He also says "Dean Koontz Dean Koontz Dean Koontz. Did I mention I'm great? Dean Koontz"

I've got a small story.

One time in high school four friends and I decided to skip school and drink and smoke weed all day. My school, probably like other schools, always calls the parents of people who didn't show up to school to make sure they're not ditching. Most of my friends either didn't care or had parents who didn't care but I had one friend that was paranoid about it and asked another if they could call the call pretending to be his father. The following exchange with the school secretary made me laugh...

Alright I'm going to call them now. I'll just tell them I'm your dad and that you're sick.

Alright just make it convincing.

Phone is ringing...

Wait, what's your dads first name again?

Robin

Okay.

Yes hello this is uhhhh....umm...Eugene Sharp. My son won't be coming in today. Yeah. Eugene. Yes Eugene. Okay then bye. Yeah they didn't buy that.

...

I laughed so damn hard. My friend ended up just telling his dad what happened who actually found it pretty hilarious. The friend who made the call still calls him Eugene whenever he sees him.

^from a couple years back

I used to be show director and Frank N. Furter for a Rocky Horror Picture Show shadowcast. In the RHPS cast circles, we were pretty well-known, and casts traveled from all over (Vegas; NYC; Cincy; Cali; Rhode Island; you name it) to see our show.

I have loads of stories from that time, but one involves a few cast members from another show, and a trip to Camden Park, the only amusement park in the state of WV. (I'm from KY, but my city directly borders both OH and WV; Camden Park is a twenty minute drive from my house.)

Anyway, we decided to have a hotel party, organized by me, the the cast leader. My debit card was all kinds of ****ed up and wouldn't work in an ATM, so I'd withdrawn a fairly significant sum from my bank, and put us all up in ONE ROOM in a Holiday Inn in Huntington, WV. Since I was paying for the room, a simple double room, the 25+ folks who decided to attend (my figured head count would have been around 11 tops) decided to pay their admission with copious amounts of booze.

Now, I wasn't driving at all, so I decided that drinking as much as possible was definitely all right and in my best interest. False.

That evening, there was a 400+ lb drag queen at the party. When I'm drinking, I love everyone, regardless of gender, size, personality defect - you name it. Anyway, I apparently ended up making out with a massive drag queen, before passing out on one of the two beds. I'm glad that I passed out early, because that meant I got a bed.

Anyway. I'd snagged a bottle of Cuervo, deemed it as my own, and wouldn't let anyone else touch it, even though I was way too drunk to drink anymore. I set it on the night stand, and have been told that I would wake up every twenty minutes, like clockwork, take a swig of Cuervo, and then fall back, hitting my head on the headboard. This continued until there was no more tequila, and I decided to stay awake with the rest of the party.

The gigantic tranny had vomited all over the tile portion of the floor, near the bathroom, and another close friend ended up stepping in it. He'd been asleep in the same bed as me, got up, and my best friend said, "No, Tom, don't walk there, it's---"

To which Tom cut him off and was all, "**** you, dude, I don't care. I have a headache, and..." promptly stepping in copious amounts of tranny vomit. He decided he needed to take a shower at this point. Roughly five minutes later, I finally realized I had to vomit.

I rolled off of the bed to the floor, crawling towards the bathroom. I would later be told that my vagina was accumulating plastic cups which had been discarded on the floor, as though it was some sort of plastic magnet. Anyway, I reached for the bathroom door, hoping to God that Tom had left it unlocked, but alas, no. I vomited right outside the door.

When Tom got out of the shower, after cleansing himself of tranny vomit, he promptly slipped and fell in my vomit, just outside of the door.

An hour or so later, we left for our trip to Camden Park. I was too drunk still to appreciate the experience, and the fact that roughly 90% of the Park's rides involve spinning in some way-shape-or-form was not good to me. After riding The Scrambler, we decided to ride The Log Flume. I almost vomited three times in line.

I DID vomit as we were coming down the final hill in our log. The water splash which ensued cleansed our bodies, but the log itself was definitely unfit for later park patrons.

That was also the day the Big Dipper was on fire (wooden coaster; one of the oldest in the country. No, I don't know why or how it had any manner of fire.) And we all rode it. ACE (American Coaster Enthusiasts) were there that day, and they were all, "Nah, we'll wait 'til later to ride." My drunken Rocky friends and I were all, "**** yes, the Big Dipper is on fire! Let's ride this ****!"

It was actually kind of frightening. There was a dude trying to put the fire out as we rode with a cup of water. One would think it wouldn't be very effective, but that coaster is still there today.

EDIT: This is the coaster in question. That second drop, and the bit after the tunnel causes one to completely leave their seats. I'm not sure how no one has ever flown out of this particular 'coaster and died.



No inversions, no real banked curves or anything, but it's hella fun. I've ridden some of the top coasters in the US of A, and this is still high on my list of favorites.