Ah, but was it an accident? Come to think of it, was it even a dream? :jailed:

I mean, she's a homeless heroin addict. How much worse could I wish upon her? :laughing:

wisk

Wolves in Sheepskin? You cruel bastard! :laughing:

You stated that, "Ecstasy can actually kill the serotonin levels going through your nerves so there's a large chance that you'll never feel happy again if it goes south. Just a heads up. "

Here's my "heads up" ... in reverse of sorts.

Your statement is in an obvious reference to the popular serotonin-as-the-happiness-molecule theory launched and marketed by corporate medicine.

Yet a sizable volume of sound research studies demonstrated that increasing serotonin and tryptophan either with drugs or supplements (not food because food's unlikely to significantly raise serotonin) is linked to brain dysfunction, stress hormone release, cognitive deficits, inflammation, impaired blood circulation in the brain, hypertension, cancer, and other less than "happy" effects - do a search engine query for "Tryptophan Side Effects: L-Tryptophan Is Far From Harmless" by Rolf Hefti.

The "serotonin-happiness" mantra, just like the mechanistic simplistic "chemical imbalance" idea, seem to be almost entirely an all-too convenient invention of the medical-pharma business, which allowed them to sell their highly profitable antidepressant drugs, such as SSRIs.

Now, on the other hand, this is NOT meant as an endorsement for using Ecstasy... lol

The **** is this ****.

Reflecting on yesterday: I had a few mental breakdowns that even I couldn't have foreseen. I'm not entirely sure what prompted it to happen since I went out with my younger bro and my mom to get sushi. Suddenly I found myself spilling everything out on the table without the fear of being judged (though deep down I felt judged). The issue that comes to mind out of all of this is the fact that my mom loves to cut people off when they talk. It's partly why I don't really talk to her much about my personal issues because she already knows what she's going to say before I say anything. The thing that became a common conclusion out of all of this was...

Therapy.

I've decided it may be a good idea for me to do this. People in this thread have been telling me about it, but now close family members are saying it as well. maybe it's time I bite the bullet and give it a shot.

When January 1st comes around. I'm going to be working with my parents whom I live with now, and make a 6 month plan and a 1 year plan. If I have something to work toward, I feel I can really get out of this funk I'm in. I want to enjoy this month and the holidays and everything going on, and I feel it's best for me to look forward to something instead of reliving the past. I don't want to be 35 years old, look back at this journal, and find that I've done nothing to fix myself.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

Just don't make a commitment to anything that you'll feel you'll have to keep for the sake of your family. Family obligations can be a bear, and when it's about your mental health and you end up not feeling comfortable with therapy or the therapist you shouldn't feel obligated to continue just because of them.

This is about you, and when you say you're going to do something to please a family member that seeming obligation can sometimes do more harm than good if you don't feel that you can meet it. Stress based on making family happy can be even more destructive than the help that they're providing in good faith.

Don't feel like you have to stick with the first person you meet with. The most important thing is finding somebody you like. Don't feel like you should suffer through awkwardness or irrelevant crap just because that person is a professional--there are different ways of helping and it might take some time for you to find someone who fits you well.

Most of all, I wish you well and the best of luck.