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Old 12-13-2007, 11:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Last Man Standing

Oh wont you grow up? You know its only sex,
And if you don't change soon God knows what will happen next.
Excuse me if I cling to you for everything,
But seeing how you've changed I don't want to begin

To step up to what you're demanding,
It’s easy to fall when you're the last man standing.

Thank God for MTV when you found your feet,
In the same old for the first time, you're the hand that feeds.
So help yourself to a handful of promise,
The only promise to keep is to mind your own business

And step up to what it’s demanding,
I can't hold you up, I'm the last man standing.
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Old 12-13-2007, 12:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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This is really good! Great use of near rhymes, definitely cliche free. The lyric packs an emotional punch, for sure.

Technical criticism:

promise and business are a weak rhyme. If you need a perfect rhyme there, you'll need something with the stress on the first syllable like

business / witness

promise / conscious
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Old 12-13-2007, 12:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks =) And you can't really say that it is cliche free considering the title itself is cliche, but i still liked it anyway.

I know that they're kinda weak, but the song itself begins to come lose towards the chorus and I just find it flows better with it.

I think you are bothered too easily by rhymes lol.
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These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
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Old 12-13-2007, 03:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You're right, my psychoanalyst says I'm anal retentive
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Old 12-14-2007, 01:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Awww ^_^ I don't know what that means. But anal + Smilie face, how bad could it be.
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These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
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Old 12-14-2007, 07:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I like it, I was surprised to find that sex works pretty well in here usually I find it to be so blunt and obnoxious.
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Old 12-15-2007, 09:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks =) I always wanted to use it in a song somewhere.. That and the word "Mate" but i haven't found a good use for it yet.
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
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These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
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