Did you tell him resistance was futile?

"Does this property cut through?"

"No cuts, no butts, no coconuts."

Yeah, I'm not really laughing about any of this. The fact the dude got a slap on the wrist really pisses me off.

Thank you.

You okay?

Ankles a bit sore and back hurts but I'm fine over all.

You should have given him a Son of Abbott mixtape before he got taken away.

*Elph drops his debit card*

*Blue picks it up, and sees his name on the front*

Blue: Yo, Bitchheart McFuckwad! I think you dropped this!

Elph : She knows my name, she knows my name, she knows my name, hnffffffffffffff...

You misspelled abbot

Have you tried staring into her eyes and shouting your feelings directly into her face? That might help her feel less intimidated.

A tiny celebration today - I’ve made an investment in an expression of my passions. After crafting a pair of retro cufflinks and enjoying the result, I now have custom-crafted enamel lapel pins for all my favorite blazers. These celebrate my favorite record labels, artists, and general audiophilia and are a wonderful finishing touch for my eclectic style.

It's a good day.

https://i.imgur.com/YV4a11qh.jpg

Those jackets remind me of several couches in my house during the 90s. I say this partially as a compliment cause tasteful suits are generally a personality toilet.

#justrichpeoplethings

Man I'm pretty sure those were second-hand 80s couches.

.

I’m sitting on a second hand 80’s couch right now.

#batprivilage

It probably came with the trailer too.

It's getting colder and colder up here at my university. Winter's gonna be a bitch as we get the highest snowfall out of any SUNY colleges.

Number of people I know who have died in a fire: 0

Number of people I know who dismantled their smoke detector after the first time it went off for no reason: ? but like pretty much everyone

#wiresdanglingwheresmokedetectorwas
#neverhadafireandneverwill

I wonder who were the chumps who invested early in carbon monoxide detectors. I can't even be sure I've actually seen one.

Apparently, not the parents of "Weird Al" Yankovic.

I died in a fire once.

Holy crap. TIL!

I've set myself on fire several times

I used to do jackass shit back in high school too.

PRO TIP: Rubber cement is flammable as fuck.

Last time's the charm.

Richard Pryor Syndrome

Best of La Jolla - La Jolla Light

#proudpappa

How much did La Jolla cost?

today was rough waking up but i managed to get to the gas station and buy large NOS energy drink for the two classes i have( 3 hours each :o: ) computer class was alittle difficult but i keep comparing it to programming in python and its easier so that helps me slow down and realize what i need to do and do it. bought a smart water at my 2nd class, which is off campus, but on campus still...sort of weird but i have to drive there.

now im going to eat my frozen pizza thats amazing, then one gala apple and one honeycrisp apple each hour after that :) ill prolly just get hungry and get a most of them but they cost alot so i gotta be careful of them.

my grades been great too

A banana spider I’d been keeping an eye on all summer has finally died. She had a great location between two structures in an alley but out of the way of any possible human foot traffic. Usually she was just sitting there but sometimes she was working on her web or wrapping up a fly or some other snack. She laid some eggs and at one point had around a half dozen spiderlings crawling around with her. I read on wiki that the siblings cannibalize each other. I would have loved to seen it but sure enough there’s only one left. Anyway, I noticed that mama was holding on at an awkward angle and thought well she looks like she’s about to give up the ghost. A couple days of that and now she’s gone. I figure a lot of her biomass came out of my paycheck since the flies she ate probably fed on my dog’s feces.

*bad

the spider web outside my window got messed up in the heavy rain we had, he really did a doozie on the structure too. cant wait to watch him built it again :o:

#hawkgivingback

Send em nudes

lmao <3

it burnt the top of my mouth :p: i should have waited like 2 mins or so :o:

Why are you fighting the urge? How many times in your life will you be given the chance? If you're not secure in your trolling abilities then ask us for advice and we will fuckery for you. I guarantee we'll be into it.

Say yes, then in 20 minutes go through a long and tedious text exchange trying to locate him.

Quick story. Once worked with a guy who thought it would be a good idea to slab peanut butter on a couple slices of bread and then put them PB side up in a toaster oven......

Dude ended up in the emergency room with 2nd degree burns to the roof of his mouth.

What a story :cool:

Jason Statham to play Chules, Jack Black to play Peanut Butter Guy.