Does the Friendzone really exist?

djchameleon · 12-23-2013, 07:38 PM

To even have this discussion, I need to hear what you think the friend zone is first then you can explain if you think it exists or not.

I find that most people that say it doesn't really exist have a different definition of what the friend zone really is.

This is all about anecdotal evidence so share all of your stories to back up why you think it exists or not.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 12-23-2013, 07:40 PM

ugggggggh

14232949 · 12-23-2013, 07:43 PM

There is no friendzone.
From experience of being on both sides, it's just somebody being too gutless to say they no longer want contact with you after either a relationship, a fling, a one night stand or you being far too keen with your emotions/intentions.
I've never wanted to be friends with a girl I was no longer sexually interested in, I already have friends. I don't need the awkwardness.
It works both ways, there's times where I've wanted something that clearly the other party didn't, which lead to the 'just friends' line. Don't think I've spoken to either girl since. First one was around four years ago

The basis of friendship is that its based on an equilibrium. There shouldn't be a dominant party, one that controls the relationship.
By someone already making the decision to 'just be friends' it is clear that there is a controlling force and such a balance could never create a give and take relationship like the one shared between friends.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 12-23-2013, 08:02 PM

I believe there is to an extent. I have always had a lot of male friends and some of them had tried to kiss me or make a move and most of the time I denied it. I had a really great guy friend at the hostel next to mine and we used to study Geology together. One night we had meet up for drinks (he'd been there drinking for a while), I said hello but I ran into another guy I knew for 5 minutes. When I joined him again to play pool, his friends kept having a go at me for talking to another guy. I had never known before that situation that he was keen on me.

A year or so later we met at a nice restaurant. We had a great time, he paid for dinner and he tried to make a move again. I felt really bad but told him honestly that I wasn't interested. Turns out he borrowed money from his friends to be able to play for the dinner and hopefully I would be his gf. I really wish I had given him a chance. I look back now and he's in Australian, has a high paying job (mines, hence Geology major) and a nice gf. If he and I got dating, there is a possibility he wouldn't be in the same powerful position.

This has happened to me more times than I can count. I nearly always disappoint guys because I'm too picky.

GuD · 12-23-2013, 08:05 PM

I always understood friendzone as a situation with two friends where one has unrequited feelings for the other. Didn't know there was any other interpretations but of course that definition exists. Some people manage to let their feelings go for the sake of the friendship, other times once the word is out the peeps cease to be friends. Other times people confuse being horny with having feelings, know that much from personal experience and it did not end well but we made up later.

TheBig3 · 12-23-2013, 10:12 PM

anticipation · 12-23-2013, 11:58 PM

maybe for y'all prudes but i stay in the fuck zone na mean.

djchameleon · 12-24-2013, 12:01 AM

As WD said, when someone mentions the friendzone. I immediately think of a situation where a guy was too slow/stupid/shy to come out and state his intentions at the beginning of the relationship and it turned into friendship where the girl that he likes ends up being just a friend to him and he wants more but he has a feeling she doesn't want more with him.

This leads to resentment when she is always hooking up with guys that are so ****ing awful for her or complaining about her douchebag bf to the guy and he just has to sit there and suffer through that friendship because he is too spineless to speak up. He won't say "I wanted more than a friendship with you but I can clearly see you don't and you'd rather date every other guy in the world instead of someone that is kind to you like himself."

The example I just used seems pretty anecdotal but it's actually the story of many guys that are in the friendzone.

One instance of me being in the friend zone was with a girl that I had feelings for but I wasn't sure if she felt the same way and we got along so well. In the beginning I didn't really see her as more than a friend but as our friendship went along I became attracted to her. You can't help who you become attracted to. It was pretty much too late by then to change the dynamics of our friendship by letting her know how I felt. I was really pissed at her when she got a new bf but decided to hide that fact from me. I had a feeling that she knew it would hurt my feelings but I was more hurt by her keeping secrets from me since we were so close and open about everything. I used that time to tell her how I felt about her as well which just made it more awkward but we some how made it through that awkward period. I still talk to her to this day but I'm completely over her and there are other issues why we wouldn't be good as a couple. We had a talk about it but sometimes I'm like gah, I don't want to hear about your bf and your issues with him but I don't want to be a shitty friend so I listen to her issues and let her vent to me.

I will end my post with this song.

