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Old 02-27-2006, 05:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
TrampInaTux's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default Standing in the mine field

I have the time in the hourglass
Nothing more nothing less
watch as all my memories pass
dying is just a test
I want to live longer than it is planned
Forever is a lie that's all
waiting for my family to cry into my cold hands
death's got my back against the wall
who knew that my heart would kill me?
it spent all this time in love
I was as paranoid as I could be
If I could turn back time I would
A life to be remembered where most are forgot
to young to be honoured to old to not
All this time I was standing in the mine field
with nothing but courage acting as my shield

Okay this is short and I'm going to add more onto it when I have time. But what are your first thoughts? I actually really like this one *blows own trumpet*
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Old 02-28-2006, 01:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
Don't think twice
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352

mmm it just doesnt seem personal enough. the whole thing seems to be one liner's strung together with a little bit of meaning.
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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Old 02-28-2006, 03:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885

Theres nothing to really involve the listener.

The last line is pretty golden. I like that one. Other then that it feels very distant. The middle is lacking a lot of flow too.
She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker
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Old 02-28-2006, 04:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
that's my war face.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418

Ah now you see that is where you are wrong-I had the flow in my head before I wrote the song. Y'see, this is where I need to be able to read chords and wotnot, so I can show you. I suppose I like this song because it is personal to me, and looking back there isn't really anything to involve the listener, although I think you might get it after reading it a couple of times.
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