The Batlord

If I thought I had a chance at immortality I wouldn't be so happy to kill myself with booze and cigarettes. If I thought I did I'd sacrifice whomever I had to to whatever god asked.

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jwb

Nah

I'm not eager to die but I'm a hopeless hedonist like you

I don't smoke cause I want to die, neither do you

There are much easier ways to go

The Batlord

It's not the reason I smoke but if I thought I had an eternity to live I'd probably give a hard think to quitting. And I do in fact get a childish, nihilistic kick out of intentionally imbibing death. Like a **** you to a society that tells me I should value life for no other reason than mindless survival instinct.

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jwb

In that case it's a petty rebellion. It's muttering"**** you" to your mom under your breath.

Yet you confirm their incentive structure in every other way in a day to day basis.

This is the thing I don't really understand about you. Nothing to live for yet risk aversive. The **** is there to lose?

jwb

You must value being alive though no? It's easy to day you're OK with death. I think I'm reasonably OK with it. But I still feel I get something out of life otherwise I wouldn't be here.

jwb

What's so scary about it other than dying?

The Batlord

Not being terrified.

Bro, I've been alive and suffering all this time, watching the world roil and boil every single day, trying to figure out how and if any of it means anything to me, and you're telling me I don't even get to see how it works out? **** you. I want to see how global warming turns out. I want to know if we ever get out of the solar system. I want to see if Israel nukes Iran first or vice versa. I've invested a lot of ****ing time thinking about this **** and I deserve to have my curiosity sated. I can always take a leap off a cliff if life ever gets too real but I'd still like the option of not dying.

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jwb

same question as to elph.. scared of what



sounds to me like you get something out of observing the world

I can completely relate to that btw

That's why I prefer life to non life

jwb

It's not a big commitment cause as soon as it happens you're dead thus there's nobody to continue to be committed. It's just lights out for you.

The Batlord

Bro, sometimes I turn a five second interaction into a thirty second explanation of the weird thing I just said because I was seized by paranoia and tried to figure out seven ways of saying something innocuous at the same time I was trying to say it. There have been times where I was unemployed and didn't leave the house for days, weeks at a time, and didn't have any meaningful social interactions with anyone for months other than a small handful of people who are just sort of in my life, and when I did leave the house it became the most terrifying thing in the world to manage eye contact: making eye contact, keeping eye contact without staring, choosing whether or not this person passing me by required an instant of eye contact or if it would be reasonable to pretend they didn't exist, and of course making eye contact that wasn't just weird. And while you're doing that of course your walking goes right out the window so you gotta make sure you're not walking like a weirdo while not creeping people out with eye contact.

Basically everything scares me.

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