The Batlord's Anti-Poseur Thread of Metal for People Who Aren't Bitch Made Pussies
 

You know those black metal bands that are all experimental and have **** like shoegaze and polka or whatever and how the **** do you mosh to this? You do? Get the **** out of my thread, loser. This thread is only for badass **** for people who use their brains as fuel for getting blackout drunk and then drop kicking the neighbor's dog.

The Batlord is back, and you are not.

Let's start with something that's so obvious cause it's so ****ing awesome. I don't know if anyone with a functioning set of testicles could ever hear this album and not punch a feminist hobo, but I haven't heard of any case yet. Hailing from the San Francisco Bay thrash scene in the heyday of its glory, Vio-lence were nothing more and nothing less than a hailstorm of bitchin riffs and mosh anthems. Heads down thrash savagery meets brutal breakdowns meets godlike gang shouts meets your face. There's no proggy panty-waist bull**** here, just raw metal mastery of the highest caliber. Even the vocals separate the men from the poseurs. They're not impressive in and of themselves by any stretch of the imagination, but in context they are the beating heart and soul of thrash and metal. Go buy this **** or download it or get a bunch of your dumbass friends and trash an FYE while stealing a copy of this on your way out. Today. Not tomorrow.

ooo get hype

One of the finest writers of our time, can there be any doubt?

****ing hell bitch slut **** this album is the ****. Pure brutal death metal insanity with none of the mindless techy bull**** that makes so much brutal death metal unlistenable and lame. This album is nothing but brain splattering riffs delivered in the most stripped down manner possible while still sounding like a Waffen SS blitzkrieg on your ear drums. The lyrics are delightful as well, as they are entirely anti-Christian blasphemy delivered by an insanely bitchin vocalist who can also be understood without a lyrics sheet. This is also one of the only brutal death metal albums I'd ever call "catchy", but catchy in a way that in no way detracts from the shattered skulls inexplicably littering the floor of your room after you're done listening to this album. If you've been staying away from brutal death metal because of all the boring tech bull**** then this is your time to get on the train. But it's a different train. A bitchin train.

And "Luke 4:5-7" is like the sweetest death metal song ever.

The zenith of these threads' generalization thus far. We'll reach the maximum after someone starts one called "Music that is Good".

Garbage Disposal and Human Remains are still my favorite "brutal" death metal bands. They know how to have a good time.

This is the zenith, pussy.

Thus far

You're right. I haven't made another thread yet.

So you'll never actually reach the zenith then?

I am the zenith.

that's what thus far means

I think. I dunno if that's different than so far

lol no that's cheating, you can't be the zenith, bitch just review some more albums.

Bitch, this is my ****. You are my ****. The world is my ****. Everything is my ****. I created **** to be my ****.

Are you gonna talk about Num Skull

For reasons that escape a True Metalhead, power metal has become a dirty word throughout poseurdom. **** that ****. But even the lamest of losers can't deny the awesomeness of Omen. ****ing OMEN!!! Like a lowbrow Iron Maiden for people with more beer than brain cells, Omen were early 80s power/heavy/speed/proto-thrash metal in a time when the distinctions between genres was a headache for future generations. Call this what you want, Omen is simply all that was metal in 1984 and any other year worthy of mention.

Quite possibly. They deserve the nod like a mofo.

Power metal is a subgenre that'll say "no homo bro!" as it ****s glam metal in the ass.

Nothing says glam metal like...

Well, I know about this ****ing savage black thrash band that sounds like hell was going out of business so Vio-lence and Immortal had to join forces and play a benefit concert to keep Satan from getting put out onto the streets. Nothing fancy, nothing innovative, nothing lame, just raw black metal with ****ing sick thrash riffs. Does that count? No? Good.

you don't have to diss blackgaze like that. it's a great genre. ****ing hater.

You don't have to kill yourself, but you can't stay here.

fine. what the **** is a bitch made pussy anyway?

wow what a handsome pussy

Yeah but no.

Urban Dictionary: Bitch Made

it's like the most hit or miss genre out there. when it's good it's so beautiful and textured but when it's bad it's so ****ing boring.

^

Look at that ****ing cover. LOOK AT IT, BITCH FACE!!! That's real metal right there. It's so ****ty and cringey and ugly, but also so ****ing raw that you know no poseurs were ever allowed within ten miles of the smelly, basement studio where this must have been recorded. That... that is 80s metal in a nutshell of righteousness. But yeah it's still ****ty as ****.

I should probably talk about the actual album. If any of you don't already know about Whiplash it's probably cause you have a thoroughly ****ed cunt where your mouth should be, but I'll be nice and edumacate you. Punkified, thuggified, and junkified speed metal riffs of supreme ripping chaos with a vocalist who could have been in Cro-Mags. Like, what more do you need to know? It's just so ****ing raw and badass.

I'm not saying it sounds like Kill 'Em All, but if I had to rec one album to people who dig that **** then it might have to be this one. It's unevolved caveman **** with tons of energy, no class, and is clearly one of the not-so-missing links between Discharge and thrash metal.

Oh my god this **** is so metal. Pretty sure I covered this in my last thread but **** it. I'm drunk and blasting ultra old school thrash and Exciter are so old school that calling them thrash isn't even quite appropriate, or at least not this album. But **** it. Close enough. Although if someone asked me to rec them one album that embodied speed metal without sounding like power metal, this would be it. It's fast as **** (for the time), doesn't much do tempo changes, and is less far along the hardcore punk inspiration chain that Slayer or Metallica.

There really isn't too much to this album. The songwriting is there in theory, but really the band just races itself to the finish on just about every track. I mean, I don't really care to be honest, cause if they tried harder for variation it would kill the idiot charm of this speed demon, beer chugging, road rash raw, simple minded beast of an album. I would honestly be both surprised and disappointed to learn that these troglodytes could read.

Now hoist your cheap booze in the air and repeat after me: "I'm a heavy... metal MANIAC!!!"

Forgot this thread existed tbh. Well Burzum is sweet but kinda hoity toity tbh, but this is like the best song Bathory never recorded. I even used to think it was a cover. Just savage as **** and Varg's vocals would have been the coolest thing to ever happen to 1st wave black metal if he'd been born earlier. Worship at his feet, poseurs!

And honestly the best thing about Burzum is that you can turn your equalizer settings as high as you want to get as much volume as you want and it doesn't matter how much you **** up the sound cause it's ****ing Burzum and it already sounds ****ty cause that's what Varg wanted. Clipping ftw!

OMG. Burzum isn't even true Black metal. If you want true BM spirit, listen to these guys. Really evil music, not some nationalist crap from Norway.

I mean that's alright but you make me flaccid.

Fixed
:)
:beer:

like

Burzum is literally the truest black metal

Really? So polished like Bon Jovi.



Read more about Norway's 'black metal' pussies.

http://www.visitnorway.com/media/new...-disappointed/

Now, this is true BM. http://www.metalunderground.com/news...m?newsid=56813

****ing liars.

I think we're listening to different Bon Jovi and I'd like to hear what you've been hearing.

Come on! Surely you've heard their cover of "The Work That Transforms God"?? :laughing: