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Old 01-15-2006, 10:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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The shades were lifted away from their vision
As the angels spilt the cup of unholiness
Clouds evaporated to reveal what was truly written in the sky
Time waned down at this unambiguous hour
Everyone left speechless and dumbstruck
No breath was heard nor movement of any kind
As each individual savored on
The taste of secrets fed to them


what do you think?
try to give reasons
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Old 01-15-2006, 10:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Trash it........but its not HORRIBLE
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Old 01-15-2006, 10:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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if its not horrible, then why trash it?
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Old 01-15-2006, 10:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Because its not good and i cant think of anything to build with it
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Old 01-15-2006, 10:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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^see it wasnt so hard to explain
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Old 01-15-2006, 11:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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yeah its not that great. it just doesnt really do that much or mean much at all.
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Old 01-15-2006, 11:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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meh....this is what happens when i have writers block
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Old 01-15-2006, 11:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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well yeah keep trying. at least it's not some cliche emotional bull. that i cant stand
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Old 01-16-2006, 02:55 AM   #9 (permalink)
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*lol*



okay how about this...


Can you remember the day? I do
I remember the place. Do you?
Did you feel the rush as we stood face to face?

I remember your lips on mine, gentle as morning dew
But i cannot remember something...
Did you close your eyes too?
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Old 01-16-2006, 02:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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hey thats not bad
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