My Bro: Corr Blimey.
Me: (cockney accent) Blimey guvnor!!
Bro: Hey, i'm not English!!

I had to explain who Jimi Hendrix was :crazy:

!!!
 

It was dark.. rainy... and a car was tailgating me! I didn't realize it was a cop - so i changed lanes to the slow lane... he followed.. I changed back to the fast lane... he followed... I changed again back to slow lane in hopes the car would pass... He followed and pulled me over... I asked the cop why I was getting pulled over and he said "excessive lane changes"??? WTF!

OT- I got pulled over once because the cop thought I was drunk. I wasn't. I'm just a horrible driver.

that's hilarious that you signed up here just to tell us that. and that's pretty damn funny.

I came back here because i remembered somebody who would say the absolute most unintelligent things we've ever heard.


ok so we're doing a stupid group thing where we have to list the most useful things to have with you if you were lost on the moon. there was a bunch of weird tools on the list and we had to list in order which ones would be the most important things to have with you.

now this stupid girl keeps saying "we need matches as number one. because that's what you'd need to cook food."
Me: you can't light matches on the moon.
Her: why not?
Me: because you need oxygen to make fire.
Her: so?
Me: there is no oxygen on the moon. you cant light your matches.
Her: oh, ok..... well then we should put flares as number one.


only like a minute after that dreadful conversation, she gets to the bottled water.

Her: oh, next we need bottled water, you need water to survive.
Me: how the hell would you drink it?
Her: You just open up your helmet a little bit and stick your mouth up to it.
Me: You would implode.
Her: Just open it a little little bit, so nothing happens.



She's the type of person who would say something like "You know what? They should invent a camera, that can be used as a phone!"

some stupid kid on the bus: "you know what KKK stands for? Krispy Kreme!"

Actually, as soon as you open the bottle it would explode. The equilibrium pressure for water vapor is severely under the little bit that liquid water needs not to evaporate. The contents would spontaneously evaporate, blowing the bottle to pieces.

But yes, you would EXplode too.

One of my friends-
"China is the biggest city"...he was serious about it.

I had to explain to my friends(not very long ago) who Jimi Hendrix and The Beatles were and before you even know it, they are back listening to linkin park and nickelback the very next day.(They are all nice ppl...just that this part alone sux :()

God at my school there are some fairly retarted people....

I was told I couldnt be Buddhist because I wasn't black......


The same person thought that the English and Spanish were on the same side in the Spanish Armarda.....

But I guess every class has one idiot!

aint that the truth

this girl took out a pomegranate in class andstarted to eat it and all
another girl asked
"is that corn?"

i shook my head...i wasnt sure if i wanted to laugh or maybe even cry...

i'd cry. that's actually really depressing. it would make sense if she named some weird exotic fruit that not many people know about but she heard or read somewhere before, but CORN?!?! does she just eat McDonalds everyday of her life or some ****?

We have one girl in our class who is simply dumb.

- She thought Michael Jordan was dead, and when we told her otherwise she said 'he looks like the type of person who has died'

-thought ox's were a breed between mules and cows

-had a conversation with another class mate

the girl:how did they rescue the survivors? (about the Alamo)
other (joking around): they flew in to get them in helicopters
the girl (not realizing it's in the mexican war) : You idiot, they would have been shot at by the spanish
other : (shakes head and other people around us laugh)

she did run out of the class in anger though - so it wasn't too funny.

well that's just hilarious right there.

'whose nelson mandela? is he in a band?'

via my girlfriend.

:rofl: Dude The Nelson Mandela Experience is my fav band

Nah, his lyrics are kinda cheesy.

She's a keeper.

"Napoleon was Russian right?"

I was instantly unattracted to him.

She also thought Johnny Cash was still around and that he was a recent artist... both of these startling revelations came within a minute of each other, so I lead her on to believe that they were both in the same band.

^ With frontman, Billy Shakespeare.

A guy in my class didn't know George Harrison. Sad times too.

Lol. Mine has four.


The other day my friend said he was acting Michael Jackson in a play, and my sister goes, "Michael Jackson...? The basketball guy?" It was embarrassing. -_-

'Bruce Lee, isn't that the one from the price is right?'

As I am newly moved to California, my co-workers are fascinated by my tales of Wyoming. So last night this kid asks me:
"Do you guys have bread in Wyoming?"
I said, "Yes..."
He replies, "Really? I though it only grew by the coast."

I have also been asked if there is grass, TV's, iPod's, trees, music, internet, and tomatos.

Tonight at work a lady asked me what size of wall mount she needed for her 37'' TV. I told her to get one that would fit a 37'' TV.

You must be popular with the customers...

a person in a previous years history class
a week before final exam on chinese revolution asked my history teacher
"im going to be honest....i have no idea who Mao is"

how can you miss that?

bump for more stories =P

A classic one from my sis, just out of the blue, "Hey, which would be easier to destroy. A person or a house?"

I remember what some idiot asked my ex when he was trying to chat her up;

Random geezer: 'Where you from?'
Ex: 'Essex'
Random geezer: 'That's in Canada right?'

:clap:

Another gem I saw on the Weakest Link many many moons ago;

'Where are the Netherlands?'
'Somewhere in the Phillipenes?

Genius #1: What's the difference between east and west?


Regarding the our failing economy
Genius #2: This is so stupid why dont they just print out more money?

someone asked me who gandhi was once

she thought he was a musician

A guy in my history class ( we're doing revolutions - Russia and China)
asked a couple of weeks back - exam is a couple of weeks from now.
"Whos Mao?"

at a party last year ( I was drunk which makes it a bit better)
I remarked to my friend, "hey, your clock is wrong"
She said "NO its a weather clock"
I said "How does it work? It looks just like a regular clock?"
then i realised

im an idiot

A friend of mine once said "No one's not everyone mentally handicapped as you."

During the final review before finals in my college astronomy course a woman in my class asked the professor, "So... wait... are you saying the Sun is a star?"

Also, on the first day of this same class a different woman revealed that she didn't know the difference between astronomy and astrology.

What can I say, I went to art school.

"Is pharaohs spelled with an 'F'"

"Girls can't be dikes!"