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Old 12-14-2005, 03:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 4
Default Earth To Dust

Hey guys, here's a song I wrote, please tell me what you think.

He opens his eyes to the same white walls
The familiar silence that lines these halls
Shrouded by shadow is the door to his life
All he knows has been building his strife

A day is nothing less to fear
When the brave walk through this place
To see a sky that is not clear
Does not mean it won't waste

Mountains from hills and earth to dust
The living already have started to rust
When longing eyes live out the same day
Then this is no tour, no illness, no play

A year is nothing less to fear
When the brave walk through this place
To see a sky that is not clear
Does not mean it won't waste

One day soon when these choices are real
He'll fight the phantoms that make him kneel
Climb that mountain that once was a hill
To see over the top where nothing stays still

A lifetime's nothing less to fear
When the brave walk through this place
To see a sky that is not clear
Does not mean it won't waste
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Old 12-14-2005, 10:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hey i like it, it good visuals. just remember you dont always have to rhyme in a song, i think some of your message got cut short by the by the rhyming, better words could have been used.

but not too bad none the less. reminds me of 'Thrice's' 'Of dust to nation's'. Read those, they are intense.
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Old 12-16-2005, 12:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Posts: 1,418
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I am really liking this. I disagree witht eh above comments, I think that the rhyming didnt get in the way-I think it helped. It gave the song a good structure and I didnt see any place where the lyrics were affected. I think that if you can maintain this standard of writing then we could be seeing something really special in the near future.
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