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Old 01-19-2006, 12:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Default Dreams...

The Monks put on their armour/
and they fight to the death/
While the white mechanical dog/
saves me from my last breath/
I hide away from the sirens/
while the police man rides around town/
He is watching over me/
making my past shorter with his hound/

I sit upon the skyline/
in the Island where no one goes/
where all my dreams come true/
and no one will ever know/
I see those who I miss/
and get to speak to them through mind/
this is the land of the clouds/
and the world is much more kind/

My family is altogether/
Here at last like the old times/
I'm with the people that I love/
happiness like this, there's no other kind/
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Old 01-19-2006, 12:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Its real good man, i like it lol. Just dont get this bit lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
While the white mechanical dog/
saves me from my last breath/
Still good work
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Old 01-19-2006, 12:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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It's been in a dream I've had. As you can tell from the title, it's all about my dreams...
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Old 01-22-2006, 05:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
My family is altogether/
Here at last like the old times/
I'm with the people that I love/
happiness like this, there's no other kind/

i really liked this. The only thing that i see that needs to be fixed is the ending. Its too short, while everything has more length.



edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
The Monks put on their armour/
and they fight to the death/
Wouldnt it be their death
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Old 01-22-2006, 11:54 AM   #5 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Crazy you read my mind with the first part. The ending is too short, but I couldn't think of anything to put in the place of that, and also I think the line is great. Anything else would just ruin the line. With the second part, it shouldn't be fight to their death. It's supposed to refer to gladiatiors, where they 'fight to the death' because that's what happened in the dream.
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Old 01-22-2006, 12:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
D:
 
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Maybe I should write a song about my hoover-ghost dream.....
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Old 01-22-2006, 12:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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That would stop you clogging up my thread.
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Old 01-22-2006, 12:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
Crazy you read my mind with the first part. The ending is too short, but I couldn't think of anything to put in the place of that, and also I think the line is great. Anything else would just ruin the line. With the second part, it shouldn't be fight to their death. It's supposed to refer to gladiatiors, where they 'fight to the death' because that's what happened in the dream.
Yea, if you cant think of anything else to add to the ending, then just forget it, cause you dont want to force things on
yea, it makes more sense now that i know what it means & all(the the not suppose to be a their thing)
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Old 01-22-2006, 01:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
butt say x
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
While the white mechanical dog/
saves me from my last breath/

I am liking the song. Could you of gotten that (I know it is from your dreams but) from Megaman mixed with Final Fantasy?
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Old 01-23-2006, 03:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Nope. Never played/watched Final Fantasy, and never heard of Megaman.
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