Crowe's Songwriting Collection
 

My music, in sound, is like a Postal Service meets Bright Eyes- require a bit of time change, so while the syllables and stuff don't seem to line up quite right, they do in the actual songs. I like to tell stories in my lyrics and this one is called...

"Emergency, Doctor"


Emergency! First door on the right, straight on til morning....
Jump down! Seven flights of stairs, wet floor warning.

Emergency! Doctor cried, throat throttling fifth gear, wailing night.
Paddles Stat! Machines from beyond the curtains, white ceiling light.

There is a boy. Covered in life. There is a boy. Going under the knife.
Surgery, sense memory recall, the fall from the seesaw, scream!

Eight years. A decade not seen. Missing his teens. Instruments sheen.
Parents sob, behind closed doors, horrors of these echoes, scored.

Emergency! Resilience failing, heartbeat trailing, Doctor administer incision!
Nurses yell! Morphine dream, boys eyes open, white turning to cold cream.

Emergency! Seven thousand steps to the lowest depths of sanity. Climb.
The cut comes in stop-motion time. An inch of a fraction, centimeter life.

Breathing ceased! Chest is still! Doctor feeling the warm skin chill.
No! Not now! Doctor shouts and clasps the hands of a dying child.

Give me a minute, he pleads, and finishes his deeds, sewing up skin.
The crowds waits a moment, then a second and a moment again.

(we hear a cough and sputter and then a cheer)

I really liked that. In fact, I loved that. Absolutely brilliant. I'm glad that there is finally as guy to prove Big3's comment wrong, that there is some hope for n00bs to this forum. I give you my Wandering Jew Badge Of Honour. Keep it up.

I love it! AND it has a happy ending :D .

Yay! The great Big3 has been proven wrong...mark your calenders.

I'm so pleased with myself!

Hey Thanks a lot guys! I'm glad for the good feedback.

I can see this as more of a spoken word piece that straight up song, but very, very nice.

yeah its a good song but the way i pictured pissed me off because u used lots of !!exclamation points!! which made me read it as those bits been shouted. and i dont think bright eyes ever really shouts like that. and yes thank god for the happy ending, cheer all these dreary mofos up.

well, bright eyes does shout, but not like you would think of - a SHOUT - uh, IE waste of paint is a bright eyes song, its like the line where he goes...

Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky.

When he says play again, his voice rises and becomes pretty intense. Thats what the exclamation points are akin to.

"I Wonder" (Next Year)
 

It's been two years since your eyes lost life,
where your soul drifts now is between you and
the forces that drive you, down, down there.
This grave plot invokes pity and sadness from,
passerbys and wandering eyes, I wonder...
what it means in the end, oh haunt me...
save my eyes, and on what noun will happiness depend?
Oh, no, no, your skull is dry, but your eyes do cry..
You know I just can't wait here any longer.
Don't take these words so lightly, dear...
I know my devotions are crystal clear,
And I'll visit you this same time every year,
But time is time, and something I value...
and although I wouldn't have made it this far without you...
I gotta move on...

Chorus
Every year, we gather around
this familiar ground, and I -
wonder, Oh, I wonder.
Life is like a ballroom dance,
every step is single sweet romance,
but one step off, one step on...
next you know and life is gone...
Oh I wonder....

It's been 4 years now, since your eyes lost life,
Now I'm married with a beautiful wife,
My house is big, 2 kids in tow, living complete.
The calendar pages are on the move,
one day its November, then it's June, yeah...
And each and every day, my thoughts of you go astray...
So I'll collect them in a little jar, and lay them here...
And just so you remember, I still love you dear...
And I'll visit you this same time every year,
But time is time, it's something I treasure,
My visits of course are of my own pleasure,
Though my cheeks are wet with love, yeah...
The sadness fades with every dove I see and oh...
Your grave stone is losing it's shiny hue,
and although I couldn't have made it this far without you...
I gotta move on...

