Crowe's Songwriting Collection - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-04-2006, 09:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
The Erroneous Hoodlum
 
Fenixpunk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: West Side Phoenix
Posts: 2,057
Default

that was really well written.
__________________
This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed
Fenixpunk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2006, 11:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: cali
Posts: 6
Default

This song is really touching. Since a friend of mine passed away almost 2 years ago that first verse really hit me.

But I think that you could make this even better. For instance, in the first verse you never state your relationship to this person, or how they died. Most importantly, the WHY this person's death affected you in this way is somewhat unclear. You state, "I wouldn't have made it this far without you," but in what? life? love? wisdom? How did this person help get you to where you where?

In songwriting, it's so easy to let our emotions get the best of us. That's a wonderful thing because that's the whole point of music, to convey and evoke emotions, but it's important to always remember that the audience only knows as much as you're willing to tell them. I think that if this beautiful song were to elaborate more on this person rather than so much on the fact that they're gone this could be a really great song.
MusicStudent4Life is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2006, 01:16 AM   #13 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
Default

I went from 4 to 50, to show the devotion of the main char. And obviously if I would have tried to fit anymore in, the recorded song would be pushing 7 minutes, which isn't unheard of, of course...

The same with the cause of death, and effect it had... trying to fit so much info in one song borders on ridiculousness in my point of view. If I really wanted to push myself, and I might since I got pretty good responses, I might turn this into a concept series of songs. Some kind of Rock Op. I would love to have this recorded and have it put on here so you guys could listen. In my head it's beautiful, but I am having one hell of a time putting it to music. That was my second draft, and I think I am going to cut a few words here and there. Just so extraneous ones don't dilute the song of it's emotion.

Maybe I will write a follow up song explaining the death... like a prequel. Keep a lookout for it. I'm glad you all liked it, and thank you of course for the advice and suggestions. I really enjoy posting on this forum, good community.
Crowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2006, 03:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
Crazy Luv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default

That was....no words can describe it. I agree with MadeinNY, one of the best things i've ever read. I also would like to hear this recorded & burn it onto one of my cds, thats how much i like it. I like how after the chorus the person grows older. As i said before no words can describe it how great it is & i see nothing wrong it.
Crazy Luv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2006, 08:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
Freeskier
 
jibber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople...
Posts: 1,536
Default

wow, i absolutely love that song, it's amazing, thats all i can say. musicstudent4life, i understand what you're saying, but I think that the fact that it is unspecific is what makes it a great song. If he explained everything and left nothing to the imagination of the listener, I think it would become way too specific and non-relatable. I say don't change a thing.
__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways


Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER
jibber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2006, 11:29 PM   #16 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: cali
Posts: 6
Default

Don't get me wrong people, this is a great song. Even if nothing is changed this is definitely something that I would listen to. But the whole point of posting songs is to get real feedback on them and not just "that's great!"s all down the line. Even though this is great, every song I critique I try to give people some ideas of how they could change it in a positive way if they so wished. Also, even though if what I say doesn't help with the particular song I'm critiquing, it does give the author of it some ideas of how to approach the subject if they chose to write something like this again. If people have objections to that I'm sorry, but honestly I'm just trying to help.
__________________
a bird does not sing because it has answers, a bird sings because it has a song
MusicStudent4Life is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-2006, 11:51 PM   #17 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
Default

Hey, it's cool - I didn't post it on here for for people to say how great/bad I am- I wanted some good critiquing and feedback. I've gotten both and it's awesome. So no need for angry glances :-P I'll also try to leave feedback on other music from now on. I haven't been doin that. =/
Crowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2006, 09:32 PM   #18 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
Default "Untitled Love Song" - Crowe

Know when the grass is tall, and centuries old,
Children gather, and bedtime stories are told,
They'll tell of you and me,

Know when buildings fall, and crumble and all,
When our bodies die, and heaven will call,
They'll call to you and me,

When legends past, and the future asks,
What lays in these coffins and golden casks,
They'll find you and me,

The future definition of love, written in big ole' books
for people to learn, to what picture will students look?
They'll look up you and me,

The ancient names of Romeo and Juliet
are just a couple of folks time will forget,
They'll remember you and me,

On Valentines Day, instead of giving a heart,
Our picture will be put on pink and red cards,
They'll give each other you and me,

They'll put our love, in a poem, on cream pages,
Then we'll be a play to be performed on silver stages,
They'll be almost as good as you and me,

This lullaby written to kiss you goodnight,
Is only here, til I get home, til I'm in sight,
Then it'll just be you and me
Then it'll just be you and me
Then it'll just be you and me, yeah
Then it'll just be you and me...

So til that time comes, just hold on tight,
I'm comin home at the speed of light...
Then it'll just be you and me,
Then it'll just be you and me,
(fading out with these words)


Hope you guys enjoyed it, just tried to make it as sweet as possible without goin' overkill.
Crowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2006, 01:19 PM   #19 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
Crazy Luv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default

you are my favorite writer in MB. Like for "i wonder", i see no problems. you have ways with words & how you put them.

i guess you proved the quote "It is not only giants that do great things" right
Crazy Luv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2006, 03:49 PM   #20 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
Default

Ah jeez, thats probably one of the best things anyone has said to me. Thanks a lot. Thank God you said this to me on a forum, I'm not really good at getting compliments in real life. I just kinda stand there and am like, oh yeah, thanks... and then the following conversation is like... so... haha. Thanks again though, I really like writing and its friggin awesome to get this kind of feedback.
Crowe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2022 Advameg, Inc.