This Week in God (quote)

dog · 08-01-2005, 07:11 AM

yea me no believey in jebus or anything for that matter. i thnk that when we die, we're dead and thats all, no spirits, no nada.

Trauma · 08-01-2005, 01:09 PM

"All religions make me want to throw up...free for a fee"

my take on it is....

Religions aren't that great...they're just crutches for idle humans to lean on through hard times in life..and unknowingly these religious affiliates are just further dividing mankind into seperate categories.

Technically I'm Serbian Greek Orthodox, but I don't stress it because religion is one of the main causes of war.

Fenixpunk · 08-01-2005, 01:14 PM

The new nun goes to her first confession.
She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

****

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while.
When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, he thought for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view.

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

God said this was not good.
So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that e-mail said?

Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.

Fenixpunk · 08-01-2005, 01:18 PM

Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle.

His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he
acts.

She said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to
just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a
letter to Jesus and pray for one instead."

After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat
down to write a letter to Jesus.

Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new
bicycle.
Your Friend, Johnny

Now Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a rat), so
he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.

Dear Jesus, I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.
Yours truly, Johnny

Well, Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried
again.

Dear Jesus, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a
bicycle?
Johnny

Well Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his
mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of
almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and
went running out of the house.

He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his
parents and really considered his actions.

He finally found himself in front of a Catholic church. Johnny went
inside and knelt down, looking around, not knowing what he should really
do.

Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at
all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary
and ran out the door.

He went home, hid the statue under his bed and wrote this letter:

Jesus, I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a
bike.

adidasss · 08-01-2005, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenixpunk

Jesus, I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a
bike.

bobinatcat · 08-01-2005, 07:06 PM

hehe nice

bobinatcat · 08-01-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adidasss

erm....isn't this one of those random only-americans-find-it-funny-jokes like:why did the chicken cross the road?because the calculator was on the chair.
either way i don't get why it would be funny or offensive.....or am i just stupid and i dun git it?

i feel exactly the same...

Spike*Spiegel · 08-02-2005, 12:34 AM

makes you smile doesnt

Darkness · 08-02-2005, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ledzeppelinrulz

yea me no believey in jebus or anything for that matter. i thnk that when we die, we're dead and thats all, no spirits, no nada.

I agree with you on that. If we die, we become a rock with no emotions or any of that stuff. Or at least that's what i think.

tdoc210 · 08-02-2005, 10:29 AM

im agnostic

08-01-2005, 07:11 AM	#21 (permalink)
dog this bird has flown Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: paris,texas Posts: 860	yea me no believey in jebus or anything for that matter. i thnk that when we die, we're dead and thats all, no spirits, no nada. __________________ formerly ledzeppelinrulz. http://theraffinkids.bandcamp.com/ music^

08-01-2005, 01:09 PM	#22 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	"All religions make me want to throw up...free for a fee" my take on it is.... Religions aren't that great...they're just crutches for idle humans to lean on through hard times in life..and unknowingly these religious affiliates are just further dividing mankind into seperate categories. Technically I'm Serbian Greek Orthodox, but I don't stress it because religion is one of the main causes of war. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

08-01-2005, 01:14 PM	#23 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar." **** One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, he thought for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good." God said this was not good. So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that e-mail said? Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

08-01-2005, 01:18 PM	#24 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus. Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your Friend, Johnny Now Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a rat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try. Dear Jesus, I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Yours truly, Johnny Well, Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again. Dear Jesus, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle? Johnny Well Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running out of the house. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic church. Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around, not knowing what he should really do. Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary and ran out the door. He went home, hid the statue under his bed and wrote this letter: Jesus, I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike. __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

08-01-2005, 07:06 PM	#26 (permalink)
bobinatcat spak-tenguin Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 74	hehe nice __________________ recently listened to: http://imagegen.last.fm/tracks/recen...bobinatcat.gif

08-02-2005, 12:34 AM	#28 (permalink)
Spike*Spiegel Five Feet of Fury Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: suburbanite Posts: 761	makes you smile doesnt Attached Thumbnails

08-02-2005, 10:29 AM	#30 (permalink)
tdoc210 ashes against the grain Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: new hampsha Posts: 2,617	im agnostic __________________ We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.