So, the other day when I went to the doc I weighed 147 pounds fully clothed and with shoes on. Last time I went I was 168. I got needles in both arms on Monday and I still have pretty nasty bruises in both places (never happened before). I've always been a clean your plate kinda guy when it comes to food. Lately I've been tossing away about a third of anything I order or make.

WTF is going on with my body???

No bull****, have they checked you for cancer yet?

They're in the process of checking for any form of plumbing cancer right now. I have a CAT scan, colonoscopy, endoscopy, and some other **** all scheduled this month. My doc told me I looked like **** the other day. (we've been together for over a decade). I told him he's gotten fat and grey.

Seriously, kinda scary right now. I've lost all of my muscle mass.

Dude don't worry it's prolly just Crones or IBS :D
I hope it's not cancer tho.

If it's IBS I'll blame it all on you. Life was pretty good before October 2014.

D&d got canceled tonight because the DM is depressed. Mega lame.

I didn't know it was this serious, i really hope you get better Chula. Stay strong.

**** Chula, didn't read back. Thoughts are with ya homie. You'll make it.

The oracle has not hexed you.......for now.

So you can't hold down food, have lost hella weight, and it's almost certainly something to do with your digestive system? It's pretty rare, but my mom had something (I can never remember the name, sorry) that had those effects, and she was below 100 pounds by the time it was figured out what she had and got surgery for it.

It was basically that she had an artery out of place that was putting pressure on her stomach, making it nearly impossible to eat solid food. She literally survived almost exclusively on protein shakes and ice cream for over a year, and when she did eat real food, she'd be sick and able to taste what she'd eaten for days afterward. Like I said, it's rare, but it may also be under reported since doctors often assume that the patient is just anorexic.

Not saying it's what you have, but just a little food for thought if the docs can't figure out what's wrong.

Okay, so there is a bat in my house right now. Like we were just eating dinner and it came flying at us. Then it circled around for a while and disappeared. We think it's still here but it might not be. I'm cowering in fear, having made sure all the doors and windows to the room where I am are closed.

(Might also be a bird. Dunno, still terrifying)

We can't find it. Literally we're just watching TV but we know the bat/bird/whatever is probably in the house somewhere.

Man up dude its a bat.

Jeez, we freak if there's a fly doing aerial shows inside the house.

A bat? If you don't catch it, you gonna be able to sleep tonight?

God was reading Steven King on day six.

http://images.nationalgeographic.com...05_600x450.jpg

Don't go to bed. I'll molest your five toes. Seriously.

Even my bug fearing ass thinks you're a pussy.

True story. Me and Lin are watching TV one day and this little fly starts buzzing about. And then there's 3 of them. And then there's 10 of them. And then there's hundreds of them. It was like Amityville!

A fly must have nested and laid eggs and they all hatched at once. The next 30 minutes was like a Lucille Ball sketch. Me and Lin, towels in hand, swatting baby flies while climbing over furniture and falling all over ****.

Luckily we'd both done acid in our pasts so we were prepared for the insane/ridiculous battle that ensued.

Using acid to confuse the flies. Good move.

See if you can give the bat some LSD, Josef.

Whoa, just like the beginning of A Scanner Darkly!
Nah, we got it out. Too late now.

Was there a reasonable explanation for this? (i.e. stuff that I could think of if I weren't drunk off my ass?)

Not really.

tHEN **** YOU THICK HOLY **** i'M HIGH.

Lightweight.

Wait...y'all are seriously scared of a bat and flies?? W...t...f... What would y'all do if ya woke up and this f*cker was chilling near/on you/your bed/your stuff?
http://i.imgur.com/KJ5wAL0.jpg

It's because you stay up all night fighting crime.

I would not be living in ****ing Texas is what I'd be doing.

So I'm quitting my job and becoming a full time pot-dealer, I'm so excited I can finally write on my resume entrepreneur. I've got the dankest in my whole hood.

So to put a cherry on top of my sh*tty vacation with my family that just occurred, my body decided Friday night to get food poisoning. I haven't eaten anything besides half a piece of toast since I ate that poison infested meatball sandwich Friday night. I was lethargic all day yesterday and fell asleep at 8 o'clock because I was up all night Saturday morning puking my brains out. The last batch of bile vomits literally left all my extremities numb. I literally couldn't move my fingers for five minutes. I've never puked that hard.

I'm better today but since I fell asleep so early last night I'm up at 6:30 in the morning deleting spam for you f*ckers. I'm the hero you deserve.

I had that once. Turned out a mouse had crawled under my fridge to die. Had any increasingly offensive odours lately?

Smoked a bowl last night. Thought I'd left my bowl outside. I didn't. At least not where it'd make any sense to have left it. Not in my room. At least not where it'd make any sense to have put it.

Where the **** is my bowl?

Do you guzzle a glass of water right before you vomit? As soon as I know it's inevitable I chug as much cold water down as I can. That way there's no dry heaves and my tummy gets nice and rinsed out.

And then sip Gatorade to avoid being dehydrated.

It was quite a few years ago so I don't remember.

I'll try that next time this happens. It's happened twice this year. My stomach is weak but I didn't realize it was THIS weak. Yeah, I bought three gatorades to avoid getting dehydrated but since I couldn't eat, I got a serious case of the ol' sour stomach cause all that was in there was a sugary mix of water and gatorade.

Yesterday wasn't fun. I'm better now though. I'm never getting up this early again. I spent almost an hour deleting spam and banning assh*les.

It was almost 10 when you made this post.

I meant when I originally got up, which I disclosed five posts earlier.

You f*cking moron.

Yeah but that was tl;dr.

Seriously, where is my bowl?

How many places could it be for cripes sake. Retrace your steps man.

That's what's ****ing with me. I know where I left it last night, but then when I went back for it it just wasn't there.