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Old 02-18-2006, 09:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
Here's lookin at you, kid
 
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Default Spiny Shaky Party In My Head

I’m gunna have a party in my head tonight
Gunna mix up the pills
And do what they advise against [straight up with vodka hold the tonic]

They are my board of advisors
I am their patient
They give me these capsules and advise against vodka [hold the tonic]

Things start to get loopy
The glass starts to float
I pour another and tell the other to hold the tonic.

I put on some music
Things start to spin
The others dance in my head.

See now I’ve mixed my pills
And now I’ll die
But you’re all invited to the party in my head

Maybe I’m nuts
But who really cares?
I’m doing this to have some fun.

Phantasmagoria is among me
And it’s really rather mind-blowing
Spinny shaky party in my head

Coffee table on the ceiling
Tiles on the door knob
Pursed lips and raised eyebrows on my face

It’s rather quite fun
Quite interesting indeed
Watching my mind unravel in the party of my head.
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Old 02-19-2006, 03:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It's alright. The end line is awful though, get rid of that. And I think you could have played out the hallucinations thing more-hallucinations are always a good thing to write about, and you seem to have skipped through them and not gone to deep. Also I really doubt that mixing pills with alcohol would cause so much of an effect that tables seem as though they are on walls and everything around you changes. It would make you sick then probably knock you unconscious. It seems as though you have a Disney like mind on getting hammered.
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Old 02-19-2006, 08:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Yes you see but this man is very insane and it was very important he didn't mix his pills or else he was reassured he'd die.

But I'll be working on it thanks :]
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Old 02-19-2006, 08:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You never make it apparent that the guy is crazy. You just make it seem like the guy is heavily drunk and he is an alcoholic.
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Old 02-19-2006, 08:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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How do I insinuate that he is nuts, then?
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Old 02-19-2006, 08:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I don't know. I've never done a song of this type before, so you're on your own here. Unless anyone else can help you.
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Old 02-19-2006, 08:39 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Alright, thanks though
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