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I was never the biggest fan of Cheers, but when it eventually ended and the word went out that there was to be a spinoff series, like most people I expected it to be about Sam and/or Diane, maybe Norm. Hell, even Cliff could pull that off! But when I heard it was to be the quiet, occasional character of psychiatrist and sometime husband of Diane, Frasier Crane, who was to get his own series, well, I scoffed. I did. I scoffed and then I scoffed some more. Nothing quite as ludicrous perhaps as Cleveland getting his own show decades later, but it was to me a strange decision.

Shows what I know! After thirty-seven Emmy Awards during its eleven year run, Frasier has become one of the "50 greatest TV shows ever" as listed by TV Guide, and is on record as being the most successful spin-off comedy ever in the history of television. Already a minor star, the show made a household name and superstar out of its title actor, Kelsey Grammer, and his supporting cast in the show, most notably his father, played by John Mahoney and his brother, played by David Hyde Pierce. Frasier would later semi-reprise his role on "The Simpsons" as evil criminal mastermind Sideshow Bob, with his fellow actor appearing in two episodes as ... his brother.

Many people don't "get" Frasier, and while I can understand this from one point of view, it makes no sense from another. Certainly a more highbrow comedy show, Frasier eschews, in general, the pratfalls, bad language, sex and zany situations that characterise many other comedies, though at times it does descend into basic French farce. Frasier was always more concerned with the relationship between its characters --- that of Frasier with his father, Niles, his brother, with their live-in nurse Daphne, and, er, Martin's relationship with Eddie, his dog. It was in many ways a gentle comedy: nothing too abrasive or acerbic about it, but not on the lines of shows like "Last of the summer wine" or "Open all hours". Frasier tackled a lot of society's problems: he was, after all, a psychiatrist and also a radio show host, and many of these ended up hitting close to home for the characters, as they realised that their own problems mirrored those of the ones they were trying to give advice to.

A lynchpin of the earlier seasons is Niles' pursuit of Daphne, a courtship that began awkwardly and continued for several seasons, until he finally managed to marry her. But unlike many shows where when the will-they-won't-they is resolved things go downhill, Frasier the show never really lost that spark and right up to the end there was a chemistry between the characters. Truth to tell, and not unpredictably, Niles was to find that marriage to his "goddess", once the only thing occupying his waking, or sleeping, mind, was in reality not always as heavenly as he would have expected it to be.

So, then, the characters, which really didn't change much if at all from season to season:

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Frasier Crane, played by Kelsey Grammer.
A psychiatrist coming off the back of a bad marriage, Frasier leaves Boston (where Cheers was set) and comes to Seattle, where he decides that instead of setting up private practice he will do what he can to help people by hosting a radio talk show in which the callers can phone in and he will give them advice and try to help them. Of course, it doesn't always work out how he had intended.

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Martin Crane, played by John Mahoney.
When Frasier moves to Seattle his father is living alone, having been shot in the leg and had to retire from the police force, but his other son Niles is concerned that he cannot look after himself, so after some to-ing and fro-ing Martin comes to live with Frasier. The first season is replete with their attempts to make the best of a bad thing and try to live with each other in as much harmony as possible, which in the early stages is, well, not much.

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Niles Crane, played by David Hyde Pierce
Niles is Frasier's younger brother, and fastidious to a fault, almost neurotic in fact. He will automatically brush a chair before he sits in it, if it's in a public place, has very strict guidelines about what he can eat (he's allergic to much) and a habit of falling for domineering women, most of whom end up trying to ruin him. His life gets even more complicated the day he comes over to see the woman his brother has hired to look after their father, live-in British nurse Daphne, and falls immediately in love with her.

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Daphne Moon, played by Jane Leeves
Originally from Manchester, Daphne brings the "zany humour of the British" --- huh? Shows how much the writers knew about the Brits! --- to the show, when she is hired to look after Martin, and almost instantly becomes the love interest and romantic goal of Frasier's brother, Niles. Daphne of course, as you might expect with two men in the apartment --- neither of which get totally on with the other --- becomes a sort of mother figure, knocking heads together when they need to be knocked, and consoling and sympathising when that is what is required.

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Roz Doyle, played by Peri Gilpin.
Almost diametrically opposed in temperament to Daphne, Roz is an outgoing, carefree manhunter who is employed by the station as Frasier's producer on his show, but the two soon become fast friends. However, the worlds they live in are so far apart that the one becomes a great foil for the other, Roz usually serving to show Frasier how pompous he appears to outsiders. She forms a loose alliance with Martin, as Frasier's father is nothing like him and he takes to her immediately. While Frasier drinks only the finest sherries, Martin prefers a beer, and when his two sons order fancy coffees like lattes and capunccinos with silly names in their favourite coffee house, Martin is fond of reminding people "I'm a regular Joe and I like my Joe regular!"

There are other characters who are introduced later, some of whom remain through seasons, some of whom don't. As with my other writeups I will introduce these as they come into the storylines.

Although Frasier is, or can be seen as, a highbrow comedy for the intelligentsia, it is not above poking fun at such elitist ideals. Frasier's innate pomposity and arrogance are more often than not punctured by a wry remark from Daphne or a sharp look from Roz, or indeed something Martin comments upon when he remembers what they were like as children. Even Eddie, the dog who initially starts off as, and mostly remains, the bane of Frasier's life and a constant stain on his expensive carpets and furnishings, can bring the snobby shrink down to earth.

Whenever in the company of anyone of "quality" or learning, Frasier will always make sure to shoehorn in a reference to his education at Harvard, and despite being very well off indeed, he will not baulk at haggling over the price of things, often to a quite ridiculous level. He could talk about himself for hours, and often his perceived superiority will land him in trouble with, you guessed it, hilarious results.

Frasier ran for eleven years and eleven seasons, from 1993 to 2004, and when the final episode was screened Kelsey Grammer reached the momentous milestone of becoming the longest-running character on primetime TV, and was also at one point the highest paid actor on American television. Not bad for a bit-part actor in a comedy show!

I go back and forth on my opinion of Frasier. It can funny at times but it's also a show I'll put on if I'm dozing off because every episode is essentially the same so it doesn't really matter if I miss anything. My dad used to direct a lot of British farces for a dinner theater when I was a pre-teen and teenager and Frasier has always reminded me of them—plots almost always centered on misunderstandings and someone hiding something, lots of people going in and out of doors, lots of humorous near-misses, lots of repeated beats, lots of manners derived jokes. I can never decide if I like it because of that or if I find it dull and derivative because of a that. It's probably a little of both.

I for one LOVE the show Frasier. Along with that I agree with just about everything you said. The comedy hits me unlike many other shows and just the character dynamics are what really make me enjoy it so much more. Now I haven't seen too much of the series, mostly only in passing, but what I did see I always enjoyed immensly, so I'll probably try to track it down and watch it from beginning to end.

But yeah, thanks for taking the time to write about this!

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Season One, Episode Four (Finale)

Rosie has been released from hospital, but has of course lost her baby. She's leaving Ireland, going to Britain to get away from everything, and Darren offers to go with her, but he's a reminder of her past life and she wants to leave all that behind. She's of course devastated by the loss of her unborn child, and is a shell of the woman Darren knew only a few days before. She leaves Darren in no doubt though that she wants Stumpy to pay for what he has done. "I want him to feel pain" she tells him.

He does. Darren finds him and beats the crap out of him. When he gets back to Mary's though she's furious at him for keeping a gun in her house, where her kids could find it. She's also terrified that she could in fact lose her children if it was seen that she had allowed firearms to be kept on the premises. She tells Darren he has to leave. Nidge has to face the prospect of choosing between having Darren --- who is out of favour with the gang now for his attack on Stumpy --- or John Boy and the others at the wedding. It's no choice really: Darren is Mary's brother and she's one of the bridesmaids, so there's no way he can prevent him from coming. John Boy makes it clear that he's unhappy about it, while at the same time pretending he doesn't care, making Nidge feel that he has just insulted the gang leader, chosen Darren over him.

Nidge of course is quick to capitalise on the situation, telling Trish that he laid down the law, which really impresses her as she never thought he would stand up to the likes of John Boy and Huey. Which, of course, he didn't and wouldn't. John Boy meanwhile pays Elmo to kill Darren, but he makes a mess of it and gets shot himself. Darren now knows the gangland boss is after him. John Boy and Huey get high and as they do become more and more agitated about being excluded from the wedding. John Boy tells Huey that everything Nidge has, including Trish, he has because John Boy gave it to him. He made him, and the "Nidge Weasel" has the effrontery to ban them from the wedding! Well **** that: they're going!

Their arrival at the wedding is not welcome, which is what the two brothers had expected and the impression that they had intended, but Nidge does the only thing he can, puts a brave face on it. Talking to him, John Boy tells him it's time to choose his side. Not only did Darren go after Stumpy, but he also put Elmo in the hospital and he wants Huey dead. When Darren sees the two of them he has to restrain himself, but it's obvious something is going to happen. Trish of course is terrified trouble is going to break out, but John Boy smirks and tells her not to worry, that he wouldn't ruin her big day. She doesn't look entirely convinced.

As the night winds down and John Boy and Huey take their leave, the psycho has a few parting words, letting Mary know that while she was waiting for Tommie to bring her cigarettes he was screwing a younger girl upstairs, and Trish that her new husband was partaking of the local whores in Prague on his stag night. Trish flies into a rage, telling Nidge not to come near her and claiming her wedding has been ruined. John Boy talks to Darren, warns him he needs to get out of Ireland before he pays for a hundred hits on him, one of which will get him.

As Huey is leaving a massage parlour the next day a car comes racing at him and he legs it, thinking it's Darren come to get him, but it turns out it's just some little punk joyrider. He finally gets his comeuppance though when, messing with his gun pointing it at Elmo, having taken out all the bullets he has forgotten about the one in the chamber. Sticking the gun to his head and laughing, thinking he'll scare Elmo and his driver, he pulls the trigger and the world has one less evil psycho in it. Huey has swung his last cueball-filled sock.

Darren feels a little cheated, but is no doubt glad Huey is dead. Nidge hopes he will now bury the hatchet with John Boy, and the gang can go back to business. For the sake of Mary and the kids, Darren agrees and goes to meet John Boy at the wake. He tells him he's going to London, but receives John Boy's assurance word that Mary and her children will be okay. They part with a handshake, but as Darren walks away a car comes up the road, a shot is fired and he falls to the ground. As the car passes his prone body we see Stumpy looking out of the window. Perhaps John Boy is not as forgiving as it seemed he was. Or perhaps this is all his own doing.

QUOTES

Nidge (giving the cops at the wedding the finger): "Lazy bastards! Should be out arrestin' those wankers in the banks instead of harrassin' ordinary people!"

John Boy: "If it wasn't for me Nidge'd be gettin' married in some gaffe near the Red Cow Roundabout! They'd be havin' chips for their tea! Red Cow Roundabout for Nidge and then a caravan in Cortown for to do the dirty business with his dirtbird missus."
Huey: "Think Nidge would've got Trish if he had no money?"
John Boy: "No money? No he wouldn't! And I gave him that money! No money, no honey!"

John Boy: "Do you seriously think that you can just go on, moochin' around town after what you done?"
Darren: "Yeah well, next time I'll just stand there like a spare tool for your brother. Maybe put a big fat sign on my head so that he can't miss."
John Boy: "You can do what you want, but my advice to you is to forget about Huey."
Darren: "He killed Robbie."
John Boy: "You don't know that."
Darren: "What do I need: proof?"
John Boy: "Well he's my brother, so you can say whatever you want, but I'll tell you this: I could pay a hundred seventeen year old crackerjacks ten grand each to come and hunt you, day and night, hundred grand to the winner. You wouldn't last twenty-four hours. See, that's the kind of money I have. Now you need to get out, you need to get back to Spain, London, whatever. I hear Stumpy's missus is over there so if that's your thing..."

FAMILY
Worried about the possible trouble her fiance's mates might cause at the wedding, Trish asks Nidge not to invite them, but he says he couldn't do that. What he means, of course, is that he wouldn't dare slight his gang buddies like that. As we've seen, they're all friends but only when it suits them and they would certainly have no problem turning on Nidge if they thought they were being snubbed.

MIRROR, MIRROR
Although Nidge and Trish have a lavish wedding, you can see the signs of gangland all over it. First there's the Guards watching with interest, no doubt noting who attends and what they do. Then there's the unseemly display as the wedding party dance down the aisle in the church. I mean, dance at the reception certainly, but have a little respect for the house of God, even if you don't believe in him. What a class act!

After the "John Boy invasion" Trish sees how her husband's "work" impacts on every aspect of their lives and she hates it, however Nidge points out, in a rather more polite way than John Boy did to Huey earlier, that if it wasn't for his "work" they wouldn't have been able to afford the big lavish wedding. But are some prices too high?

FRAGMENTATION
Following on from the "Honour among thieves" section, this part will detail the breakdown and splitting of the gang, as each begins to grow more suspicious of the other, and the gang splits essentially into two factions, one loyal to John Boy and one taking Darren's side, though some will try to keep a foot in both camps. We see the first signs of that fragmentation here, when Darren goes against John Boy's orders and attacks Stumpy, whereafter he is persona non grata in the gang, though some of the others still hang with him, and John Boy takes out a contract on his life. Here too we see his growing restlessness and distrust of Nidge, whose choice of Darren over him as a wedding guest --- even though it was not a choice he could avoid --- irks him to the extent that he wonders if Nidge should even remain part of the gang?

In point of fact, the gang is beginning to split along these lines: John Boy and Huey on one side, Nidge, Darren and Tommie on the other, though Nidge will be one of those who tries to placate both sides, as indeed will Tommie.

HONOUR AMONG THIEVES?
Yeah, right, as I've said before. The only loyalty these guys have is to themselves and their pockets. When Elmo is given a chance by John Boy to make some easy money by taking out Darren, he jumps at the chance. The hit goes wrong though and Elmo ends up shot in the stomach by Darren. When he reaches in to the crashed car and takes off the balaclava, sees who's underneath it he swears "Ah, Elmo!" in the sort of tone that says, why you? Rather amazingly, perhaps a little touchingly, he calls an ambulance for Elmo, tells him he'll be all right.

ONE CUEBALL SHORT OF A FRAME (The Final Shot)
Huey's great idea for getting rid of Darren, after the Elmo hit has gone bellyup, is to strike at the wedding. He says "He won't be expectin' that! It'll be pissin' on Nidge's day but, ya know, he'll get over it." He really thinks that a hit in public at a wedding with hundreds of witnesses, not to mention a strong Garda presence, is the way to go.

Another great idea: "We should firebomb the sister's place!" That's Mary of course, and the fact that she has kids makes absolutely no impression on the little lunatic. He probably doesn't know, but if he does, he doesn't care. He's completely without any sort of moral compass or human compassion, the perfect foil for John Boy, who has these things, but ignores and treats them with contempt. He sees them as weaknesses, whereas Huey doesn't even recognise them for what they are.

When he hears that Elmo may have to wear a colostomy bag due to his wound, he cracks up and thinks it's the funniest thing he has ever heard. Unable to pass up the chance to hassle JP he heads to the garage again, demanding to know where Tommie is, but when he gets no satisfaction he pulls a gun on JP, and is both delighted and disgusted when the young guy starts crying. He stalks off, happy to have once again asserted his dominance over a far weaker person.

Fate has the last laugh though, as his belief in his own invincibility lets him down when he plays with his gun but forgets there's a bullet left in the chamber after he thinks he's emptied them all out. John Boy's brother is finally on his way to Hell, and god help the devil, is all I can say! The last words he hears as his lifeblood leaks out over the ground are the driver asking Elmo if he should call an ambulance, and Elmo, staring down at the little scumbag, snarling "No. **** him."

Very fitting too. Apart from his brother, Huey would never have met anyone who would have called him a friend. Most people lived in fear of him, and there will be few even in the gang now who will mourn his passing. Oh, publicly they'll comfort John Boy and say what a waste, what a loss, but few if any will think in their heads anything else than that the little bastard finally got what was coming to him. And when Elmo knows that swift action could maybe --- maybe -- save Huey, he remembers how he laughed at his wound, how he treated him, as he treated everyone, and decides to let him die.

I used to love Frasier. One of those comfort food sitcoms that I never really got tired of even though I'd seen just about every episode at least five times. The series finale was balls though. What purpose did Frazier choosing that random chick over Roz serve?

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Title: The odd couple
Year: 1968
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Jack Lemmon as Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau as Oscar Madison
John Fiedler as Vinnie
Herb Edelman as Murray
David Sheiner as Roy
Larry Haines as Speedy
Director: Gene Saks
Writer: Neil Simon

One of my all-time top three favourite movies, there are two words that aptly and perfectly describe why this is such a great movie: Lemmon and Matthau. One of the best double acts since Hope and Crosby, these two guaranteed --- guara-an-teed! --- an excellent film just by their mere presence. I've always loved Jack Lemmon as an actor, and while I can, in general, take or leave Walter Matthau on his own, when put together these two guys were just comedy gold. Even though neither did stupid pratfalls or necessarily said anything overtly funny, it's the chemisty between the two --- rarely seen before or since --- that truly marks them out as one of the greatest pairings of all time.

Written by Neil Simon from his play of the same name, the film was so successful that it gave birth to a whole TV series, starring Tony Randall and Jack Klugman, which I remember watching as a kid without even realising it was based on this movie.

Felix Ungar (Lemmon) arrives at a New York motel looking down and dishevelled, and requests a room. When asked for how long, he mutters "Not very long". He is in fact intending killing himself, having been thrown out of his house by his long-suffering wife. As he checks into his grotty room a woman on the other side bids him goodnight, and he tells her "Goodbye". He carefully places all his personal effects in an addressed envelope, but then in a master stoke of finding comedy in tragedy, in seeing something amusing in the attempts of a man to end a life he believes has nothing left to offer him, Simon has Lemmon try to remove his wedding ring. No matter how hard he tries it will not budge, and he eventually has to leave it on.

He puts the envelope, now sealed and we can see addressed to "My wife and loving children" on the dresser, and heads to the window, but fate again mocks him, as he cannot open it. Being a cheap, nasty motel the room's window is stuck, fused shut, and he cannot jump as he had originally intended. As he's struggling with the uncooperative window his back goes out, and he has to lie down, consider his next move. He decides to leave the hotel room and staggers downstairs and out into the street, his back giving him hell.

He wanders till he comes across a cafe where there is some sort of party going on. He enters and sits, watching the dancing girls and listening to the music. However, he is not to be allowed any respite, as as he knocks back his drink his neck goes, and in terrible pain he hobbles out of the party, back into the street along which he wanders till his tired feet bring him along the waterfront. He stares down at the river, thinking about throwing himself in, then looks up at the lights of a nearby building, recognising it as the one where his old friend, Oscar Madison lives.

The action switches to that building, where we see four guys sitting around a card table, bickering as men do when playing poker. One of them worries where Felix is: he's very late for their card game. They call in to Oscar (Matthau) who is in the kitchen, plundering the food. They ask him to call Felix, but he ignores them. He opens cans of beer and it shoots everywhere, to the chagrin of the guys. It doesn't seem to bother Oscar though: he's obviously something of a slob. Murray gets a call to tell the guys that Felix has gone missing; his wife doesn't know where he is. When Oscar rings her she tells him that they broke up, and the guys start to worry, especially when Frances, Felix's wife, told her he was going out to kill himself.

Meanwhile Felix, who has decided to go to the game after the stuck window thwarted his plans to see if there is an afterlife, gets caught in the lift doors as he exits, adding a sore arm now to his already sore neck and back. The guys, anxious to pretend they don't know anything about what has happened in order not to tip him over the edge, relax and act as if everything is fine. They try a little too hard though, almost ignoring him and making him even more miserable than he already is. Suddenly the card game is forgotten as Felix declares he does not want to play, and heads to the toilet. The guys, afraid he might kill himself while in there, rush after him and hear him crying in there. They don't know what to do.

When he comes back out of the toilet he tries to maintain the pretence but quickly breaks down. He goes to leave, and there follows a comic chase as his friends try to stop him doing anything silly. He manages to lock himself in one of the rooms, they break down the door and rush to the open window, fearing the worst. From behind the door comes the plaintive complaint "Oh! My back! My back!" and the door swings back to reveal Felix flattened against it, cartoon-style. When he then tells them that he took a whole bottle of pills they go into overdrive, trying to get the pills up, trying to keep him awake, considering phoning the ambulance for him, but he finally manages to tell them he already threw up.

When the lads leave, Oscar and Felix go for a walk, then end up in a cafe where Felix immediately starts displaying his weird little quirks. The air conditioner is too cold --- he says he never lets his wife turn theirs on in the summer, to which Oscar remarks she must love that! --- and he has an odd sinus condition that seems to affect his ears too. He starts making weird noises. I can't really describe it. It's like he's trying to clear his throat, blow his nose and suck in air all at once. Here, watch this clip:



Everyone thinks there's something wrong with him.

Felix discusses with his friend how annoying he was to live with, but Oscar invites him to move in. Felix is delighted, and says he'll be able to pitch in around the place. And indeed he does. The next week, when the guys come over for poker, it is a very different apartment they find. Everything is clean and tidy, there's cold beer --- cold! --- and coasters, and Felix is serving munchies from a hostess trolley. He's also fussing around like a housewife, telling the guys not to get marks on anything, frowning at the cigar smoking, and making special sandwiches. Oscar is slowly simmering like a stew coming to the boil. His voice is low and dead, and you can tell that he's waiting to explode. He tells Murray, who is a cop, he'll pay him two hundred dollars for his gun. When Roy realises that Felix has disinfected the cards he leaves, following Speedy, who has already lost patience with Felix's new cleaning regime.

In the course of an escalating argument about why Felix has to have everything just-so, he takes up a cup and goes to throw it against the wall. When he grins, shakes his head at his own impetuosity and puts it back, Oscar goads him into throwing it, telling him it'll make him feel better: he doesn't have to be so controlling all the time, let himself go. Eventually Felix does throw the cup, but a) it hits the wall without breaking (somehow) and b) he hurts his shoulder! Oscar tells him he's a hopeless case. They decide to go out, rather than end up killing each other.

In an attempt to break the monotony, draw Felix out of himself and get himself some, Oscar arranges a double date. However of course it doesn't go according to plan; Felix, who only agreed to the date after constant haranguing by Oscar, is ill-at-ease and not at all comfortable, and falls back on the only thing he can think of to keep the dying conversation going when his friend goes to get drinks: his failed marriage. and the two sisters spend the night consoling Felix, crying with him. When they then suggest that the boys come up to their room Oscar is delighted (especially as it's very hot up there and clothes may be an optional extra) but Felix does not want to go. As the girls were very taken with his roommate, Oscar doesn't think there's much point in his going alone.

Now there's a wall of silence between the two. Not a word is exchanged, but black looks are. Oscar does his best to spoil Felix's attempts at cleaning, making things dirty and untidy just as Felix gets them sorted, and Felix retaliates by switching off the TV programme Oscar is watching (this is in an era, remember, long before remote controls). Tempers finally snap when Oscar hurls a plate of linguini at the wall, and forbids Felix to clean it up. Their arguments turn violent and Oscar chases Felix up to the roof, then tells him to leave. Felix eventually agrees, but tells Oscar it is on his head, which despite the high-running tempers worries Oscar, considering what happened at the beginning of the movie.

Of course, he feels guilty afterwards and he and the guys go looking for his ex-roommate, but it turns out that he has taken refuge in the flat of the two sisters: he's fallen on his feet again!

Classic scenes

Oh where do I start? This movie has so many! Almost every scene is class, but to pick a few out:

"It's linguini, you fool!"
Just before their cold-treatment reaches fever pitch, Felix sits at the poker table with his dinner. Oscar, annoyed at Felix just having turned his ball game off on the TV, comes over and says "Get that spaghetti off my poker table!" Felix just sits there, laughing as if at some private joke, which makes Oscar even more angry. "What's so funny?" he demands, and Felix sniggers "That's not spaghetti: it's linguini, you fool!" Whereupon Oscar grabs the plate, takes it into the kitchen, flings it against the wall and declares "Now it's garbage!"

Sinuses
Already demonstrated in the attached YouTube, it's a hilarious scene which shows how neurotic Felix is, and how much of a pain he can be as he tries to clear his sinuses in a restaurant, while everyone looks on and wonders if there's something wrong with him. Felix, though, is so wrapped up in himself that he can't see the looks he's getting, and anyway, to him this is normal behaviour. He just doesn't even consider that it could be seen as odd.

"Not quite a perfect date"
The scene where Felix, left alone with the girls while Oscar fixes the drinks (seriously: how long can that take? It seems to be about ten minutes before he returns) desperately searching for conversational topics, takes out the pictures of his kids, leading to a sobbing session as he recalls his family, Cecily her own dead husband and Gwendolyn her failed relationship. Oscar breezes back in, expecting to see everyone chatting and laughing, and is confronted by a scene straight out of a wake!

"Poker was never meant to be played like this!"
Havign established himself at Oscar's home, Felix makes sure everyone at the card game has (and uses) coasters for their drinks, eats over the plates, and sprays air freshener around like it's going out of fashion. He also plugs in a dehumidifier, which one of the guys complains is "sucking all the air out of the room". When the guys realise though that he has washed the cards they're playing with, it's the final straw and the game breaks up.

"A triple play!"
I know, and want to know, nothing about baseball, but apparently a "triple play" is rare? When Oscar, commentating on a game (he's a sports writer) has a chance to see one, he is distracted by a totally unnecessary phone call from Felix, and can't believe that he's missed it!

"Looney Tunes"
When Felix is trying to take the vacuum cleaner into the kitchen, he leaves the cable strung out on the living room floor and tries to pull it after him. Oscar quite deliberately steps on it, stopping him. Looking in, Felix sees what he's at and loops the cable around his shoulder, ready to give it a hard tug. Just as he does, Oscar lifts his foot and the sudden release of pressure and his own momentum send Felix flying, and we hear the sounds of crashing, things breaking, things falling. With a satisfied grin on his face, Oscar walks off.

"What time do you call this?"
As they prepare for their big date, Oscar comes in late and Felix takes him to task, asking him why he is late and almost sobbing that his meatloaf wil be ruined. He's just like a wife, even complaining about "slaving over a meal" while Oscar makes some excuse about working late, which Felix triumphantly dismisses, saying he phoned the office and knows that Oscar was at the bar! Absolutely hilarious!

QUOTES
Murray: "Did you know Felix was once locked in the john overnight? He wrote out his entire will on half a roll of toilet paper!"

Murray: "Aren't you going to look at your cards first?"
Oscar: "What for? I'm gonna bluff anyway!"

Oscar: "I got ... um... brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. What do you want?"
Murray: "What's the green?"
Oscar: "It's either very new cheese or very old meat."

Oscar (on the phone to his five-year old from California): "Yeah, I got your letter honey thanks. It took three weeks! Next time, you ask mommy to give you a stamp." (Pause) "Yeah, I know honey, but you're not supposed to draw it on!"

Oscar: "You think you were impossible to live with? Blanche used to ask me when I wanted to eat. I'd say I don't know, I'm not hungry. Then three in the morning I'd wake her up and say now!"

Oscar: "Hello? Frances?"
Felix: "I'm not here. You haven't heard from me, you don't know where I am, I didn't call, you didn't see me and I'm not here. I am not here!"
Oscar: "Yes Frances, he's here."

Felix: "Where's your coaster?"
Roy: "What?"
Felix: "Your coaster. The little round thing you put your glass on."
Roy (considers): "I think I bet it."

Speedy (heading out the door in frustration, and thus breaking up the game) to Oscar: "You've got no-one to blame but yourself! It's your fault! You stopped him from killing himself!"

Gwendolyn: "What field of endeavour are you engaged in?"
Felix: "I write the news for television."
Gwendolyn: "Oh! Fascinating. Where do you get your ideas from?"

Felix: "You're asking to hear something I don't want to say, but if I do say it I think you oughta hear it!"
Oscar: "You got anything on your chest beside your chin you'd better get it off."
Felix: "All right then you asked for it! You're a wonderful guy Oscar! You've done verything for me! If it weren't for you I don't know what would have happened to me! You took me in here, you gave me a place to live, something to live for. I'm never going to forget you for that, Oscar! You're tops with me!"

Oscar: "Why doesn't he hear me? I know I'm talking: I recognise my voice!"

Felix: "In other words, you're throwing me out?"
Oscar: "Not in other words! Those are the perfect ones!"

Why do I love this movie?
Apart from the already-mentioned presence of both Lemmon and Matthau instantly ensuring a great film, Neil Simon's script is pure gold. The way he writes it so that one of the guys is essentially the wife, concerned about cleanliness, good food and throwing little temper fits when he doesn't get his way, making it seem as if the guys are married to each other in all but name, is what makes this movie work. There's also no hint of homosexuality at all: this is just two guys living together who begin as friends and by the end are at each other's throats. The chemisty of course between the two leads is also what makes it work. Admittedly, Tony Randall and Jack Klugman did well in the TV version, but then they really based their performances on those of the two masters here.

"The odd couple" brings to the forefront all the little niggly things we know about, but tend to overlook in our partner, whether they're a wife, live-in girfriend or roommate. All those annoying little noises. The sticky notes left in strategic places. Oscar tells Felix at one point he hates those sticky notes: "I woke to find one on my pillow: We are out of cornflakes FU. Took me three weeks to work out that "FU" stood for Felix Ungar!" The arguments, the recriminations. Things done one way because that person has always done things that way and has no wish to change, despite the fact that the other person hates doing things that way. The pure hell, in other words, of living with someone you have known but have never shared a house, room or apartment with before.

Felix is a neurotic, cleaning-obssessed, health freak who can't believe that someone would rather leave a table untidy rather than clean it up, or that a man could eat a day-old sandwich, or that people can't see the benefits of having a dehumidifier. Oscar, on the other hand, is, and let's be totally fair to him, a slob, who enjoys doing things his way. He's not prepared to change, and to be honest the way he goes on you can see why his wife threw him out. To be fair, Felix must have driven his wife mad too. These are two examples of total opposites, these men, who should never be brought into close contact with each other, for any appreciable length of time. They certainly should not even dream of living together.

But underneath it all, under the simmering resentment, the shocked anger, the disbelief and the accusations, both men are friends and at one point Oscar --- tough, hard, ornery Oscar Madison --- breaks down in front of Felix, begging him to leave him alone before he does something he'll regret. This rather poignant scene is then totally trumped as Felix, seeing Oscar go into the kitchen, cattily declares "Walk on the paper: I just washed the floor!" Oscar then does snap, and chases Felix out of the apartment and onto the roof.

It's a buddy movie, a cautionary tale, a comment on the relationships between two people, even of the same gender, living together. At the beginning of the film, as Oscar offers to take Felix in, he quips "Come and stay with me, Felix. I'm proposing here: what do you want, a ring?" Later he will discover how appropriate that remark is, for Felix ends up driving him as mad as any nagging wife. And of course Oscar bugs Felix too. Why can't he just eat over the plate, smoke less, clean up after himself? It's a marriage made in Hell, and pure classic comedy gold, the likes of which we're not likely to see again.

http://www.thechestnut.com/onedin/start2.jpg
Season One, Episode Two

"Plain sailing"

Heading home to Liverpool after his successful bid for Senor Braganza's wine contract, James is in a good mood and determined to teach his new wife how to navigate and handle herself aboard ship. He shows her how to use a sextant, a compass, and the difference between latitude and longitude. Meanwhile, back home Daniel Fogarty's ship has been sighted, and Elizabeth rushes off to make herself presentable for his arrival, while Robert begins to realise what he has signed his name to in the partnership contract with James, as debtors begin to call at his shop demanding payment. On board the Charlotte Rhodes one of the sailors is feeling unwell, and the "ship's fever", as Bains calls it, soon spreads throughout the ship, even claiming James, who lies sick in his bed, unable to do anything.

On Fogarty's arrival to the Onedin household he talks about a promotion: he works for the same employer who was once James's master, but who is now his sworn enemy, and James Callon has promised Daniel the captainship of the first ship that comes available. Once this happens, Daniel tells the eager Robert and Sarah, he would be in a position to ask for Elizabeth's hand in marriage. Robert makes the mistake of mentioning Albert Frazer, a subject which goes down well with neither Fogarty or his intended, and Elizabeth assuages his fears by telling him he has no rival in Frazer.

As James lies in his sickbed, Anne tells Bains he must take the noonday reading, the position of the sun that will determine their course, but Bains is aghast: he can't read; indeed, no-one onboard bar James can. Apart from her. But though she has been learning navigation, she does not yet know enough to be able to plot the ship's course on her own. Bains is all for sailing further west, saying that everyone knows that's the best cure for ship's fever but Anne knows that the problem stems from badly-cooked meat, and she has all the spoiled meat cast overboard. This does not make her any friends among the crew, nor indeed Bains, who mistrusts her deductions. But as wife of his master he has no choice but to obey her.

When the wind shifts one of the crew has his hand caught in the rigging and has to have three of his fingers amputated. This means that when they reach port the man will no longer be able to sail again, and his family will no longer be able to rely on him to support them. Floundering over plotting the course, Anne asks for help from James but he is delerious, spouting nonsense. She is however able to glean meaning from his words, and realises they can steer by the stars, thus getting their latitude, which has thus far eluded her. Meanwhile Jacko, the sick sailor, passes away and they bury him at sea. Anne's navigation though turns out to be somewhat faulty, as they end up off the coast of France! Exasperated, Bains dismisses her and takes over command.

Later, Anne is incensed when she sees that not only have two of the sailors --- the one who lost his fingers and his mate --- broken open a cask of the cargo of wine, but that Bains, when told the cask was "found busted", laughs and joins in drinking. She threatens the two men with jail and tells Bains he has commanded his last ship. Belowdecks the argument gets even more heated between her and Bains, and she swears the two men will hang for mutiny, which shocks the old seaman. Before things can spiral out of control altogether though, Anne makes a bargain with Bains. She will teach him how to read --- "the letterin'" --- if he will help her plot the course. And there'll be no more talk of mutiny. The deal is sealed, and a level of calm returns to the ship.

James recovers and goes on deck during a hell of a storm, with the ship twelve days out of Liverpool. Against Bains' better judgement, and fearing for his cargo, he orders more sail to be raised, which Bains thinks may capsize the ship in the strong wind, but Onedin is master and will have his way. He turns out to be right, and soon enough the schooner is sailing into Liverpool harbour, where Anne must deliver the sad news to Jacko's wife and mother, waiting at the quayside. Robert, eager for news of how much they have made, is ignored by James in the shadow of the mini-tragedy unfolding before his cold but not unmoved gaze.

QUOTES
Fogarty (about Frazer): "Ah, so he's a "floating kettle man" then?" Fogarty has no time for these new-fangled steam ships, and when he hears that Albert is always trying to persuade his father to build them, his contempt for the man, already high due to his perceived unwarranted attentions towards his bride-to-be, soars to greater levels.

Bains: "I know ships and seas and the winds that blow, and I can handle men, drunk or sobre. But a more obstinate, parsimonious woman than yourself I've never comprehended, and in spite of all your letterin' and your figurin' we've less notion of our position and what course to set than we had three days ago!"

Elizabeth: "Daniel does not yet rule my life. And he has been far too possessive of nature of late. I shall accept Mr. Frazer's invitation, if only to put Daniel out of countenance!"

FAMILY
ELIZABETH
Like any family of the time, an unmarried sister is a social stigma for a house to carry, and the moreso a reasonably well-to-do and well-known one, so Robert believes it is imperative that Elizabeth be married off as soon as possible. He considers Daniel Fogarty a decent prospect, but to be honest the shipbuilder's son would do just as well. He doesn't, truth to tell, care, as long as his sister does not marry beneath her. As with all such period dramas, appearances are very important and any scandal that should attach to Elizabeth would reflect on both her brothers. He is not above pushing Fogarty though, by needling him about Elizabeth's new beau. This only stings the sailor to anger, and ensures the two men will be at loggerheads over the girl.

Later, Elizabeth cannot help prodding Fogarty again when, on returning from a night at the theatre, she remarks that she much prefers that to the opera, planting in his already suspicious mind a question where that came from? Little does he know (though he will find out) that Albert has already taken her to the opera. Elizabeth is a little minx, delighted to have two men fighting over her (what woman doesn't?) and plays one off against the other with the wilful abandon that will later land her in hot water. For now though she is just a young girl rebelling against the fate set out for her, refusing to bow to social conventions and delighting in any scandal or embarrassment she can cause to her family, her fiance, or anyone else.

SARAH
Left with James's debts to cover, their good name in tatters and nothing left in the coffers, with James weeks overdue, Sarah's opinion of her brother-in-law has not sweetened in his absence. She is scandalised by Elizabeth's shameful dalliances with Albert Frazer --- she was brought up to believe that when you "plighted your troth" (got engaged) to a man you took yourself out of the reach of others, sworn to the one you were to wed. Elizabeth's actions in her eyes are only a step removed from that of a harlot, and while she worries how it will turn out for the girl, she is quite obviously more concerned with the Onedin name --- her name --- being dragged through the mud.

