Don't make promises you know you can't keep :nono:

:rofl:

This is a good thread. Definitely.

awww yesss

yaa because i came along :thumb:

Of course ;)

yeahh this thread needs some fun :) ^^

You, my dear, are the primary provider.

ohh hell yess :)

"You know those poor people... the people on the side of the roads? The streetless people? They're so sad."

- my cousin, who is 15, male, and NOT developmentally disabled, on homeless people.

I guess that's what happens when you grow up in a gated community.

ohh i am the provider ;) :p:

When one of my friends heard that Russia had declared war on Georgia, they wanted to call one of their friends in Atlanta and make sure they were OK.

I think my mom, bless her heart, is the stupidest person I know. I'm going to hell for saying that, but it's true.

Mom: *sneezing 14 times*
Me: "You should sneeze through your nose or something, maybe whatever's in there will get blown out and stop irritating it?"
Mom: "No way!"
Me: "Why not?"
Mom: "Because you can die like that!"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "The pressure can make your brains explode out your ears and you need to stop trying to get me to sneeze through my nose so I'll die."

Or...

Mom: "I don't believe in doctors. I'm not going to one. If I go they're going to make me get surgery on my back and I'm going to be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life."
Me: "Mom, it's for a prescription."
Mom: "I don't believe in prescriptions."

Or..

Mom: "The only reason you didn't die in Iraq is because I prayed for you."
Me: "I was never in any real danger."
Mom: "You still would have died."

Or...

Me: "Mom, you should stop smoking. That cough is really getting bad. I don't want you to get cancer"
Mom: "I won't get cancer. I pray about it."
Me: "So there's never been a case of a Christian dying of cancer?"
Mom: "No. And if there is, they weren't Christian enough."


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKK

Oh my god, i'm laughing so much right now.

This one is good.

wtf???

Your mums a legend :laughing:

and you went to Iraq???

Oh my aching brain cells.

I feel stupid enough for this thread.

Yea, was in the Army for 6 years. When I told my folks I was getting deployed my mom freaked. I told her I do network administration and it's not like I'm out on the streets getting shot at, but she somehow still thought I was going to die.
I guess her logic was: Person + Iraq = you gonna die.

So in my office, we work with security clearances for the military. Part of that is assessing threats levels for foreign travel. We had an officer come in one day saying he was going on vacation to Europe and needed to complete the necessary paperwork. So my boss grabs the list that lists the threat levels of different countries throughout the world and this is the conversation that follows:

Boss: "Europe isn't on here"
Me: That's because Europe is a continent, not a country."
Boss: "Oh"
Me (to officer): "Sir, what countries will you be visiting?"
Officer: "UK"
Boss: "Oh no, Ukraine is high threat."

FML. I'm subordinate to these people.

^ Wow.....

Sounds like your boss didn't do very well in his high school Geography class.

Yesterday afternoon, my aunt in L.A. called and left a message. My mom played the message, and the machine tells you what time the message was left. It said 4:00 PM. In her message, my aunt said that it was 1:00 PM (LA time of course). So here's where the stupid part comes in:

Mom: The machine says the message was left at 4:00, but your aunt called at 1:00. I know she did! She says so in her message! The machine's time must be off.

Me: L.A. is 3 hours behind Toronto, Mom. So if she called us at 4:00, that means it was 1:00 there.

Mom: Ooohhhhh......

WOW.

Come on, we've all had a time difference stupid moment.

Agreed, I'm in California and a lot of the people we work with are in D.C., Denver, and Hawaii and I get it jacked up all the time.

Yes. And a door stupid moment. Remember that time you pushed a door and.... fail!! And then, only then, you look up and see that big and clear sign in front of you:



And then your voice of conscience: H-O-W . C-A-N . Y-O-U . B-E . S-O . S-T-U-P-I-D ?. Haven't you seen the sign, STUPID?

Our consolation is that there is always someone even more stupid:

^ Haha... that is the best automatic door fail ever.

"Door. How you open? I don't know how. I try RUN THROUGH YOU! with small headbutt!"

I think everyone reads the sign, but just loses the concept of push and pull. So they take a 50/50 gamble, a quick tug and if that doesn't work a swift push. That's what I do, I like to think I look less stupid because it's one quick movement. But the door one is definitely stupid.

"Bethany, how do you spell 'tired'?"
- My dear mumsy.

My wife last nite said the following

Wife:
these predate cd's don't they?
( was asking about floppy discs)

Me:
laughed at her and said no they are new technology lol

needless to say she had the look on her face. where she realized how stupid her question was as soon as she got my reply.

3 1/2 inch floppy discs have been around pretty much just as long as compact discs. floppy discs in general have been around a while longer, 8 inch floppy discs predate compact discs by a little more than a decade. still, not that stupid. BE NICER TO YOUR WIFE!

The other two I can kind of see (not that they arn't stupid), but GOD this is REALLY stupid. Fuck, the first one is so stupid I don't believe it's real.

Being nice to your wife predates getting sex from her.

It's real. She's the kind of person who, when she was a child, took to heart all the old wives tales and never gave them any rational thought throughout her life to realize that they aren't real.
I think she dropped out in the 8th grade too, and has been a housewife her whole life. No one has ever challenged her beliefs, nor has she ever needed a reason to challenge them herself.
That's why she seems so stupid. I personally think she's just really ignorant with a capacity to learn, but far too hard-headed to try.

She won't believe me when I try to explain to her that lungs aren't "bags of air", and you can't "break the bag if you breathe too deeply".

Oh, and she doesn't believe in science. Her take is "Science is always changing their minds about stuff, so I don't believe anything they say".
She's the kind of person that takes EVERYTHING in the bible literally, and believes all of it happened.

That's sad. Anyways, I came here to post this:

WTF was that? I think my IQ dropped a few points after watching that. Peanut butter is not a living thing, so I'm pretty sure it can't create life. It only sustains life because it contains nutrients necessary for survival. The mold thing made me laugh. Mold (the outside life according to them) is the product of warm air, moisture, bacteria and fungi that is already present - outside sources coming together. The mold then feeds off the PB (or whatever is moldy). Those people are so ignorant!

this is literally the stupidest thing i have ever seen and morons such as these - especially those with enough resources to spread their delusional ideas - need to be disposed of.

Haha, that's the best thing I've seen in a long time :p:

A main problem is of course that life is not expected to suddenly pop into existence in the shape of a cell. Rather, it is expected to have started with tiny replicating molecules that slowly evolved over millions and millions and millions of years, becoming more and more advanced .. a process which eventually resulted in cellular life and also non-cellular replicators like viruses.

You can't expect that to happen almost spontaneously in a jar of peanut butter :p:

I know (well, knew) someone who worked at a restraunt in Monterey, California (I think... somewhere around there) on the beach. From across the bay, you can see the end of the SF peninsula, in a view that kind of makes it look like an island. A woman asked if it was Hawaii.

Poking fun at stupid creationists, this vid is of course a classic. These guys are reading and acting to the camera posts made on christian fundamentalist forums. Hehe ..

wow...