I think it's largely circumstantial.
Most people I've met that go into careers that aren't part of their dream are because they end up with a family and mouths to feed, and the "me" aspect becomes less of a factor than the "us" aspect. I think there's a pretty big difference between a single person with only him/herself to answer to in regards to career, and someone needing to take care of a family with more pressing issues than personal ventures.

It's pretty fortunate if you can do what you love and become so successful at it that it covers "me" AND "us", but when that's not the reality of the situation, most responsible adults may (and in my opinion, should) forsake any unrealistic dream for the sake of their family.
I think, often times, that's just the choice many people make out of necessity, and is completely natural and not something that shouldn't be looked down on.

I understand that but it just seems horrible and I understand when people end up committing suicide because of it.

it's horrible to throw away your dreams because reality slaps you in the face.

Well, I've just got "me" to take care of. If I had kids and a family and all of that, I'm sure that it'd be completely different. I just don't know what to do about me. It's completely ridiculous and upsetting.

I mean, I'm glad that it's at least dealing with the arts in some manner, but it's just about the least interesting aspect of the arts in tems of myself that I could find. If it was dance, I'd be even more confused.

I have a question though, why do you find it upsetting?

are you working on a time table where you need to have this decision made as soon as possible?

give yourself a break you are still young.

if i were on your shoe, i would have done the same thing.

I'm just going to get this out. I deep down am a truly hateful person, when I see certain kinds of people I just get so pissed off I'd rather be dead then see them again. I always go on about things I hate and how people should be beaten to death for making horrible music or doing horrible things to humanity. Note, this is just me as I've asked a few music listeners in which I relate to taste wise. How should I be less hateful? How can I see the good in things without becoming overly psychotic and dramatic over the bad? I feel like this continues I'll alienate myself from everyone and be a vulgar, hateful, bastard.

i feel like killing every bystander i meet on a bad day

i'm the last person to ask about being less hateful

More than likely its something about yourself you dislike, and you either project that dislike onto others or you see the same traits in other people that you dislike in yourself and instantly dislike them as well.

Basically, you probably should do alot of self reflecting, and see what you dislike about yourself, and then set about righting the things you see that are wrong with yourself.

My sister absolutely insists I'm gay. This wouldn't be a problem, if I WAS. I feel like my family is talking about me behind my back constantly and she's basically pressuring me to come out. It's really starting to grate on me and obviously I don't like the accusations when I'm inclined otherwise. I genuinely have no idea how to go about it, or even what to say. I've told her I'm not, and all I get is a raised eyebrow and 'hmm'. It's very, I don't know? Patronising? And it's pissing me off.

What reason would they have for doubting your sexual preference?

Act like a whore, it worked like a charm for me.

Honestly I think it's because of the short hair and ear piercings. Shes narrow minded like that.

I'm not really like that Annie. I don't just put it on a plate and I'd hate to do so just to prove a point to someone.

That's silly, don't you or didn't you have a boyfriend for awhile?

All you have to do is tell her that you aren't, you don't have to go out of your way to prove anything to her.

She will continue to think whatever she wants regardless

Are you absolutely certain they arent just messing around with you?

If so, then whats the tone of their response like? Do they give the impression they would have a problem with it if you were?

If you have told them you arent and expressed that you would like them to stop being this way then it's hard to think what advice to offer you, because you arent the one that needs it.

I was half kidding but if you don't want people to think that you're a lesbian then wearing more makeup or high heels or something might help. There are a lot of girly lesbians but they aren't really brushed upon in the mainstream. Your sister might not know they exist.

I like your hair.

Any serious or non serious advice to helping out a friend of mine would be swell.

A little background about the guy so you can put a picture in your head:

One of my best high school friends. We were the most popular kids in school and he developed a big ego and thought he was awesome because he thought high school mattered and never let it go. He was always the fat hilarious guy that got along with everyone and was always joking around. He's 22 now and still doesn't have his driver's license and has never had a job. He is so incredibly lazy and worthless but has a ton of friends because he's a super social and outgoing guy and has a good heart.