But it is with James she has the biggest bone to pick. She believes the younger brother has fooled the older, and so he has. She is watching debts mount up, creditors demand payment while the threat of court action, never before envisaged in her family, hangs over them like a pronouncement of doom, that this venture was cursed from the beginning. She is starting to wonder if James will ever return, or if he, with their promised profits, has been lost at sea. A small part of her hopes this is the case, for she sees James as the worst influence on Robert. While she is trying to instil values of decency and hard work and sense into her husband, James is filling his mind with tales of money to be made, but not filling their coffers. Perhaps it would be best were the Charlotte Rhodes never to return.

A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE
Another family, of course, is the crew of the ship and James looks after his men like .... yeah. Not a bit of it. The only thing Onedin sees in his crew are able-bodied men who can get him from point A to point B with the minimum of fuss and the maximum of speed, and speed in his business equals profits. People will not pay well for a ship that docks late with their cargo, and will be unlikely to secure the services of the captain of such a ship again. So James doesn't really care if his crew are happy, or motivated, or healthy. Well, the last is probably the only thing that would give him concern, as a crewman sick in bed is of no use to him, and one man (or more) down will result in a slower passage, thus eating into his profits.

The men aboard ship are driven hard and mercilessly, which at times will result in someone staggering while climbing the rigging and either falling to their death on the deck or being lost overboard. There are many hazards on a ship, and they are well known, but in Liverpool in the 1860s jobs are not exactly easy to come by, and many men go to sea knowing that there is a reasonable chance they may not make it back. Unlike ships of later years, the vessels of this age are completely manual. Sails must be raised, trimmed, turned and furled by hand, with men scampering up the high masts into the rigging like seaborne monkeys, and it certainly did not do if you had not a head for heights!

Food was sparse and simple, as there were no preservatives then other than salt, and the food onboard was mostly quite tasteless, if not actually horrible. It is in fact, as we see in this episode, the usage of meat not cooked properly that leads to what Bains calls "ship's fever", and Anne is berated for throwing it all overboard, but she is proven right as the men recover once the tainted meat has been removed from their diet.

The peculiar vagaries of command of the ship make themselves apparent here too. When one of the sailors shouts at Anne for talking harshly to Bains, and throws wine in her face, Bains punches him out. The fact that the sailor was standing up for Bains means nothing to the Mate; he is there to maintain discipline, and an attack on the owner's wife is a breach of conduct that cannot be allowed slide. In truth, he probably feels like punching or at least shaking Anne himself, but he is in a position of authority and command, and will only maintain that post by the exercise of often brutal control over the lower ranks. On a sailing ship, nobody may question the story that the Mate fell overboard, or see the knife protruding from his ribs as he falls. Accidents happen, and sometimes onboard ship can be the time to settle old quarrels.

It's only when the master, captain, mate or bosun is both sufficiently respected and feared that such displays are rarely if ever countenanced. The man in charge is meant to stand up for his crew, certainly, but he cannot allow them to walk over him either, and must choose his battles and his actions carefully. Bains knows this: had he supported or left unpunished the slight against Anne Onedin, the chances are he would be dismissed from James's service and in all likelihood find it hard to get a berth on any other ship --- although Callon might have him, just for the pleasure of employing Onedin's best man...

TIGHTFIST
This time it's Robert we see tightening the purse strings. When the mother of Jacko (whom she does not know is already dead) comes calling for half of his month's wages, thirty shillings, Robert, reluctant but more or less bullied into paying her, keeps back four shillings, which he tells her is his discount for cash. As a "nutcracker" (?) he says he is being more than fair, as most would charge her five shillings in the pound. It would appear that the wages, if paid out in a lump sum, incur, or can incur, some kind of commission, though to be fair I'm not that familiar with nineteenth-century maritime payment practices. We also see how little the elder Onedin regards the lives of those whose problems do not directly concern him, as, in the end scene, he rushes up to James to ask how much profit they have made, completely oblivious to and not caring about the fact that Jacko's widow has just been given the awful and tragic news of her husband's death at sea.

Anne, too, becomes more worried about their profits when she tells Bains they cannot sail west out into the Atlantic as he wants to, because that will delay their passage and eat into their profits from the voyage. Of course, there is also the underlying imperative to get James to a doctor as quickly as possible, though curiously she does not mention this. She is already well on her way to becoming a true Onedin.

Something a little different (maybe this unseasonable sun --- what? I'm in Ireland! Sun is always unseasonable here, even in June! --- is getting to me) that might put a smile on the faces of those geeks like me lurking out there talking about music. I know you're out there: look! Star Wars collectable figures IN THEIR ORIGINAL PACKAGING! Thought that'd draw you out. Now come on, over here...

http://s5.postimg.org/v8pwx8f2v/fugly.jpg

Oh yes, we know all about the beautiful, sleek starships like The Heart of Gold, Enterprise and the White Stars, but for every majestic queen of the stars there have been a dozen ragged, flung-together garbage scows that hardly deserve the name spaceship. Some are of course less ugly than others, but as the Cat from Red Dwarf would say: they are all UG-LEEE!

I haven't rated them, as I'm not really sure if JohnBoy's "flying boobs" from "Battle beyond the stars" looks worse than the Eagles from "Space 1999", so they're in no order. If you happen to retain any sad misplaced love for any of these ships, all I can say is take a look at this: now that's what a spaceship should look like! How much? A whole page full of noughts, with a one at the front. And worth every penny!

http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/19...6b1c14c993.jpg
(Note: sorry for the crappy picture: it is a lot harder than you would think to get a pic of the original TV series one, which was what I wanted. This was the best I could do...)

But these ships can't even dream, in their wildest fantasies, of being as gorgeous as The Heart of Gold, so maybe we should cut them a little slack, huh? Or not.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...-FItk8Tf-hPrVA
First out of the craps, sorry traps, (no wait, I was right the first time!) is The Galactica. No, the original one, from the eighies sci-fi, er, drama of the same name. I mean, look at it: the last ark of humanity? It's more like the last-minute thrown-together project of some engineers who had no idea how to build a spaceship. And didn't.

Next, the ship that not only looked like it should have been aborted, but also carried one of the ugliest things ever to Earth. No, I know the Alien didn't get to our home planet, I'm not talking about that... ;) Come on: who would you rather go out with, a slavering, slobbering alien three times your height with rows of razor-sharp fangs, dripping slime, or Sigourney Weaver? Yeah, thought so: me too. Alien every time. But the Nostromo just looks like a box with pipes attached...
http://lesterbanks.com/lxb_metal/wp-...rom_aliens.jpg

Then there are the Eagles. No, not the band! Sheesh! What kind of geek are you? Where's yer pride? Now in fairness the workhorses from "Space 1999" are not that ugly, they're just ... functional. Yeah. They have to look like that because all they do is haul .... ah, to hell with it: they're ugly as all get-out.
http://www.starstore.com/acatalog/VIP_Eagle.jpg

Let's not forget though the mighty, er, Salvage One, from the ill-fated series of the same name. Looks like no self-respecting space pirate would even lower themselves to haul it in as salvage itself!
http://thewickedwriters.files.wordpr...nhhikhskbh.jpg

But sometimes even famous ships can be ugly. I mean, we all love the Millennium Falcon, but let's be honest here: it's pretty much a flying magnet. And it's a flying magnet. Did I mention it's a flying magnet? Well it is. A flying magnet.
http://www.broadsheet.ie/wp-content/...11/mfalcon.jpg

But it's beauty personified compared to the, er, flying boobs from "Battle beyond the stars". AND the ship is PINK! I mean, could you get any more mammocentric than this?
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...hPaitOV8_8dS4I

And just to prove it's not only in crappy movies that you get crappy spaceships, here's Discovery One, from the seminal "2001: A space odyssey".
http://regmedia.co.uk/2011/11/23/dis...ce_odyssey.png

A forest floating in space may be a great and worthy idea, but it makes one heck of an ugly spaceship! From "Silent running", this is Valley Forge.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nhajr5ugIy.../17_double.jpg

And what better to strike fear into the hearts of the rebels than ... a flying dart? No, no! It's an Imperial Star Destroyer! It's a flying dart. It's an Imperial Star Destroyer! It's a ...
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__...estroyer32.jpg

Or, indeed, a gigantic bug! That eats planets!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...fb/TheLexx.jpg

Or how about a huge ugly spider?
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__...battlecrab.jpg

I'm sure there are more, and when I have a chance and feel like it I may run another selection. But that's enough ugliness for now. Let's finish with one truly beautiful spaceship, from one truly awful science-fiction series.
http://www.sffchronicles.co.uk/forum...-shipext14.jpg

http://s5.postimg.org/xv0u0fgwn/cpb5.png
Season One: "Signs and portents" (Part Eight)

1.17 "A voice in the wildness, part one"

One of only two episodes in the entire series to be split into two parts, this is a very important and arc-centric one. It features some revelations which will become integral to the plot, and answers some questions while raising others. Violent earthquakes are shaking the planet above which Babylon 5 orbits, and a geologist from the station goes down to Epsilon 3 to investigate, but before his shuttle can get near the atmosphere it's hit by a mysterious beam that knocks out its generator, and it has to be towed back to the station. More intrigued than worried, Dr. Tasagi, the scientist, is eager to return the next day.

Ivanova has deduced that the beam that knocked out the shuttle is in fact some sort of signal. She also mentions that there has been no news today at all from Mars. There's usually something in the daily Earthforce status report, but not today. She's concerned, but Sinclair tells her it's probably nothing. Delenn meanwhile is reunited with a very old friend and teacher of hers, Draal, who has come to visit her before "going to the sea", the Minbari word for the stars.

As Sinclair watches the news, Ivanova's seemingly baseless fears turn out to be horribly well-grounded, as word comes in of a revolt on Mars. Fighting is going on in the cities, and Free Mars have launched an all-out offensive on the Earth-led government. While watching this, Sinclair sees a phantom figure appear in front of him, an alien who looks tired and weak and asks him to help him. The apparition disappears quickly though, and Sinclair can't be sure of what he saw. The next morning at breakfast he discusses the trouble on Mars with Ivanova, who remarks it must be hard for him, as he was born there. He says it is, but that Garibaldi may be taking the revolt harder, having been stationed there, and he will check on him.

Draal speaks to Delenn of how lost and aimless his people seem. He is not happy with the way things are going, and says the Minbari today are not the same people he grew up with. He feels terrible things are on their way and cannot be stopped. Garibaldi meanwhile is trying to get a channel through to Mars; there's a girl there he needs to check on. But the Mars government have a total communications blackout in force. He seeks the help of Talia Winters. He knows that Psi Corps have a secret base on Mars, and he believes she can help get him a clear channel. Though concerned that he even knows about the base, Talia agrees to do what she can to help.

On his return trip to Epsilon 3, despite being ordered not to go down into the atmosphere Tasagi does, and is targeted by missiles from the planet's surface. With the Starfurys unable to go down that low, she uses Babylon 5's defence grid to target the missiles and allows time for the shuttle to get back into orbit, where the Starfurys can tow it back to the station. But at least now they know that there is some sort of fissure in the planet, whether natural or man-made they can't tell. This would seem to support the theory that there is something important down there, and they should take a deeper look. Sinclair and Ivanova both decide to go.

Meanwhile Londo runs into the phantom alien, and down on the planet, after successfully landing and navigating the elaborate security system there, Sinclair and Ivanova are more convinced than ever that there is something here of value. Someone has gone to great lengths to make sure it's not discovered, and they need to know what it is, and who is protecting it. After all, this is the planet the station is orbiting. They need to know as much as they can about any possible threat, and it has already fired upon one of their ships. They are however in no way prepared for what they find there. A huge, incalculably huge machine of some sort, which seems to be part of the planet's core; which indeed, seems to run right through the planet.

Talia is unable to convince the Psi Corps to allow Garibaldi access their communications, but she does tell him rather worryingly that the girl he's looking for, Lise Hampton, is not listed among the survivors. Garibaldi is convinced she's okay though, although whether that's blind optimism or not is unclear. Down on Epsilon 3, Sinclair and Ivanova both see the image of the ghostly alien the commander has already seen, and moments later see him in the flesh, hooked into a huge machine. He looks very weak and asks for help. They decide to try to remove him from the apparatus, and make their way back to the station. As they make their way back though, a massive unknown ship comes through the jumpgate....

TO BE CONTINUED!

Important Plot Arc Points
Epsilon 3
Arc Level: Orange
Up to now we've probably not even really been aware that Babylon 5 is in fact in orbit around a planet. Makes sense though: I'm not too sure of the physics, but doubt anything that large could remain stationary in space without being in orbit. It's not a starship, after all. Even in "rival" series, Star Trek Deep Space Nine, the station there is in orbit around Bajor. But whether we've realised it or not, the existence of the planet is now thrown front and centre, and what occurs there, and what the crew find out about it, will have major implications as the story moves forward.

The alien in the machine
Arc Level: Orange
Again, tied in to the arc strand regarding Epsilon 3, the alien will also have a pretty big impact on what happens, especially after the second part of this episode.

Free Mars/The Mars rebellion
Arc Level: Red
The unrest on Mars finally spills over into open revolt, and what happens here will have a huge impact on the series, right up to the end of the entire five-year arc. We also learn here about Garibaldi's lost love, who is apparently on the planet, or was, last he heard. This will also tie in to the main storyline.

Psi Corps on Mars
Arc Level: Red
Although it seems a small consideration, a tiny thread in the tapestry of the plot, hardly worth remarking that Psi Corps have a secret installation on Mars, this will come to be of massive significance later in the story, and the involvement of Psi Corps will lead to some rather unfortunate events.

Quotes
Ivanova debriefs Tasaki as he returns from almost being killed going down to the planet:
Ivanova: "This doesn't worry you?"
Tasagi: "On the contrary: it scares the hell out of me. But, what better way to go out than in the cause of advancing scientific knowledge?"
Ivanova (after he's gone): "This is a multiple choice question? Because I have some ideas."

Negotiations between the Minbari and the Centauri over certain trade routes have been concluded. Though happy G'Kar is not there to throw the usual spanner in the works, Londo still complains about the price his people have had to pay. Sinclair lays it out for him.
Sinclair: "Your government stands to profit substantially from access to that sector. The jumpgate fees are pocket change by comparison."
Londo: "Obviously what I consider a tent you consider a pocket!"

Mollari muses on how strong the hatred the Narns have for his people is:
Londo: "If the Narns all stood together in one place and hated all at the same time, that hatred could fly across dozens of light years and reduce Centauri Prime to a ball of ash!"

More Londo magic:
Londo: "Commander, what would you do if you find anything of value down there?"
Sinclair: "The odds of that are very small. It's probably an automated homing beacon, left over from hundreds of years ago."
Londo: "Yes, but if it isn't? Would you tell me?"
Sinclair: "No."
Londo: "Just making sure we know where we stand."

The Babylon 5 mantra, as recited by Ivanova: "Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out!"

Comic relief, as ever, is left to Londo, who sees Garibaldi down in the dumps and decides to try to cheer him up.
Londo: "As a young Centauri I developed a preoccupation for the female of my particular species. I went to all the finest clubs, watched the most exotic Centauri dancers. Now one day I was angry and upset, but I went to the club, sat and watched the show. But never saw it, just sat and stewed. Suddenly I looked up and this beautiful dancer was leaning down over the stage, and looking right into my eyes. And she said 'Whatever it is, it can't be that bad'. And then she kissed me, right here." (Pauses) "Mister Garibaldi, whatever it is, it can't be that bad!"
Garibaldi (laughing despite himself): "You try to kiss me and I'll break your arm."
Londo: "We're not that close, Mr. Garibaldi!"
Garibaldi: "And the dancer?"
Londo: "Oh, I married her! Yes, that day! The next day I woke and saw her in the light of day, sleeping against my arm, and I decided I would rather chew off my arm than wake her up."
Garibaldi: "Oh that's sweet."
Londo: "No, no! She had a voice that could curdle fresh milk! Londo! Yes dear! Londo! Coming my darling! I'll be right there, my love bug!" (Another pause) "You looked as if you needed a friend."
Garibaldi: "I did. Thanks."
Londo: "You are welcome. Now, I go to spread happiness to the rest of the station. It's a terrible responsibility, but I have learned to live with it!"

Londo muses on the cultural significance of "The Hokey Cokey"!
Londo: "Six thousand years of recorded history, a history that includes remarkable composers astonishing symphonies, but what is the one song that half of them teach their children, generation after generation? You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put whole self in and you shake it all about. You do the hokey cokey, you give a little shout: that's what it's all about! It doesn't mean anything! I have been studying it for seven days! I had the computer analyse it. I swear to you: it does not mean A THING!"

1.18 "A voice in the wilderness, part 2"

The huge ship coming through the jumpgate at the end of part one turns out to be an Earthforce cruiser, its captain advises Garibaldi that the Hyperion has been instructed to take over the investigation into what lies on Epsilon 3. Sinclair and Ivanova have brought the unconscious alien back to B5, but whereas they consider him their guest, Captain Pierce of the Hyperion sees him as their prisoner. Pierce advises Sinclair that he has been sent with the heavy cruiser to guard the planet and make sure that none of the alien governments try to send emissaries down to explore and perhaps lay claim to the technology Sinclair and Ivanova saw down there.

Meanwhile, the news reports that Earth has sent shock troops to Mars to put down the rebellion. Sinclair goes to Senator Hidoshi to complain about Pierce's intention to take over, saying that he was given an express guarantee by the president himself when he took command of Babylon 5 that he was in sole charge. Hidoshi is noncommittal but says he will do what he can. Pierce has already tried to send down shuttles to the planet but has been unsuccessful. Ivanova reports that there are massive artificial disturbances building up in the planet and that if they're not stopped Epsilon 3 is likely to tear itself apart, taking Babylon 5 and anything in the vicinity with it.

They reason that the fact that they removed the alien from the massive machine may be contributing to the instability rumbling through the planet. On his way to Delenn's quarters with the ambassador, Draal hears the alien call his name and ask for help, but he does not see him and Delenn does not hear the voice. Sinclair pays a visit on Garibaldi and after hearing about his girlfriend on Mars he promises to get him the channel, telling Garibaldi he has some favours he can call in. He also asks the security chief to make sure that, if the station has to be evacuated he gets Ivanova off it. Draal, drawn to medlab with Delenn, meets the almost-comatose alien, who recognises him as "the one" and warns him not to allow anyone to approach the planet, much less land there, as they will be destroyed.

Pierce is ready to launch another expedition, notwithstanding the information received from the alien, until Sinclair, poker-faced, threatens to instigate a blockade of the planet to prevent anyone landing. Pierce says he doesn't believe the commander would order his ships to fire on the cruiser, but Sinclair tells him that if the captain sends his ships down there they're all dead anyway, so not to test him. Pierce blinks first, and the expedition is cancelled. Just then, an alien ship arrives through the jumpgate claiming that they are the rightful inhabitants of the planet, and demand the humans withdraw. Before Sinclair can respond however, Pierce issues his own ultimatum. The alien tells Sinclair and Ivanova that these aliens are exiles, violent members of his race who were cast out of society and roamed the galaxy.

He tells them his name is Varn, and he has been on the planet, in what he calls "The Great Machine", for centuries. He and the Machine are one: he is its guard, its protector. He has watched the Babylon stations being built, watched the development of the communities who came there, but now he is dying, and the planet with him in a symbiotic link. He tells them that without someone to guard the Machine, as a failsafe, the apparatus will destroy itself. Draal knows what Varn means, and he has found his purpose at last. Just as he discusses this with Delenn though, Londo walks in and gets involved. He promises to help the two Minbari get down to the planet, so that Draal can take his place in the Great Machine.

Pierce and Sinclair have decided the only course of action open to them is to launch a pre-emptive strike against the aliens. In the middle of the firefight Londo, Delenn and Draal kidnap Varn and head for the planet, using the cover of the battle to escape being targeted by the heavy cruiser or indeed Babylon 5's fighters. Garibaldi launches in pursuit. When he meets the four down on the planet he is amazed, but realises that there is no other way to resolve the situation. As the firefight reaches its height, a massive beam goes out from the planet and Draal appears in holographic form to advise that he is the new guardian of the planet, that its secrets are for no race, not yet. He will wait there, guarding, watching, until the time is right. No-one must approach the planet, and he commends its safety into Sinclair's hands.

The aliens, ignoring the warning, try to approach and are completely destroyed. Delenn says a tearful goodbye to her old friend, knowing he has finally found what he has been searching for all this time. Garibaldi meanwhile is delighted to hear that Lise Hampton is alive --- wounded, but alive. He is however less delighted to learn that she is now married, and expecting her first child. It's not quite the happy ending he was hoping for, but he bears up and wishes her well.

Important Plot Arc Points
Epsilon 3/The Great Machine
Arc Level: Orange
As already alluded to in part one, the machine on the planet will be seen again, and used in the plot to some extent. Draal's promise to contact them again "when the time is right" will be realised, though not for a while yet.

Sinclair's destiny
Arc Level: Red
Delenn hints that she knows more about what is to happen to Commander Sinclair than she will say. She mentions at the end that if Draal had not taken Varn's place in the Great Machine, Sinclair would have, and this it would appear would not have fitted in with her plans, or would at any rate not be how she would see things turning out. Again it is intimated that Sinclair has a great destiny to fulfill, but what fate could be greater than that which Draal has just achieved?

Free Mars
Arc Level: Red
Here we see that the Mars revolts appear to have been put down by Earth. This is only a temporary solution however, and the desire of some/most Mars residents --- particularly the native ones, as it were --- for their own independence will not be quelled so easily, and the spectre of revolt and riot will raise its head again later in the series, leading to a quite climactic standoff between Mars and the mother planet.

Quotes
Ivanova, on the exchange between Captain Pierce and the alien captain: "Worst case of testosterone poisoning I've ever seen."

Londo (looking at a row of control buttons on the shuttle dash): "Now, if I were a landing thruster, which one of these would I be?"

Draal: "All my life I have searched for a way to help others. To me, there is no greater calling, no higher destiny than to live for another, and if necessary, to die for another. To somehow make the world a better place. I had done all I could on my world, I came looking for a reason, hoping for a way to live out my remaining years with direction and purpose. Here I have found it. I will save lives, and the wonders of this place will take me centuries to explore. Let my life have meaning; help me do what we both know must be done."

Garibaldi: "Why the end-run around us? When you figured out that someone was going to have to take Varn's place down there, why didn't you come to us and let us handle it?"
Delenn: "Because if I had, I know in my heart that Commander Sinclair would be the one down there right now. He's looking for a purpose, but his destiny lies elsewhere."

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I should first like to offer my eternal gratitude to "ClassicDrama" (who I think is the BBC) for uploading the entire thing on YouTube. My downloaded copies refused to play for some reason, and though I bought the series long ago it was on VHS tape, and I never got it on DVD. Netflix only have the new version, the American one, so I'm indebted to the BBC for allowing the entire series to be uploaded.

Although there are no seasons, as such, House of Cards is three self-contained programmes of four episodes each, though elements from the first leak into the others, and characters follow through also. The main storyline concerns Francis Urquhart and his bid for, and success in obtaining, power as leader of the country, and what he does when in power. The three stories are separate, but linked to the main theme of the series.

Cast
Francis Urquhart, played by Sir Ian Richardson
I've already gone into the lead character in the introduction to this series, so I won't say anything more, other than that Urquhart is the focus of the series and one of the few characters that appears in all three chapters.

Mattie Storin, played by Susannah Harker
Mattie is a bright young reporter at one of the local newspapers, who is very interested in politics. Her determination, intelligence and fearlessless attract Urquhart to her like a shark to blood, and he begins to groom her as his confidant. However, he is not averse to her womanly charms either...

Henry Collingridge, played by David Lyon
One of the candidates for the vacant position of leader of the Conservative party after the departure of Thatcher, Collingridge wins the nomination, and the election, and becomes Prime Minister. But Urquhart is not having that, and sets out to destroy him.

Elizabeth Urquhart, played by Diane Fletcher
The cold and calculating power behind Urquhart, Elizabeth supports her husband in everything he does. It is she who in fact encourages him to stand for nomination and challenge for the leadership, and she is not concerned if intimidation, injury or even murder are the tools her husband uses to attain that power.

Roger O'Neill, played by Miles Anderson
Head of publicity for the party, O'Neill is a drunk and a cocaine addict, and the perfect pawn for Urquhart to use in order that his schemes be carried out but his own hands remain clean. He blackmails O'Neill with knowledge of his addiction, and the unfortunate publicist is forced to do anything Urquhart tells him to.

Patrick Woolton, played by Malcolm Tierney
Described by Urquhart (privately) as a bully, a thug, a racist, an anti-semite, a lout and other unflattering titles, Woolton becomes the front-runner for the leadership contest after Collingridge resigns. But Urquhart has his measure, too...

Tim Stamper, played by Colin Jeavons
One of the whips, his role in the first series is somewhat minor, a flunky of Urquhart and one who carries out some of his orders, but later he will become much more important and influential.

Episode One

We see Francis Urquhart, Chief Whip of the Conservative Party, sitting at his desk looking at a framed photograph of Margaret Thatcher. "Nothing lasts forever", he intones, with an air of anticipatory satisfaction. "Even the longest, most glittering reign must come to an end some day." He turns towards the camera with a predatory smile.

With Thatcher's resignation, the Tories are looking for a new leader, and Urquhart fancies it could be Patrick Woolton, but when it turns out to be the weak and ineffectual Henry Collingridge, he is not best pleased. But what can he do, as a mere Chief Whip? He has power of a sort, certainly, but only over his own colleagues. He does not make policy, he cannot challenge for the leadership. Being in the position he is, he knows that many of his colleagues hate and fear him, and few if any would support a bid for the top job from him. Some might, out of fear or the hope that they would be rewarded when, or if, he was successful, but those few would not be enough to enable Francis Urquhart, Chief Whip of the Conservative Party, to rise to the post of Prime Minister.

However, there is still the matter of the general election to be fought. Not a whole lot of point being the man in charge if you're not the man in charge of the whole country. In other words, who wants to be the leader of the party that got kicked out of government by the voters, that awful also-ran, runner-up word, the Opposition? And so Urquhart must do what he can to ensure victory at the polls. He has been promised a decent post in return for his support of Collingridge, and has high hopes. It turns out that the Conservatives do win the election, but with a reduced majority.

Urquhart is not at all convinced though that Collingridge is up to the task and so begins to lay plans for his removal and replacement. The first pawn to be moved on the board is Roger O'Neill, the party publicist. Turns out Collingridge has a black sheep in the family, his brother Charlie, who's something of an alcoholic and an embarrassment. Someone Urquhart can use to his advantage when the time comes. As Urquhart fumes about being passed over for promotion, and worse, all his suggestions for the cabinet reshuffle (which does not happen: everyone is left in their positions) ignored, his wife floats the suggestion that he should challenge for the leadership.

While he's mulling this bombshell over, he has a visit from Mattie Storin, a reporter who wants to get the scoop on him. Intrigued, Urquhart is actually quite suprised himself when he lets her into the house, but finds himself growing more and more impressed with the girl's intelligence. He also welcomes the opportunity to talk frankly about his dislike for the PM and his disagreement with his policies. Mattie seems to agree with him, and he sees in her a way to disseminate his views by proxy through her newspaper. He now uses her to plant the idea in her head that Lord Billsboro, the old advisor to Collingridge, is planning to take the leadership, not for himself, but for his young protoge Michael Samuels, so he can pull the strings from behind the curtain. Nothing is further from the truth, of course, but as we will see, the truth and Francis Urquhart are not only strange bedfellows, they rarely sleep together at all. Anything that will advance his cause, remove the obstacles to his bid for leadership and destroy his enemies, Urquhart will use without a moment's hesitation, or consideration of the consquences to those on the sidelines. They are pawns, nothing more, to be used and sacrificed as required, and with as little thought.

Speaking of pawns, just such a one is Roger O'Neill. Urquhart tells him he knows about his cocaine addiction, which is bad enough, but that he's been claiming expenses in order to buy his supply! He agrees to cover the scandal up but in return Roger must work for him. He demands his "total and unquestioning loyalty", but to him personally, not to the party. He sets about using him to engineer embarrassing questions for the Prime Minister, leaking important details of government policy to the opposition. When the PM demands answers, he claims there must be a leak in the cabinet, and promises to get to the bottom of it. He starts to sow doubt in Collingridge's head, giving him the idea that one of his party colleagues is out to smear him, perhaps even oust him.

Further revelations and awkward exchanges force the PM into an embarrassing U-turn, further weakening his position, while Urquhart continues to use Roger O'Neill behind the scenes. He has an accomodation address set up in the name of C. Collingridge, something which will become clearer later. When Urquhart receives, personally, a large donation to the party from one of his constituents, he sees a chance to "put more stick about", and disguised as a foreign businessman he opens an account at a local bank and asks them to buy some shares in a medical company, under the name of .... Collingridge. When new drugs are authorised for release from the company, the shares go right up and Urquhart asks his bank to sell them, close the account and mail the closing statement to the address he had set up for Collingridge. He then withdraws all his money from the bank, returning it to the party treasurer, where it was supposed to have gone in the first place.

The money was never stolen, of course: Urquhart simply borrowed it in order to facilitate his plan, then covered his tracks, or to be more precise, laid a false trail which led exactly where he wanted it to. As the final part of his plan he meets Matties and "leaks" to her the fact that the tabloids are about to go after the Prime Minister through his brother. He professes loyalty to, and defence of the integrity of the PM, but Mattie has little sympathy for the weak Collingridge, and like Elizabeth, believes there is a far better leader for the country standing beside her.


QUOTES
Urquhart, on the election of a new leader: "Who could replace her? (Thatcher) Plenty of contenders: old warriors, young pretenders. Lord Billsboro, say. Party chairman. Too old, too familiar: tainted by a thousand shabby deals. Michael Samuels? Too young, too clever. Patrick Woolton. Bit of a lout, bit of a bully-boy. Yes it could very well be Woolton. Henry Collingridge. The people's favourite. A well-meaning fool; no background and no bottom. What, me? Oh no no no: I'm the Chief Whip, merely a functionary. I keep the troops in line. I put a bit of stick about, make them jump. And I shall of course give my absolute loyalty to whoever emerges as my leader."

Elizabeth: "What was that dreadful woman on about?"
Urquhart: "She wanted the smack of firm government."
Elizabeth: "She wanted you to smack her bottom!"

Urquhart: "A man of state needs helpers. Little elves and sprites to do his bidding." (More darkly) "Even unwitting pawns, who don't know who they serve."

Urquhart: "Nothing! Not a damn thing! And then he had the gall to ask for my support! Said his fate was in my hands! Melodramatic twaddle!"
Elizabeth: "Is it?"
Urquhart: "What?"
Elizabeth: "Isn't his fate in your hands?"
Urquhart: "No, no! I'm in charge of discipline! But I can't deliver if my troops are disaffected."
Elizabeth: "But aren't they disaffected now? His weakness, his refusal to take responsibility for firm leadership, it's going to bring this government down, sooner or later."
Urquhart: "Yes. And sooner rather than later, in my view. Unless..."
Elizabeth: "Unless he were to relinquish the leadership."
Urquhart: "He won't do that."
Elizabeth: "Unless a better man were to take the leadership from him."

Mattie Storin: "Everybody knows threats from Francis Urquhart are not idle ones."

Urquart (about Roger's cocaine habit): "I know this sounds old-fashioned, but isn't it illegal?"

Best Scenes
There's a pretty funny scene just after the government have won the election and stayed in power, when Roger O'Neill takes a call at a hotel purporting to be from the Prime Minister, though it's actually his assistant, Penny, talking dirty to him from one of the hotel bedrooms. At one point she says "And then I'd like to lick it all off, slowly" and he says "That's wonderful, Prime Minister! May I tell them that?" whereupon he proceeds to congratulate everyone, on the PM's behalf, for putting on such a wonderful advertising campaign!

"I couldn't possibly comment".
Urquhart uses this phrase as a code, a way to agree with or confirm something without incriminating or implicating himself, and it becomes used more and more as the series progresses. The first instances are here, when he dupes Mattie into believing his story about Lord Billsboro. When she makes the connection, as she sees it, that Billsboro is making a bid for the leadership, he smiles "You might think that, I couldn't possibly comment". He says it three times in succession to each of her deductions, leaving her in no doubt that she is right while simultaeanously ensuring he does not say it himself, or even suggest it. It's a very clever comment, because it really does absolve him: should anyone say to Mattie, what did he actually say, his response could not be in any way construed as being in the affirmative, or at least, not proven satisfactorily. He may as well be saying that's your opinion, while leaving off the expected second part, that he does not share it.

Power behind the throne
Although he's an unscrupulous, morally bankrupt egotist, it's clear from the beginning that Francis Urquhart is nobody without his wife, Elizabeth. It is she who first floats the idea of his bidding for the leadership, and he looks surprised, as if he had never even considered it. She tells him he is twice the man Collingridge is, and he does not disagree. She encourages his relationship with Mattie Storin, knowing that a man like him can't restrict himself to one woman: not only for sex, but he requires a like mind, a sharp intellect, one he can mould and twist and form in his own image. He would never try this with his wife --- she is already too strong a personality --- but she is happy to indulge his appetites with Mattie, knowing that the relationship will bear fruit for them, politically. Urquhart is at his best when challenged, stimulated.

The Puppetmaster

Although there is one person in his life who controls him, even if he's unaware of it --- harking back to his comment about pawns who don't know who they serve --- Francis Urquhart is the master puppeteer, manipulating everyone he can and making them play a part in his machinations, either aiding him in his rise to glory or removing them from his path. Like Alan B'Stard, he is completely uncaring of who he hurts, wounds, kills even, the lives he destroys, the careers he wrecks and the innocents caught in the crossfire of his ambition. He sees everyone as something he can use, and he has no compunction about using them.

The Man who would be Prime Minister

When Collingridge wins the party nomination, much to his disgust, and then goes on to win the election, thus becoming the Prime Minister, Francis Urquhart is angry, particularly when it becomes quite clear that he will not be getting a cabinet position, but will be left as Chief Whip again. He is stewing about it when his wife suggests he challenge for the leadership. Once the decision has been made, he sets about implicating the PM in a scandal that is so carefully orchestrated that it can have only one outcome, while at the same time keeping any metaphorical blood off his hands. The puppet master has begun to make the marionettes dance to his tune, and it will be far from their only performance!

The user and the used

As Urquhart says himself, a man of state needs helpers, and he is always ready to draft in anyone he can to help move his plans forward. In this section I'll be detailing the people Urquhart uses in his bid for power, and how he uses them.

Henry Collingridge

His first target is his new leader, whom he publicly supports but privately despises. He does not believe Collingridge is up to the task of being PM, and said so, to us, before the election of the new leader. His wife has given him the idea of toppling him, but it will not be easy. He will, as he says himself, need little helpers, and the one who helps turn his plans into reality most here is Roger O'Neill. He has O'Neill by the balls: he has discovered the publicist's penchant for cocaine and the fact that he is charging the party for it, and in return for his silence has recruited O'Neill as a hapless footsoldier. Setting up the opposition member with information with which to embarrass the PM, organising the accomodation address in Collingridge's brother's name, helps to lay the trap and Urquhart himself completes it by buying the shares with party money. Finally, he sets it by passing the information to Mattie and waits for the prey to be caught. It will not be long.

Mattie Storin

While he is attracted to Mattie, both for her mind and her body, Urquhart will use her to make his voice anonymously known in the press. He will tell her things which she will repeat, though no possibility will ever exist of the quotes being traced back to him. He will, in effect, control her and make her say what he wants her to say. He will also use her obvious fascination with him to his advantage.

Roger O'Neill

As related above, Roger has a problem with cocaine, and Uruqhart knows this, even before he confronts him. Whether the expenses thing is made up or real, who is to say? But Roger believes it and is relieved when the Chief Whip hushes it up, preventing a scandal breaking. He is thereafter happy to do as he is told, like a good little soldier.

House of Cards is amazing.

I bought the DVD of all 3 series a couple of years back. Ian Richardson is totally captivating in it. I love how he sucks you in and makes you want to route for this evil bastard.
It's almost as if you've become a part of his schemes just from watching it and it's like he reminds you of this through the show making you feel guilty by association.

Easily the best piece of acting I have ever seen on TV by anyone.

Absolutely a point I make later in the series, when he frowns at the camera and says something like "No point feeling guilty now. You knew what you were getting into." Stellar acting, excellent series. Such a terrible loss to the acting world. I haven't seen the US version but I can't think it'll be a patch on this classic. Just watching it again for the reviews makes it worth it, if nothing else did. One of the best political TV drama ever, with "A very British coup" and "GBH".

