In the weekends when I'm bored, I go out and beat up whores :(

I just walked all the way to Mordor to destroy a ring. I need a pint after all of that, phew.

What are you talking about, one does not simply walk into Mordor.

I discovered one of the rats had cancer yesterday, a lump on his stomach. We took him to the vet and luckily, it was just a lump and they cut it out. However, I've always been curious about what the rats would taste like if we were to eat them. When noone was looking, I pocketed the cancer lump and we tried it out fried in butter with a little seasoning when we got back to our apartment.

It was pretty good, actually, almost like duck - a bit fatty, but very nice and juicy. Now my mouth waters whenever I look at the little buggers!

Today I made a hat & matching belt out of my own toenail clippings

Good point. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.

These are disturbing and intriguing on so many levels.

Today when I logged into Facebook, I found out that a high school friend who always wanted to be a mortician...and actually became one...just lost her job: turns out she was embalming squirrels and stuffing them in the clothing of the cadavers before open casket visitations.

P.S. Urban...I TOLD you not to say anything about the turnip! If you're going to blab out everything, then that's the LAST time we use root vegetables, no matter how much you like them.

Today, I found out my cousin traded my guitar for collateral for OC. I had him take me to the house, hopped the fence and knocked on the door, some old man answered and told me I was at the wrong house. He proceeded to give me the correct address of the guy I was looking for. Showed up at the guys house. After the obvious fact that he wasn't going to give up the guitar for free, plan B went into effect. I went out to the car and grabbed a coin collection of mine I had, knowing his interest in random collectibles. We quickly settled at $100 and the guitar/amp/pedal board/cables etc... Once the safe was opened we quickly went into action mode and got the two men on the ground with a few punches, emptied the safe and recovered all of my guitar gear. Made out nice.MLIA

I spent 3 hours straight this morning watching nyan cat.

I became a millionaire yesterday!

I bought one of those lottery ticket things where you have to scrape and get the same 3 numbers to win anything and I got the grand prize of 10 million norwegian kroners! The ironic thing is it was the first time I ever bought one too, hehe. Me and my GF are currently looking at houses and I think we'll invest in some apartments too so that we can make money from rent .. I'll never have to work again!

MLIA :D

I stupidly looked up nyan cat. Thank you...

Haha. That tune is going to be stuck in your head... FOREVER!

I woke up at 4am to a knock on the door with a mysterious guy dressed in all black and he shoved a paper in my face.

I knew what he wanted so I signed the paper with a felt pen and he took the pen and stabbed my pointer finger so a drop of blood landed on said paper.

I now have a Murcielago parked outside of my apartment.

i met some really nice friendly aliens who let me use their anal probes on them for once, problem is they don't have anuses so I stuck it in their eyes

also I put up my karaoke vid on youtube and now KISS and Aerosmith are putting a bidding war for me

Today while walking down the street I got kidnapped by a mob member and he forced me into the life of being a sex slave and crack whore. I enjoyed every minute of it.

^Wrong thread Vanilla.

Lawl.

A scout from the University Of Waterloo was at our track meet today. I'm the javelin catcher on the javelin team, and he was really impressed with my technique. Looks like I may be getting a scholarship out of this. :)

found out I was switched as a baby

i'm actually in a long lineage of Han emperors

seems China is thinking of reinstating the Imperial system by putting me on the throne

Isn't it weird how "crack whore" and "crack shot" mean such totally different things?

...crack...shot?