While I agree a lot of women put themselves through an emotional circus and train-wreck, it's usually due to being emotionally afraid or closed. From what I get this is how it goes:

Girl: I'm so closed emotionally so afraid yeah.
Girl: But I'm not happy and want to find a guy who loves me for me.
Girl: I want him to listen and massage my emotional bag.
Girl: But I'm so hurt they suck I don't trust them.
Girl: I don't put myself out there but I'm so lonely.
Girl: They don't see me even though I just said I don't put myself out there so it's frickin' obvious I have nothing to show them.
Girl: But I'm afraid to get hurt.
Me: *tries to give them some advice*
Girl: *makes yet another reason why it won't work*
Girl: *pulls back pulls forward pulls back pulls forward pulls back pulls forward repeat*
*brain damage*

This ex business is fucking me up

I have genuinely no idea how to deal with it or how to interpret my emotions right now

:(

Your ex is proclaiming mental issue, you're proclaiming mental issue, honestly... the only way it's going to work is if you both see the same unicorn.

Nah, I said in my last post that I'm actually doing really good when I think about it.

It's just rough and I just want to spout all sorts of nasties at him but I know I should just leave him to his own devices

Just a question, but would you say your connection to him on an emotional level at this point is mostly one consisting of a need for retribution?

Definitely. It's accompanied by some really nasty fits of rage to the point I think I'm going to actually black out and become violent. Above everything, it hurts the most. He wants me to be his fucking nurse again when he depreciated everything I've worked to become, above all a good person. He called me weak for that and that's why I ****ing left him, I left our home in the same state I keep going into and I trashed the entire apartment. I just want it to hurt him as much as it did me but at the same time I don't want the nasty feelings he elicits in me to define me. It should be enough for me that he's going to be a lonely piece of shit that no one can love, but it's not.

Another question...
Is there a particular reason you think he's worth the effort?

Like, to take him back or to hurt him?

I mean, is there a particular reason that you have cut ties with him, yet are clearly still emotionally invested.
Emotions being free-reign for positive or negative. They're still investments.

Take up kick boxing, that will help you let out your emotions.