and I will tell you EXACTLY what’s going to happen.

Will I ever become a mod?

No. Not on this or any other forum, ever.

Will I ever put peanut butter on my penis and try to get my dog to lick it off?

You will never own a dog.

Will I ever move away from NJ?

Personally? Cause there's a dog in the house right now for me to molest.

Yes. You will move to Brooklyn, NY in May, 2023 to run the second in a chain of record stores expanded from the one you currently work at. By 2030 there will be 22 such stores spread across the United States (and one in Montreal) and you will be the north east regional manager and a 25% stake holder earning you around $250,000 a year. A few years later the company will also own live music venues and a record label. You will continue to live in Brooklyn until you retire in the Catskills.

Personally.

Will Exo give me a job?

Reasonable. I kinda don't want to own a dog or cat on my own for the same reason I don't trust myself to own a kid. Will I ever get a blowjob from my mom's dog?

Dude. This is literally my goal right now. Woah.

*Whoa

No

Exo!!!

Yes. About 30% of the times you have the house to yourself until the dog dies.

That's a habit I can't unlearn.

Will the dog let me kiss him?

I feel you tbh. If it wasn't for MB spellcheck I'd still be doing it too.

Yes.

I'm notoriously terrible with spelling and grammar.

*wohe

Is my get rich quick scheme gonna work?

No but you’re going to be pretty damn comfortable from around 45 on.

Oh okay.

What about my long term payoff scheme?

What is the biggest dream in my life that will come true?
What is the largest amount of cats that I will own simultaneously?
Will I ever get fat?

If elph is ever dumb enough to let me move in with him will his girlfriend give me a blowjob?

I got this one.

No, but his wife will :drummer:

I'll probably be his wife so I guess I better get that rib surgery.

No.

True love with your soul mate.

One

No

You will never live with elph or meet any of his girlfriends.

Stop sucking up to the womz.

Hawk just sees my true potential
Although I agree that only one cat at a time is a bit of a stretch

You would never be satisfied with any less than three, but more than five would become depressing.

would it though?
https://typeset-beta.imgix.net/lovel...18518aac2f.gif
btw, have you ever seen that documentary Grey Gardens?

If you live alone then yes.

.

I have not.

Am I going to get fired if I keep missing shifts

You’re not ever going to return to your job again.

I work in like half an hour so watch me debunk this whole thread.

Edit: yep, no powers it's all fake

.