Ma Cherie

Fear and delight

my myrth* diminished
my sadist soars
your sorrowful wishes
open my doors

your cries they echo
from the pits very bottom
my hearts crecendo*
it must not be trodden

the silver kiss
a poison so sudden
death comes swift
never begrudging

pains come slowly
they're colors blod red
they pour upon you
tearing you to shreds

the second wind* comes
the catalyst of night
a boundles fantasia*
my starless delight

spellbound impetus*
my soliace in love
a terrible siren*
an impious dove

nightmarish shade
fear and delight
an innate facination
is all made right

a senile dream
our thoughts intersect
a stalemated* triumph
my heart stands erect

my nimble hands
your attention they hold
don't ever worry
our secrets aren't told

hate and love
they're only a tiff*
they're zeniths right
just alittle rift
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*= need definitions

in order:

Myrth - happiness

crecendo- gain in volume(in hearing) coming to a climax

second wind- rebreath, second coming, regaining

fantasia- melody without a set pattern, no patten of form

impetus- the force in which the body move aginst restitance( use you imagination)

stalemate - no winner, in chess when no move can be made

tiff - a small argument

__________________
I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash.

http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

Ma Cherie

bump

__________________
I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash.

http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

Urban Hat€monger ?

Thats interesting

So what was your inspiration behind it?

Makes a change from the usual 'i hate myself' stuff thats usually posted in here

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sleepy jack

Way to depressin no offense but it needs to be happier. I suppose its ok, it flows nicely. The expanded vocabulary was good. But still its way depressing which kind of ruins it.


Another thing don't bump, delete your post and bump again.

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Ma Cherie

its violent not depressing , it was base on some music by dir en grey.

__________________
I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash.

http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

Ma Cherie

please misfits, don't make small of something you know you like. or your just jealous because i can write better?

__________________
I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash.

http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

sleepy jack

Better writer? That was an arrogant statement, also uncalled for. I was giving my view and opinion on the song/poem. I thought it was too dark. I stand by it being ok.

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A_Perfect_Sonnet

What's with the definitions? Seems really pretentious* considering most of your vocabularly was poorly utilized*.

pretentious - attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etcetera, than is actually possessed

utilized - made practical and effective use of

creepinson

i would crit this... but pretentious is about the right word...

dear lord... definitions... how bout looking up mirth... i dunno where you are, but i think you should spell a word right if youre gonna make a big deal about your advanced vocabulary, you also forget to define some of the words you put the star on... dont worry, i know what a siren is... oh and eughkckpaoidf*

*new word i just made up to describe my disappointment in both the quality of writing/ critiques on this forum, as well as the disgust i feel when reading how egotistical a person can be, especially when there song makes little to no sense, even with spelling corrections

you need to work on the rhyming, which once again seems forced. You also have no means of connecting with readers, as alot of it doesnt make all that much sense, and there seems to be little or no attempt to get away from the cliches with some kind of imagery or metaphor or something.

nice job!!! *puts gun to head*

A_Perfect_Sonnet

Who are you on MX creepinson?