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Old 02-09-2006, 02:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
The Forums Sadistic Ghost
 
Ma Cherie's Avatar
 
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Default The sacrifice

In the darkness
you find the light
the night is waiting
to fill you with fright

the moon is gone
the flowers are dead
the sky is on fire
and we'er filled with dread

the kingdoms crumble
the light fades out
the impious have fled
and run all about

the moon is full
its painted blood red
the hate in the air
cut you down dead

the moon has fallen
the flowers die
the light never comes
whatever we try

the epochs fly
a floating light
vexation ties
my patience tight

the talented scribe
the noblest heart
my feelings in flux
an unequaled art

my fury rises
my life betrayed
vengence obtained
a venal arrayed

a transit of thoughts
motionless meditation
the fires of fury
a dangerous transition

when the dust settles
and stillness then comes
it brings back life
but the blood still runs

on the alter of sacrifice
was the payment for life
who shed all his blood
to end all our strife
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Old 02-09-2006, 04:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
you are freakin out, man
 
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i honestly didnt even bother finishing this... its just the same thing over and over... one attempt to show your "extended" vocabulary after another... the flow wasnt particularly well done, and it didnt seem to have any real point or purpose. if you ended with a bang, it certainly wasnt tied in with the beginning or middle... but then again, i guess ill have to finish it...

nah
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Old 02-16-2006, 08:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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well if you don't like my writing don't read it. read some thing else
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Old 02-16-2006, 03:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
you are freakin out, man
 
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oh ofcourse. i just want you to know that im not trying to be rude at all... just honest, and as such an accomplished writer, i would imagine you would like any comments very critical, so as to have an effect on the highly advanced inner workings of your poetic mind. I wouldnt want you missing out on a chance to perfect your art...
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Old 02-16-2006, 04:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I always enjoy reading your stuff, ma...I like the dark stuff :]
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by some_exotic_booze
I always enjoy reading your stuff, ma...I like the dark stuff :]
thanks i'm now getting some latin mixed in and if there some parts of a song in spanish i apologise ahead of time.
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Twill be quite all right, I'm sure I'll enjoy the depsity [[is that a word? haha]] of it any way.
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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i've been listening to skakira a bit much.
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:20 PM   #9 (permalink)
you are freakin out, man
 
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at all is too much... if you can make something good in a language youre fluent in, why butcher someone elses? the fact that there is more than one language in a song doesnt make it artsy... it just makes it take longer for me to find a translater so i can tell you its crap
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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i'm mutilingual
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