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1.4 "Waste not want not"

Alan meets Norman in an underground to discuss a serious problem. Some time ago they dumped nuclear waste (at the behest of, if Alan is to be believed, Argentinian General Galtieri!) in a lockup in Hull, and this is now due to be knocked down. If the extremely hazardous, not to mention criminally incriminating evidence is found, both of them can kiss freedom goodbye. Back at home Sarah informs him that her father has come to visit. Alan hates Roland Gidleigh-Park, but is beholden to him as B'Stard's seat in the Conservative Party is within his gift, so he has to stomach him. Roland hates B'Stard, and doesn't make any attempt to hide it, though you can see that at heart he and Alan are quite alike. Sarah's father reveals himself to be a racist and a bigot, so B'Stard is in good company.

After a thoroughly "enjoyable" dinner B'Stard repairs to his local pub, where Sidney Bliss, whom we met in the first episode, tells him abotu a closed coalmine in the area, and B'Stard's venomous brain starts to tick over. He's rather upset to find out that the owner of the mine is ... Sarah's father. Now he has to ingratitate himself with the old duffer. Roland is of course suspicious at his son-in-law's sudden change of tack, and seems reluctant to reveal the location of the mine, no matter how much Alan butters him up.

Norman finds it though and they move the radioactive sludge there. When it becomes obvious that there is a school nearby Norman refuses to help and walks off. B'Stard enlists Sidney as his new partner in crime, telling him that capital punishment may be on the way back. He promises him his old job back as a hangman when he is made Minister of Death. Of course he tells him that it's beer they're dumping, not nuclear waste. When they go into the mine though they discover the reason Roland didn't want the location getting out was that he was already storing mustard gas! Seems the two have a lot more in common than even they thought.

QUOTES
Roland: "I never touch anything French. The last thing French I touched was in 1940. Her name was Giselle. I was pissing glass for a month!"

B'Stard: "I buy British! I drive a Bentley! My suits and shirts are all handmade by British craftsmen! Albeit with Greek surnames!"

MACHINATIONS
It gets worse! Having already agreed to store nuclear waste for the Argentines, and having taken no precautions whatsoever about where it was stored --- a simple lockup --- B'Stard has absolutely no qualms about relocating it close to a children's school! He remarks that if British people want an independent nuclear deterrent --- a favourite phrase of Maggie Thatcher's in the eighties --- they should be proud to have British nuclear waste underneath their school! Of course, he conveniently forgets that it's not British but Argentinian, not that it should make a difference.

SIDEKICK
Interestingly, Piers is conspicuous by his absence in this episode. He's not in it once, not even to voice a strong opposition to Alan's plans. In fact, the entire episode takes place away from the Houses of Parliament, which may explain why he's not in it.

THE USER AND THE USED

SIDNEY BLISS
Alan is well aware of Sidney's weakness. As a hangman he enjoyed his job, perhaps too well, and he loathes the fact that capital punishment has been abolished in Britain. B'Stard uses this hankering for "the good old days" to trick Bliss into helping him relocate the nuclear waste. He tells him of a fictitous vote coming up which may reintroduce hanging, and should that happen, he promises the landlord his old job back. Crazy as this may seem, and without doubt a lie made up by B'Stard to suit his plans and manipulate Bliss, this will actually happen after season two, though it won't quite work out how either of them expect...

WHAT IS LOVE?

SARAH
Although we're now only four episodes in, Alan and Sarah have already given up the pretence of affection they evinced in episode one, and have moved beyond the mutual dislike of episode two; they now officially hate each other. However they have to put on a face for Sarah's father, she because she needs to keep spending Alan's money, he because he needs to keep his seat. Alan plays a trick on Sarah, cruelly telling her there is a present for her in the garden but he has bought her nothing. When she comes in, excitedly asking where the present is, he sneers there was none, it was a joke.

... AND ISN'T THAT...?
Like many comedies of its day, "The New Statesman" featured some guest stars, often in bit parts, who would grow to become quite famous in later years.

MARK WILLIAMS: The bluff Yorkshireman who takes Alan to task about his non-representation of his constituents in Bliss's pub is none other than Mark Williams, who would go on to star in shows like "The Fast Show" and "Father Brown", play Olaf Petersen in "Red Dwarf" and Brian Williams in Doctor Who, as well as presenting his own shows on the History Channel. He would also have a successful career in film, appearing in movies such as "Stardust" and the "Harry Potter" franchise.

PETER SALLIS: Although we already met him in the pilot episode I hadn't thought of this section when I was writing that, so here we see a return for Sidney Bliss, ex-hangman and current landlord of "The Hangman's Knot Inn" pub, played by the man who now has two major roles forever enshrined in TV series, the first of which is as Clegg in the long-running comedy "The last of the summer wine" and the other persona he is now identified with is Wallace, from Nick Park's famous claymation duo, Wallace and Gromit.

THE B'STARD BODYCOUNT
Never a man afraid to make, and dispose of, his enemies in his climb up the greasy pole of success and power, B'Stard has, by the end of the series, left a considerable pile of bodies behind him. Some of these are not literal --- people whose careers he has destroyed, or whose lives he has ruined but who still survive --- but some are, and he has caused more than one bodybag to be filled in his quest for power and wealth. In this section I'll be detailing, and updating, both the number and the individuals sacrificed to the Tory's lust for power. In the case of any driven to suicide by him, I will count those as Non-Lethal, even if they did die. Only ones in which he has a direct hand will I consider Lethal, but believe me, there are more than enough of them to go around.

Note: Though it's quite highly likely that some people die or have their lives ruined as an indirect result of his machinations --- the workers at Ocelot, the kids in the school under which he buries the nuclear waste --- these will not be counted, as they can't be categorically attributed to him, and for all we know, their deaths may not have occurred, or may have, but for reasons unconnected to B'Stard.

Non-Lethal
William Richard Aslon, Labour candidate in Haltemprice by-election. Judicious severing of the brakes of his car caused it to crash into B'Stard's other opponent, removing both from the race.

Martin Cyril Roper, SDP candidate. As above.

Sir Malachy Jericho, ex-Chief Constable of Police. His innate insanity was brought to the fore by B'Stard, who convinced him that the Bishop of Haltemprice was the Antichrist. Jericho was then removed from the force and, it is assumed, sectioned or imprisoned for pulling a gun on the bishop.

Non-Lethal Bodycount: 3
Lethal Bodycount: 0
Total Bodycount: 3

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1.18 "Something wicked"

Monsters under the bed? Creepy figures at the window? For one young girl in Fitchburg, Wisconsin it's all too true, as we see a horrible hooded figure with long spindly fingers approach her in her bedroom...

Sam and Dean arrive to investigate, having been given the co-ordinates by their father, but can find nothing out of the ordinary, until Dean realises that it's a sunny day, school is out and yet there are no kids playing in the park, or in the street. A woman on a bench informs them that there is a worry about some bug or contagion going around; some kids have caught it already and the parents of the others fear it's catching, so keep their kids isolated. The brothers decide to check out the hospital, and there they happen to pass the room of an old creepy woman who keeps an inverted cross on her wall.

The doctor tells them (after they've introduced themselves as representatives of the CDC --- Centre for Disease Control) that whatever the illness is, it's like pneumonia but does not respond to the usual treatment for that ailment. And it only appears to affect the children in the family, though it seems to go through all the children. The father of the girl who got sick first is there, and he blames himself for leaving the window open, though he's sure he had closed it. An idea forming in his mind now, Dean suggests that they go to the house of the latest victim --- her parents will be tied up in the hospital for some time and it's unlikely they'll be disturbed --- and there they find a strange handprint, whcih appears to be seared or indeed rotted into the wood of the sill. Dean recognises it with horror.

He tells Sam that he and their father came up against this creature before; it attacked Sam when he was young and their father left Dean watching over his brother while he pursued the creature. It was in Wisconsin too, but apparently John Winchester was unable to kill it, for the thing, called a Shtriga, is surely behind these sicknesses. A form of witch from Albania, the creature is said to feed on the life essence of children, and to be vulnerable at the moment of consumption to consecrated iron. Dean returns to the hospital, to the room of the woman with the inverted cross. Turns out it's not an inverted cross, just a badly-hung one which has fallen on its end. The woman, too, whom Dean suspected to be the witch, turns out to be nothing more than a batty old lady, completely innocent.

Back at the motel they're staying at, one of the kids begins to get sick, and the brothers know that the Shtriga is after him. The mother rushes the child to hospital while the boys research the witch, and are aghast to turn up a picture of the doctor from the hospital --- from 1890! The penny drops and it's obvious now that the doctor is their witch. And what a position to be in to enable him to feed, where children at their weakest are entrusted to his care by their parents, and where they're expected to be safest. Dean is in the hospital with the doctor when Sam gives him the news on the phone, and wants to kill the witch but knows he must wait until it's feeding to have any chance of success.

He thinks back to when he was watching over Sam, as his father had charged him to do. After a few days he was bored and left the room, and when he came back the Shtriga was leaning over Sam! He raised his gun but hesitated. In that moment John Winchester burst into the room and shot the thing, but did not manage to kill it. It got away, and Dean's father was furious at him. It's clear now that destroying this witch is not only necessary and the only way to save all these kids, but also a mission of personal redemption for Dean. He tells Sam they must use Michael, the older brother of the latest child to get sick, the one at the motel, as bait, otherwise they can never catch the witch feeding. Sam is reluctant but agrees there is no other way.

When they put the plan to Michael he is scared and doesn't want to do it, but when he realises that doing so may save his younger brother, he agrees to help. With his gun now loaded with bullets made from the iron of the crucifix, Dean bursts in once the creature starts to feed on Michael and shoots it. It goes down, but in true monster-rising fashion gets back up again and goes after Sam. However Dean shoots it again and it dissolves, rotting away.

With the death of the Shtriga, Michael's brother begins to make a "miraculous recovery", as do all the other kids in town. Their job done, and Dean's personal ghost (or one of them, at least) laid to rest, the brothers leave town.

MUSIC
UFO: "Rock bottom"

Ozzy Osbourne: "Road to nowhere"


QUESTIONS?
Although obviously the Shtriga had to be destroyed, did their father send them there more to allow Dean his chance for revenge and redemption? Or, indeed, was it his own revenge he was exacting on the thing that dared attack his son?

Did the witch recognise Sam as "the one that got away", and was that why it attacked him, the only adult it seems to have gone after? Or was it just defending itself, and turning on whoever was closest? Did it remember, and mean to make Dean pay for shooting it by finishing the job of killing his brother?

How is it that, within one episode, John Winchester is again in contact with his boys? The last episode they were working solo, from the website, now he's sending them co-ordinates. Is that not a bit too soon? Or was the fact that the Shtriga had resurfaced just too important, and seeing the chance to destroy it he had decided to break cover early?

The "WTF??!" moment
Has to be when Sam comes across the picture of Doctor Heydecker, dated 1890, and realises he is the Shtriga.

PCRs
A really clever one is thrown in when Sam rings Dean from the library, where he has been researching the path of the Shtriga. He says "Before that there was Ogdenville, before that North Haverbrook and Brockway". All three locations are mentioned by monorail salesman/shyster Lyle Langley in the Simpsons' episode "Marge vs the monorail", when he enthuses "Well sir I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, and by gum it put them on the map!" Bravo.

BROTHERS
We see more of the backstory of the brothers in this episode, and indeed are allowed a glimpse into Dean's past, where we learn just why he is so protective of his brother, and also why he slavishly obeys his father's orders. The one time he didn't, the one time he let his guard down, Sam was almost killed by this witch. Not only does that weigh heavily on his heart, but the fact that he let his father down, who was depending on him and expected him to keep his younger brother safe, hurts like an old wound. Add to that the knowledge that in letting the creature get away the first time he has inadvertently put all these kids in danger from the Shtriga, and Dean is carrying a whole lot of unresolved guilt. Seeing the loathsome creature hunting again opens up that wound, and this time Dean is prepared to do whatever it takes to ensure it never has a chance to kill again. He is obviously also driven by a desire to redeem himself, both in his father's eyes and in his own.

When Michael asks him, just prior to agreeing to help them trap the witch, if he would do anything for his brother, Dean answers yes, but it must hurt to know that when he was supposed to be protecting him he let the creature slip past him. One moment, that was all it took, and it could have ended in disaster. Dean is determined nothing like that will ever happen again, and he will exchange his life for Sam's if it comes to it.

There's a nice little piece shown in the flashback to their younger lives, which serves to illustrate the bond that was, even then, between the two brothers. Sam wants Lucky Charms, but there is only enough for one, and Dean wants them. After some sulking by his younger brother Dean gives him his own share, whereupon Sam offers him the toy in the box. Fair brings a tear to a glass eye!

The ARC of the matter
Essentially there isn't really any "arc stuff" in this episode, but it does bear a somewhat closer examination. Given what we already know about Sam, was the witch aware how important he is? Was it going up against the demon, taking it on and risking its wrath by consuming a mortal deemed somehow important to it? Or was it just a "crime of opportunity", and there was no real significance attached to the fact that it was Sam who got singled out? Had Sam been killed, would the demon have then exacted revenge on the Shtriga, or does the witch even know of its existence?

All of this is interesting, as it does paint Sam as a mortal who seems to be of great importance to the darker elements of the forces of evil, and yet Dean, also a child at the time, was not attacked. Could there be a reason why that is?

Note: This episode, as I had hoped, is a huge improvement on "Hell house". Yes, it's monster-of-the-week in a way but it's tied into the arc, the brothers' history and goes beyond the mere creature feature of the previous episode. It also offers us a red herring in the inverted cross, though anyone who's been watching the series up to now will know that things are rarely as they seem, and the simplest solution is seldom the one that you would expect.

1.19 "Provenance"

A picture paints a thousand words. Or, in this case, causes a thousand deaths. Well, maybe not a thousand, but a cursed painting is killing everyone who has ever owned it. Its latest owners are killed when we see the painting of a family, with the father seeming to move, whereupon the husband and wife who have just bought it are killed in their bedroom. When the brothers read the article and collate it with similar entries in their father's journal, they head to New York. The house has been cleaned out after the murder, and they are unable to tie down what the origin of the spirit activity they detect is. It could be a cursed object, but the house is empty now.

They go to an auction where the possessions are being sold off, and try to check the provenance --- history and ownership --- of the items, but are kicked out. Sam though has made an impression on the auctioneer's daughter, Sarah, and Dean wants him to use that to find out all he can about the articles. Sam is reluctant to use the girl that way, but agrees they have no other option. On a date with her he manages to get the provenances and later he and Dean discover that there is a painting in the collection that according to their father's journals has resulted in every owner's death. They believe they have tracked down the culprit, and set about breaking into the auction house where they steal and burn the painting. Job done right? Well, no, because when they're gone it regenerates after having been burned!

When Dean realises the next morning that he dropped his wallet while they were stealing the painting, they have to go back for it and are aghast to see the painting they had thought destroyed whole again. Sam is similairly peeved when he realises Deam had his wallet on him all along, and this was just a ploy of his to engineer another meeting for his brother with Sarah. Sam asks Sarah not to sell the painting, that they will be back, and he and Dean discuss how they should proceed. Researching the family in the painting they find out they were called the Merchants, and that the father, Isaiah, killed the rest of them in 1912. All the family were cremated, leaving the boys to wonder how the spirit of the father could still be haunting the painting? They check the original against a picture of it they find in their research, and note that the figure of the father is not in the same place in both. It appears he's moving.

When Sam calls Sarah to tell her they might be interested in buying the painting, he is shocked and horrified to find that it has been sold; her father sold it, despite her asking him not to. They race to the address of the new owner, with Sarah joining them there, but are too late: the woman has been killed, her throat slit. With no alternative the boys have to come clean and explain to Sarah their theory, and though she thinks they're crazy she comes to believe them, and then to a decision to help them destroy the thing. Sam does not want her in danger but she will not be denied.

Looking more closely at the painting they see in the background another painting, which depicts a mausoleum in which presumably the Merchants were interred, as it has their name on it. When they eventually find the right one and break in, they find that though the ashes of the family, including an adopted daugher, and toys and dolls are there, Isaiah's are not. Dean goes to check and finds that the father was not in fact cremated: due to his scandalous actions he was buried in a pauper's grave. They find it, dig up his bones and burn them. For safety's sake they decide to burn the painting too, and go to get it, but the door of the house slams shut on Sam and Sarah, trapping them inside while Dean tries to open the door from outside. Sam shouts that he has noticed that there is another figure missing from the painting: a little girl whom the family adopted. He believes it may in fact be her who is doing the killings.

As Dean tries to force the door, Sam is proven correct as the spirit of the little girl appears and attacks them with a razor. Sam hits her with an iron from the fire, and she is driven back but not destroyed. Sam shouts to Dean to return to the crypt and burn the doll they saw there, as the chances are it's made out of her hair, and may contain her spirit. At the crypt Dean has some trouble smashing the glass case containing the doll but he gets it in the nick of time, burning it and taking the evil spirit with it.

Later their research turns up the fact that the adopted girl had killed her original family and then murdered her adopted one. Seems the father wasn't carrying out the murders, but trying somehow to stop his daughter, or at least warn her victims. Sarah tells the workmen crating up the painting to burn it, and bids goodbye to Sam with a kiss at the door. Dean smirks and leaves them to it.

MUSIC
Grand Funk Railroad: "Bad time"

Steve Carlson band: "Night life"


QUESTIONS?
When Sam is trapped behind the press in Evelyn's house, with Sarah in danger why can he not use his telekinetic powers, discovered in "Nightmare", to shift the thing? He has to physically force it away from him. Is this power he has just recently discovered arbitrary, something that just happens, that he can't control? But in that episode he moved the shelf out of the way when he realised Dean could die if he didn't get there in time. Is the power linked to his fear for/protection of his brother?

The "WTF??!" moment
Probably when the boys burn the painting and then we see it, unbeknownst to them, reassemble itself in the auction house. That, or the sudden realisation that it is the little girl who was the killer.

PCRs
Dean says "You think that Daddy dearest is trapped in the painting and is handing out Columbian neckties?" Reference to the mooted practice among the gangland drug cartels of Columbia for despatching their enemies by slitting their throats, pulling out their tongue through the gap and tying it like, well, a necktie. Ugh.

Sam: "What, like a Da Vinci Code deal?" Reference to the novel and movie of Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code". Interestingly, this must in fact be before the movie is released, as Dean looks blankly at the reference and it's clear he hasn't read the book, as he mutters he's waiting for the movie.

Sam says "I'm not talking about a broken heart and a tub of Haagen Das." One of the most famous and loved makers of ice cream

BROTHERS
Once again Sam is attracted to a woman, but apart from the memory of Jessica still raw in his mind and heart, he is beginning to see that, like Spiderman, anyone he gets close to can and usually does end up getting hurt, so he is prepared to forego any romantic attachments in order to save the people he cares about from repercussions from the dark forces they are pursuing (or is it the other way around? Sometimes it's hard to tell...) Dean of course just eggs Sam on, knowing that his brother needs someone in his life to give him a little love, and also perhaps hoping to paper over the wound of losing his fiancee in such horrible circumstances. Dean realises that Sam blames himself for Jessica's death, and hopes that loosening the lock on his heart might help lift a little of that self-imposed guilt from his little brother.

There's also a sort of veiled warning about how families don't always stick together, kind of looking back again to "Nightmare", as we see that the Merchant family, having adopted a daughter out of, you would presume, the kindness of their hearts, were paid back not only by being murdered, but having the blame placed on the father, who for almost a century lay in unconsecrated ground, shunned by the spirits of his dead family. Sometimes family is not the binding force it should be, and this episode will probably strengthen and increase the bonds between Sam and Dean.

RIP Tony Soprano
http://cf.broadsheet.ie/wp-content/u...olfinimain.jpg

The Couch Potato would like to send our condolences to the family of actor James Gandolfini, best known for his role as leader of the Soprano family in the Emmy award-winning TV series. Aged only 51, James died on Wednesday in Rome of a sudden heart attack. His death has shocked the world of showbusiness, and he will be a huge loss to the television community and to the world at large. May he rest in peace.

James Gandolfini, 1961-2013

http://captainsofcomedy.files.wordpr...asier1_011.jpg
1.1 "The good son"

Having left behind his life in Boston, along with a failed marriage and a son he hardly gets to see, Frasier Crane moves to Seattle to try to start afresh. Unwillling to replicate his old pattern though he resists setting up in private practice in the new city and instead opts to be the "phone-in" psychiatrist on a radio station. The series opens with his relating the circumstances which led to his move. He then meets his brother Niles for coffee. Niles, if this is possible, makes Frasier seem almost bearable. He's superior and condescending, and yet we will grow to love him as the series progresses. He's also quite fastidious, almost to the point of being neurotic about cleanliness. Here we see him dusting down a chair with his handkerchief before he will deign to sit in it.

Niles has come to meet Frasier to tell him about thier father, a retired cop who he worries should not be living on his own. He has had another fall, and Niles has made arrangements for him to be moved into a convalescent home. Frasier of course will not hear of it and so is manipulated into allowing him to move into his new apartment. There's a great scene just before the father arrives where Frasier is playing his piano. He hears the doorbell, stops playing, closes the lid of the piano, trudges to the door like a boy dragging his feet, takes one last, despairing look back at his apartment, knowing it will never be the same for him again, and opens the door.

Things don't exactly go swimmingly. Though Frasier pretends he wants his father there Martin knows he is not welcome, and is embarrassed that it has been decided that he cannot be trusted to be left alone. He brightens up however when his favourite chair, which he has had brought over from his apartment, arrives. Frasier is aghast: the thing is a nasty, split-pea green monstrosity that clashes with everything he owns. Martin however counters this argument by reminding his son that he has just this moment been talking about the "eclectic" nature of his own furnishings, none of which match each other, so he can't complain about Martin's favourite recliner.

But worse is to come. As Niles makes a hasty exit he throws out a bombshell, asking his father if he has mentioned Eddie yet? Frasier almost collapses. Not Eddie! Dear god no, not Eddie! Please! Turns out Eddie is Martin's little Jack Russell, this being the final straw for Frasier, who meets Niles a week later and tells him it is not working out. They're going to have to go with Plan B, and organise a place for their father in that nursing home Niles was talking about. They're still not happy about it though, and Niles suggests a compromise, hiring a homecare worker.

Again, things do not go well. Martin is not happy with any of the applicants, until finally Daphne Moon, an English girl, comes to the apartment and he instantly warms to her, mostly it would seem due to her cheeky disrespect of Frasier and his furniture. She also takes a liking to Eddie, and Martin hires her on the spot. However there is a problem. She seems to have misunderstood the job; she thinks it's a live-in position whereas Frasier points out it's only part-time. Martin says he'd be happy for her to move in but Frasier isn't having it. This leads to a knock-down row as Frasier goes on about how much he's given up and sacrificed in taking his father in, while Martin is annoyed to see that he's being considered a burden, a responsibility. Frasier stalks out, and Martin goes to feed Eddie. The atmosphere is thick with resentment.

Later, Martin unexpectedly phones in to the radio show, saying he has a problem with his son. In a roundabout way he manages to apologise while also making Frasier realise that he too needs to cut his dad some slack.

QUOTES
Yes, almost every line in Frasier is quotable, but here I'll try to restrict myself to those that are really funny, or which reveal something about the character of those who speak them, or those they are spoken about.

Frasier: "I miss Frederick like the dickens of course. You know he's quite the little sportsman: plays goalie in the pee-wee soccer team. Chip off the old block."
Niles: "You hated sports."
Frasier: "So does he!"

Niles: "We would be willing to help you pay for a homecare worker."
Frasier: "A what?"
Niles: "You know: someone who cooks and cleans, and can help dad with his therapy."
Frasier: "These angels exist?"

THE DRY WIT OF ROZ
If one person keeps Frasier grounded, then three do, but at work it's Roz Doyle, the straight-talking, no-nonsense producer who sees him as an overbearing, pretentious windbag (turns out she has good instincts) and who misses no opportunity to deflate him with a cutting remark. Here I'll be looking at some of these.

Frasier (in full flight as he gives advice to a caller): "Well I think we lost him."
ROz: "No, we cut to news thirty seconds ago!"

Frasier: "How did I do?"
Roz: "Well let's see. You dropped two commercials, left twenty eight seconds of dead air, scrambled the station's call letters, you spilled yoghurt on the control board, and kept referring to Jerry, who had the identity crisis, as Jeff!"

Lupe Valez: To cheer Frasier up, Roz tells him the story of Lupe Valez, a movie star in the thirties who was determined to go out on a high. Her career having hit the slide, she decided to kill herself and leave a beautiful corpse. Unfortunately she failed in her initial attempt, vomited up the pills, slipped and hit her head on the toilet, killing herself and being found the next day with her head down the pan.

AND ISN'T THAT...?
Right from its beginnings, probably because of the popularity of "Cheers" and the producers' deseperation to make this show as famous and loved, famous guest stars were invited on to the show. A few appeared in person, particularly in later seasons, but because of the nature of the programme it was easier to have famous people voice the various callers who would ring Frasier with their problems. Made it so that stars could record their part and send it on rather than have to turn up at the studio for the show. Here I'll be noting any people who crop up whom we should know.

Claire is voiced by Linda Hamilton, of "Terminator" fame
Russell is voiced by Griffin Dunne

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/...20090717130729
New character!
Bob "Bulldog" Brisco, played by Dan Butler, presents the Gonzo Sports Show on KACL, the station Frasier works for. He is affectionately (!) known as Bulldog and is everything Frasier is not. He's loud, brash, chauvinistic, full of himself and considers himself an ordinary guy, looking down on the "college boys" like Frasier. He thinks he's god's gift and is about as cultured as a homeless tramp. He takes great delight in laughing at Frasier's sensitivity and is in fact the epitome of the jock taunting the nerd (wanna guess who the nerd is?)

He has this habit of misplacing something and then immediately declaring that someone has stolen it before he very quickly finds it. The joke runs along these lines: "Where is my [insert object here]? Somebody stole my [insert object here]! This stinks! This is total BS! This --- oh there it is!" It's a recurring joke throughout the series, never really gets old.

Daphne has moved in and Martin is making changes. Whereas Frasier normally has a sparse, healthy breakfast now he's being served a greasy fry-up. His coffee has been "spiced up" and --- dear god say it isn't true! --- someone has read his newspaper before him! He makes a little speech advising Daphne and Martin that he needs his morning routine, but he is ignored with Martin's now-characteristic bluff "get used to it" and Daphne's kind but unwavering "we'll all soon get along". At the station he is in a black mood, and confesses to Roz that he needs to find solitude, somewhere to just sit and read his book.

When he returns home he is amazed but delighted to find the apartment empty, and settles down with his book. However, he has not even started before Martin, Daphne and Eddie return. Driven out of his home again he ends up in Cafe Nervosa, where he runs into Niles. His brother suggests he should try engaging with Martin, try to find some common ground, make an effort to get to know him instead of just tolerating him. Unfortunately it's a little stilted and doesn't go very well: you can't force these things. Martin reminds him that to forge that kind of relationship takes more than a few days, it could take years. Horrified, but realising he's right, Frasier decides to give the thing a chance.

QUOTES
Frasier: "Ah yes, the Crane family specialty: Fried eggs swimming in fat, served in a delightfully hollowed-out piece of white bread. I can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut!"

Frasier: "Dad! Dad! I can't read my morning paper: Eddie's staring at me!"
Martin: "Just ignore him."
Frasier: "I'm trying to!"
Martin: "I was talking to the dog!"

ROZ THE RAVER
Another thing we learn about Roz this episode is that she has, shall we say, loose morals? She is what would have been called in previous centuries something of a harlot. She sleeps with as many men as she can and has no qualms talking about it, nor does she see anything wrong in it. Over the course of the series naturally this behaviour will change, as she begins to realise that you can't be a slut all your life: at some point you want more than sex. Nevertheless, her sexual exploits will form quite a part of the comedy, especially Frasier's distaste of her stories and, later, his genuine concern for her as she becomes less a producer and more a friend.

AND ISN'T THAT...?
Leonard is voiced by the late Christopher Reeve, Superman himself

1.3 "Dinner at eight"

Niles comes around and meets Daphne. To his amazement it's love at first sight, for him at any rate. The boys consider how their father can be so unlike both of them: he's not interested in opera or classical music, fine food or sartorial elegance, and they decide to take him to dinner. Unfortunately there's a SNAFU and the reservations are lost, so under great duress they agree to go to Martin's choice, the Timber Mill --- "You get a steak this thick for eight ninety-five!" --- but are somewhat condescending and mocking about the lowbrow restaurant.

Martin has finally had enough and berates his children in front of everyone in the restaurant. This is the first of many times when he makes the two grown men feel like kids, and both the doctors feel suitably abashed, ashamed of their behaviour.


QUOTES
Frasier: "You do not antagonise a man whose bumper sticker reads If you're close enough to read this I'll kill you!"

Niles: "The food is to die for!"
Martin: "Niles, your country and your family is to die for. Food is to eat."

Niles: "One of my patients had an amusing freudian slip the other day. He was having dinner with his wife and he meant to say Pass the salt but what he actually said was You've ruined my life, you bloodsucking shrew!"

Niles: "I'd like a petite filet mingnon, very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavour but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate. And I don't want it cooked but just lightly seared on each side, pink in the middle but not true pink. Not mauve either, something in between; bearing in mind the slightest error either way and it's ruined."

FAMILY
NILES
Here we see the depths of Niles' obsession with having things just so, as he reels off a complicated manner in which his steak must be cooked, as above. We don't see it, but no doubt he wipes the seat at his table in the Timber Mill down a few more times before sitting down. He also complains of "things haven fallen into" his baked potato, which Martin tells him are bacon bits. He doesn't like bacon bits, because of the nitrates. We will later learn that though Frasier's brother is a fussy eater, he in some ways has reason to be, as he is allergic to a wide variety of things.

It's also funny that he expresses a specific number of olives that must be in his drink: two only. Frasier conspiratorially tells the waitress if she brings it with three, or with four, he will send it back, then promptly orders the same for himself, showing that critical and mocking as he may be of his brother's tastes, he is just as guilty of being picky.

MARTIN
This is the first time Martin speaks at any length about his wife, Frasier and Niles' mother. It's clear he had a deep, abiding love for her and that he misses her greatly. It's also clear that she had vastly different tastes to his, but that he accepted her for what she was and she enjoyed many of the things he did, probably just to please him. He tells the two brothers, as they mock the restaurant he has chosen, that she would be ashamed of them.

AND ISN'T THAT...?
Pam is voiced by Patti LuPone (yeah, I don't know her...)

1.4 "I hate Frasier Crane"

Martin is looking at an old case he has yet to solve, a murder which took place twenty years ago. Niles calls around for dinner and lets his brother know that a local columnist has written an unflattering piece about him entitled "I hate Frasier Crane". When he gets the chance Frasier hits back at Derek Mann, who wrote the piece, through his radio show. However his saracastic comments don't go down well with Mann, who elaborates in his next column with a point-by-point critique of the show. Determining not to respond, Frasier does exactly the opposite. He rails against Mann, who challenges him to a fist fight.

Unable to back down as the challenge was made on air, Frasier worries that he may not be able to take the guy. Martin however is delighted that Frasier is actually standing up to the bully, but less happy when Frasier tells him he's not going to go through with it. His father reminds him of an incident from his childhood where he backed away from a schoolyard fight, and Martin sees this fight as a matter of honour. The day of the fight dawns, and there's a big crowd. Frasier has decided to go ahead and keep his promise. Niles points out to him the hulking figure of Derek Mann, and Frasier's confidence begins to desert him. Nevertheless he has to go through with it, but as he walks out and the fight begins it is suddenly broken up by the police. Turns out Martin has called in a favour to save his son's honour. And hide.

QUOTES
Frasier (looking down at Eddie the dog from the dinner table): "Oh will you stop staring?"
Niles (who has been looking surreptitiously at Daphne): "I wasn't staring!"

Roz: "Dr. Crane, on line 5 we have Stuart, who's having a problem with delayed gratification."
Frasier: "Well he's just gonna have to wait!"

Niles (filing his nails): "What is it that makes us Crane boys such targets?"

FAMILY HISTORY
As the show goes on we learn more about the characters and about the backstory of both the Crane family and those of the other associated characters. These help us build up a more solid picture of both Frasier and his contemporaries, and on occasion give us an insight into why he is like he is.

FRASIER
Billy Creezle: Here we are shown that Frasier was a nerd in school (surprise, surprise!) and like all nerds had his bully who made his life miserable. Frasier's was Billy Creezle, with whom he was supposed to have a fight after school. But Frasier ducked out of the meeting, crying off to take a clarinet lesson. The shame has stayed with his father ever since, and he lets his grown-up son know that this also permeated down into his working life. Billy's father was also a cop, in the same precinct, and whenever Martin was unable to meet for a beer they would laugh and say "Oh have you a clarinet lesson to go to?"

He's obviously delighted when Frasier finally stands up to the new Billy Creezle, in the shape of Derek Mann, erasing for once and for all that stain of dishonour that Martin has seen as remaining upon the Crane name. He knows however that no matter how much he loves and supports his son, he can't be expected to take on a brute of a man like Derek Mann, so discretely arranges for the fight to be broken up. When he smiles to the cop in an aside that "the Crane boys don't take clarinet lessons anymore" he is met by a blank look, until he realises this cop did not operate out of his precinct.

There's also a funny scene which shows that it was not only Frasier who was bullied by Creezle. When Niles asks him why he is fighting Frasier says "It's Billy Creezle", to which a suddenly scared Niles gasps "Where?" and looks around in terror, as if expecting the bully to appear before him.

FAMILY
Although the initial stages of Martin's moving in with his son have been fraught with tension and ill-feeling, this is the first episode where we begin to see a thawing of the relationship between the two. Initially delighted that Frasier has stood up to Mann, then bitter that he is going to break his word and finally ecstatic when his son decides to honour that word, Martin shows that though he has had occasions when perhaps he could have wished for more manly sons (or even a daughter!) he still loves Frasier and Niles, and is proud of them.

AND ISN'T THAT...?
Derek Mann is voiced by Joe Mantegna, of "Criminal Minds" fame
Lorraine is voiced by Judith Ivey (Yeah, don't know her either...)

http://s5.postimg.org/xv0u0fgwn/cpb5.png
Season One: "Signs and portents" (Part Nine)
1.19: "Babylon squared"

Strange readings in Sector 14 turn out to be the re-emergence, against all possibility, of Babylon 4, predecessor to Babylon 5, which is known to have disappeared twenty-four hours after going online. Nobody ever knew where it went, or why, and now here it is, back in its old orbit! Without question this merits an investigation, especially when a Starfury sent out to do just that comes back with the pilot dead --- from old age! When a distress call is received, purporting to be from Babylon 4 itself, Garibaldi and Sinclair lead a team and head out to Sector 14. Checking the datestamp on the distress call it appears to be four years out of date, which would tie in with the inexplicable fact of this actually being Babylon 4 returning from the past. Meanwhile Delenn leaves the station, on a mysterious mission of her own. We see she has gone to one of the huge Minbari cruisers that float through space, and meets the rest of the mysterious Grey Council.

She is told that she has been selected to be the new leader, and that she must leave Babylon 5, but she is reluctant, protesting about a prophecy that has yet to be fulfilled, and something important seems to be on her mind which her fellow members do not appear to see. Sinclair and Garibaldi breach the tachyon field surrounding Babylon 4, going in to check if it is safe for the fighters to approach. Believing that the station may be abandoned, given that the distress communication was four years old, they are surprised to find the original crew onboard, led by a Major Krantz, who tells them, once he realises what year it is, that they have to get off the station before...

Right then there's a flash, and Sinclair has a vision of the future, in which he sees the station, his station, Babylon 5, under attack and hopelessly outnumbered. Something is cutting through the bulkheads, and Garibaldi is telling him to go, that he'll hold them off. Krantz tells him that this effect is different for everyone: Babylon 4 has become unstuck in time, and the normal laws of temporal mechanics do not apply here. Meanwhile, Delenn turns down the greatest honour she can be given, and declares that she must return to Babylon 5. She reconvenes the Grey Council to advise them of her decision.

Krantz leads Sinclair and Garibaldi to an alien they have said just appeared on the station. He rises at sight of the commander and looks as if he recognises him, but then shakes his head and says, to himself as much as to anyone else, "Not the one." He does however tell Sinclair that Babylon 4 is needed, to help in a massive war that is coming, and that it has been pulled back through time to achieve this. He makes more references to "The One", saying "The One is hurt" and "Must find The One", but none of it makes any sense. Just then another crew member comes in and says to the Major "It's back!" They race after him and see an apparition, a man in a spacesuit kneeling on the ground, looking like he is in trouble. Zathras tells them that this is The One, and that he is suffering like this, caught in time, because he ordered the pausing of the retrieval of Babylon 4 back through time, to allow the crew to get off here, closest as they can get to their own era.

Sinclair goes forward, intending to help him, but there is another flash and he is knocked halfway across the deck. In the confusion, Zathras rushes forward and hands something to The One, saying he has fixed it. The figure takes what he is given and vanishes. Zathras says there is no more time, and everyone must leave.

