Exo

So about a week ago I found my Superintendent painting the garbage chute room outside of my apartment. I'm pretty good friends with him. We're basically the only ones who don't give him any trouble. The dude is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

So I say "What's up Carlos? How are things?" Carlos tells me that he needs to talk to me about something so I tell him go ahead.

"Joe, you need to start watching what you're putting in the garbage."

I ask what he means and he tells me this...

"I find a bottle of pee pee in the garbage. It come from your apartment."

So I'm like speechless. I ask him to clarify and he tells me that he smelled something weird and when he check he found a bottle of pee in an opened garbage bag. He checked the bag and found an envelope with my address on it. Naturally he thought I peed in a bottle and threw it in my garbage. You know, like normal people sh*t. I tell him that I own a toilet so that the need to urinate into bottles and dispose of them through the trash is unnecessary and we laugh about it. He said he had pictures on his other phone but I had to get to work so I left.

I asked my roommate about it and he told me that Carlos probably found his spit bottle for when he uses chewing tobacco. I chalk it up to that and four days go by.

Yesterday I see Carlos again in the hallway and I tell him that what he probably found was a spit bottle. Carlos shakes his head. "No Joe." I ask him what he means.

"I found another one Joe, in a bag, from your apartment. Want to see?"

I go an wake up my roommate cause I need witnesses and **** and we go downstairs. In the basement, where the garbage chute leads to is a small room that only Carlos can get into. On the ground is a cardboard envelope with my name on it and two water bottles. One was unopened, full of water, and the other was a quarter way filled...with f*cking piss. It had a film on top and everything. I couldn't believe it.

I noticed something immediately that told me that not only were the bottles not ours but that they did not even come out of our apartment. I live with my cousin. My uncle/his father owns a water company. We don't have water bottles. We can water delivered to us in six gallon jugs and use a cooler. Not only that, but the water bottles were "Kirkman" water bottles. I've never even seen that sh*t. I believe they sell them at Costco and we don't go to Costco. I asked Carlos how he knew it was from our bag and he showed me his finger. I had accidentally thrown out a pickle jar into the trash and it broke on the way down. He was cleaning up the mess when he pricked his finger and saw the water bottle in my garbage bag.

So, one of these things is happening...

1. Carlos is a sociopath and is f*cking with me. I highly doubt this option because his job is his life. He and his family live on site and the job is the only form of income for him. If he lost his job he's be homeless. I doubt he's jeopardize that for pee.

2. Either my roommate or myself are sleepwalking, peeing in a bottle and throwing it in the trash. This doesn't make sense because of the brand of water bottle.

3. Somebody is somehow sneaking their bottles of pee into my garbage, on purpose. Whether they are sneaking it in after I throw it out or scarier yet, coming into my apartment to throw it out.

4. There is a logical explanation for there being pee bottles in my garbage.

I have no idea. What the f*ck. This is weird as sh*t.

GuD

Tinkle fairy?

I got nothin

__________________
I spit bullets in my feet
Every time I speak
So I write instead
And still people want me dead
~msc

Moss

I would have guessed they were bottles of Corona except for the Kirkland on them. That is weird. Maybe you got someone living in a closet you don't know about?

Ninetales

k maybe I don't hang around garbage that often but can you really smell closed bottles of piss over the smell of many bags full of trash??

Frownland

Well, he found it in an opened garbage bag, so that probably tells you that someone else is doing it unless you guys are bad at closing your bags. Why does he care anyway? Afraid it might demean the garbage?

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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.

Engine

My theory is that where you're living anything is possible. Carlos, your roommate, and everybody else around you are probably crazy.

__________________

Like an arrow,
I was only passing through.

Janszoon

Clearly the only resolution is to search the wallet of everyone in the building to see who has a Costco card.

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A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man

Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die

last.fm

Neapolitan

Sounds weird. I don't know what to say Joe. Maybe double knot your bags real tight so no one can re-open them - if that is possible.

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Engine

That's the first step for sure but it's also clear that everybody in the building who owns, or is related to someone who owns a water company needs to be questioned.

__________________

Like an arrow,
I was only passing through.

The Batlord

Don't you live in New Jersey? I figure piss bottles just spontaneously materialize out of thin air over there.

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