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Old 02-26-2006, 08:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Default Caught up in a moment

Forever she said maybe they didn't know/
but when the push comes to shove the quick turn to slow/
she held her husbands hand as he drifted off/
her world is now haunted by his splutters and coughs/

CHORUS
Caught up in a moment/
she's caught up in a moment/
caught up in a moment/
don't forget/

Stagnant souls drifting along the highway/
they can smell her tears since her mind turned grey/
"What will it take for another sleep?"/
she says, tuning into the voices of the weak/

CHORUS
Caught up in a moment/
she's caught up in a moment/
caught up in a moment/
don't forget/

She stares into the sun till it burns her eyes/
so bright, so bright it's advertised/
But she knows her world will change when the moon appears/
because with the dark also comes her fears/

CHORUS
Caught up in a moment/
she's caught up in a moment/
caught up in a moment/
don't forget/
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
angel of tragic days
 
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what type of sound woudl you go for if you ever put this song to voice, and instuments?
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I don't know to be honest. I was thinking an eerie melody in the background of the verses, with a more upbeat tune for the chorus.
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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ahh well.. that seems alright i suppose..
but i think you should do something more with the chorus dear.
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I just want to see whether the lyrics are substantial first-what do you think of them?
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:32 AM   #6 (permalink)
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i like the lyrics, there alright. i can't get myself to focus on them to be honest, because i get to the chorus and it just draws in my attention.
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I do like the verse.
I know it's tiring to hear such an obvious thing, but I think the chorus is a little too repetitive,
it just needs a small bit of variation or a twist to it.
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyluckrules
I do like the verse.
I know it's tiring to hear such an obvious thing, but I think the chorus is a little too repetitive,
it just needs a small bit of variation or a twist to it.
yea basically what i was saying. haha
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:49 AM   #9 (permalink)
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The chorus' in my songs really aren't doing well at the moment. I used to be good at chorus' but bad at verses, now the tide has changed.
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Old 02-26-2006, 09:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
The chorus' in my songs really aren't doing well at the moment. I used to be good at chorus' but bad at verses, now the tide has changed.
But that's good!
I think verses are a lot harder to change.
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