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Fenixpunk 02-25-2005 11:18 AM

Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?

If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Anarchy doll 02-25-2005 12:27 PM

Those are all very good points......had a good laugh....made my day!

ArtistInTheAmbulance 02-27-2005 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenixpunk
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’??

Ha thats good..

Urban Hat€monger ? 03-24-2005 01:39 AM

When working at a shop I was asked for free range vegetarian bacon

SlayeReyalS 03-27-2005 12:50 AM

this thread is the best thing ever.

Soundgardener 05-29-2005 12:48 PM

Something I Overheard
 
Ok...so I was sitting in a movie theatre last night and in the front row there is this girl with a group of friends. On the screen comes this advertisment that showed a bunch of classic rock band t-shirts. The Girl says to a friend sitting next to her "OOoOOo I so like want to get a Rolling Stones shirt"....I saw this hot guy wearing a Pink Floyd shirt one time"



Really Sad...

Tommyrocker 05-29-2005 12:59 PM

this boy alex at work asked our manager
"ur do wee doooo aplication forms..."
"...alex what the **** are you on about?"
"do we sell em? application forms?"
"..................."

SATCHMO 05-29-2005 01:05 PM

Waiting on tables at a restaurant:
Woman:What kind of dressings do you have?
Me: We have ranch, bleu cheese, thousand....(someone spills bustray full of dishes)
Woman: I'm sorry a thousand what?
Me: a thousand ****roaches pureed with lemon juice (well I did'nt say that)

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe 06-01-2005 01:13 AM

a girl that was in the group i was on a trip with was handing me the thursday cd i had the driver put on because everyone else had been playing crappy pop and i had a headache.
girl: "heres tuesday"
me: "its thursday" (that got me laughing)
girl: "oh well sorry, i dont listen to heavy metal"


tommyrocker, what does your title "misfit back petitionary" mean.

phoenixflames 06-01-2005 07:57 AM

Here is one:

(Driving in a car in the USA):
"Wow, that semi-truck says England on it. How did they get it over here? Drive it?"

(Later on after more thought):
"Isan't there some road that you can drive from England to the US? I heard about it in school. Wasn't it the Golden Gate bridge?"

There are so many stupid things I have seen and heard. I can't remember any more right now. I'll post them when they come back...

Sweet Jane 06-02-2005 07:15 PM

"I want my 3 month old baby's ears pierced. Will it hurt her?"

pastor of muppets 06-02-2005 07:19 PM

man working in tha supermarket the other day.....

lady: "hi do you work here?"
me: (what i wanted to say) no lady im fu cking stacking these tissue boxes for kicks and im setting a trend by wearing this uniform....

blackTshirt 06-03-2005 12:31 AM

haha... that reminds me of the day a grandma-looking old lady asked me if i worked at the store (i was JUST looking at some jewelleries) and i looked at her in such a way that the old lady had to leave

blackTshirt 06-12-2005 01:34 AM

so my godparents and their kids were in Germany, in their summer vacation and they went to a restaurant. they knew German a bit but obviously not enough ;) and wanted to look cool and special so they ordered in German. one of the kids, the boy (he must've been 17 at the time) asked for a hot dog with mustard and he was like "mit seife" instead of "mit senf" and the man who took the order looked rather puzzled at them and smiled. they found out later that they had asked for hot dog with soap :rolleyes:

ArtistInTheAmbulance 06-12-2005 09:44 AM

^Reminds me of my friend when we went on a school trip to France... It was a really hot day, and she wanted to impress these guys in the cafe we went to who were listening in.. Over there you dont say "I am hot" you have to say "I have hot", else youre just saying youre horny. She didnt quite remember that though... So she sat there in the middle of the cafe and openly goes "Je suis chaud" and these guys crack up...

EDGE 06-12-2005 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IamAlejo
After my friend lost the first two matches we had played..."Let's play best out of 3"

Joking with my dumb friend, I asked him where the state Las Vegas was. He replied "I'm not that dumb, I know that's not a state." I think asked him which state was Nevada. He replied "I told you I'm not falling for that."

HAHAHAH :rofl:

adidasss 06-13-2005 12:00 PM

from the quiz show The Weakest Link:
what romanic language is official in nicaragua?
Romanian

what is the croatian word for a part of the computer that is called keyboard in english?
software

Fenixpunk 06-13-2005 12:34 PM

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson.

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." - Robin Williams

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." - Jim Carrey

adidasss 06-13-2005 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenixpunk
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson.

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." - Robin Williams

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." - Jim Carrey

well i wouldn't call those statements stupid but rather funny....

