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Old 12-12-2009, 09:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
afrocentric
 
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Default its not like i killed someone,...but

i've recently faced, and have been forced to face some of my past transgressions

its been a pretty rough look in the mirror, and while i'm not ready to completely get into what is going on,....but i didnt kill anyone,....i have hurt some people, i have done some very self destructive things, i've been untrustworthy

and its hard
i feel selfish crying over it,...crying over things i've done and how they've effected me
i feel selfish that its is later, rather than sooner, i worry about the effect i have had on other people

my question to you is,....

once a bad person, always a bad person?
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I think once you can take responsibility for it, you can take control of it.
You may not have been good before, but if you want to change it, you can.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I wish I could offer some fantastically wonderful advice, but I really can't, as I'm kinda going through the same thing right now. I almost broke down in the vitamin aisle at the grocery the other day, looking at the centrum and thinking about something stupid I said to my husband.

but anyway, the one thing I can say is that no one has to be a bad person. and just because you did bad things in the past doesn't mean you were ever a bad person. it just means you're imperfect like the rest of us.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 12-12-2009, 10:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by savannah View Post
i feel selfish crying over it,...crying over things i've done and how they've effected me
i feel selfish that its is later, rather than sooner, i worry about the effect i have had on other people

my question to you is,....

once a bad person, always a bad person?
"It's not where you come from but where you are going." Everyone has a selfish past and when they grow as a person they become less selfish and more wise. Don't judge yourself for crying, that is part of the healing process. So you should not consider yourself a bad person.
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Old 12-12-2009, 11:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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thanks guys,...
and thank you wifey

i've calmed down a bit now
thank gawd i live in a town with lots of short bridges, with my luck i would just mame myself
and then i would be depressed AND disfigured
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i changed my mind; i changed my mind;now i'm feeling different

all that time, wasted
i wish i was a little more delicate
i wish my
i wish my
i wish my
i wish my
i wish my name was clementine - sarah jaffe
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Old 12-13-2009, 12:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Goddamn, woman... Move to New York or something.
This southern life you're black holing is doing you more harm than good.
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Old 12-13-2009, 01:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 12-13-2009, 03:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Here are a couple questions to think over before I offer any advice:
  • Can you control much outside yourself; other people, events, etc?
  • If you don't see your part in things, even if they are small, how could you ever control yourself, your actions, how you respond?

I was only asking those to help you realize the point I'm about to make. Realizing the things you have done and your part in things is the only real control you have in this world, how could you control anything but your part?

What you are going through, to me, is a beautiful process of self discovery. Finding our own parts in our resentments, realizing that because there need to be two people for any tiff, that even those we believe had only wronged us, we had also had some wrong-doing in: that is the start of an entirely different ball game.

Remember the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is feeling bad for what you have done, shame is feeling bad for who you are as a person. Us humans are all equals, it is a horizontal line and not a vertical line we sit on. Do not compare, and make sure never to let yourself be ashamed.. if that is what you're feeling.

In the end the most important thing to remember is very simple, but takes much time to fully accept: you are where you are. Most people reach a point like this, I have literally seen some do it at sixteen and others at seventy six- and there isn't a lick of comparison of the two in my mind. Each person here does their own thing on their own time, and it is OKAY. It really is. What you have done is what you have done, and thank the good she-forces of the universe (or whatever) for the past you had made, for it has led you here, to this beautiful process of self discovery.

Just be sure to make amends when it won't hurt anyone, try your best to keep your word and when ready change your actions, remember what you have control over and what you don't, and work toward being inheritly and deeply accepting of who you are and where you are- may love be with you as you trudge the road of happy destiny and congratulations on your look into the mirror... enjoy the intense dreams.

Hope I helped, Schizo.

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Goddamn, woman... Move to New York or something.
This southern life you're black holing is doing you more harm than good.
See, now, way I look at it the OP's post made me think her future looked bright. Maybe you should be taking notes instead of criticizing, eh? Ever look in the mirror, pal? Harder then it sounds, takes balls too MoFo.
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Old 12-13-2009, 04:44 AM   #10 (permalink)
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once a bad person, always a bad person?
No. I think the trick with life is learning to be comfortable with who you are.
It starts with being honest with yourself and learning from the mistakes you make. The important part is not to repeat them.
So don't go being too hard on yourself. You're only human.
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