chorus

It's been 50 years now, since your eyes lost life
I still have love, and my boys have wives,
I'm a grand father now, and getting here is tough.
Life is growing shorter, but it's not that rough.
I think I'll be seeing you soon, and yeah, I love the thought...
I'm different now, my eyes are watered my hands are wraught.
Making my way to your grave today was my last journey.
I feel the palpitations turning...
into slower beats, Oh God my chest is burning...
Take me now, use my pain to signal, dear, that you are near...
I just want to be numb to this but not your love.
Oh I hope the boys and kids don't cry, this wasn't so bad,
but no goodbye...

It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...
It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...
It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...

Life is like a ballroom dance, every step another new chance...
Yeah... I wonder...

It looks like I won't be laying far away next year...

Yeah, I wonder...

won't be laying....
wonder...
I won't be laying...
I wonder...
next year.... I won't be...
I....
laying far away...
Wonder...
next year...

That was beautiful...so...there are no words. It is just one of the best things I've ever read, it brough tears to my eyes. I would really like to hear this recorded...this is my new favorite song...it was just beautiful.

I just have to ask though, why the sudden jump from 4 years to 50?

:( that was really well written.

This song is really touching. Since a friend of mine passed away almost 2 years ago that first verse really hit me.

But I think that you could make this even better. For instance, in the first verse you never state your relationship to this person, or how they died. Most importantly, the WHY this person's death affected you in this way is somewhat unclear. You state, "I wouldn't have made it this far without you," but in what? life? love? wisdom? How did this person help get you to where you where?

In songwriting, it's so easy to let our emotions get the best of us. That's a wonderful thing because that's the whole point of music, to convey and evoke emotions, but it's important to always remember that the audience only knows as much as you're willing to tell them. I think that if this beautiful song were to elaborate more on this person rather than so much on the fact that they're gone this could be a really great song.

I went from 4 to 50, to show the devotion of the main char. And obviously if I would have tried to fit anymore in, the recorded song would be pushing 7 minutes, which isn't unheard of, of course...

The same with the cause of death, and effect it had... trying to fit so much info in one song borders on ridiculousness in my point of view. If I really wanted to push myself, and I might since I got pretty good responses, I might turn this into a concept series of songs. Some kind of Rock Op. I would love to have this recorded and have it put on here so you guys could listen. In my head it's beautiful, but I am having one hell of a time putting it to music. That was my second draft, and I think I am going to cut a few words here and there. Just so extraneous ones don't dilute the song of it's emotion.

Maybe I will write a follow up song explaining the death... like a prequel. Keep a lookout for it. I'm glad you all liked it, and thank you of course for the advice and suggestions. I really enjoy posting on this forum, good community.

That was....no words can describe it. I agree with MadeinNY, one of the best things i've ever read. I also would like to hear this recorded & burn it onto one of my cds, thats how much i like it. I like how after the chorus the person grows older. As i said before no words can describe it how great it is & i see nothing wrong it.

wow, i absolutely love that song, it's amazing, thats all i can say. musicstudent4life, i understand what you're saying, but I think that the fact that it is unspecific is what makes it a great song. If he explained everything and left nothing to the imagination of the listener, I think it would become way too specific and non-relatable. I say don't change a thing.

Don't get me wrong people, this is a great song. Even if nothing is changed this is definitely something that I would listen to. But the whole point of posting songs is to get real feedback on them and not just "that's great!"s all down the line. Even though this is great, every song I critique I try to give people some ideas of how they could change it in a positive way if they so wished. Also, even though if what I say doesn't help with the particular song I'm critiquing, it does give the author of it some ideas of how to approach the subject if they chose to write something like this again. If people have objections to that I'm sorry, but honestly I'm just trying to help.

