Poem to song? (songs, Inci, Khol, Ching)

STAiND · 02-20-2006, 07:24 PM

Eh, a poem a wrote, thinking about tweeking it to make a light acoustic song....

yes or no? (say no, but if you dont like it, be nice, hehe)

A city in the mirror
Unaware of devastation
Glycerin lights and buildings
Tainted in pixilation

Crimson red skies above
The blurs of light and sound
Yet the world is oblivious
The puppets are confound

The scream becomes a whisper
The whisper melts away
And all along the fading path
Sanity falls astray

Faith dies, religion cries
Tears of acid rain
Morality is tensing fast
The seams begin to strain

It all adds up, it all breaks down
Resurface at square one
Running in a poisoned circle
We end where we’ve begun

Pointing fingers, passing blame
The open wound is bleeding
Patching up the forgotten souls
Keep the torment breeding

Die and rot, live and sink
It all becomes the same
Take the pill, force your hand
Harbor all your shame

Confine your pride, curse this life
Suffer for your greed
Take the anguish, make it whole
Plant the forsaken seed

Impregnate the lie you live
Nurture the faltered lust
Ignite the feeble fuse
And let your soul combust

All seems lost, redemption foiled
Giving up the fight
But in every pitch black sinkhole
There always shines a light.

Crawling, walking, sprinting on
Embrace your own rebirth
Or offer your stained soul to death
And see how much its worth

SeaShells · 02-21-2006, 04:42 AM

I'm not going to comment on the style as I don't feel qualified to do so.

May I ask what inspired you to write such a solemn piece? I found it very depressing, although I did find some hope in the final two stanzas.

dog · 02-21-2006, 05:26 AM

im yet to like any of the songs posted in this forum.

STAiND · 02-21-2006, 06:33 AM

It was supposed to be based on the novel "fehrenheit 451" though i drifted off into reality? i dunno, i didnt mean to make it depressing, overall im a generall optomistic person, and i spose song was the wrong way to go...but hey, im only 15, still time right?

creepinson · 02-21-2006, 03:16 PM

i think that as long as you have a good melody and flow in mind, any poem should be able to translate nicely into a song, especially one with such a song friendly lenght

Crowe · 02-21-2006, 11:31 PM

I like it.

Upon a second and third look it is so very close to running into the cliche life is a lie, and I'm going to sing about existentialism ****e to hopefully incite thought into the impressionable (and sometimes ignorant) minds of the youth that I surround myself with.

I think the vocabulary used pulls it from that fate. Beee carefulllll - a clever acoustic part will save the song from any sort of doubt.

02-20-2006, 07:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
STAiND Groupie Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: NC Posts: 30	Poem to song? Eh, a poem a wrote, thinking about tweeking it to make a light acoustic song.... yes or no? (say no, but if you dont like it, be nice, hehe) A city in the mirror Unaware of devastation Glycerin lights and buildings Tainted in pixilation Crimson red skies above The blurs of light and sound Yet the world is oblivious The puppets are confound The scream becomes a whisper The whisper melts away And all along the fading path Sanity falls astray Faith dies, religion cries Tears of acid rain Morality is tensing fast The seams begin to strain It all adds up, it all breaks down Resurface at square one Running in a poisoned circle We end where we’ve begun Pointing fingers, passing blame The open wound is bleeding Patching up the forgotten souls Keep the torment breeding Die and rot, live and sink It all becomes the same Take the pill, force your hand Harbor all your shame Confine your pride, curse this life Suffer for your greed Take the anguish, make it whole Plant the forsaken seed Impregnate the lie you live Nurture the faltered lust Ignite the feeble fuse And let your soul combust All seems lost, redemption foiled Giving up the fight But in every pitch black sinkhole There always shines a light. Crawling, walking, sprinting on Embrace your own rebirth Or offer your stained soul to death And see how much its worth __________________ “Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money.” ~Johnny cash~

02-21-2006, 04:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
SeaShells taking it all in Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: I come from a land down under... Posts: 63	I'm not going to comment on the style as I don't feel qualified to do so. May I ask what inspired you to write such a solemn piece? I found it very depressing, although I did find some hope in the final two stanzas. __________________ "Some music conquers me, it lives in my soul." - Simple Minds

02-21-2006, 05:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
dog this bird has flown Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: paris,texas Posts: 860	im yet to like any of the songs posted in this forum. __________________ formerly ledzeppelinrulz. http://theraffinkids.bandcamp.com/ music^

02-21-2006, 06:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
STAiND Groupie Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: NC Posts: 30	It was supposed to be based on the novel "fehrenheit 451" though i drifted off into reality? i dunno, i didnt mean to make it depressing, overall im a generall optomistic person, and i spose song was the wrong way to go...but hey, im only 15, still time right? __________________ “Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money.” ~Johnny cash~

02-21-2006, 11:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	I like it. Upon a second and third look it is so very close to running into the cliche life is a lie, and I'm going to sing about existentialism ****e to hopefully incite thought into the impressionable (and sometimes ignorant) minds of the youth that I surround myself with. I think the vocabulary used pulls it from that fate. Beee carefulllll - a clever acoustic part will save the song from any sort of doubt. __________________

02-21-2006, 03:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	i think that as long as you have a good melody and flow in mind, any poem should be able to translate nicely into a song, especially one with such a song friendly lenght