Fenixpunk 06-13-2005 01:09 PM

i find humor in stupidity and vice versa

SATCHMO 06-13-2005 01:12 PM

BEER - So much more than just a breakfast drink.

blackTshirt 06-14-2005 01:07 AM

hehe that reminds me of the following

Mariah Carey: "When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

that's just so ... lame... :D

SlayeReyalS 04-04-2008 07:54 PM

alright i don't know if any of you remember me, but if you do remember me then the one thing i need to ask is why the hell are you still here? obviously i've moved on, but i came back to this site specifically to find this thread because i remember it was loaded with hilarious sh*t. and it needs more, definitely. so i've returned to bring this thread back, which in my opinion is the best thread this site ever had.




and, i have one to add. me and my friend, a girl, were waiting in line for a rollercoaster ride. i decided to be stupid and tell a stupid joke that sucks, "a guy walks into a bar and says OW!" normally stupid jokes make her laugh, but this put a really blank look of confusion on her face. from the back of the line all the way till we got to the ride, when she finally blurted out "OHHH!!! he WALKED INTO A BAR!! and it hurt him!!!" i turned to her and said "(name removed), tell me right now what the hell has been going through your head this entire time."

apparently she was having a hard time trying to make sense out of the joke, and she told me that it went so far as to have her convince herself that the man who walked into the bar said OW because the stool he attempted to sit down on was upside-down and the leg of the stool penetrated his asshole.



and then this happened with another one of my friends. she's trying to bitch about something, but somebody was distracting me.

Me- um, im gonna need you to repeat that.
Her- no, f*ck you. im not repeating myself anymore, im seriously sick of that.
Me- sorry, what?
Her- i said im not repeating myself anymore.
Me- you, are a dumbass.
Her- ..............oh, goddammit.

sweet_nothing 04-04-2008 08:03 PM

My Guitar Teacher:The Acrtic Monkeys want kind of music do they play?
Me:They're indie.
Guitar Teacher:'indie' is that like indian music?
Me:(sarcasticly)yeh, they play indian music.
Guitar Teacher:well they don't look indian.

adidasss 04-05-2008 02:50 AM

My middle sister: "But how do you know you don't like women if you've never been with one...?" http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/c...wer/retard.gif

chartsengrafs 04-06-2008 04:10 AM

ex girlfriend: do we live in north america or south america?

right-track 04-06-2008 04:16 AM

Someone I know; sitting on a motorbike at trafiic lights at a junction in Moss Side, Manchester (predominantly black area) and getting the evil eye from a group of youths stood on the corner.
As the lights change, he shouts out "Black bastards!" revs his motorbike up for a quick getaway...

...and stalls.

SlayeReyalS 04-06-2008 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by right-track (Post 464504)
Someone I know; sitting on a motorbike at trafiic lights at a junction in Moss Side, Manchester (predominantly black area) and getting the evil eye from a group of youths stood on the corner.
As the lights change, he shouts out "Black bastards!" revs his motorbike up for a quick getaway...

...and stalls.


ahahahahhaahahahhaha what a fucking prick.

sleepy jack 04-06-2008 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adidasss (Post 463940)
My middle sister: "But how do you know you don't like women if you've never been with one...?" http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/c...wer/retard.gif

Should've been all "How did you know you like guys if you've never been with one" and done the classic z-snap and walked off as she hung her head in shame.

655321 04-06-2008 03:00 PM

mine would be "can you really read minds"

adidasss 04-06-2008 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill (Post 464635)
Should've been all "How did you know you like guys if you've never been with one" and done the classic z-snap and walked off as she hung her head in shame.

That actually was my response.....only without the z-snap....I fail at gayness....:(

sleepy jack 04-06-2008 04:31 PM

If you had done the z-snap it would've been guaranteed ownedness. It would've also confirmed any of her doubts of your homosexuality.

adidasss 04-06-2008 04:36 PM

:laughing:

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that she concluded a while later that I must've gotten this idea from the internet...http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/c...wer/jester.gif

sleepy jack 04-06-2008 04:43 PM

Because homosexuality is just some frivolous e-trend. :laughing:

jesus 04-09-2008 06:57 PM

what an old thread

NSW 04-09-2008 08:22 PM

The other day, one of my co-workers was talking on the phone to a customer and said "Everyday we waste is another day wasted."

Ya think buddy????

SlayeReyalS 04-11-2008 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonsubmissivewife (Post 466593)
"Everyday we waste is another day wasted."


he's right!

Chronotub 04-11-2008 04:13 PM

what's beans on toast?

Lizzie 04-11-2008 04:23 PM

My Friend: "So I here The Cops are a pretty good band then, hey?"

*Silence*

Me: "Um, You mean The Police?"



:rolleyes:

Alfred 04-11-2008 04:38 PM

*While listening to The Descendents*

"It's punk, right?"


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