We had a power outage from 4am this morning. It ****ing sucked, the power came back on at 5pm but we thought it was going to last 48 hours which it will for some suburbs. There was a huge fire in a power station thingy so 85,000 homes were without power. What pissed me off was people mocking Aucklanders online for having this as big news because all they will miss out on is their lattes. But HELLO there is a huge proportion of poor people here too and think about the sick and elderly forced to try and get by with no power or cellphone coverage (yes that is out as well). I went through the Christchurch earthquakes and have dealt with worse but we as Kiwi's should be supporting each other like the Aucklanders did for CHCH by pouring donations towards the rebuild and recovery.

/end rant

Spanking kids up to a certain age is actually still pretty common today, at least among families I know. Most of them are rigid Christians, though, so I can't say how common it is in other demographics.

So I think my Cd copy of Love's s/t may have insulted my laptop's mother or something, because I put the cd in; laptop doesn't even recognise that there's a cd inserted at all. I try ejecting and putting it back in several times and when it finally acknowledges it, I try ripping it, and it takes literally hours. And now it turns out I have the exclusive Industrial remixes edition of Love's debut album (courtesy of my ****ty computer) on my iPod. Fantastic.

I put my ciders in the freezer cuz I wanted them extra cold and then I forgot about them and now I have cider slushies.

I'm not sure if I should complain or revel in glory.

I'm kinda bummed how lonely I feel right now. One of my "good friends" from back when I was 17 decided to pop up on Facebook again, add everyone but me, and when I shoot him a request he denies it. I used to hang out with this dude every day, jam with him, get lunch at the local deli, just talk about whatever shit was on our minds, he was the only dude I really connected with as far as music goes. He popped up in my mind every now and again, and I've been wondering how he was, and when I'd get to see him again.

I'd also been kinda bummed that the chick I was dating has pretty much ignored me, I can take being rejected, sure, but she invited me to magfest, and a Young Lean show. I got a little to ****ed up one night and it got awkward, but not too weird, from what I remember and I didn't black out or anything, so I can recall everything. I even apologized if I did anything weird (and for almost hulking some dudes door off by accident). She said I was cool, but I'm just a little let down because maybe an hour before she was telling me how cute I was.

I don't know, I showed my text messages and shit between each other to my friend and his girlfriend and asked if I did anything weird. I just feel so defeated, so abandoned by people, and I don't fucking know why. I'm just flat out ignored, and I feel like it's my fault, I want to change whatever I did, and learn what I need to do to not be too weird and alone. I know I can be a downer, and really awkward, but I'm trying so hard to change that, trying to surround myself with fun people, do what I want to do, but I feel like with each rejection it gets harder to go out and do anything.

I hate to break this to you, but if you're an awkward downer, then you may just be an awkward downer. I don't remember where I heard it, but I've liked this saying for a while now, "At some point you have to accept that your personality flaws are just your personality." You can't take your entire personality apart and rebuild it completely new. You are who you are, for better or for worse, and accepting everything about yourself, whether you like or not, is just something you're gonna have to do, otherwise you're gonna hate yourself a lot more than you need to (If you're the type to just naturally be down on yourself, then you may have to live with that too.)

You wouldn't hold it against yourself for being short, or having blonde hair, so why hold it against yourself that you as a person might have some quirks and flaws that you can't control any more than your height? This isn't a "You rock, and don't you ever forget it!" kind of speech. You may have some legitimately serious personality issues that may have negative effects on your life, which may be pretty much impossible to put a pretty spin on to make yourself feel better about, but it is what it is. You are who you are, so there's no point in railing against the universe for not being able to change yourself. Just be an awkward weirdo and move on.

Being awkward and a downer are due to my depression and anxiety. I'm fine with being a weirdo, but if I can't be around people who can accept me for me anywhere, then I don't know if I can deal with that. I'm just upset that people I tend to connect with don't want anything to do with me, and tell me off or ignore me. I'm tired of people thinking I'm cool on first impression and then ditch me the moment they know I have a shit personality.

Depression and anxiety are kind of personality traits. You may just have to learn to live with them. Trying to shove myself into social situations in the hope that I'd learn to overcome them never worked for me. It just made me even more miserable. Not everyone in the world is a people person. If you're not one of those people then trying to be anyway isn't going to do you any favors.

Had one of the worst days at work and it's 100% due to the fact that some people that I work with just decide they don't want to work. Even worse, management just lets it happen. I wrote a strongly worded letter basically explaining why my efficiency and ability to work has gone down due to having to work around the laziness of my coworkers. Will be having a meeting with them tomorrow and hopefully it will get sorted.

I'd rather be alone than be with people that make me feel bad about myself.