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Old 01-19-2006, 06:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default In Case I never Tell You

In case I never tell you,
You were me one true love.
From the moment I met you,
I was lost in your eyes.

And if I forget to tell you
I'm thinking of you.
If I never see you agian,
I'm dreaming of you.

You fill my heart and cloud my thoughts.
The one true romance- I never had.
The longest dance- that was too short.

At night I lie awake and wonder if you think of me.
Because my dreams of you always end to soon.
But I'm dying to wake up.

You are the reason I smile, the reason I cry.
With you I'm trapped,
looking into deep, wonderous brown eyes
I was happy wild and free.
I smiled and laughed.
You are the one person who brings me to life.

And in case I never tell you,
I love you.

... needs work, I know. Sounds better when I sing it than when its read.
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Old 01-19-2006, 06:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The ending blows, because in the start you say "You were me one true love." the whole thing is cliched and seems like teenage poetry to me.
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Old 01-19-2006, 06:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well I didn't expect anything nice or constructive from you. It sorda is teenage poetry being that I'm a teenager and all. But the thing about it is that its real nit some made up sh!t for someone to listen to. And there's probably only one other person who would understand what it was by reading it.
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Old 01-19-2006, 09:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SittingBehindYou
In case I never tell you,
You were my one true love.

From the moment I met you,
I was lost in your eyes.
In case i never tell you, you were my one true love...???...what will happen? You didnt finish it. you just left us hanging.

Quote:
If I forget to tell you,
I'll still be thinking of you.
And if I never see you agian,
I'll still be dreaming of you.
trying to make it make sense, because the way you had it...didnt make sense.

Quote:
You fill my heart and cloud my thoughts.
The one true romance- I never thought i could have.
The longest dance- that was too short.
i changed the had, because...didnt you have romance with him?

Quote:
At night I lie awake and wonder if you think of me.
Because my dreams of you always end to soon.
But I'm dying to wake up.
okay...i thought you were lying awake. then all of a sudden you're saying because in your dreams..that means you're sleeping. this part confused me.

Quote:
You are the reason I smile, the reason I cry.
With you I'm trapped,
looking into deep, wonderous brown eyes
I was happy wild and free.
I smiled and laughed.
You are the one person,
who brings me to life.
Quote:
And in case I never tell you,
I love you.
yea, this part needs work too. Maybe say
And in case i never tell you,
Still know i love you
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Old 01-20-2006, 05:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The ramance part... I did have but I didn't. Thanks for some critisism thats actually constructive.
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