Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?

If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Those are all very good points......had a good laugh....made my day!

Ha thats good..

When working at a shop I was asked for free range vegetarian bacon

this thread is the best thing ever.

Something I Overheard
 

Ok...so I was sitting in a movie theatre last night and in the front row there is this girl with a group of friends. On the screen comes this advertisment that showed a bunch of classic rock band t-shirts. The Girl says to a friend sitting next to her "OOoOOo I so like want to get a Rolling Stones shirt"....I saw this hot guy wearing a Pink Floyd shirt one time"



Really Sad...

this boy alex at work asked our manager
"ur do wee doooo aplication forms..."
"...alex what the **** are you on about?"
"do we sell em? application forms?"
"..................."

Waiting on tables at a restaurant:
Woman:What kind of dressings do you have?
Me: We have ranch, bleu cheese, thousand....(someone spills bustray full of dishes)
Woman: I'm sorry a thousand what?
Me: a thousand ****roaches pureed with lemon juice (well I did'nt say that)

a girl that was in the group i was on a trip with was handing me the thursday cd i had the driver put on because everyone else had been playing crappy pop and i had a headache.
girl: "heres tuesday"
me: "its thursday" (that got me laughing)
girl: "oh well sorry, i dont listen to heavy metal"


tommyrocker, what does your title "misfit back petitionary" mean.

Here is one:

(Driving in a car in the USA):
"Wow, that semi-truck says England on it. How did they get it over here? Drive it?"

(Later on after more thought):
"Isan't there some road that you can drive from England to the US? I heard about it in school. Wasn't it the Golden Gate bridge?"

There are so many stupid things I have seen and heard. I can't remember any more right now. I'll post them when they come back...

"I want my 3 month old baby's ears pierced. Will it hurt her?"

man working in tha supermarket the other day.....

lady: "hi do you work here?"
me: (what i wanted to say) no lady im fu cking stacking these tissue boxes for kicks and im setting a trend by wearing this uniform....

haha... that reminds me of the day a grandma-looking old lady asked me if i worked at the store (i was JUST looking at some jewelleries) and i looked at her in such a way that the old lady had to leave

so my godparents and their kids were in Germany, in their summer vacation and they went to a restaurant. they knew German a bit but obviously not enough ;) and wanted to look cool and special so they ordered in German. one of the kids, the boy (he must've been 17 at the time) asked for a hot dog with mustard and he was like "mit seife" instead of "mit senf" and the man who took the order looked rather puzzled at them and smiled. they found out later that they had asked for hot dog with soap :rolleyes:

^Reminds me of my friend when we went on a school trip to France... It was a really hot day, and she wanted to impress these guys in the cafe we went to who were listening in.. Over there you dont say "I am hot" you have to say "I have hot", else youre just saying youre horny. She didnt quite remember that though... So she sat there in the middle of the cafe and openly goes "Je suis chaud" and these guys crack up...

HAHAHAH :rofl:

from the quiz show The Weakest Link:
what romanic language is official in nicaragua?
Romanian

what is the croatian word for a part of the computer that is called keyboard in english?
software

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson.

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." - Robin Williams

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." - Jim Carrey

well i wouldn't call those statements stupid but rather funny....

i find humor in stupidity and vice versa

BEER - So much more than just a breakfast drink.

hehe that reminds me of the following

Mariah Carey: "When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

that's just so ... lame... :D

alright i don't know if any of you remember me, but if you do remember me then the one thing i need to ask is why the hell are you still here? obviously i've moved on, but i came back to this site specifically to find this thread because i remember it was loaded with hilarious sh*t. and it needs more, definitely. so i've returned to bring this thread back, which in my opinion is the best thread this site ever had.




and, i have one to add. me and my friend, a girl, were waiting in line for a rollercoaster ride. i decided to be stupid and tell a stupid joke that sucks, "a guy walks into a bar and says OW!" normally stupid jokes make her laugh, but this put a really blank look of confusion on her face. from the back of the line all the way till we got to the ride, when she finally blurted out "OHHH!!! he WALKED INTO A BAR!! and it hurt him!!!" i turned to her and said "(name removed), tell me right now what the hell has been going through your head this entire time."

apparently she was having a hard time trying to make sense out of the joke, and she told me that it went so far as to have her convince herself that the man who walked into the bar said OW because the stool he attempted to sit down on was upside-down and the leg of the stool penetrated his asshole.



and then this happened with another one of my friends. she's trying to bitch about something, but somebody was distracting me.

Me- um, im gonna need you to repeat that.
Her- no, f*ck you. im not repeating myself anymore, im seriously sick of that.
Me- sorry, what?
Her- i said im not repeating myself anymore.
Me- you, are a dumbass.
Her- ..............oh, goddammit.

My Guitar Teacher:The Acrtic Monkeys want kind of music do they play?
Me:They're indie.
Guitar Teacher:'indie' is that like indian music?
Me:(sarcasticly)yeh, they play indian music.
Guitar Teacher:well they don't look indian.

My middle sister: "But how do you know you don't like women if you've never been with one...?" http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/c...wer/retard.gif

ex girlfriend: do we live in north america or south america?

Someone I know; sitting on a motorbike at trafiic lights at a junction in Moss Side, Manchester (predominantly black area) and getting the evil eye from a group of youths stood on the corner.
As the lights change, he shouts out "Black bastards!" revs his motorbike up for a quick getaway...

...and stalls.

ahahahahhaahahahhaha what a fucking prick.

Should've been all "How did you know you like guys if you've never been with one" and done the classic z-snap and walked off as she hung her head in shame.

mine would be "can you really read minds"

That actually was my response.....only without the z-snap....I fail at gayness....:(

If you had done the z-snap it would've been guaranteed ownedness. It would've also confirmed any of her doubts of your homosexuality.

:laughing:

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that she concluded a while later that I must've gotten this idea from the internet...http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/c...wer/jester.gif

Because homosexuality is just some frivolous e-trend. :laughing:

what an old thread

The other day, one of my co-workers was talking on the phone to a customer and said "Everyday we waste is another day wasted."

Ya think buddy????

he's right!

what's beans on toast?

My Friend: "So I here The Cops are a pretty good band then, hey?"

*Silence*

Me: "Um, You mean The Police?"



:rolleyes:

*While listening to The Descendents*

"It's punk, right?"