Some people believe that the friend zone is just a guy that wants to fuck a friend of his that's pretty hot. Hit it and quit and don't care about being in a relationship with her. So the people that define the friendzone that way thinks it doesn't exist and that guys are just douchebags taking advantage of their friends or wanting to take advantage of their friends. It is also the same people that believe that men and women can't be platonic friends.

Taxman · 12-24-2013, 01:28 AM

I have always thought that friend zone means that the other person has feelings towards the other one, but he/she has not.
So basically two friends and the other one wants to be a friends and the other wants to start a relationship. Dunno if there is any other meaning but for me it really don't seems that much complicated thing to explain.

Trollheart · 12-24-2013, 05:12 AM

I had never heard of the friendzone until this thread, and had no idea what it was. I think I may understand now from what you guys have written: is it the "let's still be friends" thing? Well I've never had a relationship really so that has never applied to me.

Is it not something out of one of those bad sci-fi B-movies? "Don't go into the Friendzone! More ships have disappeared in there than the Bermuda Triangle!"

View Poll Results: Does the Friendzone really exist?
Yes	13	65.00%
No	7	35.00%
Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

12-23-2013, 08:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	I believe there is to an extent. I have always had a lot of male friends and some of them had tried to kiss me or make a move and most of the time I denied it. I had a really great guy friend at the hostel next to mine and we used to study Geology together. One night we had meet up for drinks (he'd been there drinking for a while), I said hello but I ran into another guy I knew for 5 minutes. When I joined him again to play pool, his friends kept having a go at me for talking to another guy. I had never known before that situation that he was keen on me. A year or so later we met at a nice restaurant. We had a great time, he paid for dinner and he tried to make a move again. I felt really bad but told him honestly that I wasn't interested. Turns out he borrowed money from his friends to be able to play for the dinner and hopefully I would be his gf. I really wish I had given him a chance. I look back now and he's in Australian, has a high paying job (mines, hence Geology major) and a nice gf. If he and I got dating, there is a possibility he wouldn't be in the same powerful position. This has happened to me more times than I can count. I nearly always disappoint guys because I'm too picky. __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

12-23-2013, 08:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
GuD Dude... What? Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 1,322	I always understood friendzone as a situation with two friends where one has unrequited feelings for the other. Didn't know there was any other interpretations but of course that definition exists. Some people manage to let their feelings go for the sake of the friendship, other times once the word is out the peeps cease to be friends. Other times people confuse being horny with having feelings, know that much from personal experience and it did not end well but we made up later. __________________ I spit bullets in my feet Every time I speak So I write instead And still people want me dead ~msc

12-23-2013, 10:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	__________________ I've moved to a new address

12-24-2013, 05:12 AM	#10 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,970	I had never heard of the friendzone until this thread, and had no idea what it was. I think I may understand now from what you guys have written: is it the "let's still be friends" thing? Well I've never had a relationship really so that has never applied to me. Is it not something out of one of those bad sci-fi B-movies? "Don't go into the Friendzone! More ships have disappeared in there than the Bermuda Triangle!" __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

12-23-2013, 07:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~Sansa Stark~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The Eyrie, Vale of Arryn, Westeros Posts: 3,234	ugggggggh

12-23-2013, 07:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
14232949 The Big Dog Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,989	There is no friendzone. From experience of being on both sides, it's just somebody being too gutless to say they no longer want contact with you after either a relationship, a fling, a one night stand or you being far too keen with your emotions/intentions. I've never wanted to be friends with a girl I was no longer sexually interested in, I already have friends. I don't need the awkwardness. It works both ways, there's times where I've wanted something that clearly the other party didn't, which lead to the 'just friends' line. Don't think I've spoken to either girl since. First one was around four years ago The basis of friendship is that its based on an equilibrium. There shouldn't be a dominant party, one that controls the relationship. By someone already making the decision to 'just be friends' it is clear that there is a controlling force and such a balance could never create a give and take relationship like the one shared between friends.

12-23-2013, 11:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
anticipation Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 3,565	maybe for y'all prudes but i stay in the fuck zone na mean.

12-24-2013, 01:28 AM	#9 (permalink)
Taxman watching the wheels Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Finland Posts: 470	I have always thought that friend zone means that the other person has feelings towards the other one, but he/she has not. So basically two friends and the other one wants to be a friends and the other wants to start a relationship. Dunno if there is any other meaning but for me it really don't seems that much complicated thing to explain.