Delenn talks eloquently about her experience with humans, and while her fellow Minbari afford them little respect, she has a completely different view. She tells them that she cannot accept the leadership of the Grey Council, and she is told that if she turns away from the honour they wish to bestow upon her she may become an exile, cast out of the Council. Zathras tells Sinclair and Krantz that the device he gave to The One is a temporal stabilisation device, which allows the wearer to remain static in time while everything is in flux around them, anchoring them here in this time. Zathras gave his to The One, and is now unable to leave the station. He believes he will die here, but is philosophical about his fate, knowing that he has played his part.

The evacuation of Babylon 4 is almost complete when Garibaldi too has a vision, where he sees a woman he loved arguing with him about leaving Mars to follow Sinclair to Babylon 5 and leaving her behind. It shakes him, but it quickly ends and he is back in the present. As they try to take Zathras with them a pipe falls on him and he is trapped. Sinclair tries to help him but Zathras tells the commander he has a great destiny, and must leave. As he reluctantly does, we see the spacesuited figure appear and crouch over Zathras, who smiles, saying he trusts The One. The figure removes its helmet and reveals itself to be a much older version of Commander Sinclair. He talks to another figure offscreen, and bemoans the fact that he could not warn them. A female voice sympathises with him, but says they must go.

Delenn leaves the Grey Council, having been presented with a triangular metal object called a triluminary; she is told that if she is right, she will need it more than they. Sinclair and Garibaldi make it out just before Babylon 4 shimmers and disappears, to where nobody knows, but if Zathras is right, it may just be on its way to the greatest war the galaxy has ever seen.

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
Babylon 4
Arc level: Red
At the beginning of the series we were told that there were four stations built before Babylon 5, adn that the first three were sabotaged, with the fourth mysteriously disappearing. Now it has re-emerged, and we're given hints that the disappearance may not have been accidental; it would appear the predecessor to Babylon 5 is required somewhere, somewhen, as a staging base in a major war. The end of this story will take two more seasons to full play itself out, when there will be a revelation so massive it will blow your mind.

Delenn and the Grey Council
Arc Level: Red
Delenn's refusal to take up the leadership of her people is a huge gamble, but she believes she knows where she is supposed to be, and it is not at the head of the Grey Council. She risks ostracisiation, knowing that it is a great disgrace to turn down this offer, but her own faith in the prophecy she is following will not allow her to be dissuaded from her chosen path, even at the expense of alienating her people. Indeed, later she will push this further, testing to the limits the patience and forebearance of her fellow Minbari, and in particular the Grey Council.

Zathras
Arc Level: Green
Zathras will turn up again, though not quite as we might expect him, in a later season. Indeed, his influence on the current time will have to be re-evaluated when we meet him again.

Visions
Arc Level: Orange
Once before Commander Sinclair had a vision --- or rather, shared the Lady Ladira's premonition --- where he saw Babylon 5 under attack and destroyed. He has now seen something very similar in the vision he had while on Babylon 4. Are they tied in together, and could they in fact come true? There's no doubt that whatever is attacking the station, Garibaldi does not think they have a chance, and is prepared to sacrifice his life --- and rig the station to explode --- in order to give Sinclair and the others a chance to escape.

The One
Arc Level: Red
Zathras refers to The One a few times during this episode. He seems to hold The One in extremely high regard, saying he --- and others --- would die for him. When we see The One revealed near the end of the episode it is shown to be Commander Sinclair, though a lot older. What does this mean? Is Jeffrey Sinclair The One, and if so, why then did Zathras on first meeting him think he was, and then decide he was not?

QUESTIONS?
Some fairly obvious ones leap out at you:

Where has Babylon 4 been taken, and to what purpose? Zathras mentioned a war, but where, or when? And between whom? And how can one Earthforce space station help?

Who is The One? We've seen he appears to be Sinclair, but how did this come about? And what does it mean? The One what? Why is Zathras --- and apparently, others --- so willing to die for him?

Who is it speaking to Sinclair at the end, who tells him they have to go?

What is it Sinclair, as The One, wanted to warn them about?

What do the visions mean? Are they real, imagined, or things that might be? Garibaldi's certainly seems a memory of a real event, Sinclair's more a presentiment of the future, or a future.

Why does Delenn turn down the great honour of leading the Grey Council? What is so important on Babylon 5 that it demands her personal attention above all else?

Personal notes: When I was first watching this series I used to tape it off the TV, because I would be at work when it was showing. The evening I got home to this episode for some reason it had started earlier than usual, or my tape was faulty, or something, because I remember seeing only from the point they meet Major Krantz and he tells them Babylon 4 is unstuck in time. Luckily I hadn't missed too much, but it was still a shock to have that front and centre without any preamble, and I remember the next chance I had to catch the episode --- probably on VHS: no plus one channels back then! --- I appreciated it a whole lot more when I saw the backstory.

As you have probably worked out by now, this is where the arc takes a big upswing, and apart from the next episode it's foot-on-the-gas to the end of the season. Well, there are only two episodes left. Though thinking about it, the next episode does fit into the later arc in a particular way...

Finally, this is the first time we hear the words "signs and portents" used. Even in the episode of the same name nobody said it, but here as Delenn is leaving, after refusing to lead the Grey Council, one of the Minbari says "I have seen signs and portents..." Nice touch.

Small niggle: When the Starfury with the dead pilot makes it back to Babylon 5 on autopilot, they see that he has scratched "B4" into his beltbuckle before dying. Now first, it's unlikely anyone would do this but even given that, Ivanova immediately equates it with Babylon 4. Considering they don't even know of the station's reappearance in Sector 14, they don't know (at this point) that this is the very sector where the station was when it disappeared, it seems an unlikely leap of logic. If I saw B4 I woudl think "before? Before what?" But Ivanova right away gets it, and I just think that's asking a little too much of the viewer. If Babylon 4 had been mentioned at some point prior to this, okay, but up to then it has not even come up, and I just think in some ways JMS could not contain his excitement at the twist he knew the story was taking, and perhaps just wanted to telegraph the idea a few moments too soon. Had she said something like "B4? B4? Why is that familiar?" and then it clicked when they heard about the reappearance of the station, but not on her own, without any clue or inkling. Just not likely.

QUOTES
Garibaldi: "Mind if I ask you a question? It's morning, you're getting ready for work. You pull on your pants. Do you fasten and then zip or zip and then fasten?"
Sinclair: "What kind of question is that?"
Garibaldi: "Well look, we got two hours to kill..."
Sinclair: "Forget it. Why do you want to know anyway?"
Garibaldi: "Why do I want to know? Because I think of these things sometimes. I was getting dressed this morning and for a second I couldn't remember which way I did it. Then I started thinking about it: does everyone do it the same? Is it a left-handed, right-handed thing?"
Sinclair: "You think about this a lot?"
Garibaldi: "Yeah. Look, okay, sorry I asked. You're always so serious all the time. Not every conversation has to be the end of the world."
Sinclair: "I didn't mean to..."
Garibaldi: "Never mind, it's okay. I'll just ... watch my console."
Sinclair (sighs): "Fasten then zip. You?"
Garibaldi: "Fasten, zip."
Sinclair: "How much longer?"
Garibaldi: "One hour, fifty-seven minutes." (Pause) "You wanna talk socks?"
Sinclair: "No!"
Garibaldi: "Just a question."
Sinclair: "I'm not having this conversation."

Sinclair: "Why do you need Babylon 4?"
Zathras: "Zathras tells, you let Zathras go? Finish what he came for?"
Garibaldi: "Zathras tells, maybe we don't break Zathras's scrawny little neck!"

Zathras: "We live for The One. We would die for The One."

Zathras: "Zathras die. But Zathras die for cause. Maybe stop great war; maybe Zathras great hero. Maybe they build statue to Zathras, and others come. Remember Zathras."
Krantz: "What if we take you with us? Put you on trial?"
Zathras: "Zathras not of this time. You take, Zathras die. You leave, Zathras die. Either way, it is bad for Zathras."
Sinclair: "You're willing to let yourself die to steal a space station?"
Zathras: "Zathras does not want to die. But if it is the ony way, then Zathras dies. It is life."

Sinclair: "It's like watching a great old ship go down for the last time!"
Garibaldi: "Yeah, well you're not the captain of the ship and I'm not about to let us go down with it!"

1.20 "The quality of mercy"

Londo is bored, and decides to take Lennier under his wing, to further his education and bring him out of his shell. Meanwhile a murderer is sentenced to "the death of personality", the highest penalty that can be handed out for crimes, where the brain is completely wiped and a new personality inserted. A rehabilitation of the most literal kind; replace one mind with another. It's a controversial punishment, not without its critics, but the only other alternative is "spacing" --- death by expulsion from an airlock into space --- and that is reserved for military-style high crimes like mutiny and treason. In order for the sentence to be carried out, the judge needs Talia Winters to scan the criminal's mind, before it is wiped. Garibaldi is convinced the guy has killed before, and wants the telepath to look while she is inside his mind to see if there is any evidence of such, but the judge tells him harshly this will not be sanctioned.

Talia is not looking forward to the job. She says she was inside a murderer's mind before, and it was not a pleasant experience, as you would probably guess. Meanwhile Franklin, running a free clinic in Downbelow, sees his patients slacken off and goes looking to see what has happened. He comes upon a woman who seems to be healing people with an alien device she has in her possession, and accepting only voluntary contributions from her patients. The doctor is concerned that the woman, Laura Rosen, does not know what the alien artifact is or what it's meant for, though she does think it was used for punishment. In effect, it allows her to transfer a little of her life force to another person, thus healing that person but taking upon herself a huge burden. She is dying anyway, stricken with Lake's Syndrome, and has only a few years to live. Therefore she tells him she has nothing to lose, but he is still not happy.

Londo brings Lennier to one of his favourite bars, pulling the old "I-forgot-my-wallet" trick, and mesmerising the Minbari attache with sights he has never seen before. He is delighted when Lennier reveals he has a real talent for guessing odds, which of course Londo can use to great effect in his gambling enterprises. Talia prepares for her dark journey into the killer's mind. It's jsut as terrifying as she expected, and she finds that Garibaldi was indeed right: Karl Mueller has killed many, many times before. On the way to his "reprogramming" however he escapes and, wounded by a shot from Garibaldi, he makes it to Downbelow where he staggers into Laura Rosen's medical bay and takes her and her daughter hostage.

Meanwhile, back at the poker game, Londo is found to have been cheating, by using, shall we say, a certain part of his anatomy to palm cards, and a fight breaks out in classic western saloon style. Lennier has to employ all his fighting skills as a Minbari to get them out of trouble. When Franklin hears about Mueller's escape, he reasons that the killer must have gone to have his wound treated, and as he has not shown up in his own free clinic in Downbelow he must have gone to Laura. He gets there to find that the murderer is holding a gun to the daughter's head while he forces Laura to use her machine to heal him. But when she realises that he is going to kill them all anyway, she turns the alien machine to full power and transfers the entireity of her Lake's Syndrome to him, killing him in great pain.

No charges are brought against her, as it was seen as self-defence, and the doctor is a witness. But the alien artifact must be turned over to the station. Laura is completely well now, her Lake's Syndrome gone, but she is troubled by the fact that she, a doctor, has killed in order to save her and her loved ones. The machine is turned over to Franklin, who will study it, try to see if he can determine if it's safe to use.

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS

THE ALIEN MACHINE
Arc level: Red
This may seem to be a somewhat throwaway plot device, and in ways it is: more a way to exact justice on someone who deserves its harsh repercussions more than most. But file its existence away for later, as this machine will play a rather huge part in a section of one of the later seasons.

THE DEATH OF PERSONALITY
Arc Level: White
I sort of really wasn't going to place this in this section, so have made up a "white" level to address points that are not in any real way important to the arc, but do come back later in some form. The idea of wiping someone's mind and replacing it with a new personality as a form of justice or punishment is something that will be seen again in season three, when its full negative connotations and consequences will be seen.

Another small niggle: Sorry but there are the odd mistakes in Babylon 5, few though they may be. Here we see one, when Laura refers to the alien device as a method of corporal punishment. She means capital punishment obviously: corporal punishment is the likes of spanking, caning etc --- physical punishment --- whereas capital punishment is punishment meted out by the state; effectively, the death penalty. Straczynski's views on same will, as I say, be revisited in season three, where we will see if his proposal of the mindwipe is as clean and simple a method as it appears.

Additional notes: There are things said here too which will feed in to the arc later. When Talia meets Garibaldi in the stone garden and talks about her experiences inside Mueller's mind, she shivers and says "The things inside us: terrible." Make a note, and watch at the end of season two to see just how prophetic this remark will be. Also, Lennier's willingness to take the blame in order to save face for Londo will be a critical component in one of the early season two episodes. As in most things he does, or at least writes, very little JMS shows us in this series is inconsequential or trivial. Similarly, when Ivanova discovers Franklin's free clinic she does not report him, saying she has broken the rules on a few occasions herself. We remember her unauthorised used of the Gold Channel earlier in the season to enable her to talk to her dying father.

Another thing this episode does is brings us head-on with Dr. Franklin's views, the last time we were party to such was in "Believers". Here we see him initially happy to spend his own spare time helping to minister to those who can't afford to come "topside"; he is first and foremost a healer, and will rush to anyone's aid, friend or foe, rich or poor. We said this about him already. Mind you, he has little time for charlatans or quacks, as he believes Laura Rosen to be, but when he discovers that the machine is actually working, and why it is working, he becomes more concerned for her as a person than as a rival, genuine or not. He agrees to allow her use the machine without interference as long as she visits medlab for checkups, as he knows Lake's Syndrome is a deadly and extremely painful condition. Finally, we also see one of what will be not many, but more than one conquest, as he hooks up with Laura's daughter, the sly old dog!



QUOTES
Franklin (looking away): "You can start by removing your clothes."
Ivanova: "Not without dinner and flowers!"

Franklin (about Mueller's upcoming brainwipe): "I'll have to check the equipment later, make sure the process is painless."
Garibaldi: "Do me a favour, don't check too close. If there's a little pain I won't mind."

Londo to Lennier: "Here you will see the very heart and soul of Babylon 5. Also its spleen, its kidneys: a veritable parade of internal organs!"

Mueller (to Talia): "So, you're going to walk around inside my head, are you? I'd think twice if I were you. Something might just jump out of the shadows and bite you!"

Mueller, again to Talia though this time while she is scanning him and sees the multitude of his victims in his mind: "How many? How many worlds are there? How many flowers waiting to be harvested? How many new voices waiting to be recruited into my choir? I have to keep adding voices, until the choir is large enough to sing me into Heaven when I die. It's necessary. The overture is just beginning, Miss Winters."

Talia: "In the past five years I have scanned minds that were so alien, so different that at times I was afraid I would never find my way out again. But at least those minds held more humanity than what I saw a few hours ago. The things that live inside us, Mister Garibaldi: terrible things. You said earlier that you woudl bet good money that he had killed before. You would not have lost."

Janice Rosen: "You did the right thing, mother."
Laura: "I did the necessary thing. That is not always the same as the right thing."

Sinclair: "I'm still waiting for an explanation, gentlemen."
Londo: "And I am prepared to give you one, Commander. Just as soon as the room stops spinning."
Sinclair: "This station creates gravity by rotation, Ambassador. It never stops spinning."
Londo: "You see my problem then."

Londo, after Lennier has taken the blame: "Why?"
Lennier: "In Minbari culture, we are taught that it is an honour to help another save face."
Londo: "But Delenn ---"
Lennier: "Will know better, but will not enquire, out of respect."

1.21: "Chrysalis"

The everpresent threat of war between the Narn and the Centauri is hovering even closer as the two races send forays into each other's territory, the one testing, goading the other, as if in an attempt to provoke war. Sinclair's attempts at mediation fall on deaf ears. It's almost New Year's Eve, 2258, and as the station prepares to celebrate its first year in operation, the president is due to visit as part of his goodwill tour. One of Garibaldi's operatives arrives from Downbelow, badly wounded: dying in fact. He collapses on the dock and tells Garibaldi that he has to stop them; they're going to kill him. But he doesn't mean him, he's talking about someone else. He passes out before Garibaldi can find out who though.

Sinclair proposes to Catherine, while an old "friend" calls on Londo. Delenn has sent Lennier to Kosh, with a question, to which the attache has brought back the answer: yes. She looks terrified. Garibaldi meanwhile goes looking for information on what might have happened to his informant, and turns up the name Deveraux. He meets him at the casino, but doesn't seem too worried when Garibaldi takes him in for questioning. It's now New Year's Eve. Morden meets Londo and tells him that he and his "associates" can "fix his problem" in Quadrant 37. Londo laughs: a heavily-armed Narn military outpost on the borders of Centauri space, an embarrassment and danger to his people, and Morden and his friends are going to fix it? Morden just smiles that knowing smile of his, and tells Londo to advise his government that he personally will take care of the Quadrant 37 problem, then leave it to him. When asked what he wants in return, Morden says that at some point in the future, he may ask Londo for something in return, favour for favour.

Delenn goes to see Kosh personally. She says she has grave doubts, and must see for herself. He opens his encounter suit, and she smiles, satisfied. She bids him farewell. Meanwhile Deveraux disappears from custody, and Garibaldi says he knew there was something weird about him. His PPG sidearm had no serial number, and that usually means Earthforce Special Security, but the guy is not on their files. And now he's missing. Out in Quadrant 37 one of those weird spiderlike ships suddenly appears and attacks the outpost, totally destroying it.

Garibaldi is investigating some cargo which was left behind, out of the shipment Deveraux had the lurkers in Downbelow load. That ship had engine problems, so the freight is still here. He finds out that they're components for transmitters, but are rigged to broadcast nothing but static. He figures out that the location the transmitters are supposed to be, sand it's the transfer point off Io, from where the president is due to give his New Year's Day speech, which is said to announce further relaxation of alien immigration policy. Checking further, he finds that the transmitters are tuned to the frequency for Earth Force One, the president's ship. A horrible realisation dawns on him and he calls Sinclair, telling his second to guard the cargo.

But as he leaves he runs into Deveraux, and is then shot in the back by his own second. Delenn goes to see Sinclair, reawakening his memories of his capture and torture on the Minbari cruiser at the Battle of the Line. She tells him if he comes to her quarters later she will tell him all she can, but warns him not to delay, as she has little time. Garibaldi crawls to an elevator and gets to where he can get help but he is losing blood fast, and finally collapses just as he makes it into the elevator. He is taken to medlab but it does not look good. Na'Toth goes to G'Kar with the news about the obliteration of the outpost at Quadrant 37. She says everything is gone: it's like some great hand reached down from space. G'Kar now realises there are other forces, bigger and mightier than even his implacable enemy the Centauri, involved.

Delenn is building something in her quarters. It looks like a pyramid, about her own height or a little higher. Lennier asks her is there no other way and she says she must do this. She places the triluminary on top and something begins to form in the corner of the room. It's sort of like wool or gauze forming. She hopes Sinclair comes soon, as she will be unable to talk to him in a very short while. Garibaldi gains enough consciousness to warn Sinclair that he believes the president's life is in danger.

But it's already too late.

Earth Force One explodes in a shower of fire and smoke just off the transfer point at Io. If this was an assassination attempt it has been successful. President Santiago is dead. Unwittingly, Sinclair leaves Jack, the man who shot Garibaldi, standing guard over him at Medlab. Morden meets Londo in the garden, and the ambassador is genuinely shocked at the lengths he and his "associates" have gone to to remove the problem. He did not expect this, he says, and Morden shrugs: Londo had a problem, they solved it. What does it matter how many died? He tells Londo that his name has been mentioned at court and they are very impressed. Mollari still finds the price hard to swallow. Perhaps he's beginning to realise that he's made a pact with the devil.

Following the death of the president, Vice President Morgan Clark is sworn in; he was not on board Earth Force One when it exploded, having cried off with flu. He immediately confirms that Earthgov will begin to concentrate more on the needs of humans than aliens. Jack kills his co-conspirators, Deveraux and his henchmen, removing any trace of conspiracy, while Franklin gets to work trying to save Garibaldi's life. Kosh visits Sinclair, reminding him he has an appointment to keep, but by the time the commander gets to Delenn's quarters she is already encased in some sort of cocoon, and cannot speak to him. In fact, she seems in great pain. Lennier is standing watch over her.

Na'Toth gets to G'Kar's quarters to find he has gone back to homeworld; he says he has suspicions as to what happened at Quadrant 37. He will be in touch. We see Morden sitting in his quarters, and surrounded by weird, half-glimpsed shapes that look like insects. He looks pleased.

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
This is where it all comes together for the grand finale of season one. A lot of things begin to make sense, some terrible sense, and of course, more questions are raised.

THE SPIDER SHIPS
Arc Level: Red
What happened at Quadrant 37? We've seen one of these ships destroy the raider vessel that was stealing The Eye, but one ship not only took out three Narn heavy cruisers, but completely annihilated the entire outpost by itself? What are these ships, and who is sending them? And why? As season two develops, we'll begin to find out.

DEATH OF A PRESIDENT
Arc level: Red
Was it an assassination of the Earth president that took place on New Year's Day? And if so, who orchestrated it? Santiago was rumoured to have been about to give a speech detailing his plans to foster further integration of humans and aliens on Earth, and people like Homeguard would not have liked this. Were they involved? Have they the clout and financial backing to pull this off by themselves? And what about the vice president, now president? Why was he really not on the ship? Was that just coincidence? Things are about to take a serious turn for the worse. The fact that he has already essentially repealed his predecessor's alien-friendly agenda is a warning of things to come.

TRAITORS
Arc level: Orange
Why did Jack shoot Garibaldi? Obviously he was working with whoever was behind the assassination plot, but he knows Garibaldi did not die, as intended, and if or when he regains consciousness his guilt could be established if Garibaldi remembers who shot him. Then again, his back was to the traitor when he was shot. Will Jack decide to try to finish the job? And is he the only traitor on the station, or had he help? One of the other guards, when they find Deveraux and his men dead, and Jack says he fired in self-defence, notes that the dead man's PPG is cold. If it were fired it should be warm. But he lets it slide. Is he in on it too? Or just afraid of Jack?

MORDEN
Arc level: Red
What is Morden's role in all of this? He seems to have some very strange "associates", but they would appear to be very powerful too. But why did they help Mollari? Obviously they are making sure he owes them, but what possible favour can he do them in return? It must be a very important one, for them to just wipe out ten thousand beings like that. As the series develops into season two we will find out a lot about Mr. Morden.

DELENN
Arc Level: Orange
What is the odd cocoon that Delenn has gone into, or that has grown around her? What is its purpose? It's obviously painful for her, so not something she does lightly. And how is it related to her promise to Kosh? And what did she see when Kosh opened his encounter suit, that so quelled her doubts and strengthened her resolve?

QUOTES
G'Kar: "Our patrols are necessary for Narn planetary security."
Londo: "Keep this up, G'Kar, and soon you won't have a planet to protect!" (Remember that warning...)

Londo: "Vir, how many gods are there in our pantheon? I've lost count since the last emperor was elevated to godhood."
Vir: "Er, 48 -- no, 49! Well, 50 if you count Zoot, but I never thought he should ---"
Londo: "All right! Let's say 50. Out of those fifty, how many of those gods do you think I must have offended, to have ended up with G'Kar's teeth buried so deeply in my throat that I can barely breathe?"
Vir: "Er, all of them?"
Londo: "Sounds about right. This is like being nibbled to death by, eh, what do you call those Earth creatures? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet, go quack?"
Vir: "Cats."
Londo: "Cats! Like being nibbled to death by cats!"

Morden, to Londo: "My associates believe that you're a person of great potential, trapped in a position where your skills are unseen and unappreciated. They'd like to change that." (Another one to take note of.)

Delenn to Kosh: "I will keep the promise now. Goodbye. You will not see me again as I am now." (A very important one. This is almost literally what will happen.)

Sinclair: "G'Kar, you once told me that before the Centauri Narn was a peaceful world, an agrarian society, but in order to be free you had to learn how to fight. Nobody questions that. But you've overcompensated: you're like abused children who've grown big enough to do the same thing to someone else, as if that will somehow balance the scales. If you let your anger cloud your judgement it will destroy you."
G'Kar: "We know what we're doing. Anything else, Commander?"
Sinclair: "Just that I've had this feeling lately that we're standing at a crossroads, and I don't like where we're going. But there's still time to choose another path. You can be part of that process, G'Kar. Choose wisely. Not just for the Centauri but for the good of your own people as well. "
G'Kar: "We all do what we have to do."

Sinclair: "We need you to do a job for us."
Garibaldi: "No problem. Give me the guy's name and I'll lean on him."
Sinclair: "Not that kind of job! I think the official title is Best Man."

Londo: "But you killed ten thousand Narns!"
Morden: "I didn't know you cared. Ten thousand, a hundred thousand, a million: what's the differencer? They're Narns, Ambassador. Your sworn enemy."

Kosh: "And so it begins."

Morden: "No, he suspects nothing. When the time is right, Ambassador Mollari will do exactly as we wish. Destiny is on our side."

G'Kar: "Tell the Commander he was right: we were at a crossroads, and there is no turning back now."

Sinclair: "Nothing's the same anymore."

Season One: Signs and portents --- Points on the Arc
At the end of each season I'll recap on the main arc points, going back to where I mentioned them in previous episodes and examining how, or if, they have resolved themselves by the end of that season. As each season progresses, this section may then stretch back into previous seasons.

The Battle of the Line
Arc Level: Orange
So, what have we learned about the Battle of the Line, and Commander Sinclair's part in it? Well, to be fair, not a huge amount. We have discovered that he was captured while trying to ram a Minbari cruiser, was taken aboard their ship and examined, possibly tortured, and that Delenn was present. We've also seen that whatever they saw when they examined him, the Minbari were impressed/scared/shocked enough not only to return him alive to his people, but to ensure that he was awarded the job of running Babylon 5 when it was built. In fact, to give their request weight they lent a lot of support, both political and one would assume financial, to the Babylon project. The command of Babylon 5 being awarded to such a low-level officer has annoyed many in higher positions, and Sinclair has not only made enemies, but been accused of being in cahoots with the Minbari, in effect doing their bidding. This may or may not be the case, but it's abundantly clear that the destiny of the commander is tied in inextricably with the Minbari people, and perhaps Delenn in particular.

Narn vs Centauri
Arc Level: Red
To be fair, up to now we've really only seen skirmishes between G'Kar and Londo, as representatives and ambassadors of these races. They've almost toyed with each other, kind of like best enemies but apart from a few isolated occasions there's been nothing of any major concern. Now, in the final episode of season one, things are ramping up. At the beginning, Londo is angry about the establishment of a Narn post on the border of Centauri space, and issues a dark warning to his adversary. Later, despite that threat, he is aghast to find that Morden has had the entire installation destroyed, and it's clear that, whether he was totally complicit in this act or not, Mollari's involvement is bound to become known, after which there will be no more easy rivalry between the two races. Indeed, in season two the pressure is ramped up on the Narn and this sector of space will be torn apart. Londo, thus far mostly a figure of fun, is slowly being overtaken by a very dark shadow which will cast itself across the rest of his life, and the galaxy too. Season two is going to be a lot darker. The time for easy banter is coming very quickly to an end.

G'Kar, for his part, seems to have his own suspicions as to what may have happened, and has returned to Narn to put his theory to the test. He too realises the time for sparring is over, and he must act if he is to save his people. He is afraid of the future, but not afraid to face it. Already he has begun to subtly change, from the militant, belligerent person he was at the start to a more thoughtful, pragmatic one.

Vorlons
Arc Level: Red
Despite a whole season gone by now we still know very little about these mysterious aliens. We have seen that they are connected in some way to the Minbari; Delenn at least seems to defer to Kosh, almost as if she were his servant. The only real impact the Vorlons have had on any of the races so far has been to destroy the anti-ageing serum brought to Babylon 5 by Deathwalker, telling Sinclair "You are not ready for immortality". Kosh himself has rarely been seen and hardly ever takes part in the councils on the station, seeming disinterested in the affairs of the other races, but what is he hiding underneath that encounter suit? And why does he speak in those riddles? Also, what does he mean when he says "It has begun"?

We can also infer, from Morden's avoidance of and then confrontation with him, that he and his associates do not like, or perhaps fear the Vorlon, and when they do meet it seems they can cause damage to Kosh, as his suit ends up being torn. After a full season, we know about as much of the Vorlons as we did at the start!

Telepaths and Psi Corps:
Arc Level: Orange
We've seen that Psi Corps, and especially Bester, exercise control over the government of Earth, and how they almost --- or maybe literally --- run black ops either with or without the approval of the Senate or the president, but one thing is certain: they are a power to be reckoned with. Talia thinks they're a force for good, but Ivanova thinks the opposite, having seen what happened to her mother. Babylon 5 has already made an enemy of Bester, and they are made to pay for this by having an internal investigation initiated after Sinclair embarrasses Bester over the Jason Ironheart affair. Now, with the change of leadership on Earth, will their power grow? And will Babylon 5 be safe from them under the new president?

The presidential race
Arc Level: Red
I said at the beginning that the end of season one would see a seachange in the running of Earth, and so it has. President Santiago is dead, whether by accident or design cannot be proved, but Garibaldi's information would seem to point to the latter. Now the vice president is in charge, and has already indicated he will pull back from his predecessor's policy of alien appeasement. As Babylon 5 is a joint human/alien venture, what place will there be for the station in the new regime? More to the point: if the death of the president was an assassination, then surely his successor's failure to be onboard Earth Force One can only be seen as at best complicity and at worst blame for the attempt. Did Clark want Santiago out of the way? Was he just making a power play, or are there other elements in the mix here? Is the now president of Earth working for, or being controlled by, forces beyond the government?

It's interesting to note that when Santiago was trying for another term, Ivanova said she was voting for his challenger, and though he won the term she is as upset as anyone when he is killed. I suppose it's a hard thing to witness, whether you agree with the leader's policies or not: nobody wishes to see their leader killed.

Satai Delenn
Arc Level: Green
It has been hinted at that Delenn is a member of the Grey Council, the shadowy conclave that akes policy and basically rules the Minbari, handing out edicts from their cruiser floating through space. Now we learn this is certainly true, and she has been offered the leadership of that council, but turns it down because she believes her work on Babylon 5 to be more important. This will also have quite the repercussion later, when we see who has been chosen in her stead.

Homeguard
Arc Level: Orange
We've met this organisation already once, and it's clear they're very anti-alien. Could they be behind the alleged assassination of President Santiago? Having a man in power who is obviously sympathetic to their point of view would certainly help further their cause.

Morden
Arc Level: Red
Who the hell is he? When we first met him he was little more than a messenger, trying to find out from each of the ambassadors what they desired most, and in the process settling on Mollari. Now he has used whatever influence he has to destroy an entire colony, and makes a smiling but chilling response to Londo's question of the price of his help. And later we see him surrounded by weird, alien beings who he seems to be in league with. He talks of Mollari doing what they want. So what do they want, and who are they? And are they tied in with the huge spider ships that we have seen twice now?

Babylon's Burning
Arc Level: Red
In "Signs and portents" we saw the Lady Ladira's vision, through Sinclair's eyes, as the station tore itself apart and exploded. Now, in "Babylon squared", he sees the same thing, as Garibaldi holds off whoever the invaders are and tells Sinclair to get going. Is this a vision of a future to come? Ladira told Sinclair it was a possible future, and she hoped it might be avoided. But how, if they don't even know what's going on, when this attack will come, who it will be and why? Is Babylon 5 doomed?

"Chrysalis"
Arc Level: Red
At least we now know what this meant, and why Delenn was so quick to try to shut the idea out of Alissa Beldon's mind when she realised she had detected it. Whatever Delenn is doing in the cocoon, whatever is happening to her, it seems vital that she has to go ahead with her plan, and had it been discovered it is perhaps possible that she might have been stopped. Now she is inside the chrysalis, and nobody can stop what is about to happen.

Free Mars/The Mars rebellion
Arc Level: Red
We know a bit more about Mars now. We know that Sinclair was born there, and that Garibaldi lived there, and was stationed there before he took up his position as head of security on Babylon 5. The rebellion on Mars was put down fairly quickly, though not without loss of life. What effect is the change of leadership on Earth going to have on the colony? Will they lobby the new president for their independence, and will he be prepared to grant it? If he sees the Martian colonists as technically aliens, then the chances of Clark being sympathetic to their cause is not good. Chances are this can only get worse.

Babylon 4
Arc level: Red
Just so you know, there will be no further mention of Babylon 5's predecessor until well into season three, but when it comes back into the story... oh man!

SEASON ONE RECAP
And finally, a quick recap of the important points of this season.

Babylon 5, a space station constructed in neutral territory in an attempt to bring humans and aliens together in a spirit of peace, becomes the focal point around which many of the major events taking place in that sector of the galaxy revolve. The Narn and the Centauri, two races at each other's throats for centuries, vie for power and support while the human commander of the station tries to come to terms with what happened at the Battle of the Line, Earth's last stand against the Minbari, at which the aliens inexplicably surrendered on the very cusp of victory. The Minbari have a special interest in Sinclair, but nobody knows why.

A strange man called Morden comes to the station, offering his help. Londo takes him up on this and his influence at court grows, but tensions are growing among his people and the Narns. When Morden returns and offers to solve Mollari's problem, a Narn outpost which is causing the Centauri security concerns, the outpost is obliterated by the same spider-shaped ships that retrieved the missing Centauri artifact for Londo when Morden first offered his help.

Sinclair and Ivanova find a gargantuan machine which seems to be powering the planet over which the station orbits, and a friend of Delenn's takes the place of the alien who has been operating it. Babylon 4, which had mysteriously disappeared years ago, reappears but then vanishes again, but not before Sinclair meets an alien who tells him the station is to be used in a great war. Finally, on New Year's Day 2258 Garibaldi is shot when he discovers a plot to assassinate the president of Earth. Sinclair tries to pass his concerns on but it is too late, and President Santiago dies in an explosion as his ship goes down over the transfer point at Io. Vice president Morgan Clark is sworn in as the new president of Earth.

As all this occurs, Delenn goes to Kosh, the Vorlon ambassador, and then retreats into some sort of coccoon, from which she cannot be removed. As a new year begins, we can only guess at what 2259 has in store for the crew of Babylon 5.

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Season One, Episode Three

"Other points of the compass"

Back in Liverpool and reality quicky asserts itself, as James realises that due to his cleverness money will be coming in, but not right away, and at the moment he has not the wherewithal to pay his harbour dues and stowage fees. When he suggests giving the harbourmaster a letter of credit the man scoffs: the Onedin Line is new, not even listed and certainly not trustworthy enough that a letter of credit would be honoured. Grumpily, James has to amass any money he can get his hands on and with Anne's help he manages to meet his debts. He gets some money too from his client, Watson, for whom he has transported a parcel, and immediately sets Baines to undertaking another short trip, to Cork, with Irish emigrants. Meanwhile he learns with interest that his old arch-enemy Callon is on the board of trustees of the Harbour Board, so he can expect a rough ride from them; probably why his credit note was refused just now.

With no money left for lodgings James moves in with Anne and her father, much to the annoyance of Captain Webster, who demands rent, rent he is unlikely to receive from the currently penniless newlyweds. Fraser comes calling --- no doubt with prodding from James --- and sets Elizabeth all in a tizzy, as she tries to ignore his gentle mocking that she is meant for better things than to be the wife of a sea captain. When he leaves and Daniel arrives she receives him with bad grace, the situation not helped by Fogarty's discovery of Frazer's hat, which he has left behind (purposely?) as well as Elizabeth's total failure to lie about it. They have a big row and she refuses to attend the lunch they are supposed to go to with Callon, to discuss Fogarty's being given a command.

Callon is interested though when he finds out that the absent ladyfriend Fogarty has spoken of, and who was expected to have accompanied him, is none other than James Onedin's sister. This is news to him, news he can perhaps use to his advantage. He makes Fogarty aware of James's deals with Albert Frazer, and carefully floats the idea that Elizabeth's "tantrum" may owe more to James than to her. If he is using his sister in such a way, who is to say what else he might do? And of course, this only serves to widen the gulf and fan the flames between the three: James, Albert and Daniel. All of which suits Callon's purposes admirably.

Other wheels are spinning back at the docks, set in motion by the wealthy shipowner. A sudden influx of empty wine casks arrives from Callon's warehouse, and the harbourmaster will not allow them stay on the dock. James's ship is nearly full, but Frazer, visiting him, offers the use of his father's shipyards as a temporary storage, something for which James is grateful, but knows he will pay for, one way or another, in the future. Elizabeth goes to return Frazer's hat, but he has left the Charlotte Rhodes and Baines tells her the dock will shortly be swarming with rowdy sailors who have come in on a clipper, making it unsafe for her to return home alone. While she's waiting for him to call her a cab, Fogarty comes looking for her, and after a tempestuous exchange during which she tells him their engagement is over, she will not marry him, they end up in each other's arms and, well, consummate their love, as was the style of the time. Afterwards it appears that she has changed her mind, as Daniel gleefully tells James she has chosen to marry him, which obviously does not sit well with the would-be master of the seas, and puts quite a crimp in his plan for an alliance with the Frazer shipyards. But by now we know enough about James Onedin to know that he will not let as small a thing as his sister's happiness, or her choice, stand in the way of his grand plans!


