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Old 12-25-2005, 09:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1
Default Opinion on lyrics

I wrote these lyrics, they're not really completely done, but I figured maybe I could get some feedback from people I don't know. Oh and if anyone has an idea for a title or suggestions I'd appreciate it.



If not you love
Then I will have no other
So I made a wish on this dollar
[I tossed it underwater,
And watched it sink down and down
and down
and down.....]
You'll suffocate between his sheets
I guess that makes me just as selfish as you
[And she loves the winter...
...Don't you wish you could bring back the summer?]

How can you try to replace this bullet with a kiss on the cheek?
["Listen babe,
it's just for now,
let's be friends,
we'll see where it goes"]

So here's the truth,
Wrapped up nice in a box
Full of the best intentions
And enclosed with careful directions
["What's the difference between us and friends?"
"Friends don't kiss each other on the lips."]

So here's the truth
And I guess it served its purpose
You make me hate everything about myself
And this dollar is what you're worth

Keep your hands to yourself love [I'll still make your toes curl under]
You know where mine will end up [And I'll still get nothing back]
Forget about those nights ["I'll walk you half way home,"]
We'd kiss with upset stomachs [Yeah you can promise all you want]
Keep your eyes closed tight love ["It's nothing you did wrong]
I don't wanna know who you've been kissing [But it's much too hard to explain"]

I still want you back love
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Old 12-28-2005, 01:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Location: NY
Posts: 355
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to say the truth, the only part i liked was
Quote:
So here's the truth,
Wrapped up nice in a box
Full of the best intentions
And enclosed with careful directions
["What's the difference between us and friends?"
"Friends don't kiss each other on the lips."]
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Old 12-28-2005, 01:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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yeah that was a good bit. the rest....a bullet for a kiss? it sounds like your writing a theme song for a dark film noir about a private eye or something.
__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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