The Support and Encouragement Thread

[Pet_Sounds]

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

I encourage anyone who recognizes they have a problem in real life to stop using the internet to solve it. Seek help from people who can actually help you, not advice from a stranger who only knows your biased side of the story.

I'm from a split family, so there are times when I need motherly advice and support, but I can't go to my mom (and I don't have that type of relationship with my stepmom yet). Roxy, dreadnaught, and LiL have all been really helpful and kind to me--I don't think of them as "strangers". Since my great-aunt died, they're the closest I have to another mother.

For the most part, I agree with you, just wanted to point out that there are times when internet people can be just as helpful as real life people.

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

I encourage anyone who recognizes they have a problem in real life to stop using the internet to solve it. Seek help from people who can actually help you, not advice from a stranger who only knows your biased side of the story.

This. Wonder why I don't "support and encourage" more people who come into the forum and bitch about everything, all day, every day? Because I don't have the energy to constantly deal with emotional vampires.

[Janszoon]

Originally Posted by The Batlord

This. Wonder why I don't "support and encourage" more people who come into the forum and bitch about everything, all day, every day? Because I don't have the energy to constantly deal with emotional vampires.

I prefer my vampires emotionless.

[fiddler]

Originally Posted by RL Clown

~ Anyways, I have a question concerning education... Is it possible for a test to be graded unfairly? If you would like me to rephrase my question, do not hesitate to ask. I appreciate serious and mature responses.

Of course it is. I mean if it it's a multiple choice question and the answer is A the answer is A. However for instance on a math problem where you're expected to show your work. Student A arrives at the same answer as Student B but Student A used the "preferred" method whereas Student B did not. Student A gets the answer correct, whereas Student B does not. That would be a little unfair in my opinion. The answer itself is correct, but Student B used a different method to arrive at the answer. The same could be had if for instance a Physical Training Test two different people are given a different standard for a push up.

[grtwhtgrvty]

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

I encourage anyone who recognizes they have a problem in real life to stop using the internet to solve it. Seek help from people who can actually help you, not advice from a stranger who only knows your biased side of the story.

Well when all is said and done, the only person who can /really/ help you is yourself. People are amazing but they are very fickle and very unreliable and if you stand or fall based on others, you'll always inevitably fall because they won't be able to hold you up forever, whether because they lose interest or they just can't do it anymore for whatever reason. It's okay to let people help you, but I only think you should go looking for help when it is absolutely necessary to your survival or well being.

Obviously therapy is amazing though. I'm talking about like personal relationships and stuff. Even therapy though -- mere sprinkles on the ice cream... same thing with medication. These are both potentially helpful tools, but they mean nothing if you don't put in the leg work to improve yourself.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by grtwhtgrvty

Well when all is said and done, the only person who can /really/ help you is yourself. People are amazing but they are very fickle and very unreliable and if you stand or fall based on others, you'll always inevitably fall because they won't be able to hold you up forever, whether because they lose interest or they just can't do it anymore for whatever reason. It's okay to let people help you, but I only think you should go looking for help when it is absolutely necessary to your survival or well being.

Obviously therapy is amazing though. I'm talking about like personal relationships and stuff. Even therapy though -- mere sprinkles on the ice cream... same thing with medication. These are both potentially helpful tools, but they mean nothing if you don't put in the leg work to improve yourself.

How did you get this way? What f*cking planet did you come from?

[grtwhtgrvty]

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

How did you get this way? What f*cking planet did you come from?

I've relied on a lot of people in my life. My mother abandoned me when I was 12. She told me she didn't love me and that she didn't believe in love and that she shouldn't of had me. I was living on the streets for about a month. I learned very quickly to make things work for myself so I would never be at the whim, emotionally, or financially, of another person. I still love and care for people very easily but my whole world doesn't come crashing down when they abandon me or betray me.

