What are friends? Friends are people you think are your friends, but they're really your enemies, with secret identities and disguises, to hide they true colors. So just when you think you close enough to be brothers they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin.

I don't believe in it in the conventional sense, for instance a 16 year old girl says she's in love because some bloke she met plays in a band and has one of those 'fringey' hair cuts then it's a load of rubbish ...

I think you can clarify that you love a person when you're living with them and have no problem letting them take a **** in the toilet whilst you're in the bath. Evidently I measure love by what it lets you overlook which is a terrible thing. My ex dragged me through the mud for years, cheated on me repeatedly. I found out the week before he was born that my son might not be mine (he is), lost friends. lived in fear under a blanket of paranoia whilst remaining completely loyal, working, cleaning, looking after Josh and living with a manic, bi-polar depressive drug addict with the mind of a teenager, the attitude of a toddler and the mind-set of Hannibal lecter. But I stayed with her for four years and forgave her over and over and overlooked everything and argued for her and defended her continuously, spent all my money on her, went with nothing and am only now starting to have finally cut the ties with her completely (Tenancy on house is ending this month). The point here is....I did all this because I loved her,there's no doubt about it. You love someone you don't ****ing facebook everyone about it, you don't tell them over and over to be reassuring you bloody show them. You tolerate, you forgive and you work for it no matter what the effects on you are. It's just a shame she didn't see that.
Fact of the matter is after all of it I don't think I'll be ready to face a relationship like that again for a long long time where as I know she, a girl whose perception of love was based on her word and no substance is probably out shagging some 50 year old married iggy pop look alike with a poetically alternative outlook on life who still dresses like he's 20 with the condoms she bought out of my sons benefits and telling facebook she hopes he's the one or some bollocks.

That's the difference, right there. The difference between love and time-wasted wankery.

I've lusted, but never loved. Girls always would use that word "love" without really giving any thought when using it.

i believe in love...i have loved. i've also lusted. there is a huge difference, though it is hard to tell while you are going through lust considering the feeling is so intense. i think you know you love someone when you are faced with the possibility of losing them and it tears you up, as well as being willing to sacrifice a lot of things personally for that person. i think heartbreak is an important thing for everyone to experience...it is very enlightening as hard as it is. you learn a lot about yourself and what you want out of future relationships.

welcome to dr. phil banter, just leave your testosterone at the door and jump right in.

i like how most people have been posting things in this thread generally sticking to their respective cliches.

lovelost, stricken my trust, yo.

how do you mean?

It's obvious you've had a heart to heart with everyone on here so that you can in fact pin point what each of our said "cliched" post would entail though right? Cheers man.

i meant more in a gender kind of way.

Huh... well now that's just sexist. Explain yourself before your defame your own character.

Btw, I believe I know what you're talking about, but how about you just clarify yourself for the sake of completeness.

i was actually being critical of my own sex, so i'm not sure if it can be sexist. i just think it is funny that most guys make a joke out of these topics while girls seem to be a bit more forthcoming. and then the guys that make jokes out of it make me feel like an idiot for being open. or maybe it's just a sensitive topic and people don't want to talk about it. who knows.

btw after i posted that i kinda figured it would be taken the wrong way, but i was too tempted to see what kind of response it got. sorry about that.

Oh ok, you wanted to insight a riot huh? But I get what your saying. I'm pretty open though, kind of hard to get your point over a post however.

Yes, I've been in love before. Yes, I "got over" being "in love" with some of those people. However, there have been people I was "in love" with whom I also loved...and I did not "get over" those people. The feeling of love lingers.

I see a distinction between feeling "in love" vs. "loving" someone. Being "in love" focuses on how you yourself feel about another person: excited, admiring, etc. etc. Being "in love" is not a bad thing...it is the first rush of breaking psychological barriers that exist between you and someone you admire.

In contrast, when you love a romantic partner, I feel this means you shift the focus of your attention so that you are approximately equally interested in helping the person you love have a satisfying, meaningful life as you are in seeking happiness for yourself. I definitely believe love is a physiological/psychological reality. The feeling of "love" for a romantic partner, to me, is the same as the feeling of "family love"...like love for a parent.

People, especially those new to love, are often in love with the feeling of being in love, rather than primarily loving another person and loving themselves at the same time. My observation is that romantic partners start out "in love" and then, if they work at it, transition to just plain "love."

One of the positive experiences I've had regarding love is when, even after a break-up, years later you remain platonic friends with the person. You realize that underneath the more turbulent romantic aspects of the relationship, you actually were and are friends...and that lasts.

I feel Paloma gives a very good description of what it feels like to feel loved by a significant other:

jayfin3, you then wrote:

I feel you *can* have one-sided love...but unless it is requited in some form then it is obsession, like Paloma wrote. Sometimes one person loves another more intensely than that other loves her or him. Sometimes one person feels romantic love and the other platonic love. If you ever find yourself doing something that might hurt the one you feel you love, then you are probably acting out of obsession: stalking is an example.

littleknowitall, I'm sorry your former significant other treated you so horrendously. I feel your experience shows one reason people can be afraid of loving, because it means you can get hurt emotionally, since to love someone does involve forgiving and trying to work out a solution to problems or find a compromise. In your case, the effort was one-sided. I think the important point never to overlook is that you have to know for yourself what your boundaries are....at what point will you no longer tolerate ill effects on yourself when in a relationship. You wrote about concerns about future relationships. If it helps, I've found that different people are really extremely different. Each relationship feels unique. Your bad experience with your ex does not mean every future partner will be like that.

