The Relationship Thread

~~jwb~~ · 11-26-2020, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Cause they want you to commiserate them with to show that you're on their side. Being talked at just makes you feel isolated.

yeah I get that it's just not my intuitive response

I do try to regulate that irl but that's part of why so many irl convos are boring and pointless to me. It's like performative half the time.

**Frownland** · 11-26-2020, 10:41 AM

Duh, dicks don't grow in a vacuum (that rips them off, trust me on this one).

~~Cuthbert~~ · 11-26-2020, 12:38 PM

I try to offer help to my female friends.

EDIT - And male ones.

The Batlord · 11-26-2020, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cuthbert

I try to offer help to my female friends.

EDIT - And male ones.

Nice try, simp.

**Marie Monday** · 11-26-2020, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elphenor

to suggest that some things require more immediate attention than relationships?

oh no I agree with that of course. I meant judging people by how interesting their life is (as in whether they have an interesting job/are successful)

The Batlord · 11-26-2020, 05:53 PM

I think she's conveniently forgetting my great advice not to buy a house with her ex.

The Batlord · 11-26-2020, 08:32 PM

Lucey Ferre?

WWWP · 11-29-2020, 03:47 AM

LOL at all of it

goldendoodle · 12-12-2020, 03:26 PM

(Just to preface, I'm not asking for advice, just venting. Though if anyone has similar experiences to share please do.) Well. Just had to end a friendship. It was mutual of course. It was with the one that could not endure me wanting to be with someone other than him. He actually said that I should simply not be with anyone and wait until feelings for him magically appeared again + wait for him to deal with his mental issues even though that was not the reason for my lack of romantic feelings for him anyway. He has sent me all sorts of long messages making me feel like I am crazy and delusional merely for wanting to finally attempt being in a relationship with someone again (simply because it isn't him). On so many occasions in the past he made me feel broken for feeling as though I may be asexual/gay/too traumatized to be physical with anyone for the foreseeable future-- making me feel cruel, unreasonable, withholding, as though I belonged to him. And now he is making me feel, again, crazy and unreasonable for merely living my life and doing what feels right for me (as opposed to ignoring my gut instincts as I've done before) He cannot understand that feelings/people can change and evolve. I have told him over and over that his long-term untreated depression (coupled with isolation and a somewhat chaotic living environment) has warped his mind; he sees everything in such a black and white, negative and distorted way.

He denies it, but he wishes I had remained in that broken, grief-stricken, hypomanic state (totally detached from my actual self-- I was gone) because that's how I was when he met me. He does not understand that I can have a connection with someone/love for someone without wanting to be with them romantically forever. He does not see how he has driven me away and pretty much ensured that I would not be able to have any sort of relationship/friendship with him again, as he views me as his due to the fact that we are/were ""soulmates"" in his eyes. He won't directly admit the latter, but it's true. He was so condescending in some of his messages. Talking to me as though I am a dumb, drooling baby who has zero self-awareness. I would type out a long, thoughtful reply, and he would respond by stating I was simply wrong about my own feelings and needs. All because they did not involve him being at the center/did not make sense to him, personally. "Make it make sense," he kept saying over and over.

Oh, and of course, he did say that he would "probably" kill himself. When I would remind him of how emotionally manipulative he was being (just in general) he'd insist that he wasn't. He also has been alternating between dramatically announcing he would "disappear" only to text me 2 days later insisting that I talk on the phone with him to help with his anxiety attack. That same night he demanded I "help him understand" by explaining why I am with the current boyfriend.. I told him that I am not on trial here, but as always, I replied anyway, which once again resulted in him sending me a bunch of messages about how wrong and terrible I am, essentially. He is somehow the victim. I committed the great crime of not feeling the way he wants me to feel about him. I am just in denial or something, he thinks. He has no idea how he sounds.

Love being reminded of the fact that my friendship alone is worthless to people like this. How quickly they reveal their true colors the second I enforce any sort of boundary or protect myself in any way. All because it conflicts with whatever narrative they have about me/us.

**Marie Monday** · 12-12-2020, 03:38 PM

goddamn, I'm so sorry you had to endure all that gaslighting ****, I hope breaking off the friendship brings some relief. It must have been a very difficult thing to do.

11-26-2020, 10:41 AM	#2 (permalink)
Frownland SOPHIE FOREVER Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: East of the Southern North American West Posts: 35,541	Duh, dicks don't grow in a vacuum (that rips them off, trust me on this one). __________________ Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. d e a f b o x

12-12-2020, 03:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
goldendoodle god's favorite clown Join Date: Oct 2019 Posts: 139	(Just to preface, I'm not asking for advice, just venting. Though if anyone has similar experiences to share please do.) Well. Just had to end a friendship. It was mutual of course. It was with the one that could not endure me wanting to be with someone other than him. He actually said that I should simply not be with anyone and wait until feelings for him magically appeared again + wait for him to deal with his mental issues even though that was not the reason for my lack of romantic feelings for him anyway. He has sent me all sorts of long messages making me feel like I am crazy and delusional merely for wanting to finally attempt being in a relationship with someone again (simply because it isn't him). On so many occasions in the past he made me feel broken for feeling as though I may be asexual/gay/too traumatized to be physical with anyone for the foreseeable future-- making me feel cruel, unreasonable, withholding, as though I belonged to him. And now he is making me feel, again, crazy and unreasonable for merely living my life and doing what feels right for me (as opposed to ignoring my gut instincts as I've done before) He cannot understand that feelings/people can change and evolve. I have told him over and over that his long-term untreated depression (coupled with isolation and a somewhat chaotic living environment) has warped his mind; he sees everything in such a black and white, negative and distorted way. He denies it, but he wishes I had remained in that broken, grief-stricken, hypomanic state (totally detached from my actual self-- I was gone) because that's how I was when he met me. He does not understand that I can have a connection with someone/love for someone without wanting to be with them romantically forever. He does not see how he has driven me away and pretty much ensured that I would not be able to have any sort of relationship/friendship with him again, as he views me as his due to the fact that we are/were ""soulmates"" in his eyes. He won't directly admit the latter, but it's true. He was so condescending in some of his messages. Talking to me as though I am a dumb, drooling baby who has zero self-awareness. I would type out a long, thoughtful reply, and he would respond by stating I was simply wrong about my own feelings and needs. All because they did not involve him being at the center/did not make sense to him, personally. "Make it make sense," he kept saying over and over. Oh, and of course, he did say that he would "probably" kill himself. When I would remind him of how emotionally manipulative he was being (just in general) he'd insist that he wasn't. He also has been alternating between dramatically announcing he would "disappear" only to text me 2 days later insisting that I talk on the phone with him to help with his anxiety attack. That same night he demanded I "help him understand" by explaining why I am with the current boyfriend.. I told him that I am not on trial here, but as always, I replied anyway, which once again resulted in him sending me a bunch of messages about how wrong and terrible I am, essentially. He is somehow the victim. I committed the great crime of not feeling the way he wants me to feel about him. I am just in denial or something, he thinks. He has no idea how he sounds. Love being reminded of the fact that my friendship alone is worthless to people like this. How quickly they reveal their true colors the second I enforce any sort of boundary or protect myself in any way. All because it conflicts with whatever narrative they have about me/us. __________________ formerly Chiomara

11-26-2020, 12:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~Cuthbert~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: The Black Country Posts: 8,827	I try to offer help to my female friends. EDIT - And male ones.