Crowe's Songwriting Collection

sleepy jack · 01-11-2007, 02:35 PM

This reminds me of Terrible! How Terrible For The Great City by As Cities Burn.

Its good.

Crowe · 01-19-2007, 03:31 AM

An allegory.

The Truth of Love (Abridged)

Hello beautiful, lovely day.
These bags are full of nothing,
I hope you intend to stay.
You ask me how long, I laugh,
I point to the marble mantle,
There is a spot of darkened ash.
Stay as long as the ash remains,
And then you can go on your way.
I may have tricked you I say,
Although quietly so you did not hear.
Your lips turn up and you kiss me good night.
You'll stay until the darkened ash turns white?
My lips turn up and I kiss you good night.
The days pass and give birth to years,
A spot of gray by your ears,
And every day that soot is the same,
And every day you look for a change.

You ask me how long you should stay,
Has that blackened ash indeed turned gray?
Do you really wish me to remain,
I nod and smile and my eyes notice,
The sadness in yours, I lean into kiss you,
You may have tricked me, you stop to say,
But a promise is a promise and I'll stay until the day,
That the ash on the mantle turns a wonderful gray.
Then, my dear, you can go on your way.
You don't kiss me goodbye, not at all,
Not this night or the next, and we move into fall,
The seasons pass and give birth to years.
Only now there is more gray behind your ears,
And every day that soot is the same,
And every day you look for a change.

And while you are crying
I ask you to sit; you may.
I feel my dear that you have overextended your stay,
You point to the marble mantle,
But my love the ash is not gray!
Nor will it ever be, even on the earth's last day.
You have tricked me I hear you say,
You mean to tell me the ash will never be gray?
No my dear, so you can get along your way.
You kiss me goodbye, hard and long,
With blood on my lips I sing a silent song,
As you are walking out the door,
Your hair is now a silver color with good reason,
You leave me and I count the seasons,
Then seasons pass and give birth to years,
I can't hear anymore with these old ears.
And still the sound of nothing remains the same.
But I sit next to the door, hoping to hear you for a change.

I'll still be here when you return,
Only I'll be the ash on the mantle,
Graying inside of my blackened urn.

R. Crowe

sleepy jack · 01-19-2007, 03:42 AM

Normally I find the constant use of repeated words annoying as hell, but it works beautifully with this piece.

Kevorkian Logic · 01-28-2007, 09:03 AM

There's a certain beat missing throughout the piece. I'll hear the beat for a good number of lines and then it disappears for a couple, then comes back. It gives it a choppy feeling. But there is some powerful imagery throughout it that makes the occasionally forced sounding rhymes tolerable.

Crowe · 01-28-2007, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevorkian Logic

There's a certain beat missing throughout the piece. I'll hear the beat for a good number of lines and then it disappears for a couple, then comes back. It gives it a choppy feeling. But there is some powerful imagery throughout it that makes the occasionally forced sounding rhymes tolerable.

I'm not an advocate of forced rhyming, either. But sometimes I feel like it's a necessary evil. I agree with you about the beat - I feel like if I took a few minutes to tidy up the flow it would be fine... I'll give it a look.

Kevorkian Logic · 01-28-2007, 01:33 PM

i suggest listening to a few rap songs (NWA, Dr. Dre, Ice Cube are usually consistant) and listen to a few of the rhymes they use, they tend to use words that you wouldn't necessarily think of good rhyming words, but for some reason they are.

or it just could be not worth the effort.

Loser · 01-28-2007, 01:37 PM

What The Hell are you talking about that was great.

Sneer · 01-28-2007, 01:40 PM

^ theres nothing wrong with constructive criticism. good stuff crowe.

Kevorkian Logic · 01-28-2007, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loser

What The Hell are you talking about that was great.

I never said it wasn't good. I just said it needed fine-tuning.

Crowe · 01-28-2007, 11:17 PM

Just a little jazzy number with a little bit of subterfuge for all you mystery fans.

Daddy's Solution

Daddy, Daddy, stop what you're doing,
Just sit back and relax,
No need for screaming and yelling,
No need for all that.
To be quite honest we love you,
and all of your faults.
I'm not lying when I tell you,
That Mama's death is pain for us all.
Yes sir, times were hard,
Mama and you fighting every day,
But wasn't that night supposed to be the time,
When all that anger went away?
I know that, yes, you were drivin',
And she was singin' her songs,
But there was that brick wall,
It'd been there all along.
I know that stopping is hard,
With your feet off the brakes,
But Daddy, where were your feet?
When you were headin' for that wall?
Isn't that the left foot,
That steps on the pedal?
Is Mama's life gone,
Due to something so little?
Where were your feet, Daddy?
The right foot or the left,
Can you tell me Daddy?
The real reason for Mama's death?