The test I used to give myself, when thinking about whether a relationship was working, was this one: "Am a lonelier in the relationship than I would be if I were alone, by myself, not in the relationship?" When I realized that I felt lonelier by being with a person than I would be if I were alone, then I knew it was time to rethink the relationship.

One relationship rule I developed was this one: never seek a relationship with someone because you feel lonely. Learn to have a satisfying life by yourself. Then you will be able to keep your balance (more or less) when you open your life/mind to someone else.

I've been battling with this feeling for a bit now, and was only recently able to identify it. I had mistaken the lingering of my love for my ex and the familiarity of his presence for still being in love with him. I now realize I still love him, but that love has forever changed. The best thing I've ever done since loving him is learned how to love myself.

Beautifully said. I've always been opposed to defining love because I quite like the mystery. I also think that is why some of us are so passionate about love. Perhaps it's not passion, but curiosity?

I take this as you don't believe that you can be in love with someone for a longer period of time. I guess I've always looked at the contrast between in love and love in an elementary manner. I related being in love with someone as something romantic and just plain loving someone as platonic or family-related. So, then, if romantic partners transition from being in love to just loving, is there a possibility of falling out of love?

I cherish friendship more than any romantic relationship. To me, friendship is the foundation of a great relationship on any level. I try to remain friends with all of my previous lovers, but sometimes, it is very difficult. I've learned there's got to be a period of time where you don't see each other or even contact each other to really make a friendship work after love; otherwise, the same air of love kind of lingers and could become detrimental to both partners.

I have loved, but not been in love. Still to young to know for sure I think. But once that right person comes along, it will be easier to identify.

I'm in a happy relationship and have been for some years with the person I think is the one :) There have been a couple of earlier attempts at serious relationships, but I think what's special for me this time around is my current gf and I became friends first and then that developed into a love relationship over time. In addition to the obvious boyfriend/girlfriend part, we still function very much like friends and I'm happy I have that with her. It adds an extra level to our relationship, I think. Stuff is usually funnier and more interesting when she's along!

Yawn. This thread sucks. That is all.

I disagree, but hey.

Thanks to all those who have responded, it's given me lots to think about. I'll put in something here too, once I get my thoughts sorted out. Though I haven't had too much experience with love, given my young age.

Love sucks. That is all.

Only if you've found the right one ;)

:laughing:

Touche.

win!

Love only sucks if you have had bad experience with it. As a wise person once said, "you don't know what you don't know."

I had the greatest experience with it ever imaginable. But then I lost it - that's why it sucks.

But, point taken.

I see. I see. *Strokes chin*

Love is a many splended thing, love lifts you up from where you belong all you need is love.

yes
no
yes, the people who don't are 15

i think teenage love is so funny because every single one you talk to will argue up and down about how it is real and will last forever...no exceptions whatsoever. in fact, i'm sure some will read this and begin typing a rebuttal to this.

and everyone older knows the difference and can look back on those years and think, "wtf i was stupid..."

not to say teenage love can't become real adult love. it can happen.

Love tends to be something that is refined by practice. Its as real as its ever been at the minute.

I expect to be pretty good at it when I hit 40.

I dont know, not all teens are as dumb as you think. I for one, having been "in love", "obsessed", what have you, am nowhere near sure that what I feel is love, which is part of the reason I started this thread. I also know that what I feel could change, and some part of me is hoping it will change. So basically, you are being a typical snobby grown-up :/

Well hey now, I think there are some really smart kids! We know what we're doing and know when the feeling is real! and...

Oh:(

ah but all i meant was the ones who think they are in all ending "love". obviously, you saying you are not even sure, you are not included in what i was talking about. i would hardly say i am grown up...especially in terms of relationships. i'm just as unsure as anyone, but having lost love i know i was once in love.

i just think it is hard for anyone to be sure until they get their heart broken. it is a sad and hard road to go down, but unless two people are just totally sure of their happiness together, not going through a couple rough relationships is detrimental. you start to question yourself, you don't know if maybe there is someone else out there for you. it is just bad. now i know what i want in a relationship and how to resolve certain situations that may pop up.

just remember you are always learning. i never meant to imply that teenagers are incapable of love. i just think they are so inexperienced and affected by hormones, the newness of it all, etc that most will pass off obsession and infatuation with love.

. I do believe in love bit not as the typical "I will love toy forever and ever and I will die if you are not with me" kind of love they show you in Hollywood. I believe people falls I love as I believe people stops being in love. Nothing is forever and it can be funny and hurtful and all of those things. I've loved some people, some more than others. I guess I do believe in love.

jesus christ.

I'd like to buy an "I", Alex.

His name is not Alex. :3

...really?

I don't think it's an age thing though, I think it is a life experience/ maturity thing. As a teenager I went through a lot of stuff that many adults have never faced, like death, and pregnancy, that I think made me capable of learning a lot about love.

Love is something that is a lot more complicated than just relationships and knowing how to deal with them. Love is something that can occur in a million different ways and create millions of different connections between people. And no matter how much you think you 'learn' about love it will still continue to make you feel so many different things, some that feel great and some that hurt you more than anything.

If it's one thing I've learned is that love, much like intelligence, simply cannot be defined. Nothing in life will ever baffle me more than the most fucked up permutation of those four letters of the English language.

A four letter word has 24 permutations.

Re-read the post once more.