The Ironic Metal Thread
 

Post your worst, silliest, most overblown or ridiculously serious albums, bands or songs here. Nobody take offence: this is just meant to be a little fun. Metalheads take their music a little too seriously sometimes and this is just an attempt to inject some light-heartedness and humour into proceedings.

Oh, by all means post Dragonforce and Manowar, but they're such easy targets. Try to be a little more creative?

To prove I'm not above slaughtering my own sacred cows....

Iron Maiden - "Quest for Fire" from Piece of Mind

Sure, it's not a terrible trainwreck of a track, but I feel it's very clearly the weakest on the album, and nearly ruined it for me, coming as it does in between the great "Still Life" and the wonderful "Sun and Steel". I mean, listen to how the opening line tracks, or rather doesn't. Yawn. Steve, what were you thinking?


Black Sabbath - "Psychophobia" from Cross Purposes

Hands up anyone who likes the Tony Martin era? Anyone? Well, anyway I find this to be the poorest track on that album, which kind of isn't saying a lot anyway.


Hammers of Misfortune - "The Trial and the Grave" from The August Engine

This isn't a terrible song really, but it's way too long imo and doesn't seem to know whether it wants to be power metal, gothic or doom, and it ends up being just too confusing. It's not a great album really either.

Oh, that's me! In fact, I'm such a terrible iconoclast that I prefer the best of the best of the Dio, Ian Gillan, Glenn Hughes and Tony Martin fronted albums to the Ozzy years. The only song I remember liking from Cross Purposes was Immaculate Deception. For me, the band really started going downhill by the time they released Tyr. But it's allright, Eternal Idol was a very good Tony Martin fronted album.

Here's a few silly metal tracks from my music shelves:







I feel no shame admitting that I like all of them unironically. That might mean I'm doing this thread wrong.
It's more that I know that they aren't really in all that good taste.

At risk of offending someone, I'd just like to point out that both of these are terrible songs from an otherwise (mostly) solid band:

Hmm. I'd say there are much worse songs to pull from Somewhere in Time ("The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner", anyone?) and "Back in the Village" was, as I'm sure you know, a follow up to "The Prisoner" off Number of the Beast, though I would agree it's inferior to the original. I wouldn't call either song bad though. But hey, different strokes, and I'll kill you if I ever see you. :finger: :)

There are more Iron Maiden tracks I don't like, so don't tempt me to go on a rampage!

I'm surprisingly unfamiliar with most of Number of the Beast as I remember not liking it as a teenager and thus never really having listened much to it. I can remember like 2-3 three songs off the top of my head - the Prisoner not being one of them. But yeah, better not go there. That is one Holy Metal Cow if there ever was one!

Meh, most people here prefer Powerslave, and I can see why. But Number of the Beast will always hold a special place in my heart, as it was not only the first Maiden album, but the first ever heavy metal album I bought, so I won't hear a word against it.

No, not even "Invaders!" or "Gangland".
Well, maybe "Gangland"...

It's a good album, but also clearly a transitional one. Putting it as high as it always is on metal album lists is a joke.

Well I explained why I do that. I suppose for others it's seen as the first "real" Maiden album, as it changed their original sound a lot with the addition of Bruce and of course they had huge hit singles from it, and were kind of almost single-handedly responsible for dragging metal into the mainstream for a while. I mean, who ever thought we'd see Maiden on Top of the Pops?

And The Black Album made Metallica huge, but it still sucks.

Number is inferior to Powerslave, probably also Piece of Mind, yes, but in no way does it suck. I think we can agree on that, can we?

And now, because I don't want this to become the Iron Maiden thread...



The Lord Weird Slough Feg - "Shakedown at the Six" - from Ape Uprising

Not really sure how someone cool enough to be down with Slaine from 2000 AD, using the name of the necromancer from that series for his band, could produce such uninspiring, derivative, bog-standard metal as this, but as the pope once said, it is what it is. And what it is, is poor.

^ actually surprisingly lame.



I like Helloween with Andi Deris at the microphone but they have a lot of really crappy songs. This song is one that I pretty much always avoid. I literally haven't listened to it for years. Until now. Ugh. The worst thing about the band is that almost every album has at least one song as daft and annoying as this. Garbage grade power metal.

I have a hard time finding songs that I don't like with bands that I like. That's fortunate, but it makes me **** at this thread.

I'm pretty sure that most of these are far from ironic.

Ironic in the sense that you're not posting what you believe to be the best metal tracks, that's all I meant.

Anteater recommended this band. I was not as impressed as he was.

