Wow man this is actually news to me I had no idea. I was away for a while this time last year so I'm just now reading this Jackhammer. The story of life is sometimes quicker than the blink of an eye and love can sometimes seem like hello goodbye. My heart goes out to you and yours who are no doubt still grieving over this loss and offer my condolences. Stay strong and if you ever need to talk or vent don't hesitate to ask.

My God Jackhammer, I guess this happened when I took a break from MB last year... I'm so sorry. I know it's late, but you still have my condolences.

I`m also learning of this sad news for the first time Jackhammer. I`m very sorry that you`ve lost your partner of twenty years or more, and I hope that you and your boys can survive this Christmas somehow.
As Bloozcrooz and others have made clear, you have many friends here who will willingly provide what sympathy they can.
I expect that you`ve had advice up to here IRL, but if you can focus on your children, focus on the future, I hope that will console you a little; I also hope you have some extended-family support to help you take care of them both.
Good luck - and keep posting when you can,
Lisna

My god, a year already?? :(
I wanted to take the time to compose a reply, not just throw something together Lee, but all I came up with that didn't sound too hollow is this:

It's always hard, terribly hard losing a loved one, but I think it must make it doubly hard when that loss occurs at a time generally taken to be one of joy and celebration. You no doubt feel guilty about not enjoying Christmas, and equally guilty about enjoying it. It probably seems almost disrespectful to be laughing and joking and wishing friends a happy Christmas when the one you so want to spend that season with is no longer by your side.

All I can say is, like others have said, be strong, particularly for the children, who'll need your support and guidance, and cliched as it sounds, every year that passes, every Christmas that goes by will lessen the pain slightly until finally you'll be able to properly celebrate the holiday without feeling too much guilt or sorrow.

You know she'd want you to enjoy yourself, and would probably hate it if you were feeling sorry for yourself, so though it's hard maybe just paint on that smile and face the Christmas with the strength, fortitude, good humour and charm we all know you possess in abundance.

And faith or no faith, I'm sure she's looking down on you all and hoping you have a good and peaceful Christmas.

As do we all here.

Peace and love, my friend. It'll get better...

Thank you very much everyone for your replies and I feel very fortunate to have people I have never met offer words of comfort but I would also like to include those I mentioned in my recent post here in saying that life does go on and that they too are no longer here or have gone through the same things as I have.

MB is a very rare beast regarding it's members and a truly great community. Now I must write my crawling letter to the mods to be reinstated ;)

JackHammer, I am so sorry for your loss from last year. I hope you are recovering well.

You know, I've been a member of this forum for longer than most people think but have only really started getting to know people and posting on a daily basis during the last year. I've been apart of internet forums before but I can honestly say that this one is my most cherished and also the one whose members I care most about. Usually if I would see a thread like this there would be a minimal change in my mood because realistically I have no ties to the person involved.

But you Lee (This is the first time I'm using your name. I hope you don't mind) are not just a random person on the internet. While we may not respond directly to each other on a daily basis or know a lot of personal information about each other, I still read your posts every time I see them because I've pegged you as a person of interest on this board. I feel like even though your posts are for everyone to read, that it's still just me reading what you have to say. In a strange way I think that can also be a personal connection that people can have albeit on a message board accessed by a computer which is nestled in a house that is miles away from each other.

I'm not a religious person at all. I'm not an atheist but rather a natural skeptic which I guess can be attributed to being an agnostic. Yet I truly hope your loved one is somewhere special. I hope she is at peace. I hope you and your family are well and that you look upon this day as one of remembrance and love rather than a day of sadness and grief.

Please be well. You and your family are in my thoughts.

That song deeply touches and it has a deep soul. JackHammer, I want the best for you.

Exo, I have to say that really moved me. Well said man. I think all of us feel the same way about Lee, and most of us about each other, with a few exceptions.

OH NO! Group hug! :)

Seriously, well articulated and well said.