He's also a chronic liar. One of those people that's so outwardsly happy that you know something has to be bothering him deep down. He went to college and had a mental breakdown like 2 weeks in and left in the middle of the night and never went back. Didn't even tell his room mates he was leaving. Then he enrolled in my college (where my other best friend also went). We still liked the kid, but knew he would occasionally lie about stuff but we took it for what it was.

Anyways, skip to now. I transferred and didn't really talk to him for 2 years, just here and there online about sports. 2 months ago we started hanging out when I was around town and we became friends again, going out for beers and bull****ting. All of my friends know he lies about stuff but we didn't know how bad it was. A mutual friend of ours spilled a ton of lies about this kid... He hasn't been enrolled in college for over 2 years but still lives on campuses and parties and stuff. He fakes like he is going to class and walks around campus with a backpack, then comes back. His mom gives him whatever he wants (probably since his dad died a few years back) and he has ran his family into debt. His mother called my friend 4 times in the last year asking him for money loans (my friend is a bookie, has tons of money). Couple weeks back, he said he finally got his license. This was also a lie. He is now driving without ever getting a license and I'm pissed because he has driven me around. There's also a girl he is friends with who he constantly lies about and says they are dating and have done all sorts of sexual stuff when none of it's true. He wrote a book and got it published by some small company (it was only 22 pages long) and lies about the money he receives from them.

He doesn't know I know any of this, but I just think he's in serious trouble. He has run his mom and him into debt by living on college campuses without even attending school for 2 years. The kid just lies about everything but is a legit nice guy (hard guy to really explain). He's 22 and has never had a job or license and spends money like crazy. I don't know what he'll do since he has no education, even though he fakes like hes in college, and now is in massive debt. I guess my friend confronted him about the lies and he has a mental breakdown, which he is prone to do. I wanna help the guy out cause I see his life just going down the toilet but I don't know what to say or do. Everytime we have tried to motivate him in the past he has either shrugged it off or got pissed off because we were making fun of him then got depressed.

Damn Curt, that's a pretty complex situation that he's in. I would just try to instill in him that honesty is the best policy. Just drop all the lies, admit your faults, and start with a clean state. Let him know how his lies and spending are impacting his friends and family, and tell them he needs to change his ways if he wants to be your friend. Seems harsh, but it's probably for the best.

I think you should probably step it up a little more since you did the little intervention but it didn't work, try to see if you can get him some professional help

On one hand, you don't want to induce another mental breakdown. On the other hand, his behavior is not healthy. If you try an intervention he would most likely rebel and lose his sh*t, so I think hinting at it and easing him into the idea of change would probably be better than a trial by fire.

If you read the end of his post they have done interventions before and he has done exactly what you said.

He's far gone past the stage of easing into anything.

****. I've ****ed up, and it is legitimately 100% my fault.

I've had the chance to be with this girl, who is most likely the love of my life...

And I've hooked up with her on numerous occasions, in addition to having dated previously. But I recently have had a chance to have made it official, but neglected this.

I finally decided that, you know what, I want to be with her. I really care about her, and she's been there for me for the past five years, so it all makes sense.

The day I decided this, her relationship status on facebook changed to "in a relationship" and she won't answer my phone calls.

Am I too late? Is there anything I can do?

Fuuuuuck. Nothing worse than that feeling.

I guess the only thing you could pretty much do is perhaps drop her a text? If you have the balls then I'd tell her how you felt? That's what I'd do if I was in that situation. But you'll probably find that theirs advice 100x better than mines.

If she's not answering the phone then dropping a text is not going to work and go unanswered if you really care about her, you'd have to go and try to talk to her in person letting it all out there and putting your heart on the line and letting her know how you really feel but it may be too late.

or you could ignore my advice because people around these parts seem to think I always have crappy advice anyways.