QUOTES
Anne: "Have you any jewellery yourself?"
James: "Nothing that glitters."
Anne: "What?"
James: "My partner's my only adornment!"

Elizabeth: "That's my life now, forever waiting for Daniel to come home..."

Frazer: "A lady who has no time to flirt is hardly alive!"

Frazer: "You're angry because I've dared to suggest there is something else in life other than arranged marriages, business luncheons, and appointments conceived for no other purpose than private gain. You're angry because underneath me banter I've dared to suggest one more thing, and that is, that another's happiness, the true fulfillment of a lovely human being, should always be declared importantly and at once. I have, as James would say, wasted a morning, but I think not. I have, at last, declared meself. There are other points to the compass besides profit and loss."


FAMILY
ANNE
With their return to home Anne quickly shows she is learning to stand on her own feet, and will soon enough become the rock upon which James depends. When he is despondent about not having the harbour dues she scolds him, and offers her mother's wedding rings and anything else she has that they can pawn to make money. She is not about to see their new venture sunk before it has time to even take its first breath at its home port! As she says herself: "For shame! Hangdog for twelve sovereigns!" She later confides to Elizabeth that despite all the hardships, going with James to sea was the best decision she ever made, and she has really taken to it. Elizabeth, in the same conversation, sounds jealous of Anne's comparative freedom. Paradoxically perhaps, though the younger woman is prettier, has two men after her and the world is ostensibly her oyster, she would in some ways trade places with Anne, her sister-in-law now, burdened with debt and fighting the odds in a new business venture with her new husband.



ELIZABETH
We're left in no doubt as to Elizabeth's growing boredom with Daniel Fogarty. In truth, it's not the man she's bored with but the expectations that she will marry him, and what she has to look forward to when that day comes. Her assignations with Albert Frazer, by comparison, must seem lively and more than a little naughty, and this suits her fine, as Elizabeth is one to court rather than avoid controversy. She does not see herself the wife of a sea captain, settling down and watching the docks for sight of her husband's ship, and worrying when he is away if he will return. She does not think widow's black will suit her.

It's quite possible she's leading Daniel on, when onboard the ship that night she first tells him that she will not marry him, then allows him to make love to her and later lets him think that she in fact is going to marry him. This notion will not last too long though. It's also possible that Elizabeth, whom from the strictures of nineteenth century England we can assume at this point to be a virgin (up to that night) is giving herself to Daniel to both experience what sex is like and to give him what he wants before cutting him loose: her sights are already set on Albert Frazer, whom she believes will give her a much better life than Fogarty can provide.

DANIEL FOGARTY
A man used to getting what he wants, usually by a shout or a fist, Fogarty cannot understand Elizabeth's change of heart on his return to Liverpool. He is unable to fathom anything happening while he is at sea that would bring about such a reversal in his romantic fortunes, and thinks that time stands still while he is away. He is angry to discover that he now has a rival, and that this man is here all the time, unlike he who has to be away so much. Absence, in Elizabeth's case, does not make the heart grown fonder, but more weary and restless, and while Fogarty is at sea Frazer will always be there to comfort and distract his woman.

He knows when he has gone too far though. When he argues with her, trying to convince her to come to the lunch with Callon, he tones it down to a concillatory murmur, but then blows it just as she is about to agree, by declaring to Robert that his sister is throwing a tantrum. A red rag to a bull, this sends Elizabeth into a fresh fury and he is left to go see Callon alone. Elizabeth can also hardly be enamoured or flattered by his couched view that a man with a wife and family makes a better prospect for promotion than a single one: she does not like being used, even though she is not at all averse to using people for her own ends.

He even goes so far as to purchase "a fancy hat", like Frazer's, an expense he can ill afford, just to try to please her and measure up to her expectations, but is crushed when she rejects him. Disappointment is followed by elation though and by the next morning he is loudly proclaiming to her brother that he will soon be part of the Onedin house.

ALBERT FRAZER
After what must be months of tip-toeing around the issue, teasing Elizabeth and dropping hints, and with his rival for her affections back in town, Albert visits the object of his infatuation and finally declares his intentions, albeit obliquely, but Elizabeth knows what he means. She is now in the perhaps unenviable position of having to choose between two men. Frazer knows she has little love of the sea and no real wish to be a seaman's wife, and he has the advantage of being pretty much always there, unlike his rival who spends much of his time at sea. No doubt he will utilise that time to turn Elizabeth's head with presents and outings and declarations of love, and by showing her the kind of life she can expect should she decide to choose him. He also knows he has James on his side, as the owner of the Onedin Line fancies an alliance with Liverpool's biggest shipbuilder, and Fogarty has nothing to offer him.

TIGHTFIST
Though it may be a little unfair to say in this case James is being miserly about the money involved, as he is in dire straits and needs every penny piece he can muster, he still has no compunction about squeezing the very most he can out of his new client. When Mr Watson wants to pay with a credit note, but James says he needs cash, and now, the man says this will be subject to the usual discount (as we learned last episode from Robert, cash always comes with a discount for the payer to the payee), in this case two percent. When he asks, rather bemusedly, if James is sure he wants to deal with "such trifling little sums", Onedin confirms he most certainly does. When Watson counts out the money and rounds it down, James wants it rounded up: "Nine pounds six shillings --- call it nine pounds" says Watson, but Onedin counters, "Call it nine pounds six!"

A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE
From this episode we learn about the drinkable qualities of paraffin. On Daniel Fogarty's ship he challenges the leader of the men who are refusing to go any further without fresh water. He sets down a jug of water which is full of paraffin, and each man must drink. What the leader, Ginger, doesn't know is that paraffin settles on water, so that Fogarty, who drinks second, does not taste as much of it as Ginger does. Plus he has lined his stomach by eating fat beforehand. It's a pretty horrible tale, but it is interesting, and shows something of the appalling conditions these men often had to work under.

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1.20 "Dead man's blood"

Foreword: I worry when I see the co-writer of this episode is the same John Shiban who penned the truly awful "The Benders", but two things give me heart: one, he has another writer working with him, and two, the episode features the return of John Winchester, so surely this can't be a bad one? Also, we're getting close to the end of season one and the big shattering finale, so I can't really imagine there would be duff episodes from here on in... fingers crossed!

We open on a bar, where an old man called Daniel is sitting when some strangers enter, and he looks worried. He is flicking through some sort of notebook, which looks like it may be similar to John Winchester's journal. Shortly afterwards they all disappear. We see Daniel on his way back to his home, where he is confronted by a woman, one of the party that entered the bar earlier. He throws a knife at her but unfazed she pulls it out of her chest, while two others of her comrades crash through the window and seize the old man.

Reading about the assault in the paper, Dean recognises the name and realises that their father knew this guy, and it looks like he was a hunter like him, and now them. They go to the home and find a circle of salt around the door, which they recognise as protection against evil, and discover scratches on the floor, which turn out to be a Post Office combination and a location, indicating a mail drop Daniel must have used. They go to the drop and recover a letter with the initials "JW" on it. While they're pondering if this refers to their dad, there's a tap on the window of their car and indeed there is their father!

He says he came when he heard about the news concerning Daniel Elkins, who was his mentor until they fell out. He reads the letter and tells the boys that Daniel was guarding a very special revolver, a Colt 45 that it is imperative they recover. He tells Dean and Sam that Elkins was a vampire hunter, and Dean is a little surprised, as he certainly believes in vampires --- in his line of work it would be stupid not to --- but thought they were extinct. John disabuses him of this notion, though he says most of the lore that has grown up around vampires in media and novels is made up. Nevertheless, vampires are still around and they have obviosuly taken this revolver, which the trio must get back.

Vampires being vampires, and having to feed, the three soon pick up their trail from police reports about a young couple attacked and abducted on the road, and we see the vampires partying and taunting the humans, but when their master, a dark figure called Luther, arrives they are cowed. The girl vampire, the one who had initially taken Elkins' dagger to the chest, hands him the gun, and Luther looks interested. He does however chide the vampires, saying that killing a vampire hunter was not a clever move, as it will bring more of Elkins' kind down upon them, looking for revenge.

And how right he is, because at that moment Sam, Dean and John are bearing down upon them, though Sam is incensed at the lack of information their father is giving them and the fact that, again, Dean is just following orders like a good, unquestioning little soldier. They argue and almost come to blows, but settle down and as they near the barn where the vampires are holed up. Luther decides to turn the woman they captured. When the hunters arrive John says that the idea of vampires not being able to walk in the sun is a myth: they can, it just hurts them. He says the only way to kill them --- forget a stake through the heart, that's just legend --- is to cut off their heads. They arm themselves with machetes and prepare to enter the barn. But before they do, John decides to satisfy their --- or at least, Sam's --- curiosity about the gun they are trying to get back.

Seems in 1835 Samuel Colt himself made the gun for a hunter, and legend has it that it can kill anything, but it only has thirteen special bullets it can fire, half of which the hunter used in his lifetime. John of course intends to use it to kill the demon they've been hunting all season, but their efforts are thwarted when Sam tries to free the girl, not realising she has been turned into one of the vampires, and she alerts the others. They barely escape in time, and have to leave the gun behind, for now. When the boys realise that their father plans to just finish this job with them and then disappear again, hunting down the big demon, they are both disappointed and annoyed. Sam in particular tries to convince John that they are stronger together, but he will not waver.

He sends Dean to a funeral parlour to get some dead man's blood, which vampires are apparently allergic to; it won't kill them but it will slow them down and make them groggy. While he's gone he has a father-son chat with Sam and explains to him that he was so hard on them growing up because he knew what they must face in later life, and wanted to prepare them for it. He apologises, but Sam finally sees that their father was only doing his best to protect them the only way he knew how. A lot of the anger and tension is released from both, and it seems that the bad blood between them is coming to an end.

Using Dean to lure two of the vampires out they shoot them both with crossbow bolts tipped with the dead man's blood, which paralyses them. They kill the male but keep the female for hostage purposes, hoping her scent will draw the other vampires out, and indeed it does. While John leads the vampires, headed by Luther, away from the barn, Sam and Dean head back there to kill the remaining monsters and set free their human captives. Then they return just in time to see that their dad is in trouble. He had proposed exchanging the Colt for the female vampire, but she had kicked out at him and he was in danger of being bitten. Two arrows put paid to them as the boys arrive to save the day, Luther is shot by the magic gun and John finally agrees that perhaps they are stronger as a family, and should now remain, and hunt, as one.

MUSIC
Tito and Tarantula: "Strange face of love"

Stevie Ray Vaughan: "The house is rockin'"


QUESTIONS?
Will John Winchester actually stay with his sons this time, or as he continues to see and lead them into danger, will he again change his mind and decide he would be better on his own?

Can that gun really kill the demon?

The "WTF??!" moment
I'm not so sure there is one in this episode, but maybe when the boys are unexpectedly reunited with their father?

BROTHERS
Although Dean is unswervingly loyal to his father, in this episode we see his unquestioning obedience waver a little, as he considers what his brother is saying about their father always rushing ahead, sometimes recklessly, and not explaining what he's doing or why he wants them to carry out certain tasks. Of course, John Winchester has been alone for so long now and fighting the forces of evil as he makes his way ever closer to his goal that he probably doesn't even consider other people: he's a lone wolf, but that sort of mentality can get you killed. Three heads are always better than one, and three weapons certainly trump a single one. So when Sam starts pushing him over the way he treats the two brothers Dean is initially supportive of their father, perhaps automatically or instinctively, but the more he thinks about it the more he begins to come down on Sam's side, and by the climax of the episode he's ready to support his brother in trying to convince their father to stay with them, so that they can hunt as a family.

There's an interesting and touching little scene when John talks to Sam on his own, while Dean is gone to get the dead man's blood, and he tells the younger brother that when he was born he put a hundred dollars into a college fund, and the same for Dean. Every month he would add another hundred. He did not want the life of a demon hunter for his sons, but things just turned out that way. He says he wanted to keep them safe, make sure they never had to follow in his footsteps. When Sam asks him what happened to the money, he grins and says he used it to buy ammo!

There is a dark moment though, when in an almost annoyed tone as the boys ask what will happen if John goes off on his own and dies, what would they do and how would they feel, he admits gruffly that he does not expect to come out of the hunt alive. Once he has killed the demon, he seems not to care what happens to him as long as his boys are safe. Commendable in one way, but quite selfish in another. He's trying to ensure the boys stay safe but won't afford them the same courtesy himself. Not that he wants to die, of course, but he doesn't seem to see any way out.

WISEGUY
Though I'm not using quotes from the series, some of the things Dean says are just too good not to note, so here I'll be listing any smart wisecracks or observations the older Winchester brother makes in an episode.

Meeting Kate, the female vampire, Luther's mate on the road as she entices him to come home with her, not knowing who he is, he grins "Nah, I'll pass thanks. I draw the line at necrophilia!"

And later in the same scene, "Sorry. I don't usually stay with a chick that long. Definitely not eternity."

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
Surprisingly, given the tone of the monsters and beings in Supernatural, who have all pretty much been black-and-white (mostly black) evil, there are occasions where the lines are blurred and you wonder, something like the "nicer" demons in "Angel", whether their very existence is actually excuse enough to kill them? Here, the vampire leader, Luther, asks "You people. Why can't you leave us alone? We have as much right to live as you do." John doesn't think so and kills him, but we do see a spark of humanity in the creature, where he asks John not to hurt Kate, when he genuinely seems to feel some affection for her, and worries she might die. For a moment, you wonder...

And yet, it's not like these vampires are laying low, trying to blend into society and live with them in peaceful coexistence, is it? I mean, they're not Anne Rice's Louis or even Buffy's Angel, forswearing blood and trying to atone for their long lives of debauchery and evil. Kind of hard to plead for species tolerance when you're the one hunting the other species...

The ARC of the matter
Obviously a big piece to the puzzle is the revelation of the existence of the Colt, which is said to be able to kill anything, and which John intends to use to destroy the demon. Up to now we've wondered what he was planning to do once he caught up with the thing that killed his wife and tried to take his son, but now we know, and he demonstrates that it's not just a fairy tale by using the gun to kill Luther. So now they have the gun, surely the faceoff cannot be long away, the big showdown, the grand finale?

1.21 "Salvation"

Speaking of grand finales, we're almost there. One more episode to go in season one. The evil Meg returns, as might be expected, and tries to get a priest in Minneapolis to reveal where the Winchesters are, but he refuses, saying that he knows what she is, and she kills him. Meanwhile John, Dean and Sam are on their way to Salvation, Iowa, as the father tells his boys that when the demon is about to strike there are signs: cattle deaths, electrical storms, fluctuations in temperature. And he's seen those signs now in Salvation. The demon always goes after families, particularly six month old babies. On the way to the town though he gets a call to tell him that his good friend Pastor Jim is dead. Obviously the priest Meg killed. The news, while it shakes John, serves to harden his resolve and he vows "This ends now" as they head to the hospitals in Salvation, expecting the demon will be drawn to any babies there.

While they're checking records in the hospital, Sam has a vision of a woman and her child being attacked by the demon. He manages to find them near a railroad track, as he heard in his vision the sound of a train, and meets the woman, Monica, and her daughter Rosy, who is six months old today. He can't do much though, just warn the mother to keep her child safe. Then he has a second vision, in which he sees Monica die as Jessica did, and presumably also his mother. When he tells Dean and John about it, the latter is shocked, as he was unaware of Sam's power, but he tells his father cuttingly that he shouldn't be surprised that there are things he doesn't know about his sons, as he is away so often and for so long, which John rather guiltily has to concede.

Just then there's a call for John, and it's Meg, who says she has his friend Caleb, and that if John does not hand over the magic Colt 45 she will kill him. John says he doesn't know anything about the gun, and Meg makes good on her promise, warning that she will go after more of his friends if he doesn't admit he has the gun and deliver it to her. John agrees, but intends to give her a fake, while he leaves the original with his sons, charging them to save Rosy and Monica.

When he reaches the meeting point, an old warehouse (Meg seems to have a thing for abandoned warehouses!) John climbs the water tower, opens the top and blesses the water, using some rosary beads. When he meets Meg she has backup, and he hands her the fake gun on demand. The man who is with her takes it, shoots Meg to see if it's real, determines it's not and looks up to see John running off. They pursue him but he opens the valves on the pipes as they pass and the now-holy water blocks the path of the creatures who cannot pass. He makes it to his truck but notes in anguish that the tyres have been slashed, and takes off down an alleyway.

Meanwhile Sam and Dean see the signs that presage the coming of the demon, as the lights on the house go on and off and a cold wind whips up. They enter the house and, after tussling with Monica's husband, who believes they are intruders, get to the bedroom just in time for Sam to shoot at the demon, who has Monica pinned to the wall. The demon roars and vanishes, and the two brothers get mother daugher and father out of the house just before it erupts in flames.

They have not long to celebrate their victory though, as when they call their dad it's Meg's cold voice that answers, and she tells them they will never see their father again...

MUSIC
Kansas: "Carry on my wayward son"


QUESTIONS?
Was this the same demon? And are they closer to killing it now? Why did the Colt not kill it?

What are the guys going to do about their father?

Why is the demon going after babies that are exactly six months old?

The "WTF??!" moment
Hard to say really, as this episode has a lot of them. Perhaps when Sam shoots the demon and it disappears but does not die. Or maybe when Meg kills Caleb so callously and casually. Or, again, when the other creature with her casually shoots her, not knowing whether the gun is real or not. Like I say, there are a lot of them, and it's leading to a powerful, hammerpunch finale.

BROTHERS
For once the strain is showing on Dean, and he confronts his father in a way he perhaps had never expected to. As John Winchester chides them for not telling him about Sam's new abilities, Dean snaps "Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery!" This is probably the first time we see Dean being anything that could be called disrespectful to his father, whom he idolises, but finally the months, years of following orders with nothing really coming from the opposite end has caused him to snap, and it's clear that the fact that his father wouldn't, or couldn't contact them when they were in need really hurts Dean, and has affected him more than he realises. John sees this, but chooses to ignore it, instead berating Dean for "this new attitude" while it is up to Sam to calm things down and get everyone back on message.

Sam is further convinced that everything is his fault when he learns of the reason the demon targeted him (not that he could control his ageing, as if anyone could!) but Dean is also on edge and must see Sam's behaviour as almost selfish, thinking of himself and blaming everything on him, instead of seeing the bigger picture. Sam's self-pity is beginning to wear thin with Dean, who no doubt thinks him weaker than he is himself, and he knows that they are going to need all their strength and resolve to face what's coming: there will be no room for pity or self-doubt, either of which could get them, or the demon's next victim, killed.

As they wait outside Monica's house for the demon, Sam decides it's best to say what's on his mind, in case they don't have any more opportunities, so he thanks Dean for always looking out for him, always having his back. Dean makes light of it, but he too must feel there's a good possibility they're not coming out of this alive. Later, when they've faced the demon, it's disappeared and Sam sees it silhouetted against the burning house, he wants to go back in, despite the danger --- and the suicide factor --- and deal with it, but Dean holds him back. Dean swore to protect his little brother from everything, and that includes himself.

As they argue while they try to call John in the aftermath of the escape, there's another rare moment where we get to peek behind the facade of Dean's toughness, and he admits that although he wants to kill the demon, it's not worth losing Sam, or their dad, or both over. He reveals that the three of them are the only thing that keeps him going, and without them...

The ARC of the matter
A few more elements are starting to come together now. The fact that it is other children who are being targeted by the demon (or demons?) has already been hinted at in "Nightmares" but here we learn that it's a pattern: children become targets on the occasion of their six-month birthday, and prior to the demon's arrival there are certain signs, which have led John Winchester this time to Salvation, Iowa, where he hopes to confront his nemesis.

We also hear for the first time about a weapon that is said to possess magical properties, a gun that can theorethically kill anything, even a demon, perhaps even their demon. John places so much trust in its power and sees it as his only weapon against his implacable enemy that he is even prepared to sacrifice his own best friend rather than give it up, and when it becomes clear he must deliver the gun to Meg or risk losing everyone he has ever loved, even then he concocts a plan to use a dummy gun, in the hope his ruse will not be discovered before the boys have a chance to take out the demon. Perhaps he hopes that if they kill the thing Meg will be hauled back to hell, lose her powers or just die, or maybe he knows that in taking this action he's sacrificing his life for his sons, and for the chance of revenge and justice for those the demon has killed, and for the chance of stopping it killing any more.

1.21 "Devil's trap"

And so we come to the end of season one, with a two-parter cliffhanger to end on. Hearing the awful news about the capture of their father, Dean and Sam look for help from an old friend, Bobby, who gives them a flask of holy water and one of whiskey. Sam thinks John may be dead already --- would not put it past Meg --- but Dean thinks she would have been ordered to keep him alive until the demon has the Colt. Bobby tells the boys that the rate of demonic possession is increasing exponentially this year, and he fears there are far more demons walking the earth than ever before. He foresees a dark time ahead, and tells the brothers they are right in the middle of it. He gives them an ancient book called "The Key of Solomon", which is supposed to contain the incantation for trapping a demon.

Just then Meg bursts in and demands the Colt, but she has been outmanoeuvred, as the boys and Bobby have already inscribed a protection circle on the ceiling, and she is now trapped. They tie her up and demand to know if their father is alive, and if so, where he is, but Meg will not break. Bobby tells the boys that there is a real girl trapped inside Meg, that she is possessed by a demon, and they work an exorcism, trying to force the demon out. Under threat of losing its host body, the demon gives in and tells them that John is alive, in Jefferson, Missouri. Having got the information that they require, Dean tells Sam to finish the job, but he is reluctant, on two counts: one, he thinks they may be able to use the demon inside Meg to get further information and two, when Meg fell from the window in "Shadow" the only thing that saved her life was the demon's strength. If they exorcise it now, he reasons, Meg, the real Meg, will most likely die.

Dean understands but says he can't leave the demon in her, it just isn't right. If she's to die, let her at least have the dignity of doing so as a human. They complete the rite and the real Meg thanks them for freeing her, confirms what the demon in her told them was the truth, and then dies, with the word "sunrise" on her lips.

As the boys load up to make the trip to Jefferson, Sam draws some strange symbols on their car's boot (trunk, for you Americans), saying that he's making a "devil's trap". No demon can pass through a devil's trap, so he tells Dean to put the Colt in there while they go search for their father, but Dean is reluctant, thinking they might need it. He does however do as Sam asks. They discover an apartment block called "Sunrise Apartments", and believe this must be where their dad is being held. But there are families, including children around, so they can't just charge in. They set off the fire alarm and watch for the apartments to empty, knowing that the one that doesn't will be where their father is being held.

Appropriating two firemen uniforms they gain access to the building and go to the occupied apartment, where they break in and fight the couple holding John prisoner, using holy water they have loaded into the fire extinguishers. They trap them in a closet and pour salt outside so the demons can't get back out, and go to free their father. Finding him alive --- and checking to make sure he has not been possessed --- they head out until they are accosted by two other possessed people, who force them back into another room. Again securing the entrance with salt they make their way out the window, but once they reach the ground they are attacked by the male demon we saw with Meg in the previous episode. He starts to beat the crap out of Sam, but then Dean shoots him through the head: he brought the Colt despite what his brother said, and now out of four bullets that were left in the gun, but two remain.

As they take shelter that night, John notices the lights flickering and says that the demon has found them. He asks Dean for the Colt, but there's something in his eyes and his voice and Dean instead pulls the gun on his father, realising he has been possessed. When he can't get the gun by subterfuge he reveals his true identity and throws the boys across the room, grabbing the gun. Dean asks him why he killed their mother and Jessica and the demon, in John's voice, tells the boys that they were simply in the way of the plans he had --- has --- for Sam and the other children. He is however angry because the demon inside Meg and the one Dean shot were his own children.

When Dean then needles him about his offspring the demon begins to torture him, but John manages to gain control for a moment, just enough for Sam to grab the Colt. He is now faced with a dilemma: if he kills the demon, he will also kill his father. The demon knows this and laughs at the decision Sam must make, but Sam shoots his father --- in the leg. The shock jolts the possession for a moment and John begs Sam to shoot him, as the demon is still within him. Sam hesitates though, as Dean, badly wounded, begs him not to kill their father, and in that instant the demon takes his leave.

As the Winchesters rush Dean to the hospital their father berates them for being so soft: they had a chance to kill the demon and blew it. Now they have only one bullet left. As he says this, out of nowhere a semi sideswipes the car and it goes careening off the road, turning over and over and at the last moment we see the eyes of the driver of the truck, black and possessed.

The rest, to quote the Bard, is silence...

MUSIC
Triumph: "Fight the good fight"

Joe Walsh: "Turn to stone"

Creedence Clearwater Revival: "Bad moon rising" (again)

QUESTIONS?
The most immediate one that springs to mind is, are the Winchesters dead? Obviously you'd have to say not, because this is only season one and there are seven more to go, but the way Supernatural goes, you can't really be too sure.

The "WTF??!" moment
There could be only one. I tell you, it shocked me like nobody's business when I first saw it, particularly as it takes place just as the episode, and the season, is winding down, and you're expecting a sort of exit monologue to take us into the new season. Literally, out of nowhere. That's how to end a season on a cliffhanger!

PCRs

Bobby's mean old junkyard dog is called Rumsfeld. You'd have to assume that refer to Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defence under George W Bush, and one of the architects of the Iraq war.

When Meg asks if they're really performing an exorcism, Dean snaps "Oh we’re going for it, baby – head spinning, projectile vomiting, the whole nine yards. " Obviously a reference to the cult movie, "The Exorcist".


BROTHERS
Dean and Sam face one of the biggest challenges of their lives, as they fear for the safety of their dad, and wonder if he is even still alive. But he has trained them well, and they know who to go to for help. They're also wise to the tricks of the demon, evident when Dean realises his father has been possessed, and yet when it comes down to it and Sam is ready to shoot the demon by killing their father (well, he probably isn't; he hesitates) Dean is the one pleading for him not to do it. Dean also confides to John that he is concerned at just what he will do to save his family.

It's also interesting that things have almost reversed themselves. At the beginning, it was Dean who was the hunter, who wanted to chase down the demon and Sam who was reluctantly roped in, but who then became more determined after his fiancee was killed. Still, Sam has always been the one less enthusiastic about their mission. As time has gone on though, particularly as he has learned that so much of what happened back in Lawrence that night was as a direct result of the demon wanting to kidnap him, he has taken more of a personal interest in the quest. Now, as Dean worries about whether or not their father may still be alive, it's Sam who wants to finish the job while they can, and Dean for one who says "Screw the job!" For probably the first time since he took up the quest, it's not the most important thing to Dean. Reality has hit back hard, and he's having a hard time dealing with it. In some ways, he's back to being that scared little kid who couldn't shoot the Shtriga as it bent over his brother.

The demon, in John's form, baits Dean by telling him that despite everything he has done Dean is not his favourite, Sam is. This must hurt, as like I mentioned in my notes to "Home", the same thing happened when their mother's spirit appeared: she fussed over Sam but barely acknowledged Dean. At that time, it could be argued that Sam had nearly been killed, but then, Dean had been in danger too. Now his father (through the demon) tells him that all the years of following his orders, keeping Sam safe and hunting have been for nothing, that it's Sam who is the important one. Dean is singled out as the one most expendable, and it's him the demon turns his fury on, trying to kill him before John manages to intervene and the demon has to escape.

Dean also regresses a little here: we see him almost act as a child, as he interrogates Meg and she insists their father is dead, and he is only short of stamping his foot and covering his ears while shouting "HE'S NOT! HE'S NOT! HE'S NOT!" Whether he believes it or not the possibility scares him more than he can believe, and when they have a chance to rescue him he goes against Sam's instructions and brings the Colt, something that ends up saving his brother's life. Sam is now seen as the responsible, level-headed one and Dean the more impulsive, almost uncontrolled brother. And yet Dean is able to realise his father is possessed because he knows him well enough to realise that John would have "torn him a new one" for wasting a bullet; the demon makes a fatal mistake by brushing the incident off, and Dean knows he is not talking to his father.



WISEGUY
It's obviously a coping mechanism he uses to shield himself from the harsh realities of the world he moves through, but even so it's good to see that Dean can, even at this tense and worrying time, crack wise.

As they head into the building disguised as firemen, he quips " I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."

The ARC of the matter
And so it all comes full circle. Well, not quite. In fact, not at all. If Supernatural had been (god forbid!) cancelled after season one we would have been left with an awful lot of unanswered questions, because to be fair even at this season finale there are still only the barest hints of what's truly going on, revelations which will shock and amaze us come later seasons. The power of the Colt to kill demons is no longer in question: in "Salvation" we saw it could certainly kill a vampire, but here Dean uses it to kill one of the minor demons, yet we still don't know for sure if it could take out the "big daddy". He does appear to want it though, whether to remove the possibilty of someone using it against him or for other, as yet unguessed-at reasons, is still unclear.

The idea of possession only comes into the story now. Up till now, we've seen demons as demons, but now we're told that they are, in the main, ordinary people under the power of demonic possession and as such compelled to do the main demon's wishes. It also seems that he can command as many people as needed --- or maybe not. After all, he didn't possess the entire population of the apartments, which would surely have made Sam and Dean's job harder. Perhaps he has limitations. But he can possess people without having to be present, and this will be a problem in future days.

Until now we've learned to hate Meg, initially thinking she was just a hot chick (which she is!) and then being shown she is a cold-hearted, murdering devil, but now it's explained that there is a girl in there, being possessed by the demon. She tells the guys when she is released that she's been possessed for a year, and for most of that time she was able to look out through horror-struck eyes and see the awful things the demon possessing her did in her form. In some ways, given what she's seen, it's probably a blessing for her to die. But it's also revealed that the demon inhabiting her was one of the big demon's children, as was the other, male one, and now Dean and Sam have killed at least one (with the Colt) and if not killed the other then at least sent it screaming back down to Hell. It would appear the fight has now got personal, and can only get bloodier.

Bobby tells the boys that "there's a storm comin'", echoing the words of Sarah Connor at the end of the first "Terminator" movie, and he has seen more possessions this year than any other. He knows something big is on the horizon, and there are more demons walking the earth than ever before. Sam is obviously a part of whatever plan the demon has in mind, he and the other children who have been selected, but what this is will have to wait for further seasons. Again, we see Sam's inability to move things by the power of his mind; the only time in fact he has managed this is the once, in "Nightmares". Perhaps the power was temporary, a once-off that will not be repeated? The demon certainly seems confident in his impotence, jeering him and daring him to take the gun by telekinesis, which of course Sam cannot.

The ending is of course dramatic and powerful, unexpected and heart-stopping, and we can only wait to see how, if and how many of the Winchesters have survived.

Some final notes on the first season

So we've seen, as I mentioned in the introduction to this show, that Supernatural had its beginnings in a fine pilot which then kind of devolved into a monster-of-the-week sort of show, but soon began to lay down and then gather in strands of a tapestry that will go together to form one of the most ambitious and successful horror-based dramas on television. The relationship of the two brothers is of course key, and forms the lodestone that drives them on to their next quest, and the intermittent appearances by their father, culminating in them meeting back up and he almost being killed, add extra tension and suspense to the show.

The writers are certainly not ones to throw all their ideas at your in the first season, and like that guy doling out the gruel in "Oliver Twist", hints, facts, clues and snippets are doled out with almost miserly effect, makign us hungry and shouting "We want more!" But we have to wait. This is how good drama is created of course: the old maxim "always leave 'em wanting more" works very well for a show of this nature, and we can't wait now to see what happens in season two. What seems certain is that more people will die, more will be possessed and slowly, at times agonisingly slowly, the true story arc will begin to take shape and make itself known.

If you haven't been drawn in to Supernatural by now, I'd be very surprised. If you have, hang on, because it's about to kick into third gear. Strap yourself in and hold on, cause this is going to be some wild ride!

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How do you follow an act like the Simpsons? I mean, the show that redefined animated comedy, opened "cartoons" up to adults and even forced some new words into the dictionary (D'oh!), surely becoming the most popular animated show of all time? So when Fox approached creator Matt Groening in the mid-nineties for a new show to bolster up sliding ratings for the later seasons of the Simpsons, he had to think hard about it. No point in doing a Seth MacFarlane, taking your main show and simply transposing all the characters, with the tiniest of amendments and tweaks (look, Stan IS Joe, all right? He's the same guy and nobody is going to tell me otherwise!) and calling it a new show. So this show would have to be completely different, and yet retain the quirky, off-kilter sense of humour that Groening and the Simpsons had become famous for.

Step one then in disassociating it, or at least distinguishing it from the flagship show: set it in the future. A thousand years, in fact. Step two: no family. Well, other than the workmates, who kind of fucntion as a generic family, the same way people who work too much and spend too much time with their colleagues see them as their family. But no lazy, craxy father. No well-meaning mother. No mad, uncontrollable kids. And definitely, no dog. Or cat. Meh, maybe a lobster.

Futurama concerns the exploits of Philip J Fry, (who for several seasons was known only as Fry) a delivery boy who gets accidentally trapped in a cryogenic chamber and ends up being thawed out a thousand years later. Only seconds have passed for him, but the world he has known is gone forever. Earth is a far different place. Trying to find his way in this futuristic world, he looks up his only relative, his great-great-great-something-grandnephew, who is running a delivery company, and joins the crew. Here he meets the strange characters who work for his nephew, the hundred-odd-year-old Professor Hubert Farnsworth, and tries to adjust to the new world he is basically now trapped in.

Futurama successfully melds science-fiction tropes with comedy and also with PCRs (Pop Culture References, for those of you not reading my "Supernatural" writeups) that give the show a sharp, witty and knowing feel. Much of the technology is, as you would expect, not explained, but most of it sounds if not feasible at least possible. Fry then embarks upon many adventures, some of the space type, some more close to home, but always hilarious. Well, almost always.

Having been cancelled in its fifth season and then renewed, Futurama is not above taking sidelong pot-shots at Fox, who quickly realised there was a bigger market for the show than they had thought, based on DVD sales (sound familiar? They never learn), and at one point in an episode the network executives are portrayed as cold but stupid robots. Take that, Fox! Futurama has so far run for eight seasons, but news came through recently that Fox have again cancelled it. Whether it comes back again from the dead is open to question, though you would certainly expect at the least some straight-to-DVD movies, as happened after the original cancellation.

CAST AND CHARACTERS
Philip J. Fry, voiced by Billy West
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Fry is a pizza delivery boy from the twentieth century, who on delivering a pizza to Applied Cryogenics on New Year's Eve 1999 falls into a cryo tube and is preserved in suspended animation for a thousand years. On emerging he realises (slowly) what has happened and tries his best to build a new life for himself in the future. Sadly, as a pizza boy he was a failure and that failure has carried through with him to the future. Coming in at the lowest level in Planet Express, the cargo company owned by his only descendant, he is basically a delivery boy again, and not great at his job. He soon falls for Leela, the one-eyed alien girl, but she is not interested in him. He also befriends Bender, the antisocial robot on the crew, and the two become comrades in arms, though Bender treats Fry most of the time more like a pet.

Turrange Leela (usually just Leela), voiced by Katey Sagal
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__...anga_Leela.png
A cyclopean alien with purple hair, Leela is the pilot and captain of the Planet Express Ship, and Fry falls instantly in love with her. His love, however, is not reciprocated, as he is basically a slob and Leela wants better for herself. They do form a friendship though, which progresses to a kind of relationship. Leela is the smart one on the crew, always ready with a sharp retort to Fry, or Bender's reluctance to do their jobs, and dedicated to her own position.

Bender Bending Rodriguez (usually just Bender), voiced by John DiMaggio
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Fry meets Bender when the robot is trying to use a suicide booth, but the boy from the past convinces the robot there is something to live for, and they both gain employment at Planet Express, though truth to tell Bender does as little work as possible. Like all robots, Bender runs on alcohol, with the result that he drinks a lot, and also smokes cigars. He has contempt for just about everyone and everything, human alien or robot, and is also an inveterate thief. He enjoys living life on the edge, and is always one for the ladies.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth, voiced by Billy West
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One hundred and sixty years old, Professor Farnsworth makes Mister Burns look like a callow teenager, and is Fry's only living relative. He runs the Planet Express Company to fund his increasingly eccentric experiments, and is happy to provide Fry and Bender with jobs, as he is not exactly inundated with applications for the positions, Planet Express servicing some of the more dangerous sectors of space.

Doctor John A. Zoidberg (usually just Zoidberg), voiced by Billy West
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A lobster-like alien, Zoidberg is a doctor but knows little about humans, or indeed anything. He is always short of food, due to being poor, and despite being Farnsworth's best friend is treated like dirt, not just by him but by everyone. He is the staff physician at Planet Express, probably because he works for fish heads and whatever scraps the professor tosses to him.

Hermes Conrad, voiced by Phil Lamarr
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Hermes is the accountant of the company. A strict bureaucrat, he likes nothing more than a full in-tray and a big rubber stamp. Jamaican by descent, he does not take part in the deliveries but audits everything, trying to save money and cut corners anywhere he can. If he could ration the crew's oxygen, or cut it out altogether as an "unnecessary expense", he would.

