I'm obviously a filthy whore. I would have to fuck myself to death with a knife. I think anyone else would do the same.

So you're standing in line at a mini-mart when an old man (I'm talking 75-80) walks up and gets in your face, calls you a ****. What do you do?

Axe kick to the face. If the guy was that old, he was already dead. He guy died last week but nobody told him.


You get home and realize that the cashier at the McDonalds drive-thru screwed up your order. It would take 15 minutes to get back to MCD's. What wouldyou do?

Eat it. Bitterly. Maybe not go back for a while.

You witness a mugging. What's your course of action?

I'm thinking.... Charles Bronson this guy into the next life.

You are a mugger who just got shot in the leg by a guy who looks like Charles Bronson, he might BE Charles Bronson, and he's not done. HE'S COMING FOR YOU!!!

What do you do?

Reach into my leg, grab the bullet and shove it down the mother****ers throat.

Your dog poops on your floor

WHAT DO YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!

Pick it up in a paper towel. Apply detergent. Scrub.



Then take my dog out back and shoot it between the eyes.


You trip in front of an audience on a stage. How do you play it?

Incorporate it into the scene, leaving whoever else I'm with hanging out to dry. Redirect the embarassment onto them.

Your biggest idol comes over to your house unannounced and proceeds to **** on your floor. What do you do?

That's a horrible thing to do.

It could really mess up your carpet in the long run.


Play it like Larry David and go into an impromtu stand-up routine that I also carry around written on a napkin in my left back pocket.

Well I DON'T scrub it with ****ing DETERGENT. I can tell you that much.

Remove bulk of stain, apply copious amounts of hot water, and exract. Repeat until desired results are attained.

Also, get a poop rag autographed.

Edit: ****, I forgot to add one.

You get caught looking at craigslist prostitue adds (with pics) at work. Boss asks you what you're doing, what do you do?

I'll say it's a virus thing i had and i'm fixing on it and unfortunately, it got me to this site. i really don't know why's this happened to my PC.

Scenario:
what would you do if a member is making sexual advances to your thru private message and you feel uncomfortable with it?

I'd tell Il Duce to knock it the f*ck off.


You're a fully grown man and you get into a verbal disagreement with a very large woman over a parking spot. She tries to attack you, do you fight back?

I wouldn't need to fight back. That's when I pull out my trusty package of Krispy Kreme donuts that I have for such emergencies and I throw them off to the side and she goes after them and forgets the whole attack on me.

You are at a restaurant and you see that a guy is leading a woman out of the door after he dropped a pill into her drink while she was in the bathroom. What do you do?

if the guy is thin and seems unable to physically attack me, i'll go straight to them and reiterate what i just saw and ask the girl if she's ok and worst comes to worst, we may need to get the police involved.
if the guy is like a wrestler body, i'd just pretend i didn't saw anything.

Scenario: what would you do if your boss found out that you've got one of the most number of internet usage in the office of all in your building that may give him assumption your just surfing the internet instead of working?

Cry if accused of anything until nobody gives a **** what I did and just want me to chill out.
Every time you go to sleep, you have these mind blowingly terrible nightmares. They're pretty realistic too, they usually involve you getting raped by a boy you're already terrified of, getting pregnant, and being ridiculed. Wat do

Snort a lot of coke, never sleep


Your friend is gonna die in 5 seconds, what do you say to him?

"it's been a good ride, see you in the after life."

You see the guy that killed your parents in a drunk driving accident and you just happen to have a 9mm on you at the time that you see him. What do you do?

Grab his wallet and shoot a hole through it so he can't buy more beer. Then I'd go home and eat all the junkfood in my house and vomit it up and cry and I wouldn't have to blame it on the dog because MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.
You think your puppy hates you. Wat do??.??.?.?

punt him into the nearest body of water!

You think your kitten hates you. what do you do?

shoot him on his knees. that doesn't kill him right?
then take him home and brutally torture him by tie-ing his balls very tight, then kick it, punch it, then i'll whip his back, then put cigarettes on his armpits, then insert a needle on his eyes, then make him put his two feet on a hot boiling water, then put some ants in his entire body then after that, burn my house. it destroys all the evidence and bam! i just did justice to my parents.

Scenario: what would you do if Shakira called you up for a date?