I reckon you should drop her a text asking could you meet for a coffee and a quick chat. If she says yes it might mean she still harbours feeling for you and at said coffee I would chat amicably sound her out, see what she says about her new guy, if you think her reaction is anything short of normal you should mention how you feel. Just say something wistful and quickly mention as an aside that 'I really quite like you, you know, bit of a shame that I have to wait until you realise you'd prefer me than (you'll know the boyfriends name by now and you must make an alliterative joke like: example) Daring Dave/Seductive Sebastian or Adonis-esque Adam.

If she doesn't reply to your text you have to forget about it for the moment. Just make a deal with yourself that you'll keep an eye on her relationship status and when she's single, if you still want to you can approach her.

Just don't start chasing amy!

This may not seem like a serious situation, but I'm still kind of flustered about the whole thing. I took a few months off of acting to focus on music and starting to perform - and to get some writing on - and now I have the following dilemma:

I have so much work to choose from, that I have no idea what to do.

Play One: I Never Saw Another Butterfly.
Pros: Very heavy subject matter to get lost in; wide range of characters; to be performed on the Paramount stage (1400+ seats); traveling to school shows; lots of performance; lots of press exposure; would be a nice addition to any resume.

Cons: It's about the Holocaust; It's got some writing that leans towards melodrama unintentionally; the audition for this is tomorrow, and it's the show that's making me need to choose so quickly.

Play Two: Chicago (Musical)
Pros: I would love to play Velma Kelly; It'd be nice to perform with this company again; It's already getting a lot of hype; I'll get to add another musical to my resume; large theatre; wonderful stage; lots of experience with technical work to be had (required work calls for costumes, props, scenery, etc.).

Cons: I sometimes panic at music auditions; I'm just an okay dancer - this could be an issue; I'll probably not get the part I want anyway; if I do this show, the director doesn't allow his actors to perform in other shows simultaneously.

Play Three: The Pillowman
Pros: I love working with this director; he spoke to me a few days ago specifically asking me to audition to play the same part I already played in the show a few years ago; it's funded through a huge Kentucky Arts project; proceeds for all of the plays this director directs go mainly to local charities; I love the show; very flexible audition times and the ability to do at least one other show.

Cons: The part isn't particularly large, although it is fun; It's the only female part in the show; I've already played this part; Audience turn-out is usually less than 50; I don't like putting the same role on my resume, because it makes me feel like a one-trick pony.

Play Four: Tales of Suspense
Pros: To be performed at the Paramount (1400 seat theatre); I could do The Pillowman AND I Never Saw Another Butterfly if I do this one; a lot of varied roles - each performer is to be multi-cast; two shows near Halloween; would be a lot of fun.

Cons: It's not really a nice, substantial play to sink my teeth into; I'm not that interested in the premise as a whole, but I know it would be fun; the cast list is to be posted on my birthday, and could make my entire day miserable if the outcome isn't favorable.

All right, that seems like a lot to choose between, yeah? Oh, it gets more difficult.

Opportunity 1: Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre
Pros: Dear sweet Jesus, I've always wanted to do one of these things; this company works across five states (KY, OH, WV, PA, and VA) and I do so love to travel; stipend; would be a blast; a style of theatre I've never had the opportunity to do; I was apparently recommended for this, and the director contacted me personally about the opportunity.

Cons: This would likely make it difficult to know if I was able to do other shows, or if I'd be traveling; it'd be fun, but I still want to be able to add in some nice tasty dramas to further hone my acting chops; I don't know a single person in the company, and run the risk of not assimilating well; I could be asked to learn several parts from up to a dozen different shows, which would make it even harder to do any other theatre.

Opportunity Two: New Works Series.
Pros: I get to direct, and cast my own plays - what's not awesome about that?!; I get a free space to do the shows, and the equipment (mics, lights, etc.) are all included; state-wide exposure = Actors Theatre of Louisville (hosts of the HUMANA FESTIVAL; google it); I have a lot of material that I want to have produced.