Amy Wong, voiced by Lauren Tom
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...amaAmyWong.pngAn intern at the company, Amy's parents are the richest people on Mars. They basically own the planet. Amy is gaining work experience at Planet Express, and does much to show Fry what's cool and in here in the thirtieth century.

As with most other shows, there are other characters, some of whom become semi-regular, some just popping in and out, and as these are introduced I'll talk about them. But for now, this is the main character list.

And so, if for some weird reason you haven't seen this amazing series, lock the bar and make sure it's securely in place before the ride begins, as the management will not be held responsible for patrons ejected from the cars and catapulted into space during the ride.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

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1.5: "The rose bed memoirs"

Released from prison after serving a sentence for embezzlement, a disgraced former MP meets with Harry and Tessa to advise them he has written his memoirs while in prison. These memoirs could be very damaging to the government, which is Hampton Wilder's revenge on those for whom he took the fall, accepting the charge of embezzlement so as to avoid more serious charges of treason, when he was involved in illegal arms deals with known enemies of Britain. He has, however, become a born-again Christian while in prison and regrets writing the thing, but tells Harry and Tessa that when he went to get it from its hiding place it was gone. "This may come as a surprise to you", he tells Harry archly, "but prison is full of thieves!" Now it's a race to find and destroy the book, before it can either be made public or used as a political bargaining or blackmailing tool.

He tells them that it's buried in a rose bed in the prison grounds, but when they dig something out they find no memoirs, and Tessa is annoyed that they have been duped. Tom gets home to find himself face-to-face with Ellie's ex-husband, who not surprisingly takes an instant dislike to him and begins having him checked out. When he has left, Ellie tells Tom that she and Maisie are moving. Tom says it's not safe: now that she's "linked" with him she may be in danger, but Ellie is not impressed and is more angry than anything else. When the MP whom the memoirs would affect the worst, Richard Maynard, comes to Thames House to help to supply them with a full inventory of weapons sales, it transpires that Tessa knows him better than most, and tries to warn him he is being investigated.

Lernov, a Russian agent in London, confirms that Maynard is who the memoirs say he is, that he's been selling illegal arms to an arab state funded by the Russians, but when Tessa meets him (whether or not this meeting is sanctioned or based on her own personal feelings for the man is not mentioned) he acts all innocent. Meanwhile Ellie's ex is picked up by MI5; his enquiries have set alarm bells ringing and he's in a whole heap of trouble. Harry worries that Lernov may be lying about Maynard, but Tom says that the Russian said he had "powerful friends" and Harry sees the dark, interfering hand of MI6 in this. In point of fact, a scene or two ago we've seen Jools Siviter indeed meeting with Lernov, and he relates a tale that tells us he has power over the Russian spy, having saved him from scandal and perhaps worse in the past.

Tom and Harry go to meet Jools --- at the opera, how wonderfully decadent! --- and he admits that MI6 have the memoirs. They had an agent inside the prison who dug up the rose bed where they had been hidden before Wilder could get to them. He then reveals that it was Maynard who shopped Wilder, so this whole accusation looks like one big attempt at revenge by the disgraced MP. Zoe, burdened by the guilt of the secret she now shares with Tessa, tells Danny about it, and he tells her she has to go to Harry. Lernov is murdered as a traitor, and Harry starts wondering how such a thing could have happened in so short a space of time since they found out that he had fingered Maynard. Jools is not happy about it either, accusing Harry of disloyalty in the ranks. He relents and hands over the memoirs which Harry then has his people read for inaccuracies, errors or indeed consistencies. Harry believes Jools is setting MI5 up, but can't work out how.

Tom goes to meet Maynard, to put the fear of God into him. He points out that it's very convenient that the one person who could implicate the MP in illegal arms deals is now dead, but Maynard continues to protest his innocence. When Tom produces a photograph that shows Lernov, Wilder and him together with the arabs, Maynard admits that Wilder had asked him to keep quiet about an arms deal he was brokering, but that Maynard went straight to MI6 and betrayed Wilder, ending in his jailing.

The next day the memoirs are all over the papers. There's been a leak, but Harry knows it didn't come from his department. It's obvious to him now that someone in MI6 wanted rid of Maynard, and has used the memoirs to achieve that end. Harry fears MI5 will be blamed, as Jools no doubt intended when he handed over the memoirs. He's just not sure why "Six" want to dispose of Maynard. He eventually weasels it out of Jools: Maynard is a CIA asset, and with his progress through government ranks and his knowledge of the middle east he was headed for the post of foreign secretary. How could the British government have a F.O who was controlled by the CIA? And so they used the memoirs to blacken his name and engineer his resignation from the cabinet.

Family
It seems that, with the return of her ex-husband and his treatment, perhaps disappearance (we're not told but it's alluded to by her) at the hands of the Secret Service, Ellie wants nothing more to do with Tom. She has moved out, and when he calls on her to try to explain she says he is "despicable". No, she is not Daffy Duck...

Harry's world
On Hampton Wilder
Tessa: "There's a sense of ... evil about him."
Harry: "MI5 doesn't do evil. Just treachery, treason and armageddon."

About Lernov
Harry: "He works for a charity called for Hope for Chechnya, which is trying to bring food and medicine to that wretched corner of the world --- no doubt wrapped up in the odd rocket grenade launcher!"

On the subject of Maynard vs Lernov
Tom: "I admired Maynard! I thought he was a good man!"
Harry: "He is! Lernov is probably lying."
Tom: "Why?"
Harry: "It's in our nature; whichever side you work for."

Ruminating on how MI5 is used to clean up MI6's messes
Harry: "What are we on the great ship of state? The engine room? Hardly. I think we're the laundry: cleaning disgusting stains from the officers' sheets."

On his distrust of and contempt for politicians in general
Harry: "Don't brood,Tom. Politicians are conniving, wheeler-dealing scum. Don't have a fit of morals over them: they wouldn't over you."

Rivalries
Jools, as ever, sees MI5 as the children, and refers to them specifically as so. When Harry and Tom meet him at the opera he says "Glad to see someone's working late while the rest of us are at the opera!" and later on when he fumes at Harry about a traitor in MI5 Harry says that's not a very nice thing to say about his sister service. Jools' reply is thus: "Sister service? Well, my sister should be bent over and given a good spanking!"


And isn't that...?
Apart from the return of Hugh Laurie as MI6's Jools Siviter, this episode features an appearance from Tim Piggott-Smith as Hampton Wilder. Piggott-Smith is of course a well-known and respected actor, known for among others the movies "V for Vendetta", "Gangs of New York" and "Quantum of Solace".
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Nicholas Farrell plays Richard Maynard. He is also a well-known actor and we will meet him again in the second part of the "House of Cards" trilogy, "To play the king". He has appeared in "Chariots of fire" as well as the recent movie "Iron Lady", and various TV shows including "New tricks", "Torchwood" and "Waking the dead".
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The Shock Factor
Near the very end of the episode we learn that Tessa is not only prepared to feather her own nest by inventing imaginary agents and pocketing their fees, but that it was her who had Lernov murdered, in order to try to protect Maynard, whom she has evidenced feelings for. When he finds out what she has done, and how easily, he is totally cold to her, realising they could never have a future together. Tessa seems somewhat crushed by the fact that she risked so much, and had a man killed, all for nothing. And yet, you get the feeling that she'd do it again in a heartbeat.

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Episode Two

Rather than let the story about the insider trading break right away, Urquhart decides to "let that one mature for a while" and instead tips off the press to the location in France where the PM sends his alcoholic brother for his holidays, resulting in more embarrassing headlines linked to Henry Collingridge. Against this backdrop, the party conference takes place, a chance for the candidates for the leadership to surreptitiously put their case for election as the new leader of the party, and thus the new PM. Urquhart watches them, and sees Patrick Woolton as a problem. The old adage, pick out the biggest and strongest of your enemies and kick the **** out of them, comes into play.

He orders Roger O'Neill to "offer" his assistant, Penny, to Woolton, for "research", knowing the man's sexual habits. Roger is aghast, but Urquhart has him over a barrel and both know it. He must convince Penny to allow herself be seconded to the pretender to the throne. Then Urquhart has a confidential opinion poll dropped into Mattie's hands, showing that the lack of support for the Prime Minister is gaining momentum. When her editor refuses to accept it as genuine and tells her she's been set up, she decides to track down the pollster. He reluctantly confirms that the poll is genuine, but Mattie is incensed when her editor, despite this, refuses to run the story. She hears this while at the conference and realises that as the paper is owned by someone who backs the Conservatives, they have been gagged.

Still fuming, she bumps into (literally) Charlie Collingridge at the bar, while Urquhart talks to Ben Landless, owner of her paper, about deposing Collingridge. When he realises which way the wind is blowing, Landless rescinds his order to block Mattie's story. Let the PM drown, and a new man, better suited to look after Landless's priorities, take his place. He then makes sure Penny's room is bugged so that he can record the assignation between her and Woolton, and confirms to the PM that his friend Billsboro is the man after his job.

Shortly afterwards the "big story" breaks, about the shares scandal. It's pretty much the final blow. It's believed --- even provable -- that the Prime Minister's brother had bought shares in the medical company before the news broke of their new drug and the share price rocketed, making a killing in the process. Insider trading is never looked on kindly --- as long as you're caught doing it --- and the fact that this scandal is linked to the PM is bad news for Henry Collingridge.

Urquhart offers to have Charlie moved to a safehouse, but of course has the details leaked to the press and they're in full force when the PM's brother is moved. When the Prime Minister is presented, on national television, with irrefutable proof that he seems to have been involved in the scandal, he falls apart and it's quite clearly the end. Mattie makes a play for Urquhart, while he scoffs "I'm old enough to be your father!" She replies, "Yes, that may be something to do with it."

QUOTES
Lord Billsboro (as they discuss the theme for the upcoming Conservative Party conference, "Finding the right way", and are not happy with the word "finding"): "Perhaps going the right way?"
Urquhart: "Rather implies that the party, or someone in the party is on the way out, don't you think, Teddy (Billsboro)? With the greatest respect : Going, going, gone?"

A sly dig at Billsboro, who unbeknownst to him is one of Urquhart's targets, as he feeds Mattie the false story of the advisor's intentions to challenge for the leadership.

Urquhart (to camera): "A party conference can be many things. A show of confidence. An agonising reappraisal. Or, in this case, a series of auditions by pretenders to the throne, while the lost leader withers before our eyes."

Urquhart: "Bright girls for research. Where would the House be without them?"

Roger (as he snorts cocaine): "I can kick this stuff any time I like." The perennial cry of the addict, as they try to convince themselves it's true.

Patrick Woolton: "I'm damn glad it's you that's handling this, Francis." (taking soundings as to the level of confidence in the Prime Minister and who might replace him) "There's not many men I'd trust with a job like this." He doesn't have a clue how misplaced his trust is, or how the man now smiling obsequiously across the table from him is even now orchestrating his downfall and his removal.

The Royal "We"?
In much of his narration, at least, that directed at us, the viewers, in asides to the camera, Richardson as Urquhart uses the plural noun. He says things like "We can't do that" or "We must be careful." It's a device that's carefully chosen. It could be seen as arrogance, as when Thatcher left office and declared "We are leaving Downing Street", utilising the royal pronoun favoured by monarchs. This, many thought, made it look as if she thought or believed she was the queen of England. Urquhart though, uses this "we" in order to draw in the viewer, to take him or her into dark, shadowy corners and reveal his plans, or much of them. To make the watcher an active participant in his machiaevellan schemes. It's as if he's saying, well you could have turned me in, but you never did: you're as guilty as I am. We're in this together now, up to our necks. No point whining about it now. This theme runs right through the entire series.

Here Urquhart tells us "We must not forget that he is Her Majesty's secetary of state for foreign affairs. We mustn't make the mistake of underestimating Patrick Woolton!"

Power behind the throne

To further cement the ties of trust between Mattie and her husband, Elizabeth makes perhaps the ultimate sacrifice, telling him he should sleep with her, and that she will do all she can to facilitate that happening. We assume Elizabeth loves her husband --- nothing is ever said or shown to the contrary, and they seem to have the perfect marriage --- but she realises that in order to remove any last lingering doubts about the girl, and to allow Francis to operate to his full potential, and also to draw Mattie in more and make her more dependent on, and willing to serve the interests of Urquhart, sexual intimacy is required. To her, it's not cheating, it's not adultery. It's simply necessary, something that must be done. A means to an end.

It's interesting that Urquhart is not the one who suggests --- or perhaps even thinks of --- this course of action, but his wife, who must really trust her husband implicitly to not only allow, but encourage him to enter into an affair with a girl who is much younger and prettier than her. She knows his head will not be turned; he values Mattie for her mind, but why not let him have a little fun too? In this respect, she is a most singular woman, and an extremely powerful character, central to every storyline in the series. She is the one from whom Urquart draws his strength, the one who reassures him later when he begins to lose focus and indeed belief in himself, and the one who will make many of the hard decisions that perhaps he cannot.

The user and the used

Henry Collingridge

Urquhart advances his plans to get rid of the PM, by forming an alliance with Ben Landless, who is disappointed with the hoops he's having to jump through in order to get what he wants, and also in the government's poor performance. Having supported them to the hilt, he feels he has backed the wrong horse, but Urquhart tells him it's not the horse but the jockey that's the problem. Replace the rider with someone else and that horse will tear all the way to the finish line, leaving the competition trailing in his dust. So Landless releases the ban on the story Mattie had submitted, showing how badly the confidence in the Prime Minister has slid, and Urquhart inches closer to his goal. He tells Landless that he should throw his support behind Woolton, but he has plans for him too.

Urquhart's plans are so carefully laid, and he covers his tracks so well that when things begin to spiral out of control it is to he that Collingridge turns, rather than his usual faithful advisor. Doubt has been placed in his mind about Teddy Billsboro's loyalty, and he foolishly believes that Urquhart is the only man he can now trust, playing directly into the hands of his assassin.

Charles Collingridge

Knowing all too well the "weaknesses" of the PM's brother, Urquhart sees him as the perfect patsy. He sets up the accomodation address in his name (well, has Roger do it) and lodges the money, buying the shares and having a statement sent to the address, all of which implicates both Collingridge brothers. He then tells Henry that he can have Charlie moved to a safe house, but makes sure the press are anonymously notified, to put further pressure on the PM.

Patrick Woolton

Tying two "puppets" together in the one scheme, Urquhart uses his power over Roger O'Neill to pressure him into asking Penny to sleep with Woolton, while making sure the room is bugged, so that he now has something to use against him, when the opportunity presents itself. He's certainly playing the long game, and as all of this plays out he smiles and assures Woolton that, when the time comes, should he declare, then he, Urquhart, will support him.

The Puppet Master

Playing into Landless's dissatisfaction with the government and the problems it's causing his business empire expanding, Urquhart arranges for the media magnate to switch allegiances, or rather, back Patrick Woolton against Henry Collingridge, little realising he is actually backing Urquhart himself, who has smiled at the prospect of becoming PM but hinted that should such a thing happen, Landless would not lose by it. Indeed, by helping him out, he would have a friend in the current Chief Whip.

Notable scenes
As Urquhart delivers the "terrible news" about Billsboro to the Prime Minister, he sympathises with him and Collingridge says, without looking at him, "You're a good man, Francis." Urquhart pats his shoulder and retires, his expression that of a vampire that sense his prey is almost in reach, and wait to administer the killing blow. He's only short of a cape and fangs to complete the picture.

Again, as he consoles Collingridge and the man declares "We're not finished yet", Urquhart raises his eyes to camera in a knowing smile; he knows the man is practically dead and buried, and the sweetest part is, the one upon whom the PM is lavishing such praise and thanks is the very man who has dug that grave and is now forcing him into it. But he is unable to see that, and thinks Urquhart one of his staunchest allies, one of the few men he can still trust.

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Title: Downfall (Der Untergang)
Year: 2004
Genre: War/Historical
Starring: Bruno Ganz as Adolf Hitler
Alexandra Maria Lara as Traudl Junge
Ulrich Matthes as Josef Goebbels
Corinna Harfouch as Magda Goebbels
Julianne Kohler as Eva Braun
Heino Ferch as Albert Speer
Ulrich Noethen as Heinrich Himmler
Thomas Thieme as Martin Bormann
Director: Oliver Hirschbiegel
Writer: Bernd Eichinger

There are, of course, as everyone knows, hundreds, maybe thousands, or more, war films. This is not surprising, when you consider that the Second World War was over seventy years ago now, and there has been a steady stream of directors, writers and actors who either took part in the greatest war the world has ever known, or wish to pay tribute to those who did. It was a massive world event, and it's only right it should be commemorated on film, both to praise the courage of those who fought and died for our freedom and to warn future generations against another such conflict.

But the vast majority of these films have, not surprisingly, looked at the war from teh side of the Allies. You would expect that: the Allies won, after all, and who doesn't like to celebrate a victory, particularly one which, ostensibly, freed the world from tyranny. War movies, on the other hand, seen from the perspective of the Germans appear to be few and far between. Again, this is no surprise: Germany both started and lost the war, and at its conclusion had to carry the stigma of being on the losing side. In post-war Europe, Germans were seen as much as pariahs as Jews were in pre-war and wartime Germany. So they weren't exactly going to be queuing up to tell their side of the story.

Not that there would be much to tell. As long as you stick to history and don't try to distort it, there's not a lot of good to be seen from the German side. Naturally, as in any war, there were good men and women on both sides, ordinary people who fought for a cause they believed in. These people were generally not terribly politically motivated: they fought for their country and their family, and their honour, and they believed in what they were struggling for. Most may not have known about the atrocities being committed in their name, though it must be supposed some if not all must have had some idea of what was going on. But these were not politicians, or SS guards, or Gestapo officers. These were just men (mostly) who hoped to live to the next day, to return one day to see the families they had left behind. They were men who shivered in the freezing Russian winter, swatted at the flies and sweated in the baking sun of the African desert, or flew in bombers or fighters over England or Europe, anxious to complete the mission and get home safely.

While it is not possible to over romanticise these people, films like "Enemy at the gates" and "Das boot" do a good job of showing us that not all Germans were ravening, evil Nazis who wanted to take over the world and considered certain races subhuman. Wars are not won --- or lost --- by mad genius and canny commanders alone. Without the ordinary footsoldiers to do their bidding such men would languish in dark rooms, plotting their schemes but never able to put them into practice. The only casualties would in all likelihood be plastic or tin soldiers. Without willing manpower, wars would never occur. More's the pity, there's always willing manpower.

Now, I could not say with any degree of certainty that this is the best of the German-made war movies I've ever seen, as I've seen very little; a handful at best. But of the ones I've seen it is far and away the jewel in the crown, and I was extremely impressed by it. The fact that it runs for over three hours, is in black and white and subtitled makes the fact I not only lasted through it, but was disappointed when it was over, even more special. I'm not a great one for subtitled movies, though you'll see a few crop up in this journal from time to time.

So, the movie. Well, as I say it's a long one --- over three hours in some cuts --- and of course most of the story will be known by anyone who knows anything about World War II, so I'll be briefly skipping over the plot, otherwise we'll be here all night. Essentially, the movie opens in November of 1942, with the Reich three years away from defeat but at the moment the power in Europe, indeed the world, though by now the Japanese are no doubt making their presence felt on the other side of the world. Hitler is looking for a secretary, and has called five of the best to his retreat. He talks to them all briefly before selecting Traudl Humps, whom he then engages to take his dictation. The film is told as part of her recollections, her memoirs if you will.

At this late stage of his wartime career, with the debacle of Stalingrad behind him and the Battle of Britain lost, with his abortive Russian campaign in tatters, Hitler looks old and tired, but to the women he appears benign. More that that: to German women (and men) he is no less than a god, a feareless leader, the man who has promised to return them to their former glory, and despite the setbacks thus far most have still great confidence in der Fuhrer.

The narrative switches two and half years on. It is now April 1945, and even as the Allies, led by the Red Army, close in on Berlin preparations are under way for Hitler's 56th birthday. He, however, is more angry to find how close the enemy is to his capital; apparently he was unaware they had advanced this far. Himmler wishes him to leave the city, afraid that if he stays, when Berlin falls there will be no opportunity to sue for peace. All ministries are abandoning the city, burning or otherwise destroying their files, but Hitler refuses to leave, saying he's tired. Himmler decides to contact the Allies, believing his Fuhrer doomed and seeing his own rise to power, even if it's only at the sufferance of the soon to be victorious Allies.

Hitler is not about to admit defeat, ordering armies that are ten times smaller than their Russian enemies into battle, even though his generals ask how it is supposed to be done, and know the war is lost. Goebbels, the propaganda minister, ever the politician, says that the Americans will side with them against the Russians. Hitler refuses to allow the evacuation of the old and the wounded, the women and children. He wants to pull everyone down with him into his own personal Gottedamerung; he believes the German people have failed him. Their will has not been strong enough, their faith in him has deserted them and they have become weak. They deserve to die. Everyone deserves to die.

His generals begin to discuss what is to be done. The Fuhrer is losing --- has lost --- touch with reality, and everybody now wants to do anything they can to save their own necks. Even ending up in an Allied prison has to be a better choice than dying pointlessly here in the bunker, or out in the streets of the rapidly-collapsing centre of the Reich. Traudl Humps berates herself for taking the job as Hitler's secretary, since this has now quite possibly made her a target, more than just a German girl. Eva Braun, determined to deny reality as much as Hitler, declares they will go upstairs and have a party, and while Berlin shakes to the explosions of artillery shells and plaster falls from the ceilings, the lights going off then on again, she immerses herself in her own personal fantasy, pretending that what is going on outside is not happening, probably because to face such a solid fact is to court insanity, or at least, a different type of insanity. But when a shell hits the room and they are all driven back underground like rats scurrying back to their sewer, reality isn't long about establishing itself.

SS Doctor Schenke, searching for medical supplies to be brought to the bunker, finds a hospital wherein there are only corpses and abandoned patients; everyone else, including doctors and nurses, have fled. Hitler continues to orchestrate phantom strategies, but when he is told one of the generals, whose attack was central to his plan, could not do so, he flies into a rage. He does not seem to be able to grasp the fact that the general did not disobey orders: he failed to attack because it was impossible for him to. His force was outnumbered and in reality, the only strategy the Nazis have now is defence, and even that is a poor possibility. Any talk of attack, turning the tide, surprise offensives, is pure madness.

From outside his office everyone can now hear as Hitler gives vent to his fury, talking about executing his generals, how everyone is against him, and it's quite clear now that he has passed beyond the limits of denial and into total, dumb, unreasoning and illogical insanity. He is almost foaming at the mouth, blaming everyone else for his gargantuan failure to win the war, and there is a light in his eyes like the fires of hell. Women outside cry, men shake their heads as they finally realise and accept the terrible, inescapable truth, that their Fuhrer, the man they have looked up to for the last seven years or more, the man who was to have put Germany back on its feet and who would lead them to a glorious new dawn, is gone, and in his place is a rabid lunatic who is determined to take them all down with him when the city burns and the Russians arrive to lay waste to everything.

Magda Goebbels and their children arrive at the bunker. The parents have made a suicide pact, and it includes slaying their five children. Hitler has since slid back into his fantasy world, telling Keitel that they must rebuild the Reich. He rages at a telegram from Goerring (who is never seen in the movie; odd, as he was one of the pivotal figures of the Nazi movement and second-in-command to Hitler himself) where the Reichsmarshall asks for permission to take over the reins of power. Hitler considers it treason of course, and lays the blame for everything that has gone wrong at his feet. He declars Goerring is to be stripped immediately of all his power, and should Hitler not survive the war he is to be executed as a traitor.

Speer comes back to the bunker, but he has not come to die with Hitler; he has come to say goodbye to the Fuhrer. He calls in on Magda, trying to get her to see the selfishness and pointlessness of killing her children, but she truly believes a world without the Nazi party is not one she wants them growing up in. He goes then to see Hitler, pleading for mercy for the German people, but Hitler does not care about the people. He actually wants them all to die, as he considers them unworthy. Speer then admits that he has disobeyed the "scorched earth" orders Hitler had given, to destroy everything that stood, in order that some part of Germany have some hope of survival and rebirth. The Fuhrer hardly seems to hear him; he does not rage, he does not condemn, he does not demand reasons. He is an old man now; tired, spent, defeated. He waits for death, even as his city, his country, waits for the final blow as the Allied forces smash into the city, tasting victory.

Even so he appoints another head of the Luftwaffe, now that he has dismissed, in his absence, Goerring and branded him a traitor. He still believes somewhere in his addled mind that the German air force can be rebuilt, that it will be afforded the chance to be resurrected. But when word comes through of Himmler's attempts to surrender in the name of the Nazis, he is infuriated. The one man who he had always considered loyal, a kindred spirit, turns out to be a traitor? He can't believe it, and another little chip is knocked off his sanity. So much so that he tells his inner circle that he has decoyed the enemy into attacking Berlin, and that even now his generals are massing in the north and the south, waiting to come in in a pincer movement and surround the Allies, winning the day for Germany and delivering the crushing blow that will both liberate Berlin and bring about the final victory for the Nazis in the war.

Of course, no such attack is beng mounted. His generals are scattered far and wide, their power completely depleted and the best they can hope for is to survive long enough to escape, surrender or die with their armies. There will be no salvation for Berlin, no last cavalry charge, no incredible escape from the fate that is now bearing down upon it. Hitler's armies are gone, his city is doomed and his rapidly-unravelling sanity cannot cope with this, so he makes himself believe that it is all part of his plan, and that he will in the end, through brilliant strategy, save the day.

Like the Roman Empire in Caligula's day, Berlin has descended into an anarchy of hedonism. Those who realise they cannot get out of the city have decided to throw all inhibition to the wind, and enjoy their last hours before the Russians arrive. Booze, drugs, sex: it's all available to those who want it, and Berlin looks on as her denizens, her children, forget her and leave her to her own devices; as she prepares for rape and destruction, they have all essentially abandoned her.

Traudl Junge (now married) is called to type up Hitler's will, and the Fuhrer marries Eva Braun. It's interesting to note that Hitler sees himself as above his own law, as when he is asked --- as he has set down must be asked under the racial law --- to prove he is of Aryan descent before getting married, he shrugs off the question irritably. He is the Fuhrer; the law does not apply to him. Braun marries Hitler, even though he has just had her brother-in-law executed as a traitor, and knowing their marriage will only last a few hours at best. He makes arrangements to have his body and hers burned after their mutual suicide, fearing that the Russians would display his corpse if they were to get their hands on it, as surely they would. He even has his own dog put down, unwilling to allow the animal live on after he has died. Eva Braun, now Eva Hitler, makes Traudl Junge promise her that she will try to get out of Berlin before it is overrun, and she agrees.

Frau Goebbels makes a desperate, impassioned plea to the Fuhrer at the end, trying to make him change his mind, leave Berlin instead of take his own life, but there is a weary finality in Hitler's eyes which is not mirrored in the almost dancing madness that shows in the eyes of his new wife. With a crazy wide smile on her lips, Frau Braun looks almost eager to die, as if this will accord her some great honour, rather than seal her fate as one of the most hated and perhaps pitied, certainly ridiculed, women in history. Soon it is done, and the bodies of the man who would be ruler of the world and his wife of a few hours are taken outside and burned, as per his last orders.

Out in the burning, blasted streets a weird sort of symmetry holds court: loyal Nazis arrest and hang people they see as cowards or traitors, despite the death of their leader, while weaving through these death parties, revellers and drunks sway and totter their way towards oblivion, insensate to what is going on around them. If there is a Hell, Berlin must come close to being that place at this moment. Magda Goebbels has a Nazi doctor administer a sedative to her children; her chilling "Goodnight children" are the last words the children will ever hear, for once they are asleep she returns with poison capsules for them all. It's only as the last is administered that she allows herself a brief moment of weakness, sliding down the wall outside their dormitory. But when her husband tries to comfort her she shakes off his hand angrily. It seems that she blames him for things having come to this pass. Though she idolised and loved Hitler, perhaps now she wonders what their life might have been like had they never allied with him?

Frau Junge finally decides the time has come to make her move, and begins preparations to leave the city. Disguised as an ordinary German footsoldier she joins the exodus of the thousands of others trying to make it out of doomed Berlin. In the company of a young boy, she manages to slip away, as Berlin burns behind her, a stark testament to one man's twisted vision of the world, and what he was willing to do to make it come about.

And to the people who followed, obeyed, fought and died for him.

And perhaps worst of all, the people who did nothing while evil was perpetrated in their name. Those who turned away, closed the curtains when the knock came next door, when the jackboot kicked in the door, stopped their ears to the screams and the cries, and tried not to see the dark, thick plumes hanging daily over places like Dachau and Auschwitz. The people who tried to tell themselves all was normal, or that there was nothing they could do, and who forgot the old adage to their cost: for evil to triumph, it is enough that good men --- and women --- do nothing.

Notes:
The incredible arrogance of the Nazis has been proven down through history, most keenly during the Nuremberg trials, where even when faced with their awful, heinous deeds, few if any admitted their guilt; they all, or almost all, believed they had done the right thing, what was required of them, what was necessary. Here, Heinrich Himmler, leader of the feared SS, clings to these ideals when he talks to a subordinate and confesses he is concerned about meeting General Eisenhower: "Should I shake his hand or give the Nazi salute?" he wonders. The fact that he could even expect to be entertained by the leader of the Allies, never mind actually shake his hand, speaks volumes not only about Himmler, but about the leadership of the Reich in general. They lived, mostly, in their own world and nothing would shake them out of their fantasy. Reality was not in vogue in Nazi Germany if it did not conform to the standards they had set down.

Hitler, of course, is the most tragicomic example of this. As he considers the destruction of his beloved Berlin, he comments to Albert Speer that at least it will be easier to rebuild once the city has been reduced to rubble. He believes a new Berlin will rise out of the ashes of the old, and rather like the emperor Nero in Ancient Rome, convinces himself that the old must be swept away for this to happen.

There's a bitterly touching scene near the beginning of the film where a father is trying to convince his son, who has joined the defence of the city with others barely past childhood, to come home. He outlines the pointlessness of dying for a city which is doomed, a war which is lost, but his son calls him a coward and runs from him. In an epilogue to this, we later see a young girl, who had been with the group, watch her friends take flight as they are overrun. Handing her gun to her commander, she asks him to shoot her, which he does. Having done so, the officer frets for a moment, quite obviously unsure what to do now. In the end, he shoots himself. In that one little scene is encapsulated the complete insanity, and the rabid patriotism of the Nazi party. They would rather die than surrender. Of course, in the girl's case she must have feared rape from the oncoming Russians, but even so, she preferred to die (with honour!) than surrender or try to escape.

Another bitter, though in no way touching scene is when Dr. Schenke come across a small group of soldiers --- Griefkommando --- who have been tasked with hunting down any traitors, anyone who tries to get out of the city. The officer in charge has two old men up against the wall, and despite Schenke's attempts to stop him, kills both men. He clearly enjoys his work, calling the men traitors but it's obvious that he doesn't really care: he's just a thug who is happy to have a chance to dominate someone and kill anyone he likes. Goebbels, meanwhile, is about to take the coward's way out. While Himmler actually believes he can broker a peace deal with the US Army, the propaganda minister knows the game is up, and he can only look forward to being hanged if captured. He has done enough in the war to merit that penalty twenty times over. So he has decided to take his own life, and in an insane suicide pact his wife will also die, after they have poisoned their children.

It's almost beyond belief to watch the doting father and the proud mother present their five children to Hitler, knowing that in a few short hours they will all be dead. Frau Goebbels turns out to be as cold and unfeeling as her husband; which is not to say that she does not love her children, for any mother would of course. But she truly and deeply believes that a Germany without the Fuhrer is not a place she wants her children to grow up in, so she convinces herself that she is performing an act of mercy. Hitler discusses suicide, too, with Eva Braun, and tells her shooting herself in the mouth is the quickest way, but she says she wants to have a nice corpse, so will take poison. Like children asking for sweets, Frau Junge (previously Humps) and Gerda both request a capsule, and Hitler, like an old grandfather doling out treats to his favourite nieces, obliges.

It's debatable whether, as he sits with the children around him, the youngest on his knee, and they sing to him, Hitler realises they are to be killed. I don't know if he even knows his propaganda minister is considering suicide. But if he does, he presents a forlorn figure as he watches what he must surely consider the flower of Germanic youth crowd around him, and knowing he is to die soon himself, must wonder how they will fare in the new Germany he has left them, this blighted, scorched, blackened thing which he must barely recognise as his beloved fatherland?

The moment when Frau Junge realises the full gravity of what is happening, the hopelessness of their situation is when she is told by Speer that "He (Hitler) needs nobody for what awaits him, least of all you", as he counsels her to get out of the city. She responds by pointing out that the Goebbels are staying, and have brought their children. A sad look and a nod is all it takes to explain to her why this is so, and even in the depths of this despair, she cannot bring herself to believe that any parents would willingly sacrifice their children in this way. Perhaps now she realises the depth of the fanatical devotion to the Fuhrer which remains in some quarters, though not many, and how far those who still follow him are willing to go to prove their loyalty, and evade justice.

QUOTES
Hitler: "In a war such as this one, there are no civilians".

Hitler (to Peter, a boy who has fought in the defence of Berlin; he can't be more than ten, twelve years old, if that): "I wish my generals were as brave as you". He of course means naive; there is little bravery lacking in the generals who command Hitler's military, but unlike Peter, they understand the futility of fighting and dying for a lost cause. In this scene, Hitler does that famous "pinching the cheek" of the boy that we've all seen in the newsreels on hundreds of documentaries about World War II: nice touch, I feel.

Traudl Junge: "I can't go; where would I go? My parents and all my friends warned me: don't get involved with the Nazis." Interesting turnaround: when we see Fraulein Humps (before she is married and changes her name to Junge) in 1942 she is delighted to have landed such a plum assignment, one of the highest and most coveted positions surely that a German woman could expect to rise to. But now, as it all comes tumbling down, literally, around her ears, she whines about making the wrong choice. She fears now that if she makes a run for it and is captured, she won't just be another German woman to be raped; she'll be Hitler's secretary, possibly an important prisoner. She may be interrogated, tortured, imprisoned. Even executed. Though she does not relish sitting in the Berlin bunker, listening to the sounds of the approaching artillery and waiting for the end, it is still preferable to taking her chances out in the wartorn streets.

Hitler: "If the war is lost, what does it matter if the people are lost too? The primary necessities of life of the German people aren't relevant, right now. On the contrary, we'd best destroy them ourselves. Our people turned out weak, and according to the laws of nature they should die out." Far from being the saviour of his people, Hitler has turned out to be their doom, but now that they are doomed it quickly becomes apparent that he only cared for the German people as long as he could use them, as long as he could push forward his plans and glorify himelf off their backs. Now that his dreams have all come crashing down, he blames them for not being strong, not being the people he imagined them to be, and sees the imminent defeat of his armies as their fault. As far as he's concerned, none of them deserve life. He sees them as nothing; mere pawns in his game and now that the game has been lost he is prepared to throw them into the fire rather than try to save any.

Hitler: "What remains after this battle is only the inferior. The superior will have fallen." What a fallacy! How could a superior force fall to an inferior one (well, David and Goliath, yes, but generally) and if the "superior" falls, then surely it can no longer be considered as such? Rather, Hitler should be admitting he has been beaten by a superior force --- superior in numbers, in strategy, in will --- and accept that his army, despite what he earnestly believes or believed, is the inferior one. There is no other conclusion that can be drawn. But Hitler refuses to see this, and sulks like a child who has suddenly discovered he is after all not the best ball player, or runner, or fighter.

Traudl Junge: "It's all so unreal. It's like a dream you can't get out of." Indeed it is. As Berlin shudders to the approach of the Red Army, as the Reich that was supposed to last a thousand years crumbles in less than seven, as Hitler's final hours leak away and his generals begin to desert him, Eva Braun and her cohorts determinedly, defiantly dance as if nothing was wrong, as if the music and the swaying and the singing can keep at bay the dread spectre that is even now placing collossal dark footprints in her beloved city, tearing it apart like a matchstick toy. It certainly does seem unreal. But it is very real, and the truth has finally come looking, like a landlord with an eviction notice, for Hitler and Nazi Germany.

Officer: "The Fuhrer was very impressed with your report. He has placed you in command of the defence of Berlin."
General Weidling: "I'd preferred if he had executed me!"

Hitler: "I never went to the academy. But I conquered all of Europe on my own!" Well, that's not strictly true, is it? Hitler gave the orders, made the plans, was the leading light and figurehead of the Nazi movement, but it was his generals, like Rommel and Keitel, and the ordinary soldiery of the Wehrmact that conquered Europe for him. His was the masterplan for the Master Race, but it was simple, honest, courageous if misguided men who brought about that plan, who fought and killed and died for his ideal, who made his dark vision a reality. Hitler personally never lifted a finger in the war against the enemy. He never shot a soldier, drove a tank or flew in a Messerschmidt escorting a Heinkel III on a bombing run over London. He never ran across fields or ducked behind bushes, watched his comrades die in his arms or heard them calling for their mothers at the end. He never even laughed with them as they pushed the British back to Dunkirk and kicked them out of Europe. Like most generals, most commanders-in-chief, he was safe in his headquarters when the blood was running in the streets and the tank tracks were crushing his opponents. Like most people in command during war, he has no physical blood on his hands, though in reality the blood of millions of men, women and children coat his shaking hands like glue that will not come off.

