Cheating...
 

So like, I have regular sex with my close friend. This has been going on since we were like 3-5 years old. But she has a boyfriend now. She's had this boyfriend for about 8-10 months now, but we've been having sex on the regular in the last few months. So like, she's basically cheating on her boyfriend? She claims she loves him and that it's just sex for us. But it feels wrong considering I've met the guy like a million times. I mean, I wanna hear your opinions. What do you think of this scenario? Should I tell her that I love her? Or would that ruin our friendship and is not worth asking. Should I just keep ****ing her or should I start attempting to start a relationship somehow? I mean, I dunno at this point. I just want a wide range of advice to help me decide what I should do, because I'm lost at the moment. I've asked Mord and he said she was using me and DWV said...well I'm not entirely sure what he said.

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Not "basically". She is straight up cheating on him.

Sex is never "just sex". See Mord's post above.

It is.

If you love her, tell her.

The friendship is going to be ruined eventually, regardless. If you love her, the friendship must die. It must either die as a seed does, to blossom into something greater that still contains the essence of the friendship, or else it must die altogether, that you might have liberty of heart to love elsewhere.


If you love her, go after her. If she refuses that love, then do as a man must: cut her off. Continuing to do as you are doing will not only hurt you in the end, but it continues to weaken and worsen her character. So long as she is keeping you "on the side"--make no mistake, this is what she is doing--she cannot love the man she claims she does.

Listen to Mord. Honestly. When you want to do something well, go to someone who has done that thing well and get advice.

Assuming this isn't a wind up, mate you are nuts if you do that.

****, you guy's are right.

That is legit what I'm worried about. If i tell her then it could ruin our friendship altogether. What would you recommend in this situation?

Just stop talking to her and leave her to it.

Easier said than done. The sex is great and even without that, she's one of my best friends. It's not even an option to just stop talking to her.

Course it is mate, delete number, remove from social media and get on with your life.

If you are telling the truth then this is a messy situation.

****.

U ok hun?

no, feeling really stressed out that i might lose a friend over this. I meet her next on saturday and im being told I need to confront her or leave her. It's a ****ing hard decision man and I don't know know what she's gunna say.

This is definitely not a wind up then?

Staying 'friends' isn't going to work from what you're saying and nor is entering a relationship (in my opinion), so I would nip it in the bud now and move on.

I mean you can do what you want, but I'd stop now if it were me.

Hey Vi, talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. You'd be surprised how easy it is to solve situations like this with a serious conversation. Before you cut a good friend oit of your life, be upfront with her and try to work things out.

Ride it til the wheels fall off then deal with the aftermath later. I would be wary of getting into a relationship with her if I was you. If it is so easy for her to cheat on her current relationship. What makes you think she would do that to you down the road?

so are threesomes an option or are we past that

If the bf finds out he has been cheated on this whole timr. I doubt threesome is even an option on the table.

sharing is caring

I think this is a perfect example of how poorly some people understand and treat sexuality. It would be great if the dude could handle an open relationship like that but people tend to be insecure. If you've ever had a lot of female friends you notice they always disappear when they get married because the dude doesn't want her hanging out and I think that's sad and a sad way to handle relationships. You might be the reason for that though.

Regardless, she might just be polyamorous.

How you handle it is up to you. Remember that she's playing with somebody's heart here and that's not something to **** around with. The potential to destroy somebody and you never know how they may react. It's a dangerous game. At the same time her relationship is going to fail because she is lying to him. You'll be cutting ties with a close friend for a doomed relationship. In your heart you know what you want though and I can't tell another person how to act on their heart. One thing for sure though is that the current situation can't continue with out serious consequences.

Could be, you don't know she's not polyamorous.

You're going to hell for fornication and adultery.

3YO Monkey: Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it, bitch.

3YO Girl: I like coloring!!!

Yeah tbh there's no saving the friendship, and you're equally guilty in this situation - knowingly ****ing someone with a bf is pretty ****ty. I also agree with elph that this is not a polyam situation, if it were that would have been communicated between all parties. I have a feeling you already know all this though violet and you're just looking for validation/legitimization for continuing ****ing her. And ffs don't tell her you love her unless you really do.

No, I'm saying that maybe she's polyamorous and doesn't know it.

Eh, not an excuse for cheating at any rate.

Nope. Why I know that relationship will fail.

I'm not going to pretend I've got the answer, but whatever you do, throwing out a lifelong friend seems like the worst course of action.

Maybe you two shouldn't be doing this when she's in a relationship. That's not hard to see. Why not just bring that up with her? Tell her you feel that it's wrong and hear her side of it. Chances are she will agree. It might cause short term tensions between you, but if she's really a good friend, it wont likely kill off your friendship forever.

Yes because everyone that cheats is poly. Lol

Right, and everyone who's polyam cheats lol. Polyamory is an agreement and commitment to relationship dynamics, not necessarily an orientation.

Exactly, it seems like Lucem thinks it's an orientation.

You don't think that do you Lucem?

I've never heard it not used that way... You can be poly and in a monogomous relationship, probably won't be happy, but I know a couple that ran into that issue. It's a relationship orientation ?? (for lack of a better description). What else do you call somebody who doesn't cheat (on their partners behalf), but has a desire to be with or fall in love with other people?

Found this with a quick google search, and it describes pretty well my understanding of the modern usage:

Knowledge and consent of everyone is the key part.

She might be happy being in a polyamorous relationship but all parties would have to agree to it ahead of time.

If polyamory is people that love multiple people rather than one, then yes it kind of fits in that area. Maybe that concept is new to her and she really never realized that love doesn't have to be monogamous like we're taught all our lives. Is that really a controversial way of thinking about it or do you people think I'm justifying her cheating or what?

So you two were involved before her current relationship? How did you feel about her meeting someone else?

Her grandma lived next door to me, so she'd visit every weekend. I don't really know exactly how young we were when it started, but it was pretty damn young. I'll take people's advice and end what we're doing.

20.

You're young. If it turns out badly for you, the two of you will probably reconcile by the time you're thirty.

Agreed.