Cons: I'm so awful at advertising that I'd be hard-pressed to find new talent to fill the roles and would have to stick to the talent pool I already know; I'd still have to pay out of pocket to get my sets built and costumes - and I will have difficulties affording that if I do several plays in a calendar year.

So - basically I figure my options are these:

I could take both of the juicy offers and do either Plays One and Four, or Play Three at the same time. Both would be heavy workloads, but if I chose Play Three especially, it'd be manageable.

I could take ONE of the juicy offers and do Plays One, Three, and Four; if I chose the second offer, doing Play Two + that offer would be an option.

I could just do Play Two, and try to pray that Play Three would be allowable as it's flexible and doesn't directly interfere with rehearsal or performance schedules.

I could just do Plays One, Three, and Four.

I could just take ONE of the offers, and hope that works out.

I could take BOTH of the offers, and hope they both work out.

...any insight that I'm missing?

If my input means anything, based on the info you have provided... I think going for plays one and four would be your best bet, as well as Opportunity 2. You have a serious play that you say would be a nice addition to your resume, a seemingly lighter play, as well as some experience in other parts of this field.

Edit: Which to me, and again, based on the info you have provided, seems manageable.

Seriously delicate shiz here.

One of my best friends lives about an hour and a half away. For 4/20, my other close friends and I are going up to his place to rage. One of my close friends, however, has a girlfriend who is kind of clingy and is acquainted loosely with our friend from out of town.

She wants to go as well. One of the people going and I are adamantly against this, and her boyfriend also doesn't want her to go, because that might put our friend out of town and his wife in a bad position. They're not really huge fans of my buddy's girlfriend, but that's not something you just want to say to someone, you know?

At his place, the sleeping arrangements are two people sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, and one person gets the couch. There's really not room for three people to sleep on the ground, or two to sleep on the couch. It really doesn't seem feasible for some reason to just tell her there's no room, though, because she'd be all, "Well [boyfriend] and I can sleep in a sleeping bag together," and that would be awkward to not have a back-up argument.

Also, one problem that a few of us are having with her is that we can't "trip" with her. When I'm just tripping with my friends, we have a great time, and no one's anxious. She was there, however, last time we tripped, and she brought the vibes down big time. She somehow managed to get me into the worst headspace imaginable to the point where I had my first legitimately bad trip in my life, she divided the room into two separate "countries" and wouldn't let anyone who wasn't my friend (her boyfriend) onto her side, and wouldn't let him leave it, and just overall made everyone in a not-so-good place. She also took something that I had picked up and determined was the only thing that made my world okay, and threw it in the garbage because she said I was being ridiculous, which led to me going into a really dark place.

I don't want her there when I'm tripping. She's very egocentric and has no regard at all for others when she's tripping. Even if I'm out of my mind, if I see someone who looks like they're having a bad time of it, I'll go over to them and tell them, "It's okay, dude. Don't worry. It's always been like this," or something to that effect. She just exacerbates potential bad trips with everyone to the point that it makes it uncomfortable or just plain awful.

What would be a good way to tell her she's not allowed to come with us, without seeming like a complete asswipe?

Advice regarding muscle growth, please.

I'm a lady, and can apparently build muscle faster than I should. I have no inherent desire to be mannish, but I'm currently training to be a professional wrestler...I've not even been working out that hardcore. I know tons of girls who work out way more hardcore than I do, but I'm way more muscular than they are.

How do I staunch muscle growth, while still increasing my fitness level?!

I'm no expert but I'd say doing cardio stuff would work fine. You may find your legs will build muscle because mines did when I was doing loads of running. I could ask my mate who's a personal trainer if you're looking for a more specific answer?