Brigadefuhrer Mohnke: "Your Volksturm are easy prey for the Russians. They have neither combat experience nor good weapons."
Goebbels: "Their unconditional belief in the final victory makes up for that."
Mohnke: "Herr Minister, without weapons these men can't fight.Their deaths will be pointless."
Goebbels: "I don't pity them. Do you hear me, I don't pity them! These people called this upon themselves. We didn't force them; the people gave us a mandate. And now they're paying for it."

It's clear from this exchange that Goebbels subscibes to Hitler's belief that the German people asked for this by allowing the Nazi party into power, and that now that it's all crumbling they deserve their fate. He doesn't care about the Volksturm, the regiments hastily cobbled together and made up of mostly old men and young boys in a final, desperate attempt to defend the city. They are merely a delaying tactic to hold back the Russians for as long as possible. But it must also be said that they are willingly thrown to the wolves in almost a gesture of contempt for them: cannon-fodder, no use for anything but that. Like broken toys they are thrown away and forgotten about.

Eva Braun, in a letter to her son: "Our entire ideology is going down the drain, and with it, everything that made life beautiful and worthwhile. After the Fuhrer and National Socialism, there's nothing left to live for. That's why I brought the children too. They're too good for the life that awaits them".

Speer: "Think about it. The children have a right to a future."
Magda Goebbels: "If National Socialism dies, there will be no future."

Hitler: "This so called humanity is religious drivel. Compassion is an eternal sin. To feel compassion for the weak is a betrayal of nature. The strong can only triumph if the weak are exterminated. Being loyal to this law I've never had compassion."

THE STARS OF THE SHOW

Bruno Ganz, as Adolf Hitler
It would of course be odd if, in a film centred around him, Hitler were not the key figure here, but it's the portrayal of the Nazi dictator by Bruno Ganz that really strikes me. Unfortunately I don't speak German, and anyway my copy came bizarrely with some sort of Slavic audio track, but in any case it's subtitled so I just switched the sound off, but commentators remark upon Ganz's voice and accent being uncannily, even eerily close to that of the Fuhrer himself. Nevertheless, even without sound the man can still convey the passions, insanity, anger and refusal to admit defeat or take responsibility that make you see him not as Bruno Ganz, actor, but as the feared and hated leader of the Third Reich.

As the movie revolves around Hitler's final hours, there are no get-out clauses, like speeches to the masses from Nuremberg, where video footage can be studied and any actor worth his salt could competently duplicate Hitler's mannerisms and movements. In taking on the role of Hitler, Ganz has accepted that he must deliver a performance of a man who is broken, bitter and defeated, but determined to go down in a blaze of glory, to cheat his enemies of the final victory of displaying his dead body for all to see. He shows us the narccisism of the man, the blind faith in his own ability and his rage against everyone who is seen to have let him down. We see virtual spittle fly from his mouth and his eyes crease up like a mental patient's as he lets loose a tirade of abuse on those he considers traitors, weak and disloyal. We see his body shake with apoplexy and his fists bunch in rage, slam down on tables and desks, and we see too his advancing Parkinson's begin to take hold: Hitler walks shakily, bent over, his hand trembling uncontrollably as he hides it behind his back.

Adolf Hitler could never be seen as a sympathetic figure, nor should he be, but here Ganz makes his into a more tragic, almost pitiable man than a monster, while still showing that the rages he can fly into and the cold calmness with which he orders executions, or commands men to stay and fight to the death in a lost cause, marked him as a dangerous lunatic. For years, that dangerous lunatic was the most powerful man in Europe, and his long dark shadow fell across most of the world as it struggled to get out from beneath it, and fight its way back to the sunlight. Ganz also (although this must really be credited to the writer and director) avoids portraying Hitler as a parody, a cartoon, a black villain (though he was), by endeavouring to show some of the more human traits of the man who almost destroyed the world. He loves his dog, he loves his wife. He sits with his nephews and nieces on his knee. He thanks Frau Junge for her help as he goes to commit suicide.

Such human traits are needed, because otherwise Hitler is a two-dimensional figure, and no matter how evil a person is there is always some spark of humanity within them somewhere; perhaps they are kind to their mother, or like animals, or give to charities. Nobody is one hundred percent evil, and to present them as such would be too easy, too banal. Look for the good in anyone and you'll find it; it may be a tiny spark but you will find it. But Ganz and Hirschfield are careful not to allow Hitler's few small redemptive qualities to outshine his innate brutality. Even as we see that he loves Eva Braun, he tenderly rejects her pleas for clemency for her brother-in-law and tells her kindly that all traitors must die. When she, tears shining in her eyes, looking for mercy in the face of her soon-to-be husband that is not there, asks why, at this late point in the war, when all is lost, he must pronounce such a doom on her brother-in-law, he snarls "It is my wish!" revealing the truth behind Adolf Hitler: that he cares nothing for anyone, and all who oppose him must die, even if it is almost too late to exact that vengeance, even if the vengeance itself will serve no purpose.

Looking at Ganz, it's sometimes hard to separate actor from historical figure, and you feel at times that you've somehow gone back in time, and are watching the final days of Adolf Hitler as they unfold in the bunker below Berlin. The fact that the movie is shot entirely in monochrome adds to that feeling of being back in 1945. It must have been hard for Bruno Ganz to have taken on the role of such a figure in Germany: pilloried, hated and despised by so many and yet there are those who secretly hope to bring back the ideals he espoused, and so it was important that the film not be seen as glorifying Hitler in any way. It was important that though he be seen as a tragic figure there be no sympathy for him, no understanding, no attempt at redemption. History must also be reported as it happened; no revisionism. Those who committed unspeakable acts must face them in the film, not pretend they did not do what history proves they did. Even at the end, Hitler's one comfort is that he cleansed Germany of so many Jews. He has no regret on that score, believing he did the right thing.

German director Wim Wenders is on record as accusing the film of trivialising the role Hitler played in World War II and of glorifying him. I don't see it. There's nothing here that makes me feel "this was a misunderstood genius", or even makes me feel sorry for him. Uppermost in your mind all the time is the knowledge of what he has done, what has been perpetrated at his hands, and that's something that there will never be any understanding of, nor forgiveness for. I personally think Ganz is far and away the best Adolf Hitler I have ever seen on film.

Alexandra Maria Lara as Traudl Junge

When the film opens, the aged Frau Junge is relating her experiences in the service of Hitler, and lamenting that she was so taken in by his charisma, as were so many millions of Germans. Initially we see her delighted to get the job as his personal secretary, but as the war begins to turn against Germany and defeat seems inevitable, she operates in the film almost as a disconnected spirit, an observer watching the fall of the man she had considered to be the greatest German ever, and she sees too the way his people react, now that he has been proven to be fallible. Many turn against him, though in private, like Himmler trying to sue for peace and Goerring wishing to take over in Hitler's stead; many desert him, while the more loyal or stubborn refuse to surrender. Some, like Goebbels and his wife, decide suicide is the only path remaining to them, while Eva Braun, infatuated with him and it would seem perhaps fascinated by death, is happy to die with him.

She sees how the great Nazi empire was really held together by the almost supernatural strength of this man's charisma and will, and that when it is clear that he is losing his grip, and the war has trurned against him, his empire begins to fragment as people lose faith in him and try to save their own skins. Hitler's fantasy orders, commanding armies that are not there into battle, thinking he will be able to spring a surprise attack on the Russians and trap them, and thus win the war, show everyone that he has lost touch with reality, and they can no longer depend on him. Frau Junge is torn as she watches the man she respected fall apart, and as the full horror of what he has done begins to become apparent she wonders what is to become of her.

She watches Eva Braun dance and party as if nothing is wrong, wilfully refusing to accept reality, witnesses firsthand the cold determination of Magda Goebbels, who reasons that her children cannot survive in a world without the Nazi party and Hitler, and hears, as does everyone else, the slow disintegration of the mind of her Fuhrer and he slips deeper and deeper into a fantasy in which he expects still to turn the tide of the war.

In ways, Trudl Junge represents all the idealistic, starstruck young women, and men, who followed Hitler into perdition, believing everything he said and trusting totally in his ability to lead them back to glory. She realises much later how wrong she was, as she relates in the film's closing minutes seeing the grave of a young German woman who was the same age as her, executed by the Nazis in the same month she signed on as Hitler's secretary. As she shakes her head and her eyes mist, her final words, indeed, the final words of the film, hang heavy in the air: "Youth is no excuse."

Why do I love this movie?

I absolutely did not expect to, and so it took me by complete surprise that it affected me as it did. I have never seen, nor do I think I ever will see, a more faithful and chilling portrayal of Hitler on the screen. The movie also shys away from explaining what Hitler was about, trying to see things through his eyes or even trying to excuse or justify what he did. It also similarly avoids the easy-to-fall-into trap of damning him, creating a two-dimensional, caricature of ridicule and disgust. "Downfall" certainly shows the Fuhrer's madness, and no apologies are offered for what he did, but the crowning achievement I believe of the movie is that it's told through the eyes of an ordinary German girl; not a rabid Nazi, but someone who truly believed Hitler would be Germany's salvation, and who realises all too late that she has placed her faith in a madman, that she has, for the last three years, served a tyrant and a despot, and that he cares less about his people than an abuser of animals cares about his pets.

It's her realisation, tearful and horrified, as the film unfolds, that she has been party to such horrors, even if they were unknown to her, that shocks and revolts her, and in many ways she is a surrogate and metaphor for the entire German people, who were prepared to in some cases wilfully and in others blindly ignore all that was perpetrated in their name. The film newsreels of the people of Auschwitz being taken to see what had been taking place there is harrowing, but scarier yet is the look on some --- not all --- of the faces of these ordinary Germans. That looks says, without words, "so what?"

And it is this deep, ingrained belief in their own superiority and hatred of jews that sadly ensures that though Hitler is now just ashes, like his dream of empire, a thousand-year reich that lasted barely ten in all, Nazism and fascism is still with us today, and probably always will be.

For some people, history will always repeat itself, as they refuse to learn from it.
A very sad truth about we stupid humans.

Not only is this your best ever review but it's probably one of the best reviews if not the best that I've ever seen on MB. I love Downfall and I've always loved Bruno Ganz as well. Downfall is a viewing experience and as a film it captures the last moments of fanatics torn between duty and fanatical delusions and does it more intensely than any other film that comes to mind. For example there are scenes where Hitler is raging like a madman and believing relief for Berlin is just around the corner and in the next room Nazis are committing suicide at the same time. As much as I like Bruno Ganz I thought the actor that played Goebbels was the best actor on show.

Bruno Ganz's performance was amazing considering that he is better known in playing sensitive and charming roles whilst always being fairly modest. He is one of the great European actors of his generation without a doubt and his performance as Hitler was completely against type. If you haven't seen him in The American Friend, Norsferatu, In the White City and Wings of Desire then I suggest you do so.

Wow! What can I say? I'm floored by that comment man, even if it's probably over-generous. I loved this movie and I know the review is long, but I felt it had to be, in order to get across how much it affected me. I think it's probably one of my alltime favourite films, and should definitely be seen by everyone. Should be shown in schools really.

Thanks again for the huge compliment! Makes it all worthwhile! :thumb:

http://captainsofcomedy.files.wordpr...asier1_011.jpg
1.5 "Here's looking at you"

Worried that his father has not got a hobby and just spends all his time watching TV, Frasier buys him a telescope, however he starts using it to communicate with a woman in the opposite building who also has a telescope. Through a series of written notes held in front of the telescopes they get to know each other. The woman's name is Irene and Martin is very taken with her. Frasier decides it's time they met, and gives Irene Martin's phone number. Surprisingly though, after talking to her and seeming to hit it off with her, he turns down her offer to meet, and neither Daphne nor Frasier can understand why.

Niles calls by with Maris's Aunt Patrice, who takes an instant shine to Martin. Luckily they get rid of her, amd Martin reveals that he is still trying to come to terms with the loss of his wife, but Daphne is wise to him, and tells him she believes it's more that he's self-conscious about his game leg and having to walk with a cane. He eventually realises how silly he's being and decides to go on the date.

QUOTES

Niles: "Oh, who knows why anyone does anything?"
Frasier: "Remind me again what you do for a living? I mean, it was one phone call. Who can make a sound judgement about someone on the basis of one phone call?"
Niles: "Remind me again what you do for a living?"

Niles: "The least you can do is say hello to Maris's Aunt Patrice."
Frasier: "I'm not driving all the way over to your apartment."
Niles: "You don't have to: she's outside in the car."
Frasier: "You left her in the car?"
Niles: "I cracked open a window."
Frasier: "Ah, well then she'll be fine."

EGGHEAD

It's through his perceived superiority to other people that Frasier most often annoys people, puts his foot in it and makes faux pas (I don't know what the plural is, it's French and ends in X!). Here I'll be detailing when these things occur.

Frasier is taking a call, the caller says his mother literally hangs around the place all day. Frasier tells him that she could not do that, not literally. He says "I'm sorry but it's a pet peeve of mine when people use literally when they mean figuratively." When he then advises his caller to continue with his problem he gets this response: "Do you mind if I tell you my pet peeve? I hate it when intellectual pinheads with superiority complexes nitpick your grammar when you come looking for help. That's what I got a problem with!" and hangs up. Showing how little he understands how annoying he is being, Frasier tells his audience, "I'm sure he meant to say, that is a thing with which he has a problem!"

AND ISN'T THAT...?

Doug is voiced by Jeff Daniels

FAMILY

DAPHNE

Here we see that Daphne is more than just a care worker, looking after Martin. She has become a sort of perhaps not surrogate wife and certainly not sister, but a friend to him who tries to make him feel better about himself. You could say it's all part of his therapy and therefore her job, but then later on they have quite heated arguements, so it's more a friendship thing. He sees her as an ally against Frasier when sides have to be taken; Daphne knows Frasier pays her wages but has no time for his smug superiority and like Roz can deflate him with a sharp word. Having grown up in a house full of boys she knows how to handle herself around men. Here she works out what Martin's problem with Irene is, and through her charm and common sense makes him feel he's making too much of his disability, and thus helps him on his way towards perhaps romance.

Of course, at times Daphne will team up with Frasier against Martin, but almost always only when they are trying to convince him to do something that is good for him, as here, when she and Frasier both tug at his heartstrings about how lonely Irene must be. In the end, they all want what's best for the old man, even if he himself doesn't know it.

1.6 "The crucible"

Frasier is delighted that he has been able to acquire a painting by Seattle's premiere artist, Martha Paxton, and even more ecstatic when the artist, hearing on Frasier's show that he bought one of her paintings and the effect he says it has on him, "uplifting his soul", that she calls in and agrees to attend a little soiree he is putting together. Frasier is a bundle of nerves at the reception, but things do not go as planned when the artist arrives and takes one look at the painting, sneering that it is not an original. Frasier is scandalised, embarrassed and eventually, after everyone has left and his humiliation complete and public, angry that he has been taken by an unscrupulous art dealer. He determines to get his money back but the dealer tells him that's life; there's nothing he can do and no way Frasier can force him to refund him his money.

He determines to go to the police, but his father's bluff advice is not heeded and he makes a further fool of himself. Though his father tells him just to get used to it, life isn't always fair, Frasier wants to get the guy back and so he goes to the gallery with the intention of throwing a brick through the window. Niles however goes to stop him, but ends up losing it and smashing the window himself when he remembers an embarrassing incident from his school days.

QUOTES

Frasier (of the painting): "Well enjoy it while you can, because first thing in the morning this thing is going back to the art dealer I bought it from, going to demand my money back."
Martin: "Frasier, you're a little upset about this. Maybe I should return it for you."
Frasier: "Thanks dad, but really, what do you know about the art world?"
Martin: "Apparently, about as much as you do!"

Martin: "You can let it eat a hole in your stomach or you can file it away under the heading sometimes life sucks!"
Frasier: "Yeah, well, that file's getting pretty thick!"

Frasier: "I'm going to phone the police! Dad, who do I ask for?"
Martin: "Have them put you through to the Fine Arts Forgeries Department!"

FAMILY

MARIS
Little by little, we're learning about Niles' reclusive socialite (if that's not a contradiction in terms) wife, who he has brought to the reception Frasier is throwing, but has "tired easily under the pressure to be interesting" and has fallen asleep under the guests' coats! As the series goes on many more references will be made towards Maris' fragility and slightness, leaving us with a picture of a woman so frail and delicate that she surely is not actually there. We will, however, never get to test that premise as she will never be shown onscreen, only referred to.

MARTIN
This is the first time Roz visits Frasier's apartment --- "Is it everything you imagined it would be?" he asks smugly, to which she quips "Well you know Frasier, I don't spend my time idly wondering what your apartment looks like. But I did imagine a lot of beige." She looks around, grins. "Oh look! I was right!" --- and the first time she meets Martin. The two hit it off right away, and a strong friendship is forged when Martin realises she is nothing like his son, and she that the father is nothing like Frasier, not at all what she had expected.

NILES
From the moment he clapped eyes on Daphne Niles has been helplessly, head-over-heels in love. Just one problem: he's married. Oh, two: he doesn't know if his feelings --- which he can't voice --- are reciprocated. Here we see him relish the chance to be near her again. True, he's there like any other snob to meet the artist, and true, he must secretly love it when Frasier's evening comes crashing down about his ears, but he's mostly there to be around the object of his infatuation. He goes into the kitchen and lingers over the heavenly sight of Daphne bending down as she removes something from the oven, he smells her hair --- a practice he will continue; he almost gets caught here but gets away with it --- and later when Daphne is helping him look for an alleged ring that Maris is supposed to have lost, the two emerge from the bedroom looking a little flustered. Niles replies to Frasier's demand for an explanation --- as Daphne does up her blouse --- that she was good enough to crawl under the bed looking while he... at which point Frasier asks archly "Yes?"

DAPHNE
Again we're party to Daphne's supposed psychic ability, and yet there seems to be something to it. When Niles gives her, at her request, the matching earring so she can try to get some psychic impression off it, she says "Yes, it's in your father's room. No, now it's in the bathroom. This is odd! Now it's in the hallway!" A moment later, Eddie appears and it's all too clear what has happened to the earring, also where the dog has just been!

AND ISN'T THAT...?

Gary, the man who wants to buy a sump pump rather than take his wife on holiday to Italy, is voiced by comedian Robert Klein

EGGHEAD

Frasier is so pompous and has such an exaggerated sense of his own pride that Martin has to explain to him that the police don't have time for chasing art forgers: they're much too busy with real crimes. But Frasier in some senses is something of a little boy, unable to believe that the world is so unfair and that he cannot correct the error he has made, nor make the man responsible for hoodwinking him pay. When he goes to see the gallery owner, and he is told flat out that he's not getting his money back, he is stunned into inaction: he simply can't deal with this kind of offhand callous treatment. You would think that as a psychiatrist --- not to mention a man in his forties --- he would have learned the basic lesson of the world, that you can't always get what you want and that life is not fair.

1.7 "Call me irresponsible"

Frasier takes a call from a guy called Marco, and when he realises the guy is not prepared to commit, that he admits he wants to "wait in case someone better comes along", advises him to terminate the relationship. Martin and Daphne are constructing a Christmas scene, even though it's only October: they want to take the photograph that will go on this year's Christmas card to their friends. When Marco's now ex-girlfriend, Catherine, comes to berate him for pushing the breakup he ends up going out with her. Niles is however aghast, saying that Frasier is breaking his ethical code: Marco was technically his patient and he's now dating his patient's girlfriend.

Things go from bad to worse as Marco returns to the air, annoyed that since he broke up with Catherine she is now going out with someone else. Frasier is shocked, and probably a little uneasy, to find that he's being stalked. Marco wants to get back with Catherine but Frasier counsels him against it, a point Niles picks up on when he gives him a lift from work. He challenges him to listen to his stomach: back when they were kids, any time Frasier got anywhere near a breach of his ethics he would feel sick, often throwing up. Of course Frasier scoffs but now the idea has been put in his head and things begin to take their course. When he tries to make love to Catherine he starts feeling sick. Try as he might, he can't shake the feeling, and when Catherine hears that he can't get intimate with her without getting sick, well, how do you think she feels?

The relationship is of course doomed, killed stone dead you could say by Niles but really it's Frasier's own lofty sense of ethics and his professional pride that have put him in this position. Which means, as far as Catherine is concerned, he won't be getting in any of them with her!

FAMILY

DAPHNE incorporating GRAMMY MOON
A character who we will never see (assume she's dead by now) but who has obviously been a huge influence on Daphne's life is her grandmother, affectionately known as Grammy Moon. We hear the first of her pearls of wisdom here, as Daphne tells the tale of how Grammy refused to believe her husband had died, as he used to sleep like the dead. When he did die, she just kept saying "He's napping, he's napping!"

DAPHNE (alone)
Interesting to note that even after this short time (seven episodes, not sure how long: maybe a year, less probably as this is their first Christmas card to feature her) Daphne has already become so much a part of the Crane family that there is absolutely no objection to her being in the family Christmas photo, nor does anyone even think of raising such. She may as well have always lived with them, she's so integrated into the unit now.

NILES
While Frasier reacts to breaches of his ethics via his stomach, it seems Niles too has a "failsafe system" hardwired into his persona. When he attempts to cross that line, he starts getting a nosebleed. Considering how many weird foibles will be uncovered concerning the younger Crane brother, this little idiosyncrasy will end up seeming almost trivial.

EDDIE
So much more than just a dog, Eddie was Martin's only companion when he lived alone, and though Frasier tried to prevent his moving in Martin would not hear of it, and now the dog is as much a part of the apartment as Daphne is. Like all the characters, he has his own little peculiarities too, the most annoying to Frasier of which we have seen, that he stares at the psychiatrist, which unnerves Frasier. Here we see that Martin tends to dress him up for the holidays, sticking a pair of false antlers on his head, and also that he thinks nothing of the dog drinkign out of the toilet, when he remarks "Oh, he's just in the bathroom getting a drink."

QUOTES

Frasier, walking in as Martin and Daphne are singing Christmas carols, with the apartment done up like it is Christmas: "Excuse me: exactly how long have I been asleep?"

Frasier: "My producer tells me you want an autograph. Who should I make it out to?"
Catherine: "You disgust me, you parasitic fraud!"
Frasier: "Well, it's certainly different than the usual "best regards"!"

Catherine: "Are you telling me that the thought of making love to me makes you sick to your stomach?"
Frasier: "Yes, but don't take it personally."

Catherine: "Oh! To think I was going to have sex with you! And it was going to be hot! Oh like you've never had before! We're talking steamy, sweat dripping down your back, neighbours pounding on the walls, illegal in forty-eight states sex!"

Frasier: "How I envy you Eddie! The biggest questions you face are who's going to walk me? Who's going to feed me? I won't face that sort of joy for another forty years!"

AND ISN'T THAT...?

Bruno Kirby voices Marco
BUT
more importantly, Hank, whose only real contribution was to get cut off because he was on a seven-second delay and kept saying "Hello? Can you hear me?" is voiced by ... ta-ta-t-a-tahhhh! EDDIE VAN HALEN! Yeah, THE Eddie Van Halen! Score!

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Almost nothing in this journal comes from this year, and there's a reason for that. I usually have to go through at least a season, sometimes a whole series of a programme before I can review it, as I don't like to leave loose ends untied, particularly ones which may never be explained if the series does not get renewed and ends on a cliffhanger. So by design I've only chosen to feature series that have completed their run, or are so popular that they're unlikely to be cancelled. This, however, breaks the mould. It's called "The Returned", actual title "Les Revenants", and it only broadcast on Channel 4 here a few short months ago. I want to write about it now, so soon after watching it, for two reasons: I haven't been able to download it anywhere and I want to write it up while it's fresh in my mind, and also still available on my Sky Box.

I started watching this last week, following my usual habit of recording all the episodes and then watching them one by one, and have now finished it. To my both annoyance and delight it ended in a cliffhanger that promises a second season, and because it's got nothing to do with the fickle US TV networks I'm confident it will get that second season. It's a French drama, a supernatural mystery which runs over eight episodes in its first season, and which, slowly and tantalisingly, begins to knot together what at first appeared to be separate threads into a pretty stunning whole. The relationships between people, many previously unsuspected, are revealed and the story takes on so much more character and while smaller, internal mysteries are solved, or at least we understand them more, the main, overarching mystery remains.

The basic story is this: people who have been dead are coming back to life. No, not in a zombie "Day of the dead" or even "The Walking Dead" way. These are people who have perished in different ways and at different times, and who are now back, and nobody, least of all them, knows why, or how this has happened. Some look upon it, understandably, as a miracle while others are convinced it is a curse upon the village. As the series progresses we find that some of them have their own strange story, and that indeed some of them --- most of them, in fact --- have a darker design on the world. There are things hinted at, shown and revealed while so much more is left shrouded in mystery.

The almost ordinary setting for this series gives it both a terrifying feeling of "this could happen anywhere" and also an somehow satisfyingly grounded feel. This is not Buffy, or the aforementioned zombie show. It's not even Lost. It's just an ordinary tale that is far from ordinary, set in a French village which seems on the surface typical and boring but which hides its own dark secret, much of which is hinted at throughout the eight episodes. It's a story of families coming to terms with loved ones returning, whom they have grieved for and now have to face being alive again without knowing why, and of the other families, jealous that those who have passed away in their lives have not seemingly been granted the same choice. It's a story of faith, and fear, and the Unknown. And a story of love. And hate. And death.

It is of course all in French but there are decently-placed subtitles that never fade into the background as they can sometimes, making them hard to read. But because it is subtitled, you have to watch every frame. You can't really take your mind off the screen for one second, or if you do, you need to be in a position to be able to rewind and find out what they said. Because the language is, to me, foreign and I can't speak it, I can't just listen. I have to read everything that happens in order to keep up with the storyline and the developments.

"The Returned" also features some of the most haunting and spooky ambient music from Mogwai, whom I had never heard before, but on the strength of what I hear here I want to experience more. The actors and actresses will be unknown to anyone who is not familiar with French drama, and are perhaps unknown even there. Or they could be mega-stars in their own country, I don't know, but it's no surprise for me to tell you that I don't know a single one of them. It doesn't matter a bit. Each one is great in his or her part, and contributes to the storyline in their own way. Each episode focusses, mostly, on the story of one character, often stepping back through time to show us how he or she died, or their life leading up to whatever killed them, all of which helps to flesh out the main plot and link all the main characters together.

I won't list cast here as as I say above, most if not all of them will be unknown outside of France, but that doesn't mean they're not great at what they do. I will instead just talk about each character as they step forward to tell their tale as the episodes unfold. Be warned though: as I have already mentioned, though this is a mystery, and a supernatural one at that, for the moment at any rate there is no solution or answer to why this is happening, or even how, as the final episode leaves more questions unresolved than it answers, raising even more in the end.

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Season One, Episode Four

"The high price"

James is disappointed to see how few Irish emigrants Baines has returned with, but once again Callon has beaten him to the punch and stolen all his trade. However there are now enough barrels to merit a voyage back to Lisbon, and James rubs his hands both at the prospect of returning to sea and, more importantly, the profit he can make. Anne is concerned that her father seems to have more money than he should, and wonders where it's coming from? James is more concerned with acquiring a warehouse, and sets about talking to the owner of one in which a sweat shop rag and bone operation is being run. He learns that the owner died but that his wife, a Mrs. Arkwright, retains possession of the premises. She is a French lady, quite well-to-do and intrigued by James's letter begging an audience.

Elizabeth and Fogarty are having dinner, and it seems obvious from their somewhat hushed conversation that Elizabeth suspects she is now expecting, though it later becomes clear her husband-to-be does not. The arrival of Frazer to their table does nothing to lessen the atmosphere of tension, and the cutting remarks of the shipbuilder's son on the news that they are to be wed can only be interpreted as sarcasm hidden in humour. Fogarty admits he is due to set sail within the next day, music to Albert's ears. Sarah is awaiting the birth of her first child and has taken to her bed, where Elizabeth begins making tentative enquiries from her into what it is like to be pregnant, much to Sarah's surprise and dismay.

James and Robert go to see Mrs Arkwright, and Robert is dispatched to see what information about her mistress he can get from the servant, Miss Simmons, who takes an instant shine to him. Mrs Arkwright is asking for a specific sum for the warehouse, and James is eager to know why that exact figure. Meanwhile, Robert's first child, a boy, is born, and the Onedins celebrate the latest addition to the family. James prevails upon Robert to meet again with Miss Simmons, who unfortunately takes his attentions as being romantic and when he gets the information he needs she is crushed to find out that he is married, and has no interest in her, romantic or otherwise. It's also doubly awkward when it is Callon, who has shadowed Robert to his meeting, who breaks the news to the lady.

What emerges from the conversation is that Mrs Arkwright hates being in England, and wants to return to France. This is why she needs the particular sum she is asking for the sale of the warehouse. James now has a bargaining chip he can use. Elizabeth sees Daniel off at the dock, playing the very role she swore she would not act. She tries to tell him about the baby before he leaves but he is distracted by his preparations and has to leave before she can break the news. James tries to get his brother to sit on the board of his new holding company, and though he is reluctant it is in fact Sarah who counsels him to listen to James, seeing a better deal for her husband than James has so far offered. She also sees the future being laid down for her newborn son. Robert gets the nod from his wife, and agrees.

Anne goes to the sweat shop and discovers that some of the items there are stolen, which gives them another bargaining chip. Unfortunately Callon has been at it again, trumping his offer. James tells Mrs Arkwright though that the offer is worthless, dependant as it is on a contract being drawn up. He tells her of the history between the two men, and explains that this is just a ploy to thwart James's efforts to buy the warehouse. His offer is lower, but includes the purchase of a house in France and free passage there for the lady.When the offer is accepted, all James has to do is get rid of the sweat shop, which he does through a combination of threats and inducements. When they get home they find that Anne's father has been borrowing money from Callon, set against the house, which is now to be repossessed as he cannot afford to pay the money back. With no alternative left, Anne and James must now move into their new warehouse, letting it double as their temporary home.

But James has his warehouse...

FAMILY
ELIZABETH
More than anyone, other than James, in the series it is the Onedin sister around whom most of the drama and controversy will centre. Here, she has realised, or suspects, that after her night of passion with Daniel Fogarty on the ship she is now pregnant, and she is afraid. Afraid in two ways: one, that she has never been pregnant before and does not know how to cope with it, and has no-one to confide in about it, and two, that she now seems destined, forced by an unforgiving society to marry Fogarty, for an unwed mother in the nineteenth century is nothing but a symbol of scandal and shame. She may not want to marry Daniel, but if she is indeed pregnant, this may be the only choice left open to her.

ROBERT
Here we see that despite Robert being the head of the house, it is Sarah who really rules the roost. When James offers him a seat on an as-yet-non-existent board of directors, it is Sarah who convinces --- almost orders --- him to accept. Yes, James is a huckster and a rogue, and many of his schemes have and will go belly-up, some literally. But the lure of having her husband rise up through society as a company director is too much for her to resist, and as we will see later in the series, she pushes Robert further in his, or, vicariously, her own, ambition.

CALLON
As we have seen, ever since James humiliated him with Senor Braganza and stole the contract, which he had assumed was his by right, out from under him, Callon has been doing everything he can to thwart his rival and put obstacles in his way. From flooding the quays with empty barrels to try and overwhelm him to trumping his offer on the warehouse. He has of course no intention of buying the warehouse --- he has more than enough of those --- but is prepared to put in a higher bid just to stop James getting his hands on it. He also spots Robert talking to Miss Simmons and follows them to the tea house, embarrassing the older Onedin brother by talking about his wife and newborn son, and trying to scandalise Robert, who is expectedly flustered by the encounter. It also serves as a warning to James, that Callon knows what he's up to.

CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY
The fact that her husband died and left her with stakes she knows little or nothing about in businesses she cares less for is shown very clearly when Mrs Arkwright, on learning James's trade is in shipping, remarks, "I have no such interests ... so far as I am aware." For all she knows (or cares) she could own a shipping company, could have been left one, or a share in one, by her late husband, but as a well-bred woman of the nineteenth century she does not concern herself with such things, and leaves matters of this kind in the hands of her lawyers.

James convinces Robert to setup a holding company with him, and sit on the board of directors. He promises Robert a percentage of the profits, without any need for his brother to outlay money, and Sarah, liking the idea of her husband being a company director, gives the venture her blessing, essentially allowing him to accept the offer. Of course, the cogs are always turning in James's sharp mind, and no doubt he has some other plans for Robert. But this at least limits his personal liability to creditors.

When we see the workers in the sweat shop they are a ragged lot, pitiful wretches eking out the barest existence under the baleful eye of their harsh taskmistress, but their plight touches James not one bit: all he is concerned with is getting the warehouse. In truth, he almost has more in common with Mrs Gamble, the head of the shop, in that they are of like mind and understand one another. He also cares little for Miss Simmons, who, under Robert's probing at James's behest, yielded up the valuable information that allowed James to put forward a proposal to buy the warehouse at a price he could afford.

When Mrs Arkwright finds out that she has been, as she sees it, betrayed, she dismisses the woman and despite James's grudging agreement to Robert's plea to ensure she is looked after once her mistress is departed, she ends up working at the sweat shop, a situation that shocks and scandalises Robert, but which means nothing to James. He said he would find her a position, he grins, and he has. It means nothing to him that without this woman's help they might not have been able to find a way around Mrs Arkwright's higher asking price, and less that she has now lost her position because of it. He feels no sense of responsibility or duty to her, unlike Robert, who not only deplores the fact that James has not lifted a finger to help her, despite Robert's insistence, but also now feels that his word has been broken, word he gave to Miss Simmons that he would ensure she was taken care of.

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1.5 "Friends of St. James"

Attending with bad grace his school reunion Alan runs into someone he has not seen in years, but seems to have somehow become the president --- for life! --- of one of the tiny islands in the Caribbean. When Lance presses Alan for help in financing the islands "special tobacco crop", the Tory is unimpressed. But Lance gives him a sample of this "special tobacco" and Alan, high as a kite, signs a cheque. After delivering a rather interesting keynote speech he goes to see Norman, who confirms that Lance is shown as being president for life of the Republic of St. James. When he hears that they have no banks there though Norman is very excited and sees an opportunity to make a killing. He tells Alan that if he were to start up a bank there, get enough investors to deposit enough money on the back of offers such as high interest, no tax and total confidentiality, they can close the bank and pocket all the profits.

When he gets back to Westminister B'Stard sets about putting the plan into motion. Soon he has enough greedy politicians desperate to avail of his new bank and they are on their way. B'Stard charters a clapped-out old Dakota and they make a flight to the island, however as they approach they run into a hitch. The airport is closed for harvest. B'Stard can't understand it, and called up to the cockpit he tells them that he has permission from the president to visit, but the air traffic controller tells him that the president is deaf, dumb and blind, and the man he spoke to at the reunion is the president's grandson, and he is known for pulling scams. Having to come up with a rescue plan on the fly, B'Stard recruits the flight crew into going along with him as he stages a hijack which he "foils" by pretending to overpower the hijackers over the intercom where no-one but the crew can see.

With the story now that B'Stard has saved the plane but the terrorists took the money with them, Alan's reputation is secure and nobody blames him. They turn and head home.

QUOTES
B'Stard's keynote address at the school (under the influence of the special tobacco) "Why have I got the largest majority in the House of Commons? Easy: because I got more votes than anyone else. They all put their little crosses in my box. Pathetic really isn't it, the amount of people who can't spell their own names? That's why we need schools like this: to keep us away from them, to stop them dragging us down to their level. So don't talk to me about the "education crisis"! Look around you at this beautiful school! There's nothing wrong with the education system that £2500 a term can't put right!

Ditto the so-called housing shortage! There are thousands of empty houses if you know where to look: the Algarve is empty six months of the year! That's what this country needs, you see: radical ideas, shooting straight from the hip!

Which brings us on to the health service. I mean, we hear an awful lot of lefty whinging about the NHS waiting lists. Well, the answer is simple: shut down the health service. Result, no more waiting lists! You see, in the good old days, you were poor, you got sick and you died. And yet these people seem to think they have some God-given right to be cured! And what is the result of this sloppy socialist thinking? More poor people! In contrast to my policy which would eliminate poor people, thereby eliminating poverty. And they say that we Conservatives have no heart!"

Catchpole: "Twenty-five percent interest? Is there any possibility of their opening a branch in my constituency?"
B'Stard: "Mister Catchpole, the trees don't have branches in your constituency!"

Captain Hirsch: "Our motto is service with a smile. That's why so many famous people have flown Caribbean International: Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Jim Reeves, Glenn Miller..."

Hirsch again: "Boy I've met some tough bastards in Nam but he ain't got nothin' on them!"

