Queen Boo

Wow broski. You're certainly humble.

VEGANGELICA

Ahh...I see, Zaqarbal. I have read about your situation now; I wasn't aware of this subtype of depression.

It sounds like the positive news is your mood improves when something pleasant happens. So, we must keep you amused, then! (Please see new cat thread in lounge games section. I started it in your honor! )

Your description (via the secret link) makes it sound as if you are often very aware of all the beauty in life and you are affected by it, but you are not as moved as you think you could be. And so that would explain why Garfield is your cat-self: he sleeps a lot, tends to eat a lot, and feels a little distance from what goes on around him?

One website said this, which I thought was interesting: "A study conducted in 1999 found that patients receiving cognitive behavioral therapy responded just as well as patients receiving the MAOI phenelzine. 58% of patients in both groups responded, in comparison to only 28% of patients in the placebo group." Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? Or do you kind of do that yourself by keeping a humorous outlook? I try to do that, too...boosting my own spirits through silliness. Is your thyroid in working order? Sometimes people have subclinical hypothyroidism, leading to tiredness, a tendency to gain wait, etc.

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ThePhanastasio

Happy Days and Auld Lang Syne - Richard Thompson

He said, Dear, I’m leaving, right there in the hallway
As the party roared on all around
And her head wouldn’t turn, O she couldn’t look at him
In a whirlpool she quietly drowned
And she said to herself, I won’t cry, I won’t grieve
But I’ll laugh and I’ll flow with the wine
With the fast love of strangers we’ll sing Sweet Bye and Bye
Happy Days and Auld Lang Syne

How I wish I knew
All the old songs they’re singing
Such comfort they’re bringing
To a heart that’s as empty as mine
O it lifts you so high
Does the Sweet Bye and Bye
Happy Days and Auld Lang Syne

And she said, I’ll be wearing my smile like a mask
And I’ll care for each stranger I kiss
And no-one will know that I’m wounded and cheated
So close to my moment of bliss
And sometimes you never connect with a song
Till it’s telling the way that you feel
Putting words to your story, all the pain and the glory
How can it be written so real

How I wish I knew
All the old songs they’re singing
Such comfort they’re bringing
To a heart that’s as empty as mine
O it lifts you so high
Does the Sweet Bye and Bye
Happy Days and Auld Lang Syne

This song really feels like the POV of the woman in the song is about me. The bolded sections are particularly apt, I felt.

Seltzer

I sometimes wonder if this song was written about me. I'm generally pretty stoic and indifferent about things in life until that girl comes along and changes everything...

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VEGANGELICA

Sounds like you've had some relationships that were a tad...troubled. Really, though...that's too bad, Seltzer. I've had my share of disastrous relationships and wish no one had to go through them.

Say, what exactly does this line in the song mean? "Far worse to be Love's lover than the lover that Love has scorned."

It sounds like it means loving the experience of being in love is worse than having someone you love leave you or betray you. I should think it would be better. I am confused.

(Nice spoiler tag usage!)

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Seltzer

I interpret "Love's lover" as being someone who hasn't given up on the idea of love, whether they're currently in love with someone or between relationships... someone who persistently goes back for more and returns disappointed (most times). That would make the "lover that love has scorned" someone who has been burned in the past, and has since absolved themselves from the idea of love altogether. So that line is like the antithesis of "it's better to have loved and lost...".

The few relationships I've been in were actually decent, but they ultimately ended painfully. I tend to move on, stay single for ages, and get used to the idea that I don't need a partner. Then that one girl comes along, I decide to give it another shot (let love in), and the whole process repeats. I recently asked a girl in my class out, so perhaps this describes me more aptly at the moment?

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VEGANGELICA

Oh, that makes perfect sense, Seltzer. I like that interpretation. Thank you.

Yeay! That sounds promising, and nice XTC song!!

I'd say the reality is that you *don't* need a partner...I remember getting used to that idea, too. And it isn't a bad thing. I feel that ideally one learns to by happy by oneself. Then anything extra...like the girl who has you all stirred up in your class saying yes and you both having a surprisingly lovely time together...is an unexpected and happy bonus!

That's very brave, to ask someone out, by the way.

Thinking about "Let Love In," the song you posted earlier, I wondered if you've heard Siddharta's "Ring" song? You can see from the video that it has the same theme of a relationship ending horribly with the woman essentially destroying the man. Maybe this song fits your past even better than "Let Love In," Seltzer!

Siddharta - "Ring"

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Zaqarbal

I know. Hypothyroidism was ruled out (by blood tests and all that). It seems to be a kind of "resistant depression". It's hard to say this, but my hopes rely on some future "launch" from "the Big Pharma".

Yes, more or less. They call it anhedonia. But at least Garfield enjoys his lasagna. Let's say music or cinema are my "lasagna", though I can't fully enjoy them now. And they're also a way of escaping from pessimism. Something like that of Sexy Sadie's song A Brand New World. Some years ago, I used to listen to a music radio program in which the host had a motto (something like the famous "good night and good luck") that I still remember: "Look for the beauty, it's the only protest that is really worth it in this disgusting world".

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VEGANGELICA

I had never heard of the term anhedonia before, Zaqarbal...sort of the opposite of the ability to experience hedonism. That Sexy Sadie song "A Brand New World" was very nice not only as music, but also as a demonstration of how you feel. I don't think I've heard one of their songs before.

Pleasure is an interesting emotion because I feel it can be so fleeting and often noticed most strongly in its absence. As soon as I'm aware I'm feeling joy about something, the feeling kind of diminishes. I usually feel the most pleasure when I am engrossed in something and forget myself...forget to assess whether I am feeling pleasure...so that might be similar to when you enjoy somewhat your music or cinema lasagna.

I also enjoy noticing beauty. I like the idea of looking for and noticing beauty as being a protest. I do a lot of protesting! My favorite protest of all is to make something that I feel is beautiful.

By the way, I appreciate how you explain yourself so clearly using links...and cat metaphors, of course. You craft your posts carefully. I notice that. Perhaps they are part of your protest.

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TheBig3

You're so vain - Carley Simon

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