Yes, It's been a looong time since the Sack posted in these hallowed forums. But here I am.
Alright. This is an amalgam of advice and shameless self-promotion.
Our band (Of the Sun) is in a contest to receive free recording time, AND a laundry list of other nice things, including landing a gig at one the most notorious venues in our hometown of Austin, TX.
There's the shameless self-promotion.
Here's the advice.
I advise you to go to the link below and vote for us. Your support, bravery and kindness will be rewarded 1,000 fold in the realm of Valhalla, and you'll also up your indie cred for helping some unsigned musical miscreants on their creative journey.
Thanks everyone. I've missed you all ever so much.

VOTE FOR OF THE SUN

Done and done.

Edit:
Holy crap, man.. I don't think I'd heard your band's music before. Took a listen of the reverb nation stuff... I'm very impressed!
My vote turned out not just a friend vote!

Glad to see you posting again :yeah: Unfortunately I don't have a Facebook account so I can't vote for you guys. Good luck though, you guys totally deserve it.

REALLY liking Shoot The ****ing Television

Right on, duders. Thanks a lot. So what have I missed in my time away? Is the site still rife with 14-year-olds?

**** yes. But there are some who are actually incredibly mature like James. Basically people are plonkers no matter what their age. Welcome back Mr!

I'm going to check out your band and vote now.

Hell yeah! Thanks darlin'.

So, this may seem really light and totally random, but I need feedback.

Basically, I'm putting about $200 into savings from each cheque I receive from working. By June, I would have a nice wad of cash for my vacation. I expect to put even more than $200 per cheque in when I'm getting closer to June.

With that said, my little sister is absolutely obsessed with One Direction. Like, beyond words, obsessed. She wanted nothing more than tickets to one of their shows for Christmas, and didn't get them; instead my sister decided to get her Maroon 5 tickets, and she's not even all that into Maroon 5.

I'm not trying to one-up my sister or anything, and I know that One Direction aren't going to be her favorite group forever, but...when I was younger, I wanted to see The Spice Girls and Hanson in concert. My mom told me that I'd be glad I didn't go to see them, that I'd be embarrassed when I got older, but that wasn't the case. I still kind of regret not having the opportunity, because I know that they were so cool to me when I was a kid.

Those ****ing tickets are ridiculously expensive. I was thinking about buying her decent seats for the show in either Louisville or Columbus, just so she'd have the experience instead of never getting to see the group. But I really want to go to Los Angeles this year.

Should I give my little sister this awesome experience of getting to see her favorite group, which she could look on with nostalgia for years to come, or should I keep saving for LA, so I can scope it out for a potential move to the city in the next five years?

Since you're saving money for nothing more than a vacation (to a place that is going to rape you on taxes if you actually decide to live there), and not something more important like a house or a car that you may actually need in the more immediate future, I would say yes, you could reasonably afford to fund your sister's dream, assuming you consider her happiness at the very least as important as yours, since neither wish on either side is necessary to live productively. Plus, a concert ticket isn't going to derail long term plans as far as savings are concerned.

However, if you were saving for something more detrimental to your life and its prospects in the near-term, I would advise against spending absorbent amounts for gifts, unless you can reasonably expect to not set yourself back that far in the process.
If your life goal is to live in California, and it is more important than anything else, then go for that. You'll just have to pass up many other family opportunities in the process.

If you really want to give them to her I say do it.

When I was a kid of that age I was really into Adam & The Ants, they played one gig here and I really wanted to go but my mother couldn't afford the tickets and wasn't keen on me going to a gig at that age anyway, so I missed out and no matter what my taste in music it always disappointed me I never got to go.
Anyway fast forward 30 years and he's playing here again and this time my mother buys tickets for myself, her & my sister to go.

I don't see One Direction touring the U.S. in 30 years time, so I say do it now.
I don't think you ever really forget your first favourite band.

I would say if you're planning on moving away give her something special before you go. If you're not planning on moving there for another 5 years you can always hold off the trip for next year.