MACHINATIONS
The plans get bigger and more complex, as Alan and Norman plan to defraud B'Stard's colleagues out of their money by setting up and then unexpectedly sending into bankruptcy a dummy bank. There's one phrase Norman uses that convinces Alan it's worth going ahead with: "We could make millions!"

THE USER AND THE USED
This time out it's the whole House of Commons --- or as many as could get into the investment meeting anyway --- that B'Stard uses, playing on their innate greed and the fact that none of them will bother checking into the credentials of the bank, see that it has only just been set up today. There's no sympathy for these people; they're all corrupt and greedy and the fact that they lose their money --- and that B'Stard gains nothing from the enterprise, though to be fair he could have been in a lot of trouble had it not been for his "brilliant plan" --- adds the icing to this particular cake. For once, it's a win-win for the viewer.

SIDEKICK
Piers is back! Yay! Although he doesn't have too much to do in the episode, only coming into it when they're on the plane, on the way to St. James. He is however blamed by Alan for losing the members' investments, but when he complains that he's not the treasurer of the committee, only the secretary, B'Stard promotes him on the spot, in order to have him take the blame! Alan also needles him about his fiancee, saying that he has slept with her whereas Piers has yet to.

WHAT IS LOVE?
While in the House, Alan gets a call from a young lady who he is making an assignation with. Her name is not mentioned, but the words "olive oil" and "block and tackle" are...

PIERS
Alan tells Piers that in all likelihood he will be thrown off the plane when the investors realise they've lost all their money, and Piers wails that he has never even be physically intimate with his fiancee, to which Alan replies that he has, and Piers isn't missing much! This kind of copperfastens the idea that Piers is not quite on physical terms with his fiancee, borne out by his comment in "Sex is wrong", two episodes back. When Sir Stephen reads out the title of Lady Virginia's pamphlet, Piers pipes up with "That's what my fiancee is always saying!" Mind you, later on we will discover that this in in fact far from the truth, though in fairness the fiancee presented in season two's "May the best man win" may be a different person to the one he's describing here.

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1.1 "Space pilot 3000"

Fry is a pizza delivery boy, working on New Year's Eve 1999. He's not happy with his lot. Who would be? As he heads out to a delivery he comes across his girlfriend in a taxi, who says she is leaving him. Even more disconsolate, his mood is not improved when he arrives at his destination and it is deserted, and he realises he has been played. Philosophically, with midnight approaching he stays where he is, which is the cryogenics centre, and through a bizarre series of circumstances falls into one of the cryo-chambers, set for 1000 years. He awakes in the year 3000, to find he is alone in a strange new world of which he knows nothing.

Taken to his career assignment officer, a one-eyed sexy alien called Leela, he is dismayed both to find how long he has remained in the cryo tube (though he thinks it's a million, not a thousand years) and also that his assigned career is ... delivery boy! He can't believe it! He's in a totally new millennium, a thousand years in the future, and he's still a loser! He decides to go on the run, avoiding the implantation of his career chip, which will forever label him as only good for the job of delivery boy, and Leela pursues him. He gives her the slip and, having found out that he has one relative or descendant here in the future, decides to give Professor Hubert Farnsworth a call. Unfortunately for him, there are no phone booths in the thirty-first century, and what he enters is a Suicide Booth, where people go to, well, be killed. For twenty-five cents a time.

Here he meets a disgruntled robot called Bender, who tries to help him use the Suicide Booth, but they both back out at the last moment. Bender introduces himself and tells Fry that he wants to die because he is a bending unit, and has learned that the girders he bends for a living are being used to make these booths. Fry offers to get him a job with his nephew, and the two head off to find him. However before they can they are spotted by Leela, who has been tasked to return Fry for implantation. Bender suggests hiding in in the Head Museum, where the heads of famous people have been preserved along with their brains, so that they can talk and interact with people. But when the police officers she's called for backup start beating on Fry Leela steps in and they escape.

They make it into the sewers but Leela follows them. Fry gives in, but Leela, impressed by the young guy, instead removes her own chip. So they all go to see the professor. It turns out he's about ninety years old and somewhat the dodderer, but he does have one redeeming quality: a spaceship! They use it to flee from the police, and the professor then tells them he need a crew to fly the ship, which he uses as a delivery service to fund his wild experiments. Fry is a little less than happy to find that, after all he's been through, his destiny is, and always has been, to be a delivery boy! But hey, it's a big universe out there, and they'll be delivering to quite a lot of it. Anything could happen...

QUOTES
Fry, on awakening in the year 3000: "My god! It's the future! My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend: I'll never see them again! (Pause) Yahoo!"

Leela: "You've been assigned the career you're best at, just like everyone else."
Fry: "What if I refuse?"
Leela: "Then you'll be fired."
Fry: "Okay then! I refuse!"
Leela: "Out of a cannon, into the sun!"

Farnsworth: "Are you three by any chance interested in becoming my new crew?"
Bender: "What happened to your old crew?"
Farnsworth: "Oh those poor, sons of ... er, that's not important right now!"

SIMPSONS REFERENCES
To be fair, there aren't that many, as Groening obviously wanted to make this show as different to his blockbuster success as possible, but they inevitably creep in from time to time, mostly in the first season. Here, as Fry hurtles through the transport tube we see the ocean wherein swims one of the three-eyed fish from the Simpsons episode in which Burns ran for governor.

PCRs
As you might expect in a show like Futurama, it's absolutely littered with clever in-jokes, comments on society, references to movies, TV shows, books and other media, and just a lot of sharp, witty observations. The spoken ones you'll get, but some of the more subtle, clever ones may pass you by as they are often gone in the blink of an eye. Here I'll do my best to point them all out.

A particularly clever one, glimpsed only for a moment, is a couple who walk by naked, but their private parts are covered by floating black bars, like the censoring bars popular on some TV shows. But these are real, and can I guess be seen as a fashion statement.

Bender drinks "Olde Fortran" malt liquor. This is appropriate, as he is a robot and Fortran is a computer programming language.

The pub they drink in is called O'Zorgnax's, which is hilarious, in that it shows clearly that it's owned or run by an alien, but there is obviusly some Irish ancestry there, tracing probably back to Old New York, and at the same time making the old but never boring joke about Irish people being drunks.

Leela's callsign is Officer 1BDI --- geddit? One beady eye! Yeah I know it's not a PCR really but I just think it's cool! It's also funny that she calls for backup, and the two officers, standing right behind her tell her they'll be there in five minutes!

THE HEAD MUSEUM
Guest stars became a staple of the Simpsons, though some would say that in the latter years they began to become more important than the storylines themselves (witness Kiefer Sutherland's first appearance and also that of Sarah Michelle Gellar), but how to do so in Futurama, where everyone you might ever know should be dead a thousand years? The answer is the Head Museum, where the heads of famous people are kept preserved for posterity. They still have life of a sort, and can talk, crack wise, rant and make jokes and observations. Many a guest star will show up in Futurama as a "head".

The first we meet is Leonard Nimoy, good old Spock himself, and as Bender and Fry try to blend in with the Heads to avoid detection, we also briefly see the Heads of Barbara Streisand and ... Matt Groening! Later we also see the Head of Dick Clark. Some are not the actual people voicing the heads, admittedly, and some play a more recurring role than others --- the Head of President Richard Nixon shows up several times, often in storylines --- as does that of Clinton and others.

BAD IDEAS?
You can see from the first episode that there were things intended to run through the show, catchphrases that for one reason or another ended up being dumped. Here we see two of these.

"You gotta do what you gotta do". This is a slogan Leela points to on the wall, a poster which essentially shows a not very happy worker giving a weak thumbs up, declaring that whether you enjoy your job or not you have to do it. This did not progress beyond the first episode.

"I am already in my pajamas!" Professor Farnsworth says this twice in the pilot, and it's pretty obvious that this was intended to be his catchphrase. It was quickly changed to "Good news everybody!", possibly because it was realised that having the professor permanently in PJs might be impractical to the storylines.

1.2 "The series has landed"

Each episode is preceded by a tagline which runs under the opening credits. As the series wound on and was threatened with, and eventually hit with cancellation, and then reborn, many of these poke sly digs at Fox, the channel that cancelled the series. I'll be referring to each tagline here, and if necessary commenting on or explaining it.

(Tagline: "In Hypno-Vision!" This will become more appropriate down the line, when we meet the Hypno-Toad)

In this episode we meet the remaining employees who work for Professor Farnsworth's company, which we learn is called Planet Express. First up is Hermes Conrad, a Jamaican bureaucrat who is the acountant, HR manager and general pen-pusher in the company. Next is Doctor John Zoidberg, whom everyone will end up just calling Zoidberg, an alien lobster-like being who serves as the company's medical officer, though he seems woefully inadequate to the task. He is also permanently poor, scavenging through bins for food and often acting more as a pet than a humanoid. We also meet Amy Wong, a young rich intern whose parents own half of Mars.

The first job for the Planet Express Ship is a delivery to the Moon, and though Fry is excited about this the others are not: they've been there plenty of times. In fact, they reach their destination in less time than it takes for Fry to do the takeoff countdown. He finds that the Moon has been turned into a huge amusement park, and it's as humdrum to the people of the 31st century as we find Butlins, or Bush Park, or Disneyland. As they prepare the freight for delivery, Amy fails to notice that she has dropped the keys to the ship into the crate. Their delivery made, their mistake unnoticed, they go to visit the park.

It's not how Fry imagined it though: commercialised, sanitised, Disneyfied. He learns that magnets mess up Bender's circuitry and make him start singing folk songs! Leela takes Fry on a trip onto the Moon's surface, to try to show him more of the Moon he remembers or knows of, while Bender and Amy are horrified to see the keys to the ship be tipped into one of the crane-arm machine games that are so frustrating. Amy squeals that Leela will kill her, but Bender grumps that she'll probably make him do it! Amy tries to win the keys while Fry, still not happy with being on the surface of the moon --- as it's another animated construct with the car on carefully-set guiderails --- takes the rover off the track and heads off across the real surface of the moon. Unfortunately he's never driven on the Moon before (something we could all admit to!) and he plunges the car into a crater. Leela has to rescue him by flying out with a jetpack that uses up their oxygen and leaves them in danger of dying on the Moon's surface, no way back to the park and little air left.

Back at Luna Park, Bender is thrown out of the place for trying to get the keys with his own robotic arms inside the machine, and storms off. Leela and Fry are lucky enough to run into a hydroponics farmer, who gives them shelter in return for working for him. He says till sunrise, which seems a fair deal to Fry until Leela points out that night lasts two weeks on the Moon. While they're working and waiting for the sun to come up, the farmer chases Bender out of his house with a shotgun! Bender has been a-messin' with his three robotic daughters! They rob the farmer's moon buggy but he jumps into the Crushinator, which is a huge bus-like vehicle, and follows them. However when they jump over a large crater the Crushinator refuses to go any further, saying "No paw! I love him!"

As night falls on the Moon and temperatures plummet to bone-freezing degrees, the trio come across the original landing craft from Apollo 11. Taking refuge inside it they wait out the night, but they don't have enough oxygen and don't see how they'll be able to survive. Just then, as Bender comes running, chased by the farmer again --- "You hadda come back for the Crushinator, didn't ya robot?" --- Amy appears with the ship, rescues Bender and takes the lunar lander up too; her experience with the crane at the amusement park has made her an accomplished pilot. The farmer stares in anger as they escape, and Bender suddenly feels the urge to start folk singing again!


QUOTES
Zoidberg: "Open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain." (Fry opens his mouth) "No no no! Not that one!"
Fry: "I only have one mouth!"
Zoidberg: "Really?" (Consulting chart)
Fry: "Is there a human doctor I can see?"
Zoidberg (offended): "Young lady! I'm an expert on humans, now pick a mouth, open it and say Bwaa-da-dah-da-dah!"
Fry: (Makes the closest noise he can)
Zoidberg: "What? My mother was a saint! Get out!"

Farnsworth: "Ah, to be young again! And also a robot!"

Worker: "A wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach."
Fry: "But you are lazy, right?"
Worker: "Ah, don't get me started!"

And later: Amy: "Excuse me Sir, could you get those keys for us?"
Worker: "What do I look like? A guy who isn't lazy?"

Bender (on being thrown out of the park): "Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park! With Blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the theme park!"

and later, when the guys forget to let him into the lunar lander
"Ah, no room for Bender eh? Well forget it! I'm gonna go build my own lunar lander, with Blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the lunar lander and the Blackjack!"

Fry: "Oh Bender! You didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?"
Bender: "Of course not! A lady that fine you gotta romance first!"

Leela: "Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust!" Don't think I've ever heard a more eloquent argument against the Moon landings and its cost.

PCRs
On the Moon, there are loads. Even the title, which refers to NASA's announcement of the landing of the Apollo 11 lunar lander on the Moon in 1969: "Mission control: the eagle has landed!" However the first proper PCR is Fry's contention that "Wow! I'll be a hero, like Neil Armstrong and all those other brave guys that nobody knows!" A cutting commentary on the fact that everyone remembers the first man on the Moon, but after that nobody cares. Can you name any other lunar astronauts other than he, Aldrin and, er, anyone else? Glenn? Anyone after that? Me neither.

When Fry steps out onto the surface of the Moon for at least his first time, he intones breathlessly "That's one small step for Fry..." and is sneered at by a guy in line with the rejoinder "... and one giant line for admission!" Seriously, nobody needs this contextualised, do they?

Fry tells them about Luna Park, and Amy returns "It's the happiest place orbiting Earth!" Obviously not wanting to get sued by robbing Disney's slogan!

Bender is approached by a guy called Crater-Face, who tries to confiscate his beer. The guy wears a flat large head in the shape of the moon, into which Bender pushes his empty beer bottle, near the eye socket. This refers back to the 1920s film, "The first men in the moon", where the rocket lands in the "eye" of the moon. Very clever.

The Goophy Gopher Revue is sponsored by the Monsanto Corporation, one of the largest and most villified pharmaceutical corporations. They make aspartame.

Over a thousand years and with the Earth having been invaded by aliens at least twice, history has got a little screwed up. The story of the Moon landings now seems to be centred on "one man, who had a dream", and that man was ... Jackie Gleason! The creators of the park use his segment where he threatens his wife "One of these days, Alice: bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!" as the prediction that man would one day walk on the Moon. Fry knows this is not the case, but Leela ignores him. This has been "common knowledge" for a millennia or more. Why should she doubt its truth now?

Another hilarious misconception is that because there is a Sea of Tranquility on the Moon, it must have been a real sea, with real water, and ... real whales. And where there are whales, there are going to be whalers. And so we have, "Whalers on the Sea of Tranquility". Good grief!

The Whalers sing a song, called "Whalers on the Moon", and when Fry goes "off-road", he yells "Crank up the radio!" Guess what tune comes out? Yup! Wonder why they didn't call the group Bob Marley and the Whalers? Sorry, sorry...

One of the arcade machines behind Amy is called "Mortal Kooperation". Not quite "Mortal Kombat", is it? Another is called (I had to freeze frame a lot to get this one!) "Gender neutral Pac Person"! Brilliant!

That old joke about the farmer and his three daughters is updated here, as the hydroponics farmer warns Leela and Fry not to be a-messin' with his three beautiful robot daughters --- Lulubelle 7, Daisy-May 128K --- and the Crushinator! Daisy-May 128K is a real in-joke for those who used the old Atari Spectrum, when 128 kilobites (NOT megabytes, KILObytes, ie 1.28 MB) was the top of the line in memory! Oh, and the Commodore 64 too I think. Well before the rise of the modern PC.

When Fry sees the US flag at the landing site, his first thought is "Hey! There's that flag from MTV!" Sigh.

He also rejoices that his bootprint is larger than that of the thousand-year-dead Armstrong. Size isn't everything, Fry!

The motto on the farmer's hat reads "The moon shall rise again". A brilliantly clever reference to the old Southern creed after the Civil War, and also the fact that, well, the moon does rise, every night.

A ROBOT CALLED BENDER
One of the things that works well in any programme, be it drama, horror, comedy, sci-fi, is a good relationship between characters. The best and indeed funniest relationship in Futurama is without question between Fry and Bender, with the latter treating him occasionally as his best friend but most of the time more like a pet. One thing Bender does not do is disguise his feelings (discuss to your heart's content how a robot can have feelings, but he does) or hold back when he has something to say. He is the original "tell it like it is" merchant, and here I'll be detailing some of his better observations.

Bender hates doing work of any kind. Maybe this is because having quit his job as, well, a bending unit, he now thinks he should not have to work for anyone. Or maybe he is just lazy. Either way he will do anything to avoid work. When they arriveon the Moon and he hears they have to deiver the package they came here to deliver he greets Fry's suggestion that they just drop it in the sewer and say they delivered it with "Too much work! Let's burn it and say we dropped it in the sewer!"

He has really very little time for humans and their frailties. When Fry and Leela worry that they may freeze in the sub-zero lunar night, he quips "Whaddya mean "we", mammal?" He will make this point, in many and in interesting ways, all through the series.

In that context, however, it's hard to accept his reason for trying to commit suicide. I have thought about this many times (yes, I'm that sad!) and it just doesn't stack up. If Bender really has the contempt for humans that he obviously does, why would he care that he was helping to manufacture Suicide Booths? What difference would it make to him? It certainly would not drive him to want to end his own life. And as we will see as we get to know him, if there's one person Bender loves, it's Bender. I think it was something of a clumsy plot device, another perhaps badly or not fully thought-out idea, but given the general overall superlativity of Futurama, I think we can forgive the writers this small slip.

We learn here too that Bender seems to harbour an unconfirmed desire to be a folk singer. This will, to some extent, recur in the episode "Bendin' in the wind", but other than that it's kind of a throwaway line, as indeed is the idea of magnets interfering with his circuits. Again, not really that well thought out or followed through. Damn funny though!

From this episode, and the end of the pilot too, we see that Bender is also an incorrigible thief. He doesn't seem to steal because he needs things (he's a robot after all) but simply because he can. He's sort of like an android version of the Artful Dodger, and he has no compunction at all about who he steals from, including his employer and his so-called friends.

There's no question Bender considers himself superior to humans, and has no problems about saying it, loudly and often. Yet his own past can, like that of any human, come back to haunt him, as here he meets a robot on the Moon whom he used to go to college with, and is embarrassed, ignoring him.

Bender is also a romeo, a casanova and in the best tradition of love-em-and-leave-em never stays long enough with anyone to form any sort of relationship. Over the course of the series his contempt for women will be explored in various ways, some of them rather eyebrow-raising. Here we see him ignore the warnings from the farmer and "mess with" his three robot daughters. We see too that as ever, girls love a bad boy, as the Crushinator has fallen in love with him to the point that she will defy her father in pursuing him. Bender obviously has a weakness for hookers, too, as he mentions them several times.

1.3 "I, roommate"

(Tagline: none)

With nowhere to live in the 31st century Fry has been crashing at the office, a situation that has begun to wear thin with his work colleagues. After all, just how many owls can you trap? When he refuses to take the hint, both he and Bender are kicked out of the office and Fry realises he must look for a place to stay. Bender comes to the rescue, telling him he can stay with him, but it turns out Bender, being a robot, only needs the tiniest, narrowest space to sleep in. It's fine for a robot but way too cramped for a human. So Leela helps them look for a new place together. But nothing suits.

Then a colleague of Professor Farnsworth dies, and the pair move into his spacious, upmarket apartment. Things go great until it's discovered that Bender's antenna is disrupting not only their TV reception but that of the whole block. Faced with having to leave if they can't sort this out, Bender tries to convince Fry just to leave the apartment and go back to his place, but Fry likes it here. So being somewhat selfish he asks Bender to leave while he stays. Leela is furious: Bender is his friend. How could he treat him so? Fry is unmoved.

The next day Bender turns up a work --- stinking sobre! For a robot this is the worst way to be, as they need alcohol to function properly. Bender acts drunk, with five o'clock shadow and slurred voice. He misses Fry, and has let himself go completely. Bender has caustically suggested to Leela that he cut off his antenna, as this appears to be the root of the problem, but robots looks on their antennae as us guys might look on, well, a certain part of our anatomy, and he doesn't want to do it.

After spending a night cold stinking sobre and waking up in an alley though, he comes to a hard decision. He makes his way to Fry's aprtment and threatens to cut off the thing. Fry doesn't realise what the antenna means to him, and so doesn't see any big deal in cutting off "Little Bender", so despite the show Bender makes of doing so --- "I'm gonna do it, don't try to stop me --- he just doesn't understand.

Once it's cut off the TV comes back on and Bender can now stay. However he seems very down and Fry finally realises what he has done. They recover the antenna and reattach it, and the two move back into Bender's old apartment where Fry discovers a "closet" that is huge enough to make a very comfortable living area for him. Bender bemoans the stupidity of humans, who would be happy to live in a closet, but secretly he's delighted they're both back home.

QUOTES
Hermes: "As this shocking graph indicates, our water consumption has tripled in the last month." (Off shot of Fry heading with a towel towards the Emergency Chemical Burn Shower unit) "I notice Fry has been here a month, I'm appointing him as head of a committee to find out who's responsible!"

Bender: "I need lots of nutritional alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my circuits charged."
Fry: "So what's the cigar for?"
Bender: "Ah, makes me look cool!"

Bender: "Why don't you just move in with me?"
Fry: "That would be great! Are you sure I wouldn't be imposing?"
Bender: "Nah, I've always wanted a pet."

Bender (asleep): "Kill all humans ... kill all humans .. must kill all humans ..."
Fry: "Bender! Wake up!"
Bender (waking): "Aw, I was having the most wonderful dream: I think you were in it." (Going back to sleep after a quick conversation with Fry) "Hey sexy lady! Wanna kill all humans?"

Bender (on the idea of looking for a new apartment): "Ah, I dunno. I got a lot of great memories of my old place." (Opens his chest, hits a button) "And now they're all gone!"

Farnsworth (on the phone): "Oh how awful! Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say? Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say?"

Bender: "You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had, you're the first."

Leela (to Bender): "Look at that five o'clock rust! You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?"

PCRs
As Fry wakes up --- on the boardroom table! --- he reaches out to knock off the alarm on his clock but hits Bender on the head instead. Angry, Bender takes the clock and folds it, sticking it on the side of the desk, where it now emulates the famous "melting clocks" painting by Salvador Dali.

And speaking of artists, one of the apartments they look at is that old "stairs that go every direction" thing by Escher.

As Bender and Fry move into their new apartment, cue the music from "The odd couple"... They even do the picking up the cigar with an umbrella bit. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're too young.

In the Robot Arms (does anyone know if there's a joke or clever reference there? I've been thinking for years there is one but I can't get it) as the apartments are all for robots, the rooms are all numbered in the machine code binary system. Perhaps Bender's room says something clever, but I can't translate binary code.

Speaking of binary, the picture on their wall reads: "10 Home 20 Sweet 30 Goto 10", BASIC code which of course any computer nerd worth their salt knows means that the third line sends you back to the first, so it's Home Sweet Home. Excellent!

There's a great montage that pays homage to those old movies where the hero hits rock bottom and signs like "24 hour drinking" and "all night off licence" slide by in a drunken haze to slow jazz music, but in Bender's case he should be drinking but isn't, so things like "Bible study", "No alcohol here" and suchlike float by.

CALCULON/ALL MY CIRCUITS
One of the top soaps on TV is "All my circuits", starring the dashing robot actor Calculon, whose ego makes Bender look like a shrinking violet! This is the first time we're introduced to it, but it, and its star, will play a role throughout the series. Here, Fry is addicted to watching the thing. So is everyone else, as they all come over to Fry and Bender's new apartment to watch the episode with Calculon's wedding, which is when things begin to go wrong.


A ROBOT CALLED BENDER
Here we find out that it isn't that Bender is a drunk, but that he --- like, as we will later be told, all robots --- runs on alcohol. If he doesn't intake booze he will start to malfunction. We also learn that his contempt of humans manifests itself, at least in his sleep, as hatred. More to the point, we hear about the importance a robot attaches to his antenna; very personal, very intimate. We're shown that robots don't need much space to sleep in --- the apartments in the Robot Arms are all tiny little cubicles --- and feel it odd that humans do. Also, we see firsthand the terrible consequences of a robot failing to drink enough alcohol, which basically mirror the effects a human undergoes when drunk.

But more importantly, we see here the first little cracks in Bender's armour of toughness. When Fry moves in with him he looks upon him as a pet, at best a flatmate, but by the time they've settled in their new apartment they've grown to be more like friends, and when Fry cheerfully suggests Bender should leave the robot is crushed (not literally, of course). You wouldn't expect this from an android who professes to hate humans, but we'll realise Bender is something of a dichotomy. He often hides his feelings under snarky behaviour and aggressive tendencies, jokes and insults. In some ways, he's as human as you and I. Except that he could tear your or my arms off without breaking a sweat. Not that robots sweat.

It takes Fry some time to realise how much Bender actually depends on him, how close they've grown and how badly he has treated the robot. This is first because Fry is fundamentally thick and also very self-centred (so a perfect companion for Bender) but also because he finds it hard to assign emotions to a machine, as I suppose any of us would. Data in Star Trek: the Next Generation underwent the same sort of casual prejudice at first, and Kryten in Red Dwarf to an extent. People don't think robots, androids, automatons or machines have feelings. Of course, they don't, but on TV or in film they can, and often do. This is not to say that Fry treats Bender as property or as a machine; to him, Bender is a guy, and guys don't cry or show their feelings. In fact, he tells Leela loftily, guys don't have feelings. So he assumes Bender has none. But he learns a little late that he has hurt his friend, and makes in ways the ultimate sacrifice, giving up the big plush apartment and moving back in with Bender in his tiny cubicle. That's friendship for you. If a little late.

1.4 "Love's labour lost in space"

(Tagline: "In BC (Brain Control) where available" -- with the BC logo made to look like the Dolby symbol)

Leela bemoans the fact that most men can't see past her single eye on a date, so the guys decide to take her out to see if she can meet someone. However it's a bust: again, nobody can get past her cyclopean feature, and those that can (including an entity of pure energy) don't interest her. She soon has other things to concentrate on though, when the crew are sent to rescue some doomed animals from a doomed planet in a doomed ... you get the idea. The planet was once a source of Dark Matter, but as that is highly-prized as starship fuel in the thirty-first century, the planet has been stripmined and will now collapse within three days. Before that happens, Leela and her crew have to rescue two of each animal from the planet and take them to safety.

However Vergon 6 is a quarantined world, and the blockade is being patrolled by Captain Zapp Branigan, whose ship, "Nimbus", forces the Planet Express Ship (yeah, that's what they call it) to heave to. Leela is besotted with tales of Branigan's bravery and legendary prowess in space, and asks for his help in saving the animals, but when he hears they intend breaking the quarantine set up by DOOP, the Democratic Order Of Planets, of which he is the supposedly finest captain, he snarls refusal and places them under guard. Leela's admiration of and infatuation with him deflates like a balloon. When she goes to reason with him though she finds him so pathetic that she ends up engaging in pity sex with him (the champagne may have had something to do with it too, and her own desperate desire for intimacy) and is horrified when she wakes in his bed.

Trying to conceal her self-loathing, Leela leads the crew down to the planet, Branigan now being too full of his own ego to even bother stopping them. They collect all the animals on the list the Professor gave them, and come across an extra one. A small black creature like a monkey crossed with a cat. Leela decides that even though he's not on the list she'll take him, and calls him Nibbler. It quickly transpires though that, cute as he looks, Nibbler has a voracious appetite and can eat things many times his size, including the animals in the cargo hold!

As they prepare to leave though, now without any animals saved other than Nibbler, the planet begins to implode, but Leela finds to her dismay that Bender has failed to fuel up the ship, and the tank is now empty! With no alternative, and having had to admit to the guys that she slept with him, she has to call Branigan in to save them, which superinflates his already massive ego and makes Leela feel even smaller than she does already. Zapp however refuses to help unless they put Nibbler off the ship, which Leela will not do. Nibbler then poops, and lo and behold! It's pure Dark Matter that he excretes, allowing them to collect it and escape without Branigan's help.



QUOTES
Amy: "Let's take her out tonight. There's plenty of good places to meet people."
Hermes: "The Federal Sex Bureau!"
Bender: "Suacy puppet show."
Zoidberg: "The rotting carcass of a whale!"

Leela: "They say Zapp Branigan single-handedly saved the Octillion System from a whole horde of rampaging killbots."
Bender (shaking his head sadly): "A sad day for robotkind." (Brightening) "But we can always build more killbots!"

Fry: "I bet Leela's holding out for some really nice guy with one eye."
Bender: "That'll take forever. What she should do is find a nice guy with two eyes, and poke one out!"

Leela: "I might have liked Zapp Branigan if he wasn't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison."
Bender: "You really are too picky!"

Zapp: "Kiff! I have made it with a woman! Inform the men!"

Leela: "Leave him alone! It's not his fault that he's an unstoppable killing machine! Is it, Snookums?"

Leela: "Bender! I told you to fill the tank before we left!"
Bender: "Ah, I'll do it when we get back!"

Leela: "You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon, then I realised that inside you were just a pitiful child. Now I realise that outside that child there's a big pompous buffoon!"

NEW CHARACTERS!
Like The Simpsons before it, Futurama has a core cast of characters who are in most if not all of the episodes --- Fry, Leela, Bender, Scruffy (what?) --- but others are introduced gradually, some of whom become regular or semi-regular (think Krusty, Mo, Lenny and Carl, Chief Wiggum) while others only crop up occasionally (Mayor Quimby, Professor Frink, Snake). As these are added I'll talk about them and let you know what they mean, if anything, to the series as a whole.
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...2AfsUEFdaY6_0b
Here we meet the man who will become the on-again-off-again bane of Leela's life, the egotistical Captain Zapp Branigan. Although not in every episode --- far from it --- Zapp will become so integrated into the mythology of the show that it will be hard to imagine it without him. He's so special that I've started a new section especially for him, see below.

We also meet Kiff Kroker, his long-suffering second officer and adjuntant, who Branigan basically treats as his slave. Kiff will figure prominently in the lives of one of the crew, later on. Kiff is an alien who looks sort of like a squashed lizard, but we will learn more about his people in later seasons.

PCRs
None really this episode, but it's quite obvious that the character of Zapp Branigan is based loosely around a certain captain of the USS Enterprise...

Also, the title is again a PCR, referring to Shakespeare's "Love's labour lost".

ZAPP: WHAT A GUY!
Possibly the only other character to make such nonsensical statements other than Fry and Bender in the series, a man who makes every utterance George W Bush made sound like the pronouncements of a wise old man, Captain Zapp Branigan's speeches, eulogies, comments and just about everything he says is pure comedy gold.

"In the game of chess, you must never let your opponent see your pieces!"

"Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men in at them until they reached their limit and shut down."

"It's a little thing I call Branigan's Law. I don't pretend to understand Branigan's Law, I merely enforce it."

"Sham-pag-en?" (Poor Zapp is so uncultured he doesn't know how to pronounce the word champagne!)

"So, crawling back to the big Z like a bird on its belly!"

A ROBOT CALLED BENDER

This is primarily a Leela-centric episode, and there's not too much new we learn about Bender, but he does as ever impact the storyline in some ways:

Bender's soon-to-be-legendary reluctance to do any work manifests itself here in what could be a deadly oversight, when he doesn't bother to fill up the ship before leaving Earth. He nonchalantly says he'll do it when they get home, but the ship has no fuel to get home and the planet is tearing itself apart. Even so, he doesn't seem bothered.

Bender advises the crew he possesses what he calls Gaydar, and proceeds to prove it by removing a small transmitter/receiver from his chest cavity, though he does accept that he could be getting interference from a gay weather balloon!

http://www.trollheart.com/HouseOfCards.jpg

Episode Three

The Prime Minister has called his cabinet together unexpectedly, to advise them that he is about to tender his resignation. It's greeted with less than surprise, more a feeling of why did it take so long? Urquhart of course is delighted. One major obstacle out of the way. Now he has to make sure nobody else takes the seat of power he has set his sights on. Blood will flow, literally as well as metaphorically. Mattie though begins to wonder privately if Collingridge wasn't framed? The whole situation is just a little too unbelievable, particularly as she has met the brother and can't believe him capable of such guile or even financial competence. Or any competence, come to think of it.

When she visits Urquhart she declares her desire to sleep with him, and says that she wants to call him "daddy". He has no problem with this, but cautions her that their affair must remain completely private. Word about it must never get out. He is however unaware that she is recording everything on a dictaphone. Urquhart meets Ben Landless who says he will support his run for the leadership if he can get it all done within a month: Urquhart has not enough support yet to challenge. If not, Landless frankly tells him he will go with Patrick Woolton instead. He doesn't care who gets in, once it's a man he can use, who owes him big and who will make life easier for him.

Mattie's friend John, who also works at the paper, has also started thinking conspiracy, and he has located Charlie Collingridge. He and Mattie go to talk to the PM's brother who is in a discrete and exclusive sanitorium. After talking to the befuddled old codger Mattie is even more convinced that there is no way Charlie was involved in any shares scam, and she's beginning to wonder if his brother was either. She doesn't know, though, as she's talking to him that she's being observed. Urquhart has of course got spies in the camp, and they report back to him. When they see the press pass on her car, alarm bells begin to go off. Urquhart does not want the tabloids snooping around here!

He is of course furious when he realises that it's Mattie who's been poking around, and directs Roger O'Neill to send her a warning. A brick crashes through her window, with a threatening note attached to it. Terrified, she calls John who comes over and advises her to drop the story; it's just not worth this. But later she talks to Urquhart, who concedes there must be a conspiracy against the Collingridges, and says he will find out what he can. The leadership race begins, but true to his plan, Urquhart does not declare, standing "statesmanlike", as one TV reporter puts it, above the infighting, seeming unconcerned with and calling himself unworthy of the position, happy to do the job he does so well. Of course, this is all very carefully calculated: he wants people to think this is how he feels, especially his colleagues in the party. Nobody suspects his true intentions, so nobody considers him a threat and nobody moves against him. Even to his own private secretary, the formidable Tim Stamper, he pretends he is not interested in the job. In his heart, Urquhart trusts no-one.

Having uncovered enough about this conspiracy to take it to her editor, Mattie is dismayed when she is told she is being removed from the political staff. Urquhart meanwhile has orchestrated a situation where, through his contact with Landless, he is actually being asked to run for prime minister, against his wishes. Apparently. Everything is falling into place. People have been played, circumstances have been manipulated, and the threads of a very dark and complicated tapestry are finally beginning to be pulled together to form one simple image: Francis Urquhart at Number Ten.

Mattie rings around for someone to confirm her story, and ends up talking to Penny when she can't get Roger O'Neill. She is shocked, as she tells Mattie that she drove Roger to her house when he put the brick through her window, but she thought Mattie was a man. In the course of their conversation she tells her also about her and Roger's part in setting up Charles Collingridge's accomodation address, and Mattie begins to see the whole picture. She however goes to see Urquhart and tells him what she has learned, unwittingly putting both Penny and Roger in deep danger.

QUOTES
Urquhart (about Collingridge): "He was in the trap and screaming from the moment he took office. We simply put the poor bastard out of his agony. After life's fitful fever, he sleeps well."

Mattie: "I think you know I'd like to do anything you asked me to do."
Urquhart: "Hardly the words of an independent young woman."
Mattie: "Oh but they are. I'm nobody's toy. I don't get chosen, I choose. And I'm not interested in anyone's taboos about age."
If only Mattie knew how well she was being played she might not feel so confident. "I don't get chosen?" She has been, and right from the start when Urquhart set his sights on her. "Nobody's toy"? She's Urquhart's to do with as he wishes, and all the time she'll think it's her controlling him, when the opposite is true.

Ben Landless: "What his article will say is Little Mikey Samuels has taken an early lead in the polls and he's running around telling the world he's got the whole thing sewn up."
Urquhart: "How do you know he's taken an early lead?"
Landless: "I don't know if he has or not! I'm just telling ya what we're gonna put in the paper!"

Urquhart (in voiceover): "So hard to know who to trust in these suspicious days. Does passion engender trust? Not necessarily. And yet, we all would wish to feed on certainties, to hear the word "always" and believe it true. She trusts me absolutely, I believe. I trust she does. And I? I trust her absolutely, to be absolutely human."

The Royal "We"
At the opening of this episode, all the MPs have been called to an emergency meeting. Urquhart delights in such things: "An emergency cabinet meeting. Always sends a nice little thrill of anticipation down the spine. Someone's in trouble. Someone's going to get it in the neck. But not us, eh?"

After hearing the PM's intention to resign, he can barely contain himself and turns sharply to the camera, to us, with a stern admonishment: "Not feeling guilty, I hope?" he chides. "If you are feeling any pangs of pity crush them now, grind them under your heel, like old cigar butts." It's clear he has no such conscience.

Waiting to see the soon-to-be-gone PM Urquhart frowns "Yes, I know, very irritating to be waiting on yesterday's man, but even a disgraced prime minister has his uses. So it becomes us to be humble and honest good old Francis Urquhart still. Doggedly devoted; such a comfort in a crisis!" He can't suppress a bitter little laugh at the irony.