:laughing:

I just ate an entire pizza by myself. I feel a little ashamed.

I'm ashamed of how drunk I've been the past few weeks.

Every time my period is a day late I frantically google medical abortion costs and information that i've read every month for like two years. You can have it in the privacy of your home nowadays with a series of pills.

Then I look up pictures of 9 week old fetal matter and advice on preserving 'pig fetuses'.

Not sure if legal but if I ever get pregnant..... I'm keeping it.

I could never do better than you.

D'awwww

****. Ever since I started on medication I've been doing better. Haven't really wallowed in self pity too much for over a year now. Not happy by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I don't get those dark spirals of negative thoughts that just won't go away. Now for whatever reason I'm starting to reflect on everything that wrong with myself and my life and I can see what's happening. It's not so bad, but it's just so easy and comfortable to wallow in self hatred and your own martyrdom. God I hope this is an isolated case. I don't need this ****. Maybe I just need to stop staring up at the ceiling in the dark and looking at my own hand while listening to Radiohead. That might help.

I watch a lot of Indian cooking videos on Youtube. When I search for something if the person cooking it is white I just ignore the video.

:laughing: :clap:

I've come the realization that I really don't appreciate the things and people in my life as much as I should. For the longest damn time I've been a very bitter, reclusive, and arrogant person with a terrible manchild personality. I'm immature and act like a friggin kid in a lot of ways. I don't think I'm a bad person, just coming to terms with some negative things about myself that I guess I've known for a while but never totally accepted or knew what to do about.

/endofepiphanycourtesyofafewdaysofsobriety