I thought you go to the gym anyway?

I do, but still. It's like most girls worst nightmare. Getting pure fat, not just gaining weight.

But you have the advantage over most girls if you already go the gym, you already have the motivation to be at the gym, so an extra few minutes cardio if you need it isnt going to be so much of a hurdle for you to get over compared to someone who never goes ever.

As long as you eat sensibly if you do start to eat more you shouldnt put on too much weight anyway.

yes

not packs

Got entirely too drunk...and just got home from the hospital.

I kept calling the nurse a "fucking idiot" because I told her over and over not to use my right arm for anything...because I have rolling veins in that arm. So now I have epic bruises on that arm from her futile attempts to prove me wrong.

Also, I don't give a **** if you believe in ghosts or not, but I was haunted by Catholic nuns the entire time I was at the hospital. At one point, there were three in my room, just looking at me. At another, there was just one, but she was right in the corner of my room, and I screamed for nurses and doctors, and she was still there when they came in, but they didn't see her...

Although they said that people had mentioned seeing ghost nuns before. And they were really weird and kept checking my blood pressure and all sorts of stuff after that...when I checked out, they said the nuns are usually seen by people who die in the hospital. So, that was "comforting".

Apparently, I ruptured my esophagus and was vomiting straight blood. My shirt I was wearing when I went into the hospital is covered in blood. Kind of traumatic.

As such, I'm probably not drinking for a while. I'm still weirded out by the ghost nuns. Going to have to write a song or play or something.

Omg, that's horrible. Hope you feel better. It can never be nice spewing blood :(.

goodness! hope you're feeling better

My plan for quitting smoking totally capitulated today, I'm now back on the tobacco with a palpable sense of failure hanging over my head.

And that ghost nuns thing sounds fucked up, were you being pumped full of drugs at the time? Your weakened state may have played a part too? Of course, I don't want to judge your experience, sounds scary as hell regardless.

When I was in hospital overnight, I could see somebody sitting in the chair next to my bed out of the corner of my eye, but I was too weak to properly focus on them. I just assumed it was my mum... until she walked in about an hour later. There was nobody in the chair. There are various factors that could explain this though, as far as I'm concerned.

Aww stu! Try and try again! You'll get there eventually. :(

I'm going to try again when I actually feel ready, it's a bit of a cop out thing to say but I'm only 23, so I'm not going to force myself into it.

How's your attempts going?