It's a grim reality, but at the end of the day, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

[Oriphiel]

Originally Posted by grtwhtgrvty

I've relied on a lot of people in my life. My mother abandoned me when I was 12. She told me she didn't love me, that she didn't believe in love, and that she shouldn't have had me. I was living on the streets for about a month. I learned very quickly to make things work for myself so I would never be at the whim, emotionally, or financially, of another person. I still love and care for people very easily but my whole world doesn't come crashing down when they abandon me or betray me.

It's a grim reality, but at the end of the day, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

Fixed that for ya'.

[GuD]

That said, if its worth anything to you I'm very sorry to hear about how your mother treated you. I've known a few people who dealt with trauma like that, its sad how cold people can be.

[grtwhtgrvty]

Originally Posted by WhateverDude

This kinda autonomous philosophy is what my family tried to teach me. I've gone my whole life feeling afraid to ask anyone for help, to the extent that I don't trust people or feel extremely alienated or insulted when they see that I need it. If this way of thinking works for you that's great but enforcing it on others can be harmful. Not saying I disagree with you entirely, a certain amount of self-responsibility is very important but to imply that total independence is something that everyone can and should be capable of is just not right. What works for you doesn't work for everyone else.

Definitely. I'm not saying that my perspective / philosophy is inherently without flaw. I've just been ****ed over a lot of times and growing up I was inevitably abused in some capacity by pretty much every single adult in my life that decided to be my guardian. My mom, my dad, my grandmother, my uncle, my aunt, older friends, my brother, etc. I've even been dropped by a therapist before. I don't think I've had a relationship in any capacity that was 100% healthy. I guess that doesn't really exist. Relying on them was what actually made me feel alienated. I don't feel insulted when they see I need help. I just hate the idea of feeling like a burden, really.

I think that total independence is something that everyone should aspire for. I don't think anyone is totally 100% independent. I'm definitely not. But the fact that I make a point to be independent, at least emotionally... I don't know. I think it helped me love myself... so when people leave, or break up with me, or whatever... It's just like... yeah it hurts, but **** them because I'm amazing and I'm a beautiful person and I have so much to offer. It's easier said than done, but you can't live or die based on the acceptance of others, especially for people like you and me, who don't necessarily operate within the mainstream binary of sexuality or gender.

I guess it's a defense mechanism. People leave. They get fed up. They get bored. They cheat on you. They die. They get addicted to drugs. They move on in one way or another and there have been so many times in my life where I'm sitting alone in my room feeling like a ghost because someone somehow passed on. At the end of the day, who you are is really the only thing that truly belongs to you. That is the only thing that is truly yours -- that little voice in your head. Regardless of what you've put yourself through, what you've put other people through, etc... You have to love that voice. You have to love yourself. You have to enjoy yourself. You have to see yourself as worth love. You have to laugh at your own jokes. You have to do all of these things because of the terrifying inevitability that the people you love are going to somehow leave, and they need to know this too, because one way or another, you're going to leave them.

That said, if its worth anything to you I'm very sorry to hear about how your mother treated you. I've known a few people who dealt with trauma like that, its sad how cold people can be.

Yeah, honestly, it sucks. I tried to contact her when I was 18 and she immediately placed an order of protection against me. I called her again because I thought it had expired (it hadn't) and I was arrested. Everyone says she still loves me and that she just has issues. I don't know... she abused me my entire childhood and then she left and I've been diagnosed with PTSD. I think it made me stronger. One thing I do know, tbh, is that I want to adopt a kid when I'm older... like 35+, and my life is going to revolve completely around that kid, and I'm gonna give them the best childhood anyone could ask for. It's been such a struggle for me to follow my dreams as an artist given my tumultuous lifestyle. I've had so many people ask me what my plan B is... so many people condescend me for wanting to be a musician. I know what it feels like to just flat out not have parents and to feel completely without any type of support system and it breaks my heart to think about all those kids who are cycling through the foster care network. I don't know if I'm doing it for me or if I'm doing it for the child, but I'm going to break the cycle.