There have been many of bad rock n’ roll bands. But to make this list, I set a few strict rules:
1. Bands only. No solo artists
2. This is about bands that have a history – no one-hit wonders, no one-album phenomenon , no here today-gone tomorrow bands
3. The band has to have at least one gold album
These are the bands that deserve to be completely eliminated from the annals of rock history. These are the bands that – to get cerebral and quite academic – suck. They bring nothing to the table except massively delusional fans (who will protest like 3-year-olds having temper tantrums when they see their band listed below).
So without further ado, here are the worst bands in rock history:
It is hard to believe that Styx had several multi-platinum albums. This is, after all, the band who released some of the most revolting singles of all time in “Lady” and “Come Sail Away.” Lead singer Dennis DeYoung, despite having one of the worst warbles in rock history, is also an accomplished accordion player. Need we say anymore?
Factoid: The first name for the band was “The Tradewinds.”
Worst Album: Pieces of Eight (1978)
Gag Inducing Song: “Mr. Roboto”
Boy George introduced the Amish hat into 80s culture and was responsible for helping make popular oversized shirts that hung down to the knees. At the same time he was destroying the fashion world, he was also helping drive a stake through the heart of alternative music. Culture Club’s pop-laden fluff is so sickly sweet and the lyrics so sugary that diabetics should avoid it at all costs.
Factoid: Boy George sang as “Lieutenant Lush” with Bow Wow Wow before joining Culture Club.
Worst Album: Kissing to be Clever (1982)
Gag Inducing Song: “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” (the answer, of course, is a responding yes).
Kansas, believe it or not, is still touring. There has yet to be a tragic bus accident. Kansas was one of those power bands in the 1970s that was so damn earnest and serious (they labeled themselves a progress rock band) that they ended up as simply annoying. Beware of bands named after states, countries, and continents. They don’t have great track records.
Factoid: Part of the resurgence of Kansas can be blamed on the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” which featured the song “Dust in the Wind.”
Worst Album: Monolith (1979)
Gag Inducing Song: “Dust in the Wind”
Asia was formed from the remnants of three **** bands: Yes, King Crimson, and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. All of three of those bands were considered for this list. But why bother when you can put Asia on the list? Here was an alleged “super” band whose best song was “Heat of the Moment.” Are you catching what we’re laying down here? This band sucks pond scum.
Factoid: The song “Heat of the Moment” is sung by Eric Cartman and the U.S. Congress in an episode of “South Park.”
Worst Album: Alpha (1983)
Gag Inducing Song: “The Heat Goes On”
Soft rock is an oxymoron and Air Supply was king of the soft rock bands. The band performed love ballads that made the average person want to saw off their wrists with a sharp razor. The most difficult part about writing about Air Supply is coming up with their most gag inducing song – because all of their singles fill your mouth with bile.
Factoid: Founders Graham Russell and Russell Hitch**** meant during a performance of “Jesus Christ Superstar” in 1975.
Worst Album: The One That You Love (1981)
Gag Inducing Song: “Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You”
Europe is the most famous Swedish rock band of all time – selling more than 10 million albums. It’s almost enough to make you want to wipe the country off the face of the earth. Abba, my friends, is twice the band Europe is.
Factoid: Europe has sold more than 10 million albums worldwide.
Worst Album: The Final Countdown (1986)
Gag Inducing Song: “Carrie”
HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS
Some people (deranged people) will argue against Huey’s inclusion on this list. Harmless, they’ll mutter. They’ll say: Wasn’t “I Want a New Drug” kind of a good song? They’ll add, didn’t the band win an academy award? Don’t listen to these nut jobs. Huey Lewis & the News were awful – so light weight that it’s amazing they didn’t just float away.
Factoid: Huey Lewis has a cameo in the movie “Back to the Future.”
Worst Album: Fore! (1986)
Gag Inducing Song: “Hip to be Square”
Here’s a mid-western arena rock band famous for power ballads. Can someone just shoot us in the goddamn head? And they’re still around – sometimes touring with Styx and Journey (you know – country fairs and rock clubs that attract fifty-something drunkards and their overweight girlfriends). The song “Can’t Fight This Feeling” makes us want to tear the radio out of our car.
Factoid: The name REO Speedwagon comes from a truck built by REO Motor Car Company.
Worst Album: You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can’t Tuna Fish (1978)
Gag Inducing Song: “Keep On Loving You”
THE MOODY BLUES
This band came over with the British invasion that brought America the Who, Rolling Stones, the Beatles, and the Yardbirds. And that’s just about enough classic rock to forgive England for this mistake of rock band. We hate the Moody Blues. “Nights in White Satin” is the most overrated “get-it-out-of-my-head” singles ever produced – and that’s their best song. Please make them go away.
Factoid: The band broke up in 1973, but alas, they reformed several years later to put out the 1978 album “Octave.”
Worst Album: To Our Children’s Children’s Children (1969)
Gag Inducing Song: “Nights in White Satin” (ARRRHHH!!!)
Journey may be the most annoying band on the list because Steve Perry may be the most annoying singer in rock history. Describing his lilting voice as “grating” would be doing a disservice to cheese graters. The band was famous in the early 1980s for its “power ballads” – another word for loud, sappy love songs. And now they simply won’t go away, mostly because they are extremely popular in Japan. Go figure.
Factoid: The band was formed from members of Santana in 1973. Obviously, there was a reason Carlos kicked them out of his band.
Worst Album: Infinity
Gag Inducing Song: “Open Arms” (1982)
I could fit the whole text because of site limitations, but you can read about the next eight on the list here: HERE