Hey, it's cool - I didn't post it on here for for people to say how great/bad I am- I wanted some good critiquing and feedback. I've gotten both and it's awesome. So no need for angry glances :-P I'll also try to leave feedback on other music from now on. I haven't been doin that. =/

"Untitled Love Song" - Crowe
 

Hope you guys enjoyed it, just tried to make it as sweet as possible without goin' overkill.

you are my favorite writer in MB. Like for "i wonder", i see no problems. you have ways with words & how you put them.

i guess you proved the quote "It is not only giants that do great things" right ;)

Ah jeez, thats probably one of the best things anyone has said to me. Thanks a lot. Thank God you said this to me on a forum, I'm not really good at getting compliments in real life. I just kinda stand there and am like, oh yeah, thanks... and then the following conversation is like... so... haha. Thanks again though, I really like writing and its friggin awesome to get this kind of feedback.

not to bring down your natural high, but ive really got a few major problems with it

Now its obvious that you have talent, but you definately have some things to work on (lol saying your amazing doesnt help anyone progress, so it might get a bit harsh)

the major problem i have with this piece is the d@mn rhyming... now i have no problem with rhyming itself, but when someone like you, with awesome potential gets it into their head that they have to rhyme, i really dont like it. The problem is that your so worried about rhyming that you seem to care less about the actual concepts of your writing. I mean come on casks? Its a real word and all... but i wouldnt want to find a person dropping out of a beer keg at a party... are you thinking of caskets?

The only other thing you need to work on is imagery, and literary devices.

things like imagery really help bring more life to your works, and literary devices like metaphors, similes etc. make it seem more original and gets rid of alot of the cliches that can really ruin a good concept.

dont mean to put you down man, always trying to help you... keep at it and good job man, you're well on your way

could you crit my piece Arsonist at My Doorstep? id really like to hear what you think about it...

ah creep, this must be the first piece you've seen of mine. this was meant to be just a simple love song, sweet with a simple guitar part. Look at some of the greatest love songs of all time and you will see a simple lyrical pattern mixed with a simple rhyming scheme - as seen above. Check out my, Next Year (I Wonder) thread... it comes from a different mold. I wrote about what you would see in the song in the original post. This isn't supposed to be about lyrical mastery, just a little something catchy. You don't always need a plethora of literary devices and an overload of imagery to make a song mean something. And again as an example, look at old Elvis Presley songs.

EDIT: also with the casks things, in archeological digs (especially those in Ancient Egypt) they often found that the pharaohs and nobles were buried with items of importance to them in life, and that these items would travel with their soul into the afterlife. It is often said that a persons life could be judged by the items they were burried with. Now, wine was saved in casks back in the ancient days, and coupled with wine is the passion of love, and the idea of wealth in life when the buried person was alive. So now you can see how it applies.

And don't think I'm putting you down either. I post on here to get critique, and I thank you for taking the time to critique my piece. I just think sometimes people on here are so worried about writing the perfect song that they miss out on the simple pleasures of music. And as you said that the "rhyming" bothered you, that kind of thing bothers me. I think I had already critiqued your piece before I saw this, so there ya go.

holy crap... bit epic eh? btw, im thinkin i can find some words to describe it... youre not gettin off that easy :laughing:

black dot

I loooovveee this. The chorus is sooooo good.


*kudos :)

Cryogenic
 

A little somethin' different - wanted to see what you guys thought. This is kind of a Funk/ Folk fusion. Listening to Miles Davis when I wrote this.

"Time"
 

You know the feeling. Sometimes you need more time and you just don't have it. And sometimes you want something to last forever... and it just doesn't happen. The saying, "Time is on your side." doesn't apply always... and it's always when you need that saying to be true... this inspired me to write TIME, just a sprawling song without a lyrical chorus, but one that exists in the music.

bumpin this. What is the consensus on this?

its not too shabby, i really dont think it could work as a song though.

seems to be a kind of philosphical rant.