Make that bitch pay.
What would you do if your cat was sitting on your lap and you got a boner?

throw the cat down and have a wank, blates

if you needed a dump but all that was available to wipe with was your soon to be wife's wedding dress?

Be a man and use my hand.
You're really fucking ugly so you get a bunch of plastic surgery but now you can barely move your face. To pay off all of the plastic surgeries, you have become a high class prostitute. Because you can't move your face, its unbelievably painful to give blowjobs. But you fear too much anal sex will make one of your ass implants pop. Doggie style barely pays. Wat do?

Handjobs ftw. They may be less pricey, but they can be done quick and you can therefore get more done in your busy schedule. (spoken like a true pro there)

You are stuck on a dessert island, do you choose to drown in cream or in treacle?

Neither, I would drown in chocolate sauce.

You're in a metal band. Your lead singer wants to get everybody buffed up and play stuff like Nickelback to attract girls. Your guitarist still insists on wearing corpsepaint, refusing to bathe for a month and play some inaudible shit through a 2-dollar amp.

What say you?

guitarists are easily replaceable. Kick his ass out of the band and get a new one

Your favorite musician of all time invites you backstage after his/her concert but the bouncer in the back won't let you in until you lick the rim of a toilet seat. What would you do?

suggest that i'll suck his c*ck instead.

Scenario: you're manager told you you'll be transferred to a totally different department with a new manager and new colleagues. what would you say?

k sweet bro

You get banned from MB WHAT DO YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?

couldn't care less and find some other forum to hassle other music lovers

some mugger holds you at gunpoint, demanding your money or your life, it just so happens that you've withdrawn your entire savings to pay for something in cash (a dream house which is only purchased with cash), so do you want your money or your life?

That's a question with only one answer. Give up the money.

You've been asked to go camping in the pouring rain*, but have been promised booze. Do you say "fuck it, no" and enjoy yourself at home, or agree to freeze your ass off in a tent, sitting with a root up your ass in the pouring rain for the sole reward of booze?

* This is my real life scenario. Your answers are vital to my weekend plans.

of coz, it's a trick question

nothing would make me go out in the cold pouring rain (mebbe an orgy?)

i have a dilemma myself - i'm pretty comfortable with my job here, i want to seek another job but it probably won't be as comfy but it pays better, what say you?

I personally would stick with the comfy job although realistically you gotta figure out how much the comfyness at work is worth to you and compare that to the change in pay.

My dilemma and a real life one too; I have a vip band from benicassim last year on my left wrist it is tattered and frayed does it stay or does it go?

****'s legit. Let it stay. Make a wish on it and when it falls off it'll come true.
You're in the psych ward and won't be out for two weeks. How do you entertain yourself?

i'll just create all kinds of symptoms and tell all kinds of weird things to the ward doc and behave strangely so that I'll get to try all kinds of different drugs

you're in a crowded place, all of a sudden your genitals are itchy and there's no restroom in sight, what do you do?

Scratch that motherfucker right then and there. The pain would be too unbearable.

You're in a car, driving at night. A double-decker bus is headed towards you and you're loved one. What do you do?

Pray really really hard and surely, God will make that bus go away.

Scenario: what if the only way to a woman's heart is to dress in drag? would you?

no problem for me - i have dressed in drag and put on makeup when I was a teen, i mess around with gender as much as sexuality

my scenario is just a choice of alcohol, you have just about enough money to buy a bottle of vodka or a bottle of whiskey, what would you choose? (cos I'm partying with the boys tomorrow)

Neither. I'd like to try some Cavasier straight up and some tranny chaser.

Scenario: what if you become Superman for 1 day. what would you do?

Duce go with the whiskey, seriously. If I was superman I would fly around the earth and go back to 2006. Good year.

You have 30 seconds to say whatever you want on fox news what do you say?

Admit that you are not "fair & balanced", then we can move on.

Scenario: You have sex with someone that has HIV, but they don't reveal until after the fact. How would you deal with that? Report them?

I'll just let it slide and do the same to somebody else.

Scenario :- Irn Bru or Tizer?

i don't know who they are but i'll go with Tizer.

Scenario: it was decided that musicbanter be a forum from music to anime. and you are chosen to be one of the mods, what's the first thing yuo'll do?