With a name like that, take a wild stab in the dark as to what subgenre this is....

Oh ok so you just don't know what irony is cool. A lot of people don't.

Leave me alone. :( Of course I know what irony is: it's like goldy and silvery.

Tell you what, Frown: why not post something rather than just pull apart my choice of words? Huh? That sound like a plan?

Annyway... proof that not every metal band that comes out of Scandinavia is necessarily great.

something

I knew you could do it. :clap:

Criticizing you.

I didn't. I said another album did. Pay attention.

I know. The Black Album. I was just confirming you weren't saying the same about Maiden. Pay attention.

No, you were making an ass out of you and me.

God I hate that phrase. Every time I ****ed up my boss would use it: "Assume makes an ass out of you and me". Yeah dude, it's funny the first three or four times. After that it's just annoying. **** off, huh? (Not that I ever said that to his face, of course)...

Lost Society - Fast Loud Death
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...Loud_Death.jpg
Braindead Metalhead

Thrash All Over You

"Burning for the steel - hearts on fiiireeeeeeeee!!"



The worst song they ever did. The chorus makes my skin crawl.

You better not be trash talking Hammerfall.

I have some slightly warm feelings of nostalgia for Hammerfall, but oh boy, can they be corny. Their lyrics are almost always silly. If you ask someone to come up with a random parody of power metal-esque lyrics, chances are they'll come up with the lyrics for an actual Hammerfall song.

Rapelord's opinion sucks.

Oh dear sweet god Hammerfall is the pinnacle of cheese. Almost all of their lyrics are thinly veiled odes to metal and that pleases me immensely. Their simple minded dedication to metal reminds me of when I was a teenager just discovering metal and everything was new and magical. I've been known to get honestly choked up to some Hammerfall and I ain't even ashamed.

Even this is about metal if you actually look at the lyrics.



Now that's some high class limburger.

Shut up, cocksucker.

There's only one way for Batty and Micshazam to resolve this. In true - sorry, trve! - metal fashion!
http://www.openyonated.com/wp-conten...2/10/fight.gif

Place yer bets, place yer bets...

Not entirely comfortable with TH's white power symbology ngl.

Is this better?
https://i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/032...2205339012.png
:laughing:

If it wasn't for that godforsaken journal I would never have gotten that joke in a million years.

You need to read Nemesis the Warlock: you'd love it totally.

I remember liking that song a lot when it was new. That and Renegade.
So many of the things I liked then make me cringe now, but like I said, I kind of love Hammerfall a little, even if they make me facepalm. They're like and adorable, fat little dog that runs into door frames and trips over its own legs.

By Any Means Necessary is probably their most badass song. I've sung the opening lines out loud at random too many times to be able to say that I don't like it.

The music video is cool in all the wrong ways:



In proper MB fashion, it should rather be an endurance contest where we each pick a discography for the other to listen through. Batlord has ICP in his arsenal, so I forfeit before we even begin.

Oh yeah that reminds me, you should totally read that Punisher 2099 comic I was talking about in my journal, as it has two writers who used to write for 2000 AD and has been described as all the ideas that were too crazy for Judge Dredd.

I've never been a fan of The Punisher, and I have to admit, what you posted didn't interest me at all, so probably not for me. Slaine is another one you should get right on. Ancient Celtic warriors, legendary bloodfests, warp-spasms and monsters and gods? Surely you cannot resist...

Honestly I didn't even get to the truly good stuff. There's a part where a bunch of "criminals" who could escape future, corporatist judgement but not the Punisher's mother****ing basement prison that is literally in the basement of his house and was built to keep criminals for decades-long sentences stage an escape and are stared down and terrified by the Punisher while he has like twenty laser guns pointed at him. The Punisher 2099 is a psychopathic madman who only gets better and more crazy with each subsequent issue, and the actual writing follows suit. It's always goofy, but after the first issue its true quality begins to shine through and it's legitimately good. Like, not so bad it's good, or good enough that it overcomes the goofiness, it's actually kind of brilliant, one of the best series I've read in a while. I went from taking the piss to gushing over it like a total non-ironic fanboy and if I ever finish the second journal entry you'll see my tone shift. ****ing read it. Read it, read it, read it. If you're disappointed then we're not friends.

https://www.mediafire.com/folder/pfs.../Punisher_2099

Also, if you're not a Punisher fan then you should still read Punisher MAX, as it's an R-rated series that is the most mature and nihilistic version of the Punisher that could ever exist. It single-handedly justifies the Punisher's existence.

http://getcomics.info/marvel/punishe...1-1-60-extras/