"The Only Way to Do it is Rather Violent"
 

This is a song that I wrote in the same vein as 99 Red Balloons. In theory, the song would be somewhat "upbeat" while talking about a pretty morbid subject. Take a read, and know that this is storytelling through song in it's most literal sense. Hope you enjoy it.



In my edit, I took out extraneous yeahs, and ohs - as to improve the piece :D

wow i really liked this. you have a real talent for creating good word thingies. songs.

Crowe, what can i say, you know damn well that you are one of the best.

Ah thank ye miss and either/or. Its fun experimenting and coming out w/ something people like... makes the success twice as sweet. Like eating two sugar packets and then downing some pixy stix. Damn, I'm cravin' now.

ah a songwriter and a comedian. very good.

although this song definately shows your talents as a writer, i must say... i really dont like it. It has some real flow problems (so far as i can tell) and alot of the yeah's and oh's really turned me off.

its a concept that i cant begin to describe... which is a good thing

although theres only love over here... suger coating = crap

yes you are one of the best

this... is not

:D i would expect the same harshness

ah creep! I was wondering when you were gonna show up :wave: thank you. But about the flow thing. Sometimes it is hard to dictate flow by reading it, and therefore I introduce to you Bright Eyes' "Waste of Paint" - now, judging by the format in which it is written - you would be like. Holy hell this could never be a song- but then you listen to it, and it is a beautiful song. But the yeah's and oh's probably need to go, you are right for sure about that. I sing it out loud and I right what I say, and sometimes that is better for a live performance or something similar. I'll go ahead and take those out.

ON TO BRIGHT EYES!

I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain. He wakes up, drives to work,
and then straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said "Thank you, please but your flattery is truly not becoming me.
Your eyes are poor. You are blind. You see, no beauty could have come from me.
I am a waste of breath, of space, of time."
I knew a woman, she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied and decided the rest of her life,
from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept.
What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept.
"Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next,
you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her.
She never got upset and with all the days she may have left,
she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best.
She was free to waste away alone.
Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove. And this cop pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, "Officer! Officer! You have got the wrong man.
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, the son of a banker, you don't understand!"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And you carelessness,
it is something awful. And no, I can't just let you go. And though your father's name is known,
your decisions are yours alone. You are nothing but a stepping stone
on a path to debt, to loss, to shame."
The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind that buy everything in doubles. They fit together, like a puzzle.
I love their love and I am thankful that someone actually
receives the prize that was promised by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me. I'm sick, lonely, no laurel tree, just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually? Like Love is some kind of lottery,
where you can scratch and see what is underneath. It's "Sorry",
just one cherry, "Play Again." Get lucky.
So I have been hanging out down by the train's depot. No, I don't ride.
I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind up cars in motion.
The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
And I want to scream out that it is all nonsense.
And that their lives are one track, and can't they see how it is all pointless?
But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and
suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve.
And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me.
And everything I have is trite and cheap and a waste of paint, of tape, of time.
Sometimes I park my car down my the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there is still some room left in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God
and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved and believe in my soul, in my soul...

yeah while reading it, it looks like it could never work but somehow, through stupidity or genious (which one is this Crowe?) you seem to find a way...

i suppose its all a matter of sacrificing our ability to understand the flow through written lyrics for a more soffisticated understanding of any hidden meanings you may be implying, or shoving down our throats (often times much more effective)

you continue to be one of my favourite writers on the forum...

that being said... CHANGE THE ALL KNOWING LINE

your pal,

mr. creepinson

the all knowing line? which one? and why doesn't it work? I'll have to revise that mofo.

And I agree with you, shoving down throats is direct and wonderful, but how much more brilliant is it to slip it through the ear with eloquence and fluidity.

I want you to write more songs. Or maybe we could collaborate.

luv that word:love:

but anyways, i think you know my opinion on the story/song thing

im liking the collaboration idea... btw i finished a new song called epic affliction... its sorta brief, and didnt take as long as some of my other pieces but i think it might be something that you'll like