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Old 02-20-2006, 07:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Question Poem to song?

Eh, a poem a wrote, thinking about tweeking it to make a light acoustic song....

yes or no? (say no, but if you dont like it, be nice, hehe)

A city in the mirror
Unaware of devastation
Glycerin lights and buildings
Tainted in pixilation

Crimson red skies above
The blurs of light and sound
Yet the world is oblivious
The puppets are confound

The scream becomes a whisper
The whisper melts away
And all along the fading path
Sanity falls astray

Faith dies, religion cries
Tears of acid rain
Morality is tensing fast
The seams begin to strain

It all adds up, it all breaks down
Resurface at square one
Running in a poisoned circle
We end where we’ve begun

Pointing fingers, passing blame
The open wound is bleeding
Patching up the forgotten souls
Keep the torment breeding

Die and rot, live and sink
It all becomes the same
Take the pill, force your hand
Harbor all your shame

Confine your pride, curse this life
Suffer for your greed
Take the anguish, make it whole
Plant the forsaken seed

Impregnate the lie you live
Nurture the faltered lust
Ignite the feeble fuse
And let your soul combust

All seems lost, redemption foiled
Giving up the fight
But in every pitch black sinkhole
There always shines a light.

Crawling, walking, sprinting on
Embrace your own rebirth
Or offer your stained soul to death
And see how much its worth
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Old 02-21-2006, 04:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
taking it all in
 
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I'm not going to comment on the style as I don't feel qualified to do so.

May I ask what inspired you to write such a solemn piece? I found it very depressing, although I did find some hope in the final two stanzas.
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Old 02-21-2006, 05:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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im yet to like any of the songs posted in this forum.
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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It was supposed to be based on the novel "fehrenheit 451" though i drifted off into reality? i dunno, i didnt mean to make it depressing, overall im a generall optomistic person, and i spose song was the wrong way to go...but hey, im only 15, still time right?
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Old 02-21-2006, 03:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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i think that as long as you have a good melody and flow in mind, any poem should be able to translate nicely into a song, especially one with such a song friendly lenght
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Old 02-21-2006, 11:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I like it.

Upon a second and third look it is so very close to running into the cliche life is a lie, and I'm going to sing about existentialism ****e to hopefully incite thought into the impressionable (and sometimes ignorant) minds of the youth that I surround myself with.

I think the vocabulary used pulls it from that fate. Beee carefulllll - a clever acoustic part will save the song from any sort of doubt.
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