Oooh, oooh, why?
Ooh, ooh, now I see.
Ooh, Daddy...
I guess you weren't planning on stopping.

R. Crowe

01-19-2007, 03:31 AM	#252 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	The Truth of Love (Abridged) An allegory. The Truth of Love (Abridged) Hello beautiful, lovely day. These bags are full of nothing, I hope you intend to stay. You ask me how long, I laugh, I point to the marble mantle, There is a spot of darkened ash. Stay as long as the ash remains, And then you can go on your way. I may have tricked you I say, Although quietly so you did not hear. Your lips turn up and you kiss me good night. You'll stay until the darkened ash turns white? My lips turn up and I kiss you good night. The days pass and give birth to years, A spot of gray by your ears, And every day that soot is the same, And every day you look for a change. You ask me how long you should stay, Has that blackened ash indeed turned gray? Do you really wish me to remain, I nod and smile and my eyes notice, The sadness in yours, I lean into kiss you, You may have tricked me, you stop to say, But a promise is a promise and I'll stay until the day, That the ash on the mantle turns a wonderful gray. Then, my dear, you can go on your way. You don't kiss me goodbye, not at all, Not this night or the next, and we move into fall, The seasons pass and give birth to years. Only now there is more gray behind your ears, And every day that soot is the same, And every day you look for a change. And while you are crying I ask you to sit; you may. I feel my dear that you have overextended your stay, You point to the marble mantle, But my love the ash is not gray! Nor will it ever be, even on the earth's last day. You have tricked me I hear you say, You mean to tell me the ash will never be gray? No my dear, so you can get along your way. You kiss me goodbye, hard and long, With blood on my lips I sing a silent song, As you are walking out the door, Your hair is now a silver color with good reason, You leave me and I count the seasons, Then seasons pass and give birth to years, I can't hear anymore with these old ears. And still the sound of nothing remains the same. But I sit next to the door, hoping to hear you for a change. I'll still be here when you return, Only I'll be the ash on the mantle, Graying inside of my blackened urn. R. Crowe __________________

01-28-2007, 09:03 AM	#254 (permalink)
Kevorkian Logic Imperfectly Perfect Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,290	There's a certain beat missing throughout the piece. I'll hear the beat for a good number of lines and then it disappears for a couple, then comes back. It gives it a choppy feeling. But there is some powerful imagery throughout it that makes the occasionally forced sounding rhymes tolerable. __________________ "it is only through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect that a certain type of perfection can be attained"

01-28-2007, 01:33 PM	#256 (permalink)
Kevorkian Logic Imperfectly Perfect Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,290	i suggest listening to a few rap songs (NWA, Dr. Dre, Ice Cube are usually consistant) and listen to a few of the rhymes they use, they tend to use words that you wouldn't necessarily think of good rhyming words, but for some reason they are. or it just could be not worth the effort. __________________ "it is only through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect that a certain type of perfection can be attained"

01-28-2007, 01:40 PM	#258 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	^ theres nothing wrong with constructive criticism. good stuff crowe. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

01-28-2007, 11:17 PM	#260 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Daddy's Solution Just a little jazzy number with a little bit of subterfuge for all you mystery fans. Daddy's Solution Daddy, Daddy, stop what you're doing, Just sit back and relax, No need for screaming and yelling, No need for all that. To be quite honest we love you, and all of your faults. I'm not lying when I tell you, That Mama's death is pain for us all. Yes sir, times were hard, Mama and you fighting every day, But wasn't that night supposed to be the time, When all that anger went away? I know that, yes, you were drivin', And she was singin' her songs, But there was that brick wall, It'd been there all along. I know that stopping is hard, With your feet off the brakes, But Daddy, where were your feet? When you were headin' for that wall? Isn't that the left foot, That steps on the pedal? Is Mama's life gone, Due to something so little? Where were your feet, Daddy? The right foot or the left, Can you tell me Daddy? The real reason for Mama's death? Oooh, oooh, why? Ooh, ooh, now I see. Ooh, Daddy... I guess you weren't planning on stopping. R. Crowe __________________

01-28-2007, 01:37 PM	#257 (permalink)
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,113	